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LadyPact -> RE: Why "all inclusive" doesn't work (11/16/2015 5:47:18 AM)
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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
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ORIGINAL: Cell
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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
By the way, I also think it important to point out that the victim isn't always the accuser. Sometimes the one being accused is the actual victim. Buyers/Players remorse is a bigger problem, imho than predators for most groups.
What do you mean/ how so?
I won't list specific examples, as they are not my stories to share, but I'll give hypothetical examples along similar lines.
Players remorse is more common than it should be and I think ties in with sub-drop. For some, such as those who engage in humiliation scenes, find that fantasy doesn't always translate great into reality and after they indulge their fantasies fall back on blaming the Top and making accusations of abuse/rape etc. Some of those times, it is more players remorse and internal feelings of shame than the Top's fault for giving the bottom what they thought they wanted. Some play triggers strong emotional reactions that neither the bottom or top were prepared for, and at times the bottom makes accusations toward the Top after the fact.
Yes. I have to agree that this happens, too. Sometimes, it's due to remorse. Other times, it boils down to piss poor negotiation skills. Another still is renegotiating mid scene. Then, of course, you have to add that category of folks who just outright lie about it. That last group is the one that bugs the heck out of me because they make it harder on the person who has a legitimate grievance. Not to mention, it just fuels the naysayers because there was always that one time that a prior group member got busted in a lie and...
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Sometimes, the bottom has a history of playing victim and making accusations against various people they've engaged with. If you don't know the bottom's history, or they have moved from one venue to the next (usually leaving a mess in their wake) it takes time before that individuals MO becomes evident and the ones accused of things by the 'victim' become victimized.
I agree with this, too. It isn't hard to pull off in bigger areas or for those who attend larger events around the country where people don't know the false accusation history. Innocent people get swept up in this game because they don't know the accuser has done it in other place before.
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(sighs) I hate to paint this horrid picture of the public scene. Many of my fondest memories are from play parties and munches and I've made close friends in the scene. One of whom is sitting across from me at the table right now. :)
First, congrats on the new arrangement. I want to wish you happiness. [:)]
This is the part where we don't agree. I don't see it as painting a horrid picture of the public scene. I think at least some of it is about being realistic. We know that these same things happen in vanilla land under different circumstances. Saying that they don't happen within our communities perpetuates the myth that kinky people are somehow more trustworthy, honorable, or whatever mush people try to peddle.
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