May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!)

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SapphireServant -> May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 12:39:03 AM)
Hello, I am the Sapphire Servant. It is a pleasure to meet you. I have just joined this site and I am curious to know about the BDSM community. I identify as a Sub. I am not looking for a relationship though. I just want to get to know you! :-) Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you? Love,bondage,contracts, paddles and ropes, what? Dedication and trust, perhaps? Or simply power? Why do you do what you do? Why do you enjoy it? As a quid pro quo, I'll answer these myself. (My profile explains more, if you're that curious.) To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar. Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD Well, enough of my prying. I would like to ask though that you answer this seriously and without morbid replies or nasty pictures please! I do NOT want to see that and it would give me the impression that the BDSM community is just a bunch of perverts. Thank you for listening. With respect, -The Sapphire Servant

DaddySatyr -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 12:47:29 AM)
When this finds its way to the appropriate section, I'll be more than happy to provide my insight. Michael

OsideGirl -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 8:23:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you? The actual definition of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism. So, BDSM represents kinky sex. While it is frequently linked to D/s or M/s, it does not represent a power dynamic. D/s or M/s represents the power dynamic. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar. Other than the kinky sex part, you've just outlined any committed relationship. A BDSM D/s relationship is just a relationship with the roles defined differently (for the most part) and and a symbiotic liking for kinky sex. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD Did we have a collaring ceremony? Nope. We dated to get to know each other, then brought in the power dynamic, then got engaged, then got married and we've been together ever since. What does it mean to me? It's a sign of commitment and after 21 years of watching people go through "velcro collars" I consider the pomp and ceremony to be ridiculous. (And if I NEVER see the "Ceremony of the Roses" again, I'll be a happy woman)

DaddySatyr -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 9:36:10 AM)
To me, it means violence. Nothing less. Now D/s ... Michael

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:10:57 AM)
I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship? My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-) Serving just comes naturally to me, it makes sense. I'm always seen as the the calm, intellegent and responcible one however. Having someone else lead me instead of vice versa feels nice to me. I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship. Again, though, I am pretty much a noob. If my rambling is bothersome to any of you I will stop. If I rambled on at the cost of others peace of mind, what kind of servant would I be? Not the Sapphire Servant. ;-)

crazyml -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:18:31 AM)
I like it when questions like this come up, and I hope a broad range of people chime in; We've a very wide range of perspectives here. I, for example, interpret BDSM broadly to include D/s (Domination/Submission) as well as Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, but I know my definition is stretching the original meaning. I'm not looking for a relationship that is defined by its kinkiness, but I recognise that my ideal relationship would incorporate kinkiness. Just as I would generally not identify as a "lifestyle BDSM'er" since while BDSM is an important part of my lifestyle, I wouldn't want to define it as being "BDSM" - because there are loads of other things that make up my lifestyle (music, sailing, walking, travel, etc etc). I actually really liked the way you put it here... quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar.

Greta75 -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:18:44 AM)
As Oside says, I take BDSM literally. Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. But do I need feelings to participate in it? Yes I do. I haven't participated in BDSM in years despite having alot of casual sex relationships. Vanilla sex, I don't need feelings. But it means alot to me to sexually submit to someone, and I don't feel submissive without feelings of love for that person. I think different people will process BDSM differently. Just like different people will also process alot of sexual things differently. Like for me, I hate kissing. I usually ban all my lovers from kissing me. As I need feelings to kiss too. I also do not give oral to any of my lovers at all. I don't do oral except to a man I love. So someone else will process it a different way, where oral is okay without love, but penetration is a big no no without love. Depends on what means what to them. For me, giving a man oral is an act of love, so I find it fake if I did it with someone I didn't love, so I don't do it. And strange thing is, because I get zero sensation from penetration. My vagina inside 100% literal numbness. I feel absolutely nothing, so penetrations feels like nothing to me, so it doesn't bother me to have alot of casual penetration. I even put electric toys on full blast inside my vagina and I feel absolutely nothing. When you feel nothing, it's not special.

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:31:54 AM)
I'm glad to be recieving a little blend of answers. I suppose I have always been sentimental and a romantic at heart, though I normally appear cold due to my calm exterior. My trust has be betrayed many times, perhaps this is why I am so reluctant and nit picky today? Probably. Regardless, I hope to find someone I can commit to. I loved a man so deeply once he could have killed and I would not have minded so long as it benefitted him. Crazily enough, I miss those days... Enough of my gummy hearts though, why not discuss some sour things? Where do you draw the line in BDSM? I draw it at flat out hatred and disrespect instead of healthy guiding in obediance training. Spank, pattle and belittle me all you wish, but not all the time. If I can never please you, there is no point in my presence in your life. I also hate cages, anal and feet. Lol.

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:34:29 AM)
I see, so that is why it means less to you than others. To me, oral is acceptable, but penetration is not. I especially hate anal, it disgusts me.

DaddySatyr -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:39:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship? My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-) Serving just comes naturally to me, it makes sense. I'm always seen as the the calm, intellegent and responcible one however. Having someone else lead me instead of vice versa feels nice to me. I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship. Again, though, I am pretty much a noob. If my rambling is bothersome to any of you I will stop. If I rambled on at the cost of others peace of mind, what kind of servant would I be? Not the Sapphire Servant. ;-) You, yourself, seem to be making a distinction between D/s and BDSM and that's good. You asked a question about BDSM and I answered it in the spirit in which I thought it was written. D/s is a wonderful way of life. To me, it is the ONLY way. It means (to me) two people who have agreed that there is to be some form of hierarchy in their relationship. Let me do a quote from a journal post I have, here that has become my profile on other sites: quote: I am dominant – This is who I am. It is not something I do. I guess the “psycho-babble” term is: “Alpha personality”. It’s not that I’m arrogant. I believe that in every relationship, when two people have talked things out and they just can’t seem to come to a compromise or an understanding, someone has to be the ultimate authority. I am not saying that I “rule with an iron fist”. Think: Michael Landon in “Little House On the Prairie”. In every relationship we have, someone has to drive the bus. Just call me Ralph Kramden. That, to me, sums it up in a nutshell. Michael

Greta75 -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:41:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Where do you draw the line in BDSM? When it comes to the line. The line is whatever and where-ever you want it to be. End of the day, you have full free will to give up as much and as little control as you want. Some likes to have no line and they enjoy that. People like me, have loads of limits. So I will keep looking for someone who is capable of respecting my limits. No Rocket Science. But like finding love, bdsm compatibility can be challenging, unless one is willing to move some of those lines, but I am unwilling to. I would rather go vanilla than move any lines if it comes to nobody out there who is capable of respecting my lines.

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:42:31 AM)
It makes sense to me, strange as that may sound. But at least now I know I'm not alone in thinking that.

sweetieDA -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:42:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant ...it would give me the impression that the BDSM community is just a bunch of perverts. Thank you for listening. That's exactly what we are. Literally. Go ask a psychologist. Or look us up in a mental illness classification manual. If you don't like 'perverts' then you don't like BDSM. Simples.

Greta75 -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:48:20 AM)
As for collaring, I enjoyed it when I was collared. When I was in my x-relationship, I always wear my collar in the house, not exactly by choice, as it's part of the rules that was set. I find it symbolic and meaningful when I was wearing my then Master's collar. Just feels good. But my then Master kinda made a big deal about the collar, so..., it was a big deal.

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:48:33 AM)
I'm not so certain, but I'll respect your opinion anyway! ;-)

OsideGirl -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:53:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant I see, I see. So to you it is basically a normal relationship but with kink? Or more kink than relationship? It's normal relationship with clearly defined power roles. Most people who see us in public just assume that we have an old fashioned marriage. The kink is just the frosting on the cake. If the kink went away, we would still be a married couple with a D/s power dynamic. None of this make our relationship deeper, more trusting or more profound than a vanilla relationship. quote: My reason for loving it is because I see it as dedicating myself to someone else's happiness in the old fashioned Servant to Master way with new fashioned kinks and toys. ;-) It needs to be a symbiotic relationship. He does just as much to make sure that I feel loved, protected, content and that my needs are met. quote: I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I need to feel connected to submit, but beyond that, I'm an alpha personality so I needed to find someone that I felt was more alpha than I am. Since we're married and we live a D/s dynamic 24/7, it's not a game or hobby...and I really dislike the word lifestyle because it puts the focus on the D/s rather than the fact that we are first and foremost a relationship. (And most people that really like to throw the word around show up in leather pants and puffy pirate shirts)

SapphireServant -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 10:58:50 AM)
May I also ask other fellow subs/ servants about the rules they have to obey? I've always been curious about that. Some past rules for me were: Address me as Master/My Lord when speaking to me. Look me in the eyes when speaking to me. ( I tend to timidly look down ) Do as I say, it is for your own benefit. (Healthy eating, learning (teacherxstudent ;-) ),Exercising) Do not show negitive emotions when being corrected. Stay neutral or positive. *Stay respectful. Okay, not the best examples, but that all I could remember right now. XD. Your turn!

Bunnicula -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 11:06:10 AM)
We only have one rule: do as you are told. It works because I love him and trust him, and he loves me and trusts me too.

OsideGirl -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 11:37:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bunnicula We only have one rule: do as you are told. It works because I love him and trust him, and he loves me and trusts me too. We have a few more, but they're not far off from that: If he calls to me, I'm not to yell across the house, I am to go into the room with him and see what he wants. I am to wait until he opens my door. And lastly, if I see a downfall to a decision or order he has made, I am to point out those downfalls.

NookieNotes -> RE: May I Ask You A Question? (Wait, I Just Did!) (10/15/2015 12:08:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Might I ask, what does BDSM mean to you? The actual definition of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism. So, BDSM represents kinky sex. While it is frequently linked to D/s or M/s, it does not represent a power dynamic. D/s or M/s represents the power dynamic. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM. Interesting. I had always learned it was a Trio: Bondage/Discipline Dominance/Submission Sadism/Masochism So that all of these areas WERE involved. Today, looking that up, it seems like that is folk etymology, not the original meaning, but hey, English is a living language. I'll take it! smiles quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant To me BDSM means deep love and trust. Loving enough to give pleasure,trusting enough to take pain. Taking responcibility for each other and being there for each other as Master and Servant, or whatever tightens your collar. Other than the kinky sex part, you've just outlined any committed relationship. A BDSM D/s relationship is just a relationship with the roles defined differently (for the most part) and and a symbiotic liking for kinky sex. This, I agree 100% with. We are not special in all those others areas just because we are BDSM. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Speaking of which, what does collaring mean to you, have you done it? I love the feel of it. XD I didn't collar so much and accept an offering of ownership from my Pet. After getting to know each other for 8 months (a whirlwind romance), he offered his total ownership to me in a 1 1/2 hour plea, and I accepted. No one was there. No announcement was made. A few weeks later, we changed out Fet statuses, because someone reminded me that he'd probably like that. His first actual collar was bought as a prop for a party we went to about 6 weeks in. So, collaring doesn't really mean anything to me. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant I can only commit to someone I truly love and respect though. Do you feel the same, or see it as just a fun game, a lifestyle, a hobby? I see it as a serious relationship. Well, every serious relationship is a serious relationship. Every casual relationship is a casual relationship. Regardless if they are BDSM or not. You see? How YOU do it is perfectly OK. If you believe ONLY in having serious BDSM relationships, that's cool for you. BDSM, for me, is who I am. I grew up with it, I live and breathe it. I also have both casual and serious relationships. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant Where do you draw the line in BDSM? Actual non-consent, hate, scat. quote: ORIGINAL: SapphireServant May I also ask other fellow subs/ servants about the rules they have to obey? I've always been curious about that. Not an s-type, but here are some thoughts: - Send me a cock pic every day. - Do his exercises as specified times each day. - Always say good morning and good night. - Stretch before bed. - If he's up later than me, leave me sweet or sexy messages on my phone to wake up to. - Open all doors. - In any argument or discussion, answer "___, MY Queen," When I ask if I am being clear or if he understands. Also, when I give commands. Other times are at his discretion. Etc. quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl And lastly, if I see a downfall to a decision or order he has made, I am to point out those downfalls. Oh, and this. Always he must speak his mind, even when I overrule him.

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