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feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:11:13 AM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

I am new to the D/s relationship. We have been playing with it for a while, but now are getting into it 24/7. I know this is what I want, and am happy this way, but I had an experience this weekend that confused me. If I have done something wrong, and get punished for it, usually, even though I know I deserve it, I am hurt or angry inside afterwords. This weekend, I was writing an e mail to my mother, and he asked me a question. I was preoccupied and angery with my mother, and said something smart assed to him without even realizing it. He threw me over the kitchen table and paddled me a good one. I cried my eyes out, but afterwords, he held me, and...I dont know...I felt closer with him then ever, safer, and more at ease then I ever have. Does this make sense to anyone? Why did I feel this way instead of angry inside? Sorry if I sound stupid, I am just confused.

Post #: 1

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:31:26 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisforever
I am new to the D/s relationship. We have been playing with it for a while, but now are getting into it 24/7. I know this is what I want, and am happy this way, but I had an experience this weekend that confused me. If I have done something wrong, and get punished for it, usually, even though I know I deserve it, I am hurt or angry inside afterwords. This weekend, I was writing an e mail to my mother, and he asked me a question. I was preoccupied and angery with my mother, and said something smart assed to him without even realizing it. He threw me over the kitchen table and paddled me a good one. I cried my eyes out, but afterwords, he held me, and...I dont know...I felt closer with him then ever, safer, and more at ease then I ever have. Does this make sense to anyone? Why did I feel this way instead of angry inside? Sorry if I sound stupid, I am just confused.

There are so many dynamics that occur in a D/s relationship. For each individual and couple, different elements of BSDM (ex :punishment, 24/7, role play only) seem to work for them.

The anger may be a core issue you are learning to work through and only you can examine your reactions and chart your personal course

I do think it's always good to reflect upon any emotions we may have in life.

You don't sound stupid at all. Somehow, your Dominant found a way to make you feel safe via his actions/your reaction.

Warmly,
Irishbynature

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 2

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:33:43 AM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

What a lovely experience to have.. to be punished and still feel loved... you are truly blessed with a wonderful one!

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 3

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:38:23 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Because at the same time he showed you that he is always your ruler and always loves you.

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 4

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:40:21 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

People often punish children by removing love, good parent make it clear they love them and are simply disapointed with their actions. Good dominants do the same.

Perhaps you felt this for the first time or it finally sunk in or he just got it right.

(in reply to JessieMe)

Post #: 5

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:49:49 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Because at the same time he showed you that he is always your ruler and always loves you.

I'm not into hard beatings (I'd probably throw an object across if attempted) but these replies to the OP are so darned sweet my bratty attitude has taken a shift in understanding and now my romantic side is melting just a bit. Thanks JessieMe and LordandMaster.

Warmly
Irishbynature

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 6

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 7:55:44 AM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

thank you all for your replies. I do agree that he is becoming a wonderful Dom, and husband. I am truly happier now then I have ever been!

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 7

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 8:19:54 AM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

I think you felt totally taken care of, and the closeness that comes with that. There is just something that feels wonderful when you can let go and really trust your Dom to take matters into his own hands. When someone cares to know you enough to know and give you what you need, when you need it? Delightful. What a glorious relief. Not stupid at all. I think you're in for a treat, hisforever. Precious.

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 8

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 8:41:28 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Because at the same time he showed you that he is always your ruler and always loves you.

I completely agree with this! You felt safe and secure, understanding his authority over you, and your boundaries with him. Isn't it wonderful?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 9

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 9:47:09 AM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

very wonderful! thank you

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 9:57:45 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

me thinks you just found what you're looking for....good for you!

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 11

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 10:04:30 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I think you have found Him also. I am a bit jealous..to be punished..then feel loved afterward.. so very sweet.

Good luck to you both.. though I don't really think you need it.

~Andrea (flutterbi)

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 12

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 10:57:40 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

This makes perfect sense. I feel very secure and loved and even cherished after I've been punished. There is this feeling that overwhelms me, when I know he loves me enough to take his time to correct a behavior of mine that has displeased him. My Master punished me out of love, not out of anger, so in those moments it is often when I feel I am loved the most, if that makes any sense. If he did not love me or care about me, he'd let the behavior go unchecked, at least that's how I see it.

Your blessed to have found someone you feel secure with, enjoy it.
~dancer

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 13

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 11:01:03 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

It's very needful to understand that punishment is done out of caring, rather than malice.

This is the difference between Domination and abuse.

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 14

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 11:23:21 AM

ravn

Posts: 328
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

It always astounds me, that even after being corrected for an action, the first thing i want to do is kiss my Master's feet and curl up there. It's a feeling of pride that He cares enough to notice when i've done something wrong and thinks enough of my value to Him to correct the behavior.

You got a good one! keep a hold on Him! =D

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 15

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 11:24:01 AM

firstsub

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: middletown, CT
Status: offline

Similar experiences have been had by many and if not then many wish we have.....
Dom's who are capable of loving discipline have earned the title of Master.
jmho

_____________________________

A submissive needs to be contolled, owed, used. Pleasing and serving her Master. This will bring balance and meaning to her life. Discipline will keep her in focus. Master has only to look her way.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 16

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 12:12:57 PM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for your responses, that is exactly how I feel. It made me want to submit to him even deeper then I have.

(in reply to firstsub)

Post #: 17

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 12:16:09 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Welcome to the wonderful world of submission.

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 18

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 1:37:13 PM

Curiossdragnlily

Posts: 105
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

you are not stupid at all. i have also had the same reaction. Sometimes i feel that it really is just what we needed. Not the punishment persay but the results (ie the crying). For sometimes the crying gets the anger out and feels like it really actually cleansed. Now i don't know if i am making sense. LOL. But the times that it has happened to me i also feel closer to my Master. i know it is not something He enjoys doing at all. my Master is more of the mental type. So by the time a physical punishment happens there is alot usually built up in me with no where to go and no reasonable and respectful way to get out. i hopw this makes sense. i am lookinig and wondering....:)
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 19

RE: feelings I do not understand - 7/17/2006 3:35:01 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

It is a wonderful thing to be a submissive with a dominant that knows how to correct with love. I'm like the others here in that it makes me closer to my Dom after I have been punished. I become a much better girl, and feeling his loving corrections and then his forgiveness fills me with the desire to be anything he ask of me.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Curiossdragnlily)

Post #: 20

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