quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
How do you know she's his "one special woman"?

Maybe she's just another cunt to him, and she likes it that way.

Maybe he just considers her his slave, has no emotional attachment to her whatsoever, and marriage was just something he did so he could move here and control her better.

Maybe he considered her a financial slave and this was a way to legally put her into debt to him. (You realize that an American citizen has to sign themselves to be responsible for a foreign spouse's debts for years, right? Even if the marriage ends)

Maybe he just married her to get a visa, and what they have is closer to an NSA where they don't consider each other 'special' at all.

Maybe they have a completely open relationship and consider none of their partners more or less 'special' than the other ones.

I didn't marry my husband because he's 'special' I married him because a banking error put my student visa status in jeopardy and I would have been kicked out of the country if I didn't marry him at the time.

Hell... I didn't even love him when I married him. Let alone consider him 'special'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

I'm sure you didn't go around flaunting your disdain for men every opportunity you got.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

The newly married poster I was addressing is not talking about polyamory or whether a man can have more than one special woman in his life.
Even if he doesn't regard his other sexual partners as being special to him, his primary partner should be, just as he should be to her. Call me old-fashioned, but any man going around bemoaning how (radical) feminists have ruined the world, needs to lead by example, that the ONE SPECIAL WOMAN he chose to marry is better off with him than she would be without him because he appreciates her in the fullness of her womanliness.

Nobody brought up the subject of everlasting love. My focus was more about how a woman's sexuality should be encouraged, and that there's nothing wrong with a woman having a sense of pride in her feminine allure, instead of having some man come along and beat her down because he can't handle her level of attraction or sex appeal out of his own ego insecurities.

If you're including polyfuckery (polysexuality vs. polyamory, where there are inclusively committed relationships among all partners concerned however that may consensually unfold), then whatever open-marriage arrangement a couple has is their business. For some couples who don't swing as a couple, then these arrangements may be one-sided, which is also their business if such arrangements are consensually entered into.

But, for a man who obviously considers himself to be something special, it strikes me as supremely narcissistic of him to call everyone else a hypocrite when all he does is hide behind his own male version of hypocrisy in the name of D/s, as if all other women have consented to be reduced to the level of sex objects who have no right to delineate where they draw their boundaries with men like him who make male supremacist caricatures of themselves every. single. time they start carrying on with their paranoid whinging about the big bad feminists of the world.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

That's a moot point, considering that I've never seen Awareness do that.

The disdain you're reading into his posts isn't aimed at women as a group, I can assure you, it's much more general than that.

It's funny (odd, not ha-ha) you should say that because he doesn't limit his target to feminists, whether of the female or male persuasion, but to women as a group entity.
Go back, if you have time, and see how many references he makes to women as a gender on this thread alone, not just to fringe elements of feminism.
He is also a self-avowed male supremacist, and he won't deny it either. (Not yet on this thread, but on many others)
But, you're right, he does show disdain and contempt for people in general. That must be the Inner Equal Opportunist in him struggling to be free.

(Just between you and me, I suspect your hubby knew you would come around sooner or later. )

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
You're "judging" his relationship through your principles of what a relationship is to you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
There are two ladies in my life with whom I am deeply emotionally entangled. I don't view either one of them as more important/special/necessary than the other. You might consider this to be callous or you might think that these aren't real relationships, but you, thinking that doesn't make it a part of our reality.

This kind of relationship wouldn't work for you and that's fine, but you are NOT the arbiter of what people should feel toward each other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady


(Just between you and me, I suspect your hubby knew you would come around sooner or later. )

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I love him now. If I didn't I wouldn't still be with him, considering that my legal need to stay married to him to keep my visa ended years ago. I have a permanent residency card now, and am eligible to become a US citizen, even if I would divorce him.

I asked him just now why he married me, his answer: Because I was smitten with you, and that made me make a stupid mistake that fortunately for me ended up working out well in the end.

I specified with him that I didn't love him before we married (I crossed my fingers behind my back during my vows) and asked him if he was sure he was willing to stay married to me for the two years needed, even if we ended up not working out relationship wise.
He assured me he would stand by that commitment, and that was good enough for me.

If he hadn't suggested getting married, I would have been deported, and he did have a crush on me at the time, so I guess he's right about it being a dumb mistake that fortunately worked out well for him, because I ended up falling in love with him afterwards.

Considering that is financially responsible for all my debt for years past the marriage (10 if I recall correctly) he really is lucky it worked out... I could have fucked him over soooooooooooo badly if I didn't have the ethics I do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

CollarMe.

I was clicking through profiles and on his main pic, he looked -to me as I'm faceblind- exactly like an ex of mine, so I clicked to figure out what the heck he was doing on CM.

He saw me on "who's viewed" and a week later I dragged my 19 year old college roommate out to meet him in Chicago (we were Western Iowa) because my car broke down and I needed to borrow hers.
She ended asking me to teach her how to give good head on him, and the rest is history.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

And my ex. (Not the one that I thought that looked like Ullr.)

I moved to the US for a relationship off collarme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Crazy, I assume you have read that article? Had to find it again but it really goes into detail about a few of the points you made

http://mic.com/articles/88277/23-ways-feminism-has-made-the-world-a-better-place-for-men

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome


What then is the justification for all the paranoia and treating women who dare to open their mouths as if they are radical feminist man haters? Why all the accusations of extreme positions whenever a woman says something moderate and sensible on the subject?

What really makes the sort of anti feminist who attacks women as a group feel so threatened?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome


What then is the justification for all the paranoia and treating women who dare to open their mouths as if they are radical feminist man haters? Why all the accusations of extreme positions whenever a woman says something moderate and sensible on the subject?

What really makes the sort of anti feminist who attacks women as a group feel so threatened?

I think it might be a deep rooted fear of women, if you look at anybody who dislikes a certain group and tries to show how they are all bad, inferior, etc., in short has a strong bias (frequent in racism or homophobia), it's pretty much the same pattern, they will claim that giving other groups basic human rights and protect those rights are "special rights" and complain forever about it.

It's just the simple solution to equate all feminists as man haters, there is a very small group of them and somebody who has a bias for what reason ever (maybe was beaten by girls in kindergarden, turned down once too often when he approached females, who knows) will claim that group is typical for all of them. It's like somebody cherry picking crimes committed by a minority and claim "they all are like that".
It's a bit like saying because some men rape, all men are rapists, or all gays are effeminate (there are some openly gay rugby players, I'd like to see anybody call them effeminate), or the good old all Mexicans are lazy, all Irish drink to excess... The usual array of stupid prejudices.

I can't figure out why somebody doesn't want women to have equal rights, with those rights also came a lot of responsibilities, like women supporting men, women have more stress, heart attacks were a "male" problem for ages, women are catching up. Guys don't have to support women anymore, women can't blackmail them with removing access to the children...

Feminism is about gender equality, it's not aimed to discriminate against men, if a guy rages against it and feels discriminated because he's losing some of his "damned god given rights" to treat the wife or women as chattel, it just shows everybody how insecure and inadequate he feels, he might as well walk around with a sandwich board and announce it to the world at large. Feminism isn't this brand spanking new world where women have all the rights and none of the duties, as a woman I have to think about paying a compliment to a male co-worker, because he could see it as sexual harassment, I can't slack off work because of a painful period, should I get divorced, a large chunk of what is mine would be my hubby's, I'm really cool with that, because it's tit for tat, I'm getting something, I give something, that's how things work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M
Are you high?.. am I the one who need to grow up?...

quote:


I have never commented on your posts or even wanted to take part in your infernal favourite subject " fiNminism" simply because I don't give a rats ass about what you think it is. Until you started your silly sarcasm with me, so I was letting you know it is not gonna work, at least not with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M
Meanwhile, and in the light of these events I find my self asking " who is really behind feminism"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
That's because in real life we tend to pick the people we hang out with, somebody who's socially inept is left out in the cold. On a message board people don't have to "function" in society and you know, some of them are so deprived of attention that they desperately crave it, since they can't get positive attention they think negative attention is just as good.