Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Exclusive NSA


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Exclusive NSA Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 12:09:55 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		*applause*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 12:15:17 PM   
MikeRaven


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/19/2015
Status: offline 		When I think of a NSA relationship, this what comes to mind:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/risks-consequences-strings-attached-relationship/641112/

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 12:44:46 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven

When I think of a NSA relationship, this what comes to mind:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/risks-consequences-strings-attached-relationship/641112/

Therefore, you cannot expect your “playmate” to start asking you what your favorite color is, what your hopes and dreams are or how many kids you want to have, nor should you ask these questions.
It's exactly like this. I don't ask any of these questions.

Losing self-respect and self-esteem. The only reasons accepted by the norm for having intercourse are a) to express love to your partner, and b) to build a family.
This is the biggest obstacle to hooks up without emotions, because we been brainwashed that it will affect our self-esteem. But how can doing something we genuinely enjoy be lowering of self-esteem. I am still very puzzled by this. It's like telling me, I love inline skating and the more I do it, I will hurt my own self-esteem. I genuinely love sex for sex. And I'd like to think that indulging in sex for sex in the name of pure pleasure and past time, has no effect on my self-esteem. But rule of thumb is, if you don't enjoy sex for sex, don't force yourself to, don't do it! This is something you should do only if you genuinely enjoy it and derive joy from it. Everybody is different, just like everybody has different hobbies. This may not be a hobby to you. But it is to me. So just do what you love! Can't go wrong with that!

You know that your partner is willing to hook up without asking for anything in return, and this puts him or her in a different light when compared to other people you’ve been with.
Without being able to confide in, share meaningful conversations and doing personal activities apart from sex with your partner, your relationship lacks depth and significance.

Again, why does sex have to be bartered with baring of soul to each other? And anyway, I think the confusion is this. People equate sex to love. So, I can have a damn good friend who I confine alot of innermost thoughts to, and a few of my fuck buddies are that kind of friend, but I have no romantic inclination towards them at all, because I know they aren't my type. With sex it's different, I can train any man to work in bed with me, I don't have a "type" when it comes to sex, as I can mold the man to work for me, so any man is my sex type if he cares about my orgasms. But I definitely have a "type" when it comes to character and personality and what type of man I would fall in love with. It's sooo not related at all.

Contracting an STD, you cannot demand and ensure that he or she does not have sex with anyone else

Use Protection! Be responsible! No Fluid exchanges. My no oral, no kissing, no fluid exchange, religious use of condoms, has really minimized my risk. I've never gotten STDs. It's ironic that my girlfriends who are married are at higher risk from STD than me, due to their cheating spouses being irresponsible outside cheating and bringing home stuffs. So it's totally not true that you can control that your exclusive life partner does not put you in danger, because if they do, they sure hell ain't gonna tell you about it.

This is difficult because you can’t voice your jealousy or ask your partner to stop seeing other people.

This is a serious big no no! Save jealousy for emotional relationships. Once you start feeling jealous, time to end it with your Fbuddy. There will be no good ending. Any man who starts being annoyed with my multiple partners, and this does happen, when the guy starts asking, why do I need so much, why isn't he enough, I know it's time to end it with him. This is again, stupid men who wants to manipulate me into exclusive NSA. Like seriously, not falling for it.

Lowered expectations on your other relationships, The more time you put in not doing these things, the more this behavior becomes normal to you. This eventually will carry over to your other relationships without you even realizing it.

Interesting thing is, the opposite is true. I have higher expectations of real relationships. I mean, if it doesn't beat a Fbuddy relationship, why would I want the real relationship? The real relationship has to offer so much more to be considered real. I differentiate it this way. A real relationship involves alot of compromises, because you care about what that person wants more than your own needs. With Fbuddy, I make zero compromises.

Once people find out that you take part in casual relationship(s), you may jeopardize your reputation and all the merit and social credibility that you’ve worked hard on building.
I cannot deny this point, but so is being into bdsm. Same problem. So sometimes, you gotta just stay below the radar and still enjoy the things you enjoy.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/15/2015 12:52:15 PM >

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 6:15:43 PM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		There are as many definitions of an NSA relationship as there are NSA relationships.

Different people may have a number of different "contracts" for their friendships and sexual relationships. There are however always rules and understandings in any relationship, which if you are a decent human being shouldn't be broken lightly. If loyalty, decency and honesty are absent from any relationship or friendship, it's hardly a relationship. Sex without any friendship or feelings is perfectly possible. It just doesn't need a fancy name. It's just sex. No shame in that.

I've had friendships which have included sex where both of us were aware there would be no romantic relationship, "traditional" long term romantic relationships, and close friendships were any suggestion of sex would have been disastrous, even where there was attraction. All involved different levels of closeness, but none involved lack of care.

People use the term NSA for all sorts of shades of relationship which don't involve "commitment", whatever is meant by that. But there is always an understanding. In other words there are always "strings", even if they are "don't mention anything except the sex, ask about anyone else or expect to see me any other day than a Wednesday". Breaking your relationship contract might be sexual infidelity if that is your agreement, but breaking the rules of a so-called NSA relationship is still disrespecting another human being.

So much for referring to something as an NSA relationship. If you truly want to interact with other human beings without feelings or expectations fine, but outside of meeting a stranger for sex or a purely commercial transaction, that is not want happens.

It may not be love and it may not result in kids or a diamond ring but, unless you are inhuman, it does involve emotions and basic human decency. If it doesn't, why the hell is anyone else joining in, even for the fun? Having fun involves experiencing an emotion. We are emotional beings, who are capable of understanding boundaries, if properly agreed. If you mess the agreement up in the first place, there's no point in crying when you get something you didn't want.

Yes, sometimes people have different expectations or develop different expectations over time. So what's new? That can be a feature of any relationship, whatever tag you place on it.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 6:50:52 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven

When I think of a NSA relationship, this what comes to mind:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/risks-consequences-strings-attached-relationship/641112/



Yeah, none of that applies to any NSA relationship I've had.

quote:

1. Developing feelings



I've never developed deep or romantic feelings for an NSA partner. None of them have ever developed deep romantic feelings for me (that I know off).
Friendship, puppy-love crushes, infatuation, adoration, deep mutual respect and liking, and so on sure.
Romantic feelings? Nope... because romantic feelings had been excluded from the start, not by mutual agreement, but by mutual understanding that we would never 'work' in a romantic involvement.

One of my current NSA crushes lives in Denver (6 hours away), and is a rope top I am friends with, totally admire, and like more than anybody I've met in a while. We play together, have dinner together and fuck together. Yet we'll never work for a relationship, because I'm married, he's got a long time committed partner and even if that wasn't the case, we are incompatible on a number of other fronts.
So we don't really get involved in each other's lives, beyond hanging out, being friends, playing and fucking.
I can go weeks without seeing him, or talking to him, and then be totally over him for the days when I'm in Denver.

One of the other NSA relationships I currently have is with a sadistic poly Dominant into extreme torture (think Kana like stuff, for ya'll regulars). He's totally incompatible with me lifestyle wise, and besides that already has a poly relationship with two girls.
I'm friends with both of his girls, and play with them as well, and sometimes we all have dinner together. However, I don't have a crush on him, not can I see myself ever romantically involved with him even though we've got a pretty good friendship as well. I just like to fuck him and play with him.

quote:

2. Losing self-respect and self-esteem


I don't attach any great deal of importance on sex as some sort of magical thing you're supposed to only share with people you REALLY care about.

I'm an ex-hooker, ex-ProDomme, have done some porn, and have been casually sleeping around since I was 14.

I've got no problems with either my self-respect or my self-esteem.

I just have never felt like sex is that big of a deal.

quote:

3. Losing respect for your partner


Likewise I have no problem with my partners fucking around, and don't see why I should respect them any less just because they happen to like sex.
In my book, I respect them more because of them being self-aware enough about their own sexuality to realize that they enjoy casual sex, and then go ahead and engage in it guilt free (just like I respect somebody self-aware enough about their own sexuality to realize that casual sex isn't for them and actively choose monogamy, or celibacy without a relationship).

I pretty much don't lose respect for people who do right by themselves and stand behind their own choices, without succumbing to peer pressure.

quote:

4. Contracting an STD


Yeah, ex-hooker and all... counting my sexual partners would take you 3 digits (though I'm not sure how high the number is exactly... stopped counting a long time ago).

As far as STDs go, I've got asymptomatic HPV. That's it.
I'm tested fairly regularly (though how often depends on how often I'm having sex with strangers, and how well I know the people I'm currently fucking), and STDs just really haven't been an issue for me at all.

I engage in safe sex, and mediate the risk in various way (I do a visual inspection of their genitalia before first fucking a new person) and I don't fuck high risk cases (obvious illegal drug users etc).

I know you can still contract STDs even when engaging in safe sex, but I never have. *shrugs*
I guess I've been lucky.

Even so, the risk is worth it to me... I engage in a bunch of other play that's far more lethal far more quickly if something goes wrong than any of the currently known STDs.

quote:

5. Misplaced jealousy


Most of the jealousy I've dealt with is from partners of my NSA partners, or my own boyfriend/husband.
I've never really gotten jealous over an NSA relationship, nor they over me.
It all comes down to that whole "we've already decided that we wouldn't work together in a relationship" thing.
If you know you don't want to be in a relationship with somebody, you ain't gonna be jealous about their time spent with other people.

quote:

6. Pregnancy


Ah yes... gotten pregnant with an IUD once.
Wasn't sure who the father was either (though after the kid was born it turned out to be the guy I was seeing steadily). My partner at the time wanted the child, I didn't, so I carried to term and abdicated my parental rights to him in full.

If I hadn't had a steady partner at the time, or if my partner didn't want the child, I would have aborted.

Unwanted pregnancies suck... but they can mostly be avoided if you're careful, just like STDs.

If you're the dude who wants to avoid pregnancies, bring your own rubbers, put them on yourself, and wear them, even if she says it's cool going without.

quote:

7. Lowered expectations on your other relationships


Actually, having NSAs makes me have higher expectations of my other relationships.
After all, I don't need to stay with somebody just to have somebody in my life, considering that I have so many available options.

Thus, the person I'm going to have strings with has to show me their worth it... because I'm not going to stay with them just because I'm afraid to be alone, or want a friend, or want sex, or want a playpartner.

quote:

8. Compromising your career and social life


Yeah... I don't hang out with people who will think less of me because of how I conduct my sexlife.
If somebody (including family) wants to judge me negatively on that, they can keep their mouth shut and their opinions to themselves. If they don't, they ain't gonna be in my life for long.

As far as my boss goes, my sexlife is none of his damn business. I don't advertise what I do in private at work, I'm never friends with coworkers, or socialize with coworkers after work (on account of me only hanging out with people I actually have stuff in common with, instead of random strangers who happen to work at the same place I do) and I've never had an issue with it any place I worked.

None of their business.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 8:55:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you aren't interested in dating at the moment, but do want to have a sex life, then an exclusive NSA fits the bill. Plus you get to be fluid bonded and not deal with condoms and dental dams.

Some people are too busy for dating or relationships. Some are getting over a past relationship. If you can imagine it, people are doing it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/15/2015 9:54:45 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.


Thanks. Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 10/15/2015 9:56:35 PM >

(in reply to sweetieDA)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 12:57:45 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.


Thanks. Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.


I have certainly never combined a committed relationship with a less than committed relationship.

Although I agree that there can be a mismatch of expectations, especially when two people in very different situations tell themselves that they have the same needs, I think that risk is there is all relationships, and not just those labelled as NSA.

And whatever people say there is a responsibility that you have to a "friend" or "regular sexual partner", it just might not be romantic love. If you don't both understand what you are doing or one party accepts a commitment free relationship, hoping it will develop into something else, of course someone will get hurt.

In that sense "NSA" (I really hate that expression) is not risk free, just different from more traditional, romantic, commitment-based relationships.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 3:21:18 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.


Thanks. Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.


Why would you suggest that EVERYONE else who has a difference of opinion from you must be deluded, instead of living a different life experience?

That's seems pretty disrespectful, for a lady who wants to be respected for your own experiences and points of view.

And here's where you seem to be missing the point: We are not saying there are not feelings. We are saying that those feelings grow most often within the boundaries of the relationship as they are set.

Here's an example:

A know a beautiful boy. He's 15 years younger than I am. He's smart. He's driven. He's submissive. His body reacts to my touch in the MOST DELICIOUS WAY EVER.

I love being around him. I love him.

I do not now, or ever, want to create a life with this boy. The energy is not right for that. He is an amazing friend. A fun lover. And he has things he has to do. A life he needs to live to fulfill his own dreams and desires that I never had and wanted.

I have feelings for him.

I have similar feelings for many of my non-lovers, too. They are amazing and special. In fact, I have deeper feelings for many of my non-lovers.

That does not mean that I will ever want more from him. It does not mean he will ever want more from me.

Does that help explain a possible thought process and place in life where your own interpretation may be wrong?


quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

I have certainly never combined a committed relationship with a less than committed relationship.

Although I agree that there can be a mismatch of expectations, especially when two people in very different situations tell themselves that they have the same needs, I think that risk is there is all relationships, and not just those labelled as NSA.

And whatever people say there is a responsibility that you have to a "friend" or "regular sexual partner", it just might not be romantic love. If you don't both understand what you are doing or one party accepts a commitment free relationship, hoping it will develop into something else, of course someone will get hurt.

In that sense "NSA" (I really hate that expression) is not risk free, just different from more traditional, romantic, commitment-based relationships.


There is a risk. Agreed.

To assert, however, that those of us who do not experience the reality that sexyred1 has predicted for us all must be deluded is just silly.

Personally, I've never had a relationship that was meant to be just sexual become more or one-sided, except once. He got more feelings than I did. And yet, we worked through it, and we are still great friends, even nearly 25 years later. He was the first, and the only, until a few years ago.

In fact, I've had more "friends" want more from me than lovers who agreed to boundaries.

But then, I've been incredibly lucky in my life and love mates, for the most part. I've always had a "good picker," I've felt.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 10:27:01 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

So nothing ever is just NSA.

Someone always wants more.


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.




I'm sorry. Obviously your astute over-generalized observations apply to literally everybody. And it's clearly completely and utterly impossible for anybody to ever have any experience that differs from your own.

I retract all the statements I made that are based solely on my personal experience, and submit fully to the fact that your doctrine of wisdom applying to the entire human race in every conceivable context, invalidates my own history and personal experiences, as well of that of my partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.


Granted, there's a huge difference between having a NSAs as your primary relationships, and having NSAs on the side. This is because usually when you don't have a primary emotionally bonded relationship, you're still looking for one, while if you have it, you're not, unless you're looking for a poly dynamic.
That being said, this doesn't mean that the NSA relationship will necessarily transition into the "more" you're looking for, because -at least in my case- I only start NSA relationships with people I'm attracted to, but that by mutually agreement in the matter, excluded the possibility of evolving into "more" from the start, because we're just not compatible that way.

That fundamental lack of compatibility doesn't change, regardless of how good somebody is in bed, even if feelings do arise down the line.

The couple of times where I've had an NSA without having a primary emotional relationship, it didn't evolve into either party wanting more, precisely because of that fundamental lack of compatibility. I guess I must be some sort of odd exception or something, to not want to get seriously emotionally involved with people I know I'm fundamentally emotionally incompatible with...

As a side note: I don't consider any of my current NSA relationships to be "poly", because polyamory involves having loving relationships with multiple partners, and I don't have that at all. My relationships outside of my marriage aren't polyamorous, because they aren't loving, committed, emotionally involved relationships.

Rather than calling what I've got "poly" it's currently an open marriage, wherein it's okay for me to fuck and play with other people on the side.

I might transition into poly one day, if I find a partner outside of my marriage that I'm actually fundamentally emotionally compatible with, but that's not going to happen with any of the my current NSA relationship, precisely because of that lack of fundamental emotional compatibility.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 10:31:47 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Of course, no one here is allowed to have an opinion that differs from yours.

I forgot that those who post long winded and frequently are the only voices allowed here.

It's amusing how defensive you are about my comments.

I got news for you, hon.

Everyone here answers from their own personal history.

So calm the fuck down.


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 10:36:14 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course, no one here is allowed to have an opinion that differs from yours.



Euhm... nothing I said, at any point, indicated that my opinion is the only valid one. I spoke solely about *my* own experiences, and never excluded the possibility of other people having other experiences in the slightest.
I never even came close to implying that it's impossible for NSA relationships to get into a situation where people want more. What I said is that *for ME* that's never happened.

You, on the other hand, very persistently and very clearly are stating that your opinion on the matter is the only possible way.
And that EVERY SINGLE NSA relationship every WILL necessarily evolve into people wanting more, and that anybody who disagrees with that is a delusional idiot.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 10:38:06 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.


Thanks. Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.


Why would you suggest that EVERYONE else who has a difference of opinion from you must be deluded, instead of living a different life experience?

That's seems pretty disrespectful, for a lady who wants to be respected for your own experiences and points of view.

And here's where you seem to be missing the point: We are not saying there are not feelings. We are saying that those feelings grow most often within the boundaries of the relationship as they are set.

Here's an example:

A know a beautiful boy. He's 15 years younger than I am. He's smart. He's driven. He's submissive. His body reacts to my touch in the MOST DELICIOUS WAY EVER.

I love being around him. I love him.

I do not now, or ever, want to create a life with this boy. The energy is not right for that. He is an amazing friend. A fun lover. And he has things he has to do. A life he needs to live to fulfill his own dreams and desires that I never had and wanted.

I have feelings for him.

I have similar feelings for many of my non-lovers, too. They are amazing and special. In fact, I have deeper feelings for many of my non-lovers.

That does not mean that I will ever want more from him. It does not mean he will ever want more from me.

Does that help explain a possible thought process and place in life where your own interpretation may be wrong?


quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

I have certainly never combined a committed relationship with a less than committed relationship.

Although I agree that there can be a mismatch of expectations, especially when two people in very different situations tell themselves that they have the same needs, I think that risk is there is all relationships, and not just those labelled as NSA.

And whatever people say there is a responsibility that you have to a "friend" or "regular sexual partner", it just might not be romantic love. If you don't both understand what you are doing or one party accepts a commitment free relationship, hoping it will develop into something else, of course someone will get hurt.

In that sense "NSA" (I really hate that expression) is not risk free, just different from more traditional, romantic, commitment-based relationships.


There is a risk. Agreed.

To assert, however, that those of us who do not experience the reality that sexyred1 has predicted for us all must be deluded is just silly.

Personally, I've never had a relationship that was meant to be just sexual become more or one-sided, except once. He got more feelings than I did. And yet, we worked through it, and we are still great friends, even nearly 25 years later. He was the first, and the only, until a few years ago.

In fact, I've had more "friends" want more from me than lovers who agreed to boundaries.

But then, I've been incredibly lucky in my life and love mates, for the most part. I've always had a "good picker," I've felt.


Same answer to you as above.

The two of you, who make up a huge portion of the posts here, seem to think it's just fine to give opinions based on your own experiences.

But inexplicably, you both get bent out of shape when someone offers a differing opinion.

I see two reasons for that:

You are defensive because the topic bothers you.

You dislike my posting style.

Both reasons are beyond fine with me.

I suggest that both you and Ishtar stop trying to control what and how opinions are stated on these boards.

Oh, forgot to add:

"Smiles"

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 10:43:22 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course, no one here is allowed to have an opinion that differs from yours.



Euhm... nothing I said, at any point, indicated that my opinion is the only valid one. I spoke solely about *my* own experiences, and never excluded the possibility of other people having other experiences in the slightest.
I never even came close to implying that it's impossible for NSA relationships to get into a situation where people want more. What I said is that *for ME* that's never happened.

You, on the other hand, very persistently and very clearly are stating that your opinion on the matter is the only possible way.
And that EVERY SINGLE NSA relationship every WILL necessarily evolve into people wanting more, and that anybody who disagrees with that is a delusional idiot.


Read it again.

Nowhere did I or would I say that every thing applies to everyone.

You are taking a defensive posture here, try and figure out why.

Do you actually believe that every posted opinion here has to be prefaced by, "this is just my personal opinion so please don't think I am insisting that there is only my opinion".

Really? Because if you need that, I personally don't have time to coddle people who don't get that.

Intelligent people know that everyone posts from or her own personal experiences and opinions

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 11:09:50 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Nowhere did I or would I say that every thing applies to everyone.



quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

So nothing ever is just NSA.

Someone always wants more.



quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.



quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You are taking a defensive posture here, try and figure out why.




I don't need to try to figure out why. I know why.

I'm taking a defensive position because you have repeatedly used word such as "ever", "always", and "everyone", and then stated that anybody who doesn't agree with those statements is delusional.




< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 10/16/2015 11:11:12 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 11:16:51 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Do you actually believe that every posted opinion here has to be prefaced by, "this is just my personal opinion so please don't think I am insisting that there is only my opinion".



Nope, but changing your language to include the possibility that not everything you're saying applies to everybody always, changes it from a "deceleration" of the true gospel, to a trend you have observed and strongly believe in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

So thing are rarely just NSA.

Someone usually wants more.



quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Like I said above, most people here have deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't usually generate feelings and one party usually requires more.



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 3:14:30 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

Casual is okay, until it's not.

If they're dicks, you don't enjoy it. If they're nice, you want more.

I don't, personally, believe that anyone fucks someone, monogamously, for a year, with no feelings. I think maybe they're lying to themselves, or others.


Thanks. Like I said above, everyone here has deluded themselves into thinking fuck buddies don't generate feelings and one party usually requires more.

Additionally, the people speaking the loudest here are married and poly. There is a HUGE difference in expectation levels when you are getting your emotions taken care of and can therefore fuck around without wanting more.

Not true. I have been involved with a man on an NSA basis for almost three years now. Never during that time have I been in a "relationship " with someone else.

My NSA relationship is winding down now, because he is getting romantically involved with someone else. And I couldn't be happier for him. He has been a wonderful friend to me in and out of the bedroom and we will remain friends. I'm even becoming friends with his girlfriend.

No delusions no lies here.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/16/2015 7:42:08 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven

I've met some people, in their 20's, describing their relationships. One woman told me she was in a relationship for one year. They had a lot of fun, just messed around, and he had to move. She got into another relationship and it was pretty much like the last - they messed around for about a year then went separate ways. However, she said they were both exclusive relationships - they only messed around with each other, no one else. I've hear other people in these type of relationships. She told me the trick is you don't talk about your feelings. It's like two guys who get together to play tennis and then go eat and watch a movie. Of course, since it's a NSA relationship, there is sex involved. The relationship is just a lot of fun.

I've always found relationships to be hard work. I have to put in the time, energy and effort and they still might not work out.
I've never met a woman who just wanted to "screw around." They always wanted an authentic relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage.

These young kids get into exclusive NSA relationships and have a blast.

Has anyone been in a long-term NSA relationship? Is it as fun and those people describe it to be?



In general, NSA relationships tend to be short-lived, and few people in NSA relationships make them exclusive. I mean, if you had a casual relationship for sex with someone you had no long-term plans with, I can't imagine why you would hesitate to date others. And if you date anything can happen.

I think the kind of NSA relationship you're describing is really rare. In my experience with NSA, most women don't want to make pacts or make promises about what they are doing when they are not with you.

For me, the only way I could see that being appealing if you were really consumed by another part of your life, like building a business that you worked out 7 days a week, 20 hours a day, and you just wanted someone to fit into a very narrow nitch in your life.

(in reply to MikeRaven)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/17/2015 12:39:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The closest that I come to NSA are FWB situations and frankly, it's been so long since I've even done that that I hardly think it's worth mentioning. It was an exclusive thing though and it did go for somewhere around the six month time frame. I just come from the angle that one partner reduces your risk as far as STI's go. If I were the type to do NSA, I'd prefer the exclusive thing just based on that. Even with NSA, some people prefer fluid bonding to condoms.

Was it fun at the time? Yes. It was also a mutually beneficial arrangement. There were priorities that were higher on the scale. Might be the same kind of priorities that the woman you talked to has so full blown relationship is possibly on the back burner right now. Who knows? When she's twice the age that she is today, she might be exactly the type of person who does want the authentic relationship, marriage, etc.

I am more the type to be relationship oriented. It's just more my speed. Not everybody is the NSA type.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Exclusive NSA - 10/17/2015 6:37:19 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You are defensive because the topic bothers you.


I love this topic and every other I participate in on here. If a topic bothers me, I simply leave it alone.

quote:

You dislike my posting style.


I do dislike when anyone feels a need to call others deluded or liars or defensive, simply to make their own points.

And I respond to that because it needs to be pointed out to OTHERS that it is rude and inconsiderate, and actually just wrong, no matter what conviction may be used in the posting.

quote:

I suggest that both you and Ishtar stop trying to control what and how opinions are stated on these boards.


What? You don't like how we respond to a thread? And you feel a need to say something? Hmmm.

Pot, meet kettle.

quote:

Oh, forgot to add:

"Smiles"



Really? You mean it? Because I am actually smiling when I type that. Sounds to me like you are just being snarky.

But hey, I love that I have my very own dive-bomber in you. Not quite sure why, but I like it. Warms the cockles of my cold, shriveled heart.


_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Exclusive NSA Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125