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chastity devices - help me understand, please - 11/23/2015 5:52:31 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		This is an honest question. I truly am not trying to be a smartass or kinkier-than-thou. Putting this in "Ask A Mistress", as I'm primarily interested in Mistresses' views, but subs and slaves are welcome to chime in.

I don't get the appeal of chastity devices (on a man). As best I can tell, they serve two purposes:

1) Growth Limitation
If the guy is a grow-er and not a show-er, and the device is fitted to his smallest, any arousal would be uncomfortable (if not downright painful) and would remind him of his place and Mistress.

I am a grow-er and not a show-er, and the one time that a chastity device was discussed with a Mistress, it was for this very purpose. She was into administering pain and that was the sole reason she was considering locking me up. She knew just the buttons to push to instantly arouse me -- even in just a chat or text message -- so it would have been very effective.

But I also know of many guys who are in devices who are not grow-ers, so I'm not sure that that would be a factor.

2) Orgasm Denial
This seems to be the device use that is most talked about, and this is the one that I really don't get.

Now, let me start by saying that I am quite familiar with orgasm denial. Frustratingly so, at times. :) My first Mistress lived some distance from me, so we only were able to get together about every 3 weeks, but were at least able to make those times together last 24-48 hours. When we were together, the denial usually consisted of lots of edging (and sometimes LOTS of edging -- 100 times in a 24-hour period without a single orgasm). And when we were apart, there would be some edging in cam sessions, but mostly it was just a strict order not to cum. Any cumming that did happen without her permission was purely accidental when the edging pushed too hard. And then there was always punishment.

(To be clear, it wasn't that I never came without her permission, but I considered myself lucky if it was more than once when we were together, and even once when we were apart.)

While I do not compare subsequent Mistresses to her -- I learned this the hard way, but only needed one lesson -- much of my overall philosophy of the lifestyle can be attributed to my time with her. And so it's with this mindset that comes my confusion.

If a Mistress does not want her slave to cum, shouldn't that be enough incentive for him not to cum? why is an artificial device required to ensure that? I know that my self-control isn't that strong. And besides which, the dynamic has always seemed to me to be very psychological. So obeying her orders (regardless of what they are) is very psychologically arousing.

It just seems that cumming without permission is indicative of a sub-par relationship or something.

Or did Mistress Robin just set the bar ridiculously high for me? :)
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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 11/23/2015 2:11:30 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
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Why use handcuffs instead of telling the sub to hold still?

Why use a blindfold instead of telling the sub to close his eyes?

Why use a gag instead of telling the sub to not speak?

Bondage gear is fun. It's kinky. It is a fetish for many of us. Before chastity devices, there were still cock rings, and making guys wear panties, or tying a pink bow. The goal was distraction. Awareness. Not just "oh I can't cum because I was told," but instead: "I am locked up, my cock isn't accessible even, it doesn't even belong to me."

Adding a device can be anything from a fetish by either party, or an honest attempt at making a man accountable if he is prone to accidents.

Akasha

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 11/23/2015 7:24:23 PM   
wannapleez


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Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The goal was distraction. Awareness. Not just "oh I can't cum because I was told," but instead: "I am locked up, my cock isn't accessible even, it doesn't even belong to me."


So basically, you're saying that 98% of the representation of chastity devices is porn-level "reality"? :)

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/3/2015 4:27:54 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Anyone else with input?

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/3/2015 5:29:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I didn't add input to this thread originally because this really isn't one of my kinks. Frankly, even if I were to be looking here (which I'm not) cock cages, either worn by the individual or just on display in a main photo, would pretty much discount me. They are pretty much on my not to do list, followed only by pictures of men in diapers or men in panties. I'm not knocking on kinks that work for others. They just don't happen to be mine.

quote:

If a Mistress does not want her slave to cum, shouldn't that be enough incentive for him not to cum? why is an artificial device required to ensure that? I know that my self-control isn't that strong. And besides which, the dynamic has always seemed to me to be very psychological. So obeying her orders (regardless of what they are) is very psychologically arousing.

This is my take on it. I can understand why some might be interested in the device to reinforce the issue *if* they feel it enhances the experience. Some people like the weight, the constant reminder, etc. It's not my preferred method of control but if people enjoy it, I just figure it's a more power to them kind of deal.

What might be of interest to you would be some posts written under the author Rochsub. While he doesn't post here anymore, there might be some valuable information found via the search feature. Many of the threads that he participated on regarding chastity might give more than what's coming through on the current thread. Since there's not a lot coming through at this time, there may be more information found on the subject through the archives.




_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/3/2015 10:22:23 AM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		to me chastity devices are a reinforcement of a commitment to ones Mistress. yes it should be expected that a sub/slave maintain chastity as required by a Mistress, but that said, the chastity cage is a sing of obedience even if one is tempted to orgasm without permisssion. having worn one for extended periods a chastity cage keeps me wanting to please my Mistress more and more in the hope of some release/relief after a time

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/4/2015 9:57:18 PM   
captiveboy


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/25/2015
Status: offline 		As a submissive male, I would like to comment.

To me the chastity device is symbolic of the relationship between Mistress and submissive male. It represents her authority over him and he has consented to it (hopefully gladly). She controls that most personal part of a male and demonstrates her power over him in a tangible way which continually reminds him who is in charge.
I would wear a high quality, custom made chastity device in the same way as a wedding ring for my mistress.

(in reply to experiment2)
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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/4/2015 10:24:37 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

If a Mistress does not want her slave to cum, shouldn't that be enough incentive for him not to cum? why is an artificial device required to ensure that? I know that my self-control isn't that strong. And besides which, the dynamic has always seemed to me to be very psychological. So obeying her orders (regardless of what they are) is very psychologically arousing.



Be realistic. Most men, given the chance, will eventually masturbate. A chastity cage prevents that.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/4/2015 10:46:12 PM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I didn't add input to this thread originally because this really isn't one of my kinks. Frankly, even if I were to be looking here (which I'm not) cock cages, either worn by the individual or just on display in a main photo, would pretty much discount me. They are pretty much on my not to do list, followed only by pictures of men in diapers or men in panties. I'm not knocking on kinks that work for others. They just don't happen to be mine.

That's my take on it also. Further, any dude parading around in a cock cage is a huge (no reverse pun) turn-off for me. I can't help my response to it because I don't find it sexy or erotic in the least, nor does the idea of externally enforced chastity appeal to me in the slightest. Now, this isn't to say that in very, very special circumstances on an extremely limited basis (not as a regular chastity lifestyle practice) could I not ever see myself allowing my sub partner to wear one. But, as with so many other kinds of kinks, I really do prefer to have this type of activity fall into the next-to-Soft-Limits area where I can use it as a control mechanism or as a disciplinary tool at my disposal (no puns intended) if I were so inclined.

I'd rather have my sub NOT be keen on doing this, NOT want to go into work having to hide the fact that he has on a device, or NOT comfortable with the idea of wearing a butt plug in ladies panties when out in public. After all, what fun would it be and what good would it do to (affectionately or mock) threaten to do things to him that he is already excited about doing or having be done to him?

(As for the diaper bit , that's absolutely a Hard Limit carved into stone, a no-go zone!)

Besides, when it comes to chastity devices, I probably wouldn't be interested in a sub in the first place who (a) could manage to fit into one and wear it without much difficulty, and (b) didn't need A LOT of extra room for tumescent growth. Why mess with the natural integrity of the goods, which belong to me and are in my safekeeping as I see fit to use as I please?

DreamLady

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/4/2015 11:41:11 PM   
epiphiny43


Posts: 688
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		I can see most chastity devices preventing or limiting normal erections. But preventing orgasms? In whose dreams?
Not discussed much in American literature that I see, but frotage is quite common in French sexual discussions, as best I can determine from translations. I'm not literate in French.
NO penetration required, most frequent modern frotage isn't even between bodies, once out of Jr. High school, but probably the common leaning/humping against the corner of a spinning washing machine or other large pervertable vibrator. Exactly how any of the usual male chastity devices prevent this access to the sexual nerves on the lower front edge of the pubic bone escapes me. As well, having had at least one orgasm from a TENS attached to nipples, the idea the typical penile device stops orgasms strikes me as a fantasy kink. It's just not mine. And to not even touch on males who can attain orgasm anally or by way of their prostate.
Obedience, on the other hand, strikes me as a more effective control, if the relationship actually has a valid F/m dynamic. I hope I wouldn't stay with a Domme I didn't want to please, nor any actual Domme keep a sub more intent on his own orgasms than on the greater satisfactions of the relationship. Ideally, the D/s and the sex all work out happily? With all the needed kinks along the way in between?

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 4:40:51 AM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		i think you miss the point about chastity cages/devices. yes they vary greatly on effectiveness, but if worn properly do prevent any erection. while one can be creative and stimulate the underside of the penis to an orgasm, the results are Very unsatifying, messy and frustrating.

go on e-bay and see the various devices. some are really creative, and most if properly fitted will realy restrict a males desire and/or ability to orgasm, certainly killing the pleasure and satisfation of any orgasm.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 5:48:08 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
This is my take on it.


It should terrify you that you think similarly to me. :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
What might be of interest to you would be some posts written under the author Rochsub.



Thanks for the tip.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 5:49:52 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Much thanks to all who commented. (Feel free to continue -- this isn't an indication that I'm shutting this down or no longer interested in input.)

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 5:52:07 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
Be realistic. Most men, given the chance, will eventually masturbate.


Not sure which that's heavier on, cynicism or sexism.

If your statement is true, then "most men" would make shitty subs.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 6:10:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
It should terrify you that you think similarly to me. :)

Oh, stop that before I threaten to beat you.

quote:

Thanks for the tip.

Ha! You gave me crap for doing the same thing once.

Joking aside, it just didn't seem like you were getting a wide variety of the responses that were what I would have thought you were looking for. Posters who enjoy certain thing come and go and there didn't seem to be a huge (female) response on the positive side. Some old threads might be the ticket in this instance.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/5/2015 6:26:53 AM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

If your statement is true, then "most men" would make shitty subs.


I personally believe the statement has a lot of validity. in my own sitiuations i have found that the longer chastity is maintained without some form of release the easier i am to control and direct. as days go by i am willing to stretch my limits and be manipulated by my Domme to hHer wishes. in many ways this may be what a Domme/s relationship is all about. it works for me but i don't expect all subs or Domme's to agree.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/6/2015 3:16:51 AM   
AmoraMora


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/24/2010
From: London
Status: offline 		I firmly believe that it should suffice for the lady to give her submissive the instruction to not touch; it indicates a far higher level of self discipline if he obeys, and the effort made to please and succeed is rather touching.

Orgasm control and denial is sexy - looking at a metal/plastic/(faux)wooden device is not. It removes spontaneity and access to what is mine. I know that some men feel that they are more obedient and focused when they are locked up, but I cannot help but think that surely they should always be striving to be the best submissive that they can be?

It never occurred to me that having understood who I am, and discovered that there are actually men who like my type of character and brand of playfulness, I would be faced with the exact opposite of vanilla sites and dating - men who want to date me but have no interest in having a full relationship with me: 'What, you have no desire to have sex with me?' 'You want to be locked away for how long?' How's that for flattery!

Where is the passion and romance in my partner being locked away for weeks? I am uninterested in cuckoldry, so what am I supposed to do in the meantime? I do not enter into a relationship for it to be more or less platonic.

I further baulk at the idea that a submissive feels that he can tell me that he has to be put into a chastity device. Giving me orders so soon?

I still do not understand it, but then, I am not a submissive male interested in chastity devices. I would love to hear a submissive male's opinion about why it is more important for him to be in chastity, than to give his lady the intimacy that she desires (if she has no interest in chastity) - chastity over that physical closeness.


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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/6/2015 3:50:10 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The goal was distraction. Awareness. Not just "oh I can't cum because I was told," but instead: "I am locked up, my cock isn't accessible even, it doesn't even belong to me."


So basically, you're saying that 98% of the representation of chastity devices is porn-level "reality"? :)



She wasn't saying that at all...

What you don't seem to get is that it can be enormous fun to lock somebody in chastity and get that guy into a situation where he will get aroused and it will be uncomfortable to painful for him...

The feeling of being locked in can add another dimension, like cuffs on somebody add to the feeling of helplessness, it's just individual preference, as with everything, your mileage may vary, people do like different things for different reasons.

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/6/2015 6:57:05 AM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		Hello,

Read Your post and thought about it, so allow me to share my thoughts, as a male submissive.

Was recently involved with a Dominant Lady who demanded i not masterbate for 4 days before seeing Her. Because i was involved with Her, i obeyed ... ... then found out this resulted in a "really happy ending".

She always said She was going to lock me in a chastity device, but never did.

The thought of Her locking me in a chastity device was arousing, because i thought of the chastity device like an engagement ring.

Yet in fact, a man cannot be left in chastity without some basic hygiene, like cleaning and lubricating under it; and some sort of periodic release.

Thus a Lady has a responsibility, and if She wants and accepts the responsibility, why not?

According to "urban legend" a chastity device is supposed to keep a man focused on pleasing his Dominant. And perhaps this is true with some men.

But in my experience, when a man is "really into" a Lady ... he will strive to please Her anyway he can. He doesn't really need a chastity device, as he loves the "mental" bondage, too.

Thus the chastity device is reduced to a play toy, that some like and others don't.

If You don't like it, it is really not important to building a relationship.

Hope this helps!



< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 12/6/2015 7:02:53 AM >

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RE: chastity devices - help me understand, please - 12/6/2015 8:25:30 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AmoraMora

I firmly believe that it should suffice for the lady to give her submissive the instruction to not touch; it indicates a far higher level of self discipline if he obeys, and the effort made to please and succeed is rather touching.

Orgasm control and denial is sexy - looking at a metal/plastic/(faux)wooden device is not. It removes spontaneity and access to what is mine.




Exactly. I love tease and denial, but am a very hands on with my subs.


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