LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MikeRaven
I actually learned quite a bit from a few posters and some people who emailed me. I've had some interesting emails from people. This is what I'm taking away as an educational experience:
For what it's worth, OP, I'd like to tell you how nice it is that you came back to the thread specifically to say that. The fact that you concentrated on what you learned is really encouraging.
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1. Women are geared different then men. A man can talk to a woman for 5 minutes and have sex with her or do a scene. However, a woman needs to get to know the man first. So even if all these strangers approach her she isn't interested in them because she doesn't know them. (Generally speaking women are like this but not all.)
2. It's the same with dating sites. She can receive 100 emails but not be attracted to any of them. She would have to put in the time, energy and effort to get to know one before she is interested.
3. There are men who are "charming" out going and can easily approach women and be self-confident and self-assured. They don't have any difficulties approaching women. However, they always seem to approach the more attractive women. And the women who have "smarts" will realize that once he is done charming her, he will go charm another.
From my personal perspective (I'm trying to avoid generalizations for women and men) I would have to say this is true in my case. Familiarity is very big with me.
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3. As far as a quality relationship is concerned, it's difficulty equal for both.
I agree with this as well. Especially for monogamous people. You really have to sync up if you are going to have the one relationship, the only play partner, a single sexual partner. Look for the highest compatibility factor you can get and that takes a while.
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4. Generally speaking, people are self-centered and self-absorbed and can't even see beyond their own nose. Many are very good at focusing on the other person until they get what they want.
I'll readily cop to that. If I am topping (BDSM sense) I am there to get what I want out of S/m play. Hopefully, I will come across the bottom who will get as much out of it as I will and when it's over, all parties got what they came for within what's been negotiated.
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5. When a man pays a woman the boundaries are very clear. As a famous celebrity once said, "I don't pay women for sex. I pay them to go away."
6. If a woman accepts a stranger to do a scene or sex, the boundaries are fuzzy. She doesn't know what she may be getting into. The man might not let her go. He might begin to stalk her.
Nothing is perfect but for sceneing, this is why folks have to try to minimize the "fuzzy" with negotiation skills. I do happen to think it sucks that people have to specify things like no sexual contact, yet that is the kink world we live in. Other areas of life? The majority of human interaction, people don't have to say the words "you do not have my consent to sexually violate me". I think it's kind of sad that some folks don't look at that more closely.
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7. From a man's perspective it looks like it's easier for a woman but from a woman's perspective it isn't. When she says "no" the man can act crazy and aggressive. She constantly has to have her guard up and she is "pushing men away."
As the saying goes, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. There are advantages and disadvantages to all of the different perspectives.
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8. One person who emailed me said that drugs (pot, alcohol, etc) play a part in people's behavior. There are a lot of people who do things who regret it the next day. So even if you see A. Man approaches woman B. They chat for a while C. They do a scene and/or sexual act. Many times the next day they are banging their head against the wall saying, "Why in the hell did I do that for?!"
On top of what Nookie said for some of it (because darn near all kink communities in all locations have had consent violation issues in the last few years or so) there is a lot going on for this particular part. If anybody out there is living where the kink community hasn't had something in the consent violation territory in the past five years, please let me know because I want to move there. I would enjoy the peace and quiet.
When MP and I knew we were doing another cross country move and coming here, I did what I always do. I scoped out the kink climate for our next destination. After doing the research, I just looked at MP and said it was not going to be in our best interest to do any private play for a good while until we had a very good grip on the situation here. Go to the club? Fine? People come home? No way.
Edited to fix quotes.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Free VS. Paid - 
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