longwayhome
Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008 Status: offline
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I have some issues with my back and have never been a big fan of treatment as such because the best "treatment" is almost always what you can do yourself. Some time ago I saw a massage therapist for a while, who gave me really deep tissue massage, which is the only therapy which has ever worked over a period of time to really loosen me up and allow me to stretch further. The treatment of course was uncomfortable and often directly painful. The therapist was very good and never damaged me in any way. There was never any of the sharp shearing pain, associated with injury, but plenty of the almost sickening pain of having knots worked out of my deep muscles. As a good professional she was always concerned about whether she was hurting me. I encouraged her to carry on which she always did. She seemed a bit surprised by my ability to tolerate as much as I did. I don't honestly know whether it was my ability to tolerate the pain, my messed up little head actually enjoying it, or the knowledge that it was beneficial that enabled me to take as much as I did. She must of known, despite my trying to hide it that it was painful, because there are always signs. What I do know is that the treatment gave me an enormous physical and psychological release, and I frequently walked away feeling that I had had an almost spiritual experience. My work eventually took me to another part of the country so I couldn't have any more seasons. There was never anything even vaguely inappropriate, but I find it a bit unsettling that I may have gained some kind of vicarious pleasure from a therapeutic act, at the hands of someone who was unaware of how I am wired. It's easy to get your head round the whole pressure/pain, enjoying/not enjoying, wanting/not wanting thing as part of sex or play because you both understand what you are consenting too. Is it wrong however to get a sense of release from pain, outside of that context, when it's not supposed to be enjoyable?
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