brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Introductions] >> Introduce yourself >> brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM)

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/16/2006 8:52:38 PM

NurseKitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline

I'm (relatively) brand new to bdsm, and am hoping to find a site where I can network with others that are willing to share their experience and their experiences. I know you don't need the former to have the latter.

My name is Shannon (this feels like the beginning of a 12-step program!) and to coin a cliche' (I don't really like cliche's) I was vanilla 'til I met my current Dom/boyfriend, just under 8 months ago. He's a bit older than I am (15 years) although since I'm in my 30's and He's in his 40's it doesn't really matter that much other than He's had a roughly 40 year head start on all things lifestyle/bdsm. I love Him more than I ever thought possible; this is the primary reason I was willing to expand my boundaries and look outside the conventional relationship realm.

We've had our ups and downs, probably due to my being an incredibly independent, headstrong, stubborn Irish woman (divorced, one child, single parent for 8 years, on my own, etc. etc. etc.) more than His lack of clarity as to what He wants from me as a sub and what He expects from Himself as a Dom. What has kept us together and seen us through is that we love each other on a level that transcends conscious thought or word.

I knew He wanted me to eventually be a 'collared submissive'; that's what led me to this site in the first place, about a month ago. What I didn't know is that He intended to present me with a collar for my birthday, which was last week. I can't even begin to express the emotions and thoughts I felt when I opened the box.....but the prevailing ones were "have I earned this?" and "can I live up to his expectations, am I strong enough?"

I don't know how unusual or common our situation is. I don't know how frequently a novice submissive is presented with a collar by her more experienced dom. I'm sure though, that novices on both sides of the equation (as well as some not-so-novices, I'd wager) have at one point or another been faced with feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. My hope is to counteract these by becoming more than adequate, much more than worthy. But considering how new I am to all of this, my goal is to create a network, a support group if you will (there goes that 12-step program again) to help see me through to my goal. That being said, any help would be appreciated, and I do mean any help even if it's just a show of support from someone who's in my same shoes (you poor bastard!). Thanks in advance!

Regards,
Shannon

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/16/2006 11:32:58 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

Welcome to the wonderfully wicked world of the CM Forums! Congrats on your collaring! Feel free to poke around at older threads, there is a wealth of information here!

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 3:29:43 AM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Welcome Shannon. You have come to a great place.

sub tara

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 4:15:16 AM

deltadawn

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

Hello Shannon,

You have the best support group you can possibly have right there with you....HIM. lol

Now build that group and go with it. Yes, I was very novice when I met my Master all those years ago and remember the feelings you are describing right now.

Just remember the relationship belongs to the 2 of you so although you may get a lot of advice from others, always communicate openly with him and all will be ok.

Good luck and congratulations,
dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 4:16:23 AM

NurseKitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline

Thanks for the welcome.

After I posted this last night, I did start looking around the forums. There seems to be a near endless supply of material to read. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me!

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 7:27:45 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

Welcome to CM. Jump in and enjoy!

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 5:24:40 PM

NurseKitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline

You're VERY correct....from what reading I've done (which has been a LOT recently) the biggest thing I've noticed is that we don't "fit" into any particular mold. I'm trying to find my way, but also I think he's still trying to figure out his place. Our perspectives are unique to us alone, and would also be different within the context of another relationship.

Still.........

It's nice to know I'm not the only one (again, the poor bastard(S)) who's unsure of just where they fall within the lifestyle. I don't know if it's because I love him so damn much or because I'm lazy that I don't want to put the effort into finding my way with any other Dom...probably it's mostly the former but a little of the latter. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

(in reply to deltadawn)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 7:24:22 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Welcome to collar me and the forums Shannon. There are many here with a wide range of experience who are willing to share support and encouragement. Congratulations on your collaring.

Bear and Ursa

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 8:47:40 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NurseKitty

You're VERY correct....from what reading I've done (which has been a LOT recently) the biggest thing I've noticed is that we don't "fit" into any particular mold. I'm trying to find my way, but also I think he's still trying to figure out his place. Our perspectives are unique to us alone, and would also be different within the context of another relationship.

Still.........

It's nice to know I'm not the only one (again, the poor bastard(S)) who's unsure of just where they fall within the lifestyle. I don't know if it's because I love him so damn much or because I'm lazy that I don't want to put the effort into finding my way with any other Dom...probably it's mostly the former but a little of the latter. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

Welcome to CM and the forums. I have just one question for you. Why are you trying to figure out a label or what your classified as? Why not be a pioneer and develope a whole new species?
My point is, quit trying to find somewhere that you fit into, and just be yourself and do what you enjoy.

LOKI

< Message edited by LokisBrat -- 7/17/2006 8:48:20 PM >

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to NurseKitty)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) - 7/17/2006 8:57:16 PM

NurseKitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LokisBrat

Welcome to CM and the forums. I have just one question for you. Why are you trying to figure out a label or what your classified as? Why not be a pioneer and develope a whole new species?
My point is, quit trying to find somewhere that you fit into, and just be yourself and do what you enjoy.

LOKI

While I certainly am, I suppose it's like stepping onto a previously unknown planet for the first time. Yes I know on some level I can make the experience--and me--what I want it to be, but it's still nice to have someone to hold hands with while taking the proverbial plunge.

If I had given any thought to anything lifestyle/bdsm-related before I met my Dom/a.k.a. my boyfriend (he really doesn't like that term), I'd feel much more secure in treading my own path. I guess I'm not cut out to be very Neil Armstrongish. I've always been far too self-conscious to blaze my own trail, but thankfully I'm working to overcome this and not let it hold me back.

All I know is I -much to my surprise- like getting spanked