May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 12:39:03 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

Hello, I am the Sapphire Servant. It is a pleasure to meet you. I have just joined this site and I am curious to know about the BDSM community. I identify as a Sub. I am not looking for a relationship though. I just want to get to know you! :-)

Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you? Love,bondage,contracts, paddles and ropes, what? Dedication and trust, perhaps? Or simply power? Why do you do what you do? Why do you enjoy it? As a quid pro quo, I'll answer these myself. (My profile explains more, if you're that curious.)

To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar.
Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD

Well, enough of my prying. I would like to ask though that you answer this seriously and without morbid replies or nasty pictures please! I do NOT want to see that and it would give me the impression that the BDSM community is just a bunch of perverts. Thank you for listening.

With respect,
-The Sapphire Servant

Post #: 1

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 12:47:29 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

When this finds its way to the appropriate section, I'll be more than happy to provide my insight.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 2

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 8:23:17 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you?

The actual definition of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism.

So, BDSM represents kinky sex. While it is frequently linked to D/s or M/s, it does not represent a power dynamic. D/s or M/s represents the power dynamic. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar.

Other than the kinky sex part, you've just outlined any committed relationship. A BDSM D/s relationship is just a relationship with the roles defined differently (for the most part) and and a symbiotic liking for kinky sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD

Did we have a collaring ceremony? Nope. We dated to get to know each other, then brought in the power dynamic, then got engaged, then got married and we've been together ever since.

What does it mean to me? It's a sign of commitment and after 21 years of watching people go through "velcro collars" I consider the pomp and ceremony to be ridiculous. (And if I NEVER see the "Ceremony of the Roses" again, I'll be a happy woman)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 3

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 9:36:10 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

To me, it means violence. Nothing less.

Now D/s ...

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:10:57 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship? My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-)
Serving just comes naturally to me, it makes sense. I'm always seen as the the calm, intellegent and responcible one however. Having someone else lead me instead of vice versa feels nice to me.
I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship. Again, though, I am pretty much a noob. If my rambling is bothersome to any of you I will stop.
If I rambled on at the cost of others peace of mind, what kind of servant would I be? Not the Sapphire Servant. ;-)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 5

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:18:31 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I like it when questions like this come up, and I hope a broad range of people chime in; We've a very wide range of perspectives here.

I, for example, interpret BDSM broadly to include D/s (Domination/Submission) as well as Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, but I know my definition is stretching the original meaning.

I'm not looking for a relationship that is defined by its kinkiness, but I recognise that my ideal relationship would incorporate kinkiness. Just as I would generally not identify as a "lifestyle BDSM'er" since while BDSM is an important part of my lifestyle, I wouldn't want to define it as being "BDSM" - because there are loads of other things that make up my lifestyle (music, sailing, walking, travel, etc etc).

I actually really liked the way you put it here...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 6

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:18:44 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

As Oside says, I take BDSM literally. Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism.

But do I need feelings to participate in it? Yes I do. I haven't participated in BDSM in years despite having alot of casual sex relationships. Vanilla sex, I don't need feelings.

But it means alot to me to sexually submit to someone, and I don't feel submissive without feelings of love for that person.

I think different people will process BDSM differently. Just like different people will also process alot of sexual things differently.

Like for me, I hate kissing. I usually ban all my lovers from kissing me. As I need feelings to kiss too. I also do not give oral to any of my lovers at all. I don't do oral except to a man I love.

So someone else will process it a different way, where oral is okay without love, but penetration is a big no no without love. Depends on what means what to them.

For me, giving a man oral is an act of love, so I find it fake if I did it with someone I didn't love, so I don't do it. And strange thing is, because I get zero sensation from penetration. My vagina inside 100% literal numbness. I feel absolutely nothing, so penetrations feels like nothing to me, so it doesn't bother me to have alot of casual penetration. I even put electric toys on full blast inside my vagina and I feel absolutely nothing. When you feel nothing, it's not special.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/15/2015 10:26:07 AM >

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 7

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:31:54 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

I'm glad to be recieving a little blend of answers. I suppose I have always been sentimental and a romantic at heart, though I normally appear cold due to my calm exterior. My trust has be betrayed many times, perhaps this is why I am so reluctant and nit picky today? Probably.
Regardless, I hope to find someone I can commit to. I loved a man so deeply once he could have killed and I would not have minded so long as it benefitted him. Crazily enough, I miss those days...
Enough of my gummy hearts though, why not discuss some sour things?
Where do you draw the line in BDSM?
I draw it at flat out hatred and disrespect instead of healthy guiding in obediance training. Spank, pattle and belittle me all you wish, but not all the time. If I can never please you, there is no point in my presence in your life.
I also hate cages, anal and feet. Lol.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 8

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:34:29 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

I see, so that is why it means less to you than others. To me, oral is acceptable, but penetration is not. I especially hate anal, it disgusts me.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 9

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:39:04 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship? My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-)
Serving just comes naturally to me, it makes sense. I'm always seen as the the calm, intellegent and responcible one however. Having someone else lead me instead of vice versa feels nice to me.
I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship. Again, though, I am pretty much a noob. If my rambling is bothersome to any of you I will stop.
If I rambled on at the cost of others peace of mind, what kind of servant would I be? Not the Sapphire Servant. ;-)

You, yourself, seem to be making a distinction between D/s and BDSM and that's good.

You asked a question about BDSM and I answered it in the spirit in which I thought it was written.

D/s is a wonderful way of life. To me, it is the ONLY way.

It means (to me) two people who have agreed that there is to be some form of hierarchy in their relationship. Let me do a quote from a journal post I have, here that has become my profile on other sites:

quote:

I am dominant –

This is who I am. It is not something I do. I guess the “psycho-babble” term is: “Alpha personality”.

It’s not that I’m arrogant. I believe that in every relationship, when two people have talked things out and they just can’t seem to come to a compromise or an understanding, someone has to be the ultimate authority. I am not saying that I “rule with an iron fist”. Think: Michael Landon in “Little House On the Prairie”.

In every relationship we have, someone has to drive the bus. Just call me Ralph Kramden.

That, to me, sums it up in a nutshell.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 10

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:41:17 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
Where do you draw the line in BDSM?

When it comes to the line. The line is whatever and where-ever you want it to be. End of the day, you have full free will to give up as much and as little control as you want.

Some likes to have no line and they enjoy that.

People like me, have loads of limits. So I will keep looking for someone who is capable of respecting my limits.

No Rocket Science. But like finding love, bdsm compatibility can be challenging, unless one is willing to move some of those lines, but I am unwilling to. I would rather go vanilla than move any lines if it comes to nobody out there who is capable of respecting my lines.

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 11

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:42:31 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

It makes sense to me, strange as that may sound. But at least now I know I'm not alone in thinking that.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 12

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:42:54 AM

sweetieDA

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
...it would give me the impression that the BDSM community is just a bunch of perverts. Thank you for listening.

That's exactly what we are.

Literally.

Go ask a psychologist. Or look us up in a mental illness classification manual.

If you don't like 'perverts' then you don't like BDSM. Simples.

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 13

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:48:20 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

As for collaring, I enjoyed it when I was collared. When I was in my x-relationship, I always wear my collar in the house, not exactly by choice, as it's part of the rules that was set. I find it symbolic and meaningful when I was wearing my then Master's collar. Just feels good. But my then Master kinda made a big deal about the collar, so..., it was a big deal.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 14

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:48:33 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

I'm not so certain, but I'll respect your opinion anyway! ;-)

(in reply to sweetieDA)

Post #: 15

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:53:34 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship?

It's normal relationship with clearly defined power roles. Most people who see us in public just assume that we have an old fashioned marriage. The kink is just the frosting on the cake. If the kink went away, we would still be a married couple with a D/s power dynamic. None of this make our relationship deeper, more trusting or more profound than a vanilla relationship.

quote:

My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-)

It needs to be a symbiotic relationship. He does just as much to make sure that I feel loved, protected, content and that my needs are met.

quote:

I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby?

I need to feel connected to submit, but beyond that, I'm an alpha personality so I needed to find someone that I felt was more alpha than I am. Since we're married and we live a D/s dynamic 24/7, it's not a game or hobby...and I really dislike the word lifestyle because it puts the focus on the D/s rather than the fact that we are first and foremost a relationship. (And most people that really like to throw the word around show up in leather pants and puffy pirate shirts)

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/15/2015 10:55:24 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 16

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 10:58:50 AM

SapphireServant

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/14/2015
Status: offline

May I also ask other fellow subs/ servants about the rules they have to obey? I've always been curious about that.
Some past rules for me were:
*Address me as Master/My Lord when speaking to me.
*Look me in the eyes when speaking to me. ( I tend to timidly look down )
*Do as I say, it is for your own benefit. (Healthy eating, learning (teacherxstudent ;-) ),Exercising)
*Do not show negitive emotions when being corrected. Stay neutral or positive.
*Stay respectful.
Okay, not the best examples, but that all I could remember right now. XD. Your turn!

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 17

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 11:06:10 AM

Bunnicula

Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline

We only have one rule: do as you are told.

It works because I love him and trust him, and he loves me and trusts me too.

_____________________________

"You are THE MAN!!" - some_random_internet_asshole
"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock

Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to SapphireServant)

Post #: 18

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 11:37:41 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

We only have one rule: do as you are told.

It works because I love him and trust him, and he loves me and trusts me too.

We have a few more, but they're not far off from that:

If he calls to me, I'm not to yell across the house, I am to go into the room with him and see what he wants.

I am to wait until he opens my door.

And lastly, if I see a downfall to a decision or order he has made, I am to point out those downfalls.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Bunnicula)

Post #: 19

RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) - 10/15/2015 12:08:22 PM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you?

The actual definition of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism.

So, BDSM represents kinky sex. While it is frequently linked to D/s or M/s, it does not represent a power dynamic. D/s or M/s represents the power dynamic. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

Interesting. I had always learned it was a Trio:

Bondage/Discipline
Dominance/Submission
Sadism/Masochism

So that all of these areas WERE involved. Today, looking that up, it seems like that is folk etymology, not the original meaning, but hey, English is a living language. I'll take it! *smiles*

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar.

Other than the kinky sex part, you've just outlined any committed relationship. A BDSM D/s relationship is just a relationship with the roles defined differently (for the most part) and and a symbiotic liking for kinky sex.

This, I agree 100% with. We are not special in all those others areas just because we are BDSM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD

I didn't collar so much and accept an offering of ownership from my Pet. After getting to know each other for 8 months (a whirlwind romance), he offered his total ownership to me in a 1 1/2 hour plea, and I accepted.

No one was there.

No announcement was made.

A few weeks later, we changed out Fet statuses, because someone reminded me that he'd probably like that.

His first actual collar was bought as a prop for a party we went to about 6 weeks in. So, collaring doesn't really mean anything to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship.

Well, every serious relationship is a serious relationship. Every casual relationship is a casual relationship. Regardless if they are BDSM or not.

You see?

How YOU do it is perfectly OK. If you believe ONLY in having serious BDSM relationships, that's cool for you. BDSM, for me, is who I am. I grew up with it, I live and breathe it. I also have both casual and serious relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant
Where do you draw the line in BDSM?

Actual non-consent, hate, scat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SapphireServant

May I also ask other fellow subs/ servants about the rules they have to obey? I've always been curious about that.

Not an s-type, but here are some thoughts:

- Send me a cock pic every day.
- Do his exercises as specified times each day.
- Always say good morning and good night.
- Stretch before bed.
- If he's up later than me, leave me sweet or sexy messages on my phone to wake up to.
- Open all doors.
- In any argument or discussion, answer "___, MY Queen," When I ask if I am being clear or if he understands. Also, when I give commands. Other times are at his discretion.

Etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
And lastly, if I see a downfall to a decision or order he has made, I am to point out those downfalls.

Oh, and this. Always he must speak his mind, even when I overrule him.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109