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Exclusive NSA - 10/14/2015 3:17:02 PM   
MikeRaven


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/19/2015
Status: offline 		I've met some people, in their 20's, describing their relationships. One woman told me she was in a relationship for one year. They had a lot of fun, just messed around, and he had to move. She got into another relationship and it was pretty much like the last - they messed around for about a year then went separate ways. However, she said they were both exclusive relationships - they only messed around with each other, no one else. I've hear other people in these type of relationships. She told me the trick is you don't talk about your feelings. It's like two guys who get together to play tennis and then go eat and watch a movie. Of course, since it's a NSA relationship, there is sex involved. The relationship is just a lot of fun.

I've always found relationships to be hard work. I have to put in the time, energy and effort and they still might not work out.
I've never met a woman who just wanted to "screw around." They always wanted an authentic relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage.

These young kids get into exclusive NSA relationships and have a blast.

Has anyone been in a long-term NSA relationship? Is it as fun and those people describe it to be?
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/14/2015 3:28:17 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I have had casual relationships where we were just enjoying being with each with the knowledge that the relationship would go no further. But, there were strings: I expected to be treated with respect, I expected for that person to be a friend and I expected to not be treated like an after thought.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MikeRaven)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/14/2015 3:38:37 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		Lots of casual play relationship that were NSA. Some involving sex, others limited to play only.

And yeah, they're lots of fun when everybody is actually on the same page regarding what the relationship means to all parties and partners involved.

I always had a primary partner at the same time though.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/14/2015 4:54:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Lots of casual play relationship that were NSA. Some involving sex, others limited to play only.

And yeah, they're lots of fun when everybody is actually on the same page regarding what the relationship means to all parties and partners involved.

I always had a primary partner at the same time though.


Likewise, except that my NSAs are nonsexual.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/14/2015 8:12:52 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven

I've met some people, in their 20's, describing their relationships. One woman told me she was in a relationship for one year. They had a lot of fun, just messed around, and he had to move. She got into another relationship and it was pretty much like the last - they messed around for about a year then went separate ways. However, she said they were both exclusive relationships - they only messed around with each other, no one else. I've hear other people in these type of relationships. She told me the trick is you don't talk about your feelings. It's like two guys who get together to play tennis and then go eat and watch a movie. Of course, since it's a NSA relationship, there is sex involved. The relationship is just a lot of fun.

I've always found relationships to be hard work. I have to put in the time, energy and effort and they still might not work out.
I've never met a woman who just wanted to "screw around." They always wanted an authentic relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage.
Ad
These young kids get into exclusive NSA relationships and have a blast.

Has anyone been in a long-term NSA relationship? Is it as fun and those people describe it to be?


Yep...was in a 1yr NSA with a vanilla guy. First of all, it is NOT a "relationship" (you are right...those take,lots of work). You don't pick someone that you are interested in "that way" (vanilla guys are safe for me because I know their "outside the bedroom" will start to bug me)

BTW...I know a LOT of women (vanilla and kinky) who are interested in and looking for someone to just screw around with

(in reply to MikeRaven)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 1:13:20 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		The problem is when you develop great sex with someone, feelings get involved.

You know, those pesky things that women and men get.

So nothing ever is just NSA.

Someone always wants more.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 1:17:11 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone been in a long-term NSA relationship? Is it as fun and those people describe it to be?

My bestfriend is someone I have sex with. We talk everyday, go on holidays together and have sex. His my "girlfriend" and my part time boyfriend.

I've had an NSA relationship with him for 3 years. There is no commitment, no expectations, no pressure, nothing, and it is fun, yes! I'm like his male buddy too, who go out clubs, watch him hit on women, chat them up and buy them drinks, we go strip clubs together. And we both fuck other people too. Next month we are off to raunchy Thailand.

It's not a relationship, there is no promises of forever, I think it will end when one of us find an exclusive life partner.

Why not each other? Because I want kids and he does not. That makes it crystal clear to me, it will never be more.

But if it's exclusive NSA that you are talking about, exclusive NSA is something I find very selfish of any man to demand that of me. If he doesn't want to commit, then why should I be sexually faithful to him? That's ridiculous! NSA means, I can do whatever I want with any other men I choose because I don't belong to him.

This kind of relationship is also like super easy because we are only with each other when we are excited and in our best moods. A full time relationship, means that person is around you on your worst days as well. I don't meet any of my NSA if I am not positive and happy, so I call them good times only buddies, that's why it's so easy. When I am in a great mood and they are in a great mood, we'll always have only good memories and great times.

So even with my bestfriend, I think this works for us, I think if we were together full time, living together, we might not last. Just because expectations of an NSA relationship is extremely low. Expectations of a real relationship becomes alot more demanding.

But I still consider him a best friend because he'll move mountains to cheer me up when I am down. So that's what great friends do.

But the most damaging thing about happy NSA relationships is that, it's too easy and jovial, like each time, the fun is incredible and romantic even, NSA dates still make efforts, candles, champagne, romantic boat rides etc. There are no hard times together. Kinda like, every time you spend together is honeymoon constantly, non stop honeymoon.

I mean they are NSA guys so I go through hard times, they aren't the ones I will go to. My friends and my brother will be the ones I will hang out around when I am down. And same for them, if they are down, they wouldn't be sharing their down moments with me. So it's that kinda thing. And there is no disappointment about it. I mean, imagine if this was a full time boyfriend and if he isn't there when you are down, it would be big fight, because you expect him to be there for you. But NSA, naw, no expectations, if they care, it's a bonus. So no fights, no conflict.

But it's totally possible to be NSA with someone for a long time without developing feelings, as long as expectations are crystal clear by both parties, where the line of this relationship is drawn. I kinda like it. It's open and it's honest. I think real relationships are tougher because many people promise you forever and break their promises. NSA makes no such promises.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/15/2015 1:45:42 AM >

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 1:57:09 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm... I have to say, and this is most likely "nit picking" on my part, but I would regard "exclusivity" as a "string" so the idea of an "exclusive NSA" relationship doesn't work. I define "NSA" as having no requirements or obligations. If you add exclusivity then you're adding a requirement. I wouldn't define them as "casual" relationships either, because the "casual" tag doesn't feel right. The closest I can get is Friends with benefits or (though this makes me shudder) a "fuck buddy".

As others have said, a FWB relationship can work really well - provided everyone stays on the same page and in the same place.





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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 2:14:04 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I have to say that exclusive NSA usually works better with cheating spouses, who wants to have safe no protection sex outside of their marriage, and rather than keep looking for new people all the time, they prefer to just stick to one convenient regular hook up and both do not want to rock the boat of their own marriages.

I don't understand the logic of single people exclusive NSA. Ya single! You are super free! Sexual loyalty to a fuck buddy? It just doesn't make sense to me.

But perhaps there is another reason. If for any reason two people are just not emotionally ready for a real relationship but still want regular sex, but do not want to have to keep looking for new people all the time, and are happy with just one, then I guess NSA exclusivity could work too. But two people really have to be in that same place!

For me, single hood means I can experience alot of different people without guilt and just enjoy all the different experiences. The thing is, when sex is not emotional, it's not something you want to repeatedly have with the same person over and over again. Talking about my long term best friend, his a best friend because, if we go on a 7 days holiday together, there will maybe only be sex twice. But majority of the time, we are chilling as friends doing things together. Sex has dwindled because we spend too much time together or it has simply gone on for too long, that sex is secondary now.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/15/2015 2:16:39 AM >

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 3:36:59 AM   
JVoV


Posts: 3664
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		Some people are just monogamous. It's not their nature to have multiple lovers in the same timeframe, even if that relationship isn't gonna go anywhere further than sex.

It's serial monogamy.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 3:42:48 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

Some people are just monogamous. It's not their nature to have multiple lovers in the same timeframe, even if that relationship isn't gonna go anywhere further than sex.

It's serial monogamy.

Yea, I consider myself monogamous in a marriage and I am monogamous with a man I love easily without difficulty. But I guess I cannot understand monogamy in a non-emotional relationship.
But exclusive NSA is a demand I get very often from men in the casual sex world. But most of the reason is, they want me to keep them safe and they want to eventually ween off condoms, which..., for me, is a big no no! I will never trust a man who has casual sex without condoms on no matter how he swears I am his one and only.

(in reply to JVoV)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 6:16:27 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The problem is when you develop great sex with someone, feelings get involved.

You know, those pesky things that women and men get.

So nothing ever is just NSA.

Someone always wants more.


For you.

I know plenty of people who are completely uninterested in feelings. I know one woman who's NEVER been in love, although she loves many people, and has sex with quite a few, she doesn't understand romantic feelings, nor does she want to. The men she's been with have generally all been on the same page with her, and her only "break ups" have been matters of personality clashes.

I know quite a few men who are the same way. Their idea of a relationship is actually more like "regular companionship" than love. They are looking for that, while shunning the traditional trappings.

I have several NSAs. And I do include feelings. What I do not include is strings. Because they are not a part of the relationships. Why would I attempt to attache strings to a boy I adore playing with who is 27, wants the perfect home and family, and is in medical school? That would be ridiculous, so although I love him dearly, I want for him exactly what he wants, not strings to me, who already has her (childless, thank goodness) place in life.

Now, monogamy, I used to do. It was simply easier. Fewer scheduling issues, less jealousy and conflicts, etc.

I don't anymore, but I"m more mature, and able to handle it all better.

_____________________________

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https://datingkinky.com

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(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 6:23:12 AM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		the nsa is still a kind of relationship but it has set limits and boundaries. in a regular relationships the limits and boundaries are not as set so can be more uncertain

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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 7:38:20 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip

the nsa is still a kind of relationship but it has set limits and boundaries. in a regular relationships the limits and boundaries are not as set so can be more uncertain


I disagree. In a "regular" relationship there are even more limits and boundaries, just in different areas. That's why NSAs are called NSAs. The "S" for strings refers to limits, boundaries, and expectations.

In my view... unless I'm missing something.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 9:03:46 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		In my 35 odd years of dating single I have only developed feelings of love twice. The other men were simply long term relationships that were fun while they lasted. A bit more than FWB and something just under NSA because we became exclusive, serial monogamists. Don't get me wrong, there were feelings. But I think it was just friendship and hot sex, with commitment.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 9:13:04 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The problem is when you develop great sex with someone, feelings get involved.

You know, those pesky things that women and men get.

So nothing ever is just NSA.

Someone always wants more.


Totally not true.
While I've ended a few NSA relationships because the guy wanted more or their partner got jealous, but they're the exception in my book. I don't get feelings, and most times, neither get they.

In my experience, feelings only happen if one or both parties are looking for something more than an NSA from the start, and settle for the NSA because it's all they can get. When that happens, after a while they begin to push for more.
But if you enter in it with both parties fully wanting and NSA, those pesky feelings mind their own business and say away.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 10:01:17 AM   
MikeRaven


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/19/2015
Status: offline 		Don't the people who get in long-term NSA relationships have to be "cold-heart" people?

Most everyone has issues, drama, problems, etc. So the key is not to bring up all that baggage and feelings in the relationship because it hinders the relationship.
If you go out to play tennis with someone, you don't want to listen to all of her/his BS. You want to enjoy the game and forget about life for a while.

And if your able to kiss, hold hands, make love, without feelings, wouldn't that person have to have a "cold-heart?" You could care less if he/she has a bad back, a headache, if their kid just died, etc.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 10:05:29 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven
Don't the people who get in long-term NSA relationships have to be "cold-heart" people?

Long Term NSA is equivalent to Friends with Benefits. So..., that just depends on how strong the friendship is. Some people are more connected by the benefits bit, but some are genuine friends too, who just happen to have sex too.

I think the key is that, it's just totally possible to enjoy sex without having feelings for the person. And I discover this myself, through personal experience, as I was brought up to save my virginity until after marriage and I was told as a woman, I cannot possibly enjoy sex without love. Found out it's all one big lie.

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 10:44:58 AM   
sweetieDA


Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline 		Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 11:27:17 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven



And if your able to kiss, hold hands, make love, without feelings, wouldn't that person have to have a "cold-heart?" You could care less if he/she has a bad back, a headache, if their kid just died, etc.


The level of care I have for an NSA relationship is about the same as I have for friends, and thus it varies.

If I had a regular tennis partner, with whom I had no relationship whatsoever beyond our weekly game, I still wouldn't "care less" if they called me one week and canceled the game because of their kid dying. I'd care, and I'd show that care to a level appropriate to our relationship. This means that I might (probably would) go to the funeral to show my respect, but I won't show up at their house unexpected to hold their hand as they cry, nor would I attempt to use the event to needlessly interject myself into their personal life.

If my best friend's kid died on the other hand, I'd not only show up at the funeral, I'd show up as soon as I got the call, to the hospital or whatever, probably with some of their favorite food. I'd help them through the funeral arrangements if it proved too painful for them, I'd organize our group of friends so that they would have food for a few weeks without having to cook (and make sure it wasn't all casseroles), I'd stay up with them, be their shoulder to cry on, and so on.

Just because my reactions are different in both cases depending on the level of our friendship, doesn't mean that I don't give a shit about my tennis partner. It's just that with them, a different level of distance and closeness is more appropriate when stuff happens in their personal life.

NSA relationships aren't any different. With some NSA relationships I've got a "tennis partner" level of relationship, with others it's a "best friend who I happen to also play with/fuck". My reactions regarding stuff going on in their personal lives depend entirely on how close that bond is, and what kind of situation it is.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 20
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