RE: advice for a new findomm

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: advice for a new findomm

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: advice for a new findomm

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 9:59:27 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmpressGrace
Findom isn't just about give me money, well at least it shouldn't be.

And therein lies the problem with the majority of new findoms/goddesses/princesses that we get every month.

They think they can read a few findom profiles, regurgitate most of the same sentiments, then sit back on their butts and wait for the ca$h to come rolling in.
And this is precisely why so many genuine people in the lifestyle cringe at all the newbies that pop up on the site when the bills and rent are due.

There's much more to being a proper findom than asking for tribute and spewing some insults on Skype to earn a quick buck or three.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to EmpressGrace)

Post #: 21

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 10:07:53 AM

EmpressGrace

Posts: 15
Joined: 10/28/2015
Status: offline

I think the name should be changed to something that puts serious emphasis on the DOM portion, for now I suppose it's up to the subs to be discerning...
What really annoys me about new " princesses" is not that they are competition or dipping into a small pool of subs, they aren't . The subs I want and the ones who see them are very different, but they make this sound like glorified prostitution. It gives the whole thing a terrible name.

< Message edited by EmpressGrace -- 12/2/2015 10:11:24 AM >

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 22

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 10:16:32 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I view the whole findom/goddess/princess thing as a form of prostitution.

I personally don't like it and I also think it should be vehemently discouraged.

ETA: I think it invokes and promotes a very bad attitude towards others - kink or not.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 12/2/2015 10:18:21 AM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to EmpressGrace)

Post #: 23

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 10:22:27 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I view the whole findom/goddess/princess thing as a form of prostitution.

Chances are that her probation officer will view it that way too, especially since she's on probation for prostitution.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 24

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 10:32:58 AM

ivychubbs

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/29/2015
Status: offline

Findom hate is quite boring and repetitive lol. Prostitution has been going on for the beginning of time anyways. I hate daddy doms and male doms in general who actually aren't doms but pretend to be so they can meet someone and brutally fuck them and call it domming. Most of the journals I read on here are men who want anonymous sex that borders on rape fantasies but I don't see many anti- posts on them. But anyways, back to the topic at hand :) , financial domination is not easy at all but it shouldnt be like pulling teeth.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 25

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 10:37:37 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I didn't know that. Not that I care a jot. lol

What rubs my scales the wrong way is the constant 'the world owes me a living' attitude that these types of people exude in abundance.
They seem to have absolutely no concept or appreciation of doing something for yourself or that you might have to answer consequences for what you do or say.
It's all 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme... and gimme it NOW!'.
To me, that self-centred attitude stinks worse than an open untreated sewer.
And you'll often find those people have no respect for anyone or anything either.

What sad people have we brought into this mad world??

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 26

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 11:03:51 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I didn't know that. Not that I care a jot. lol

What rubs my scales the wrong way is the constant 'the world owes me a living' attitude that these types of people exude in abundance.
They seem to have absolutely no concept or appreciation of doing something for yourself or that you might have to answer consequences for what you do or say.
It's all 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme... and gimme it NOW!'.
To me, that self-centred attitude stinks worse than an open untreated sewer.
And you'll often find those people have no respect for anyone or anything either.

What sad people have we brought into this mad world??

Honestly, I wouldn't have expected that comment from you. The girl goes out there and tries to make ends meet because she has NO social net, nobody pays for her health care, nobody gives her a council house or any kind of financial support, she is trying to make money as best as she can to foot the bills while she is actually looking for a job, she isn't taking from anybody, she isn't going "Gimme gimme" she is trying to sell a service and asks people to teach her how to do the job. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't balk about a perfectly normal 10 hour commute a week and you call that a self centered attitude?

Seriously, I don't grudge anybody their dole or their social housing, but let's be honest, that is paid for by others, because luckily we (still) live in a country where we do have a social system and don't let people who are unemployed starve or out in the cold. She doesn't have all that, she's not asking anybody for a freeby, she heard that findomming is something where you can earn money and she wanted to give it a try and you come down on her like a ton of bricks.

How is that treatment any different from people who call everybody on benefits scroungers, claim they're ripping the system off, are too lazy to work, expect to be given everything for free and all the other prejudices which you possibly have heard 100 times before. I would have thought that anybody who is in vulnerable position and has to worry what the Tories will take away next would have sympathy for somebody who's in an even more desperate situation, but without any help from the social system that provides for them.

What do you want her to do? She can barely afford the cheap hotel, sleep under a bridge? She's willing to be a cam girl, she came here because somebody told her that there is a demand for findommes, she's young and a bit naive, obviously didn't get much of an education (not her fault) she figured out that it's not how it works and she asked to learn and then she gets nothing but abuse, just because she was honest... Great stuff

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 27

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 11:14:43 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

Did you bother to read Oside's response to my earlier post??

That's what prompted my retort here.
And, it wasn't directed at OP in particular - it was in reply to Oside (as my post clearly shows).
But, if Oside's earlier post is true, it might just as well have been.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 28

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 1:49:45 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Yes, and I don't agree with it.

The whole thing is she doesn't have the support system you and your family have, and you're lucky that you really seem to live quite well from it, there are single moms out there who can't make ends meet and they sell their bodies to give their kids what they don't get from the social. I don't think they are any less for that.

Our views on prostitution might differ dramatically, I think I would respect a woman who does that honestly (it's her body, her choice) as above somebody in the pecking order who gives up a job to be a full time sub, doesn't want to work and expects the system to care for her, which for me is a blatant abuse of the system, but I don't really sweat the small stuff.

The thing is, the girl is desperate, she is down on her luck and grasping at straws, she doesn't need another kick in the teeth.

Sorry, but I have somewhat socialist principles, I get into almost daily arguments with people who claim that everybody on benefits is a lazy scrounger who should get on his or her bike and not sponge off us, I refuse to use a tax shelter because I consider it morally wrong to not do you bit for society. I would have expected you to have EMPATHY for her situation, because I imagine that living off benefits really isn't easy, can you picture yourself in a place where you don't have the benefits to start with? No education, you're trying to get by with whatever you have, in her case it was her body, I believe a woman's body is hers, she wasn't curb crawling, she had an add in the paper and I have exchanged PMs with her, there was a reason for her to do it.

She isn't a sock or a troll, she is a human being trying to survive and actually willing to do ANY job, like real work

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 29

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 3:25:29 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Yes, and I don't agree with it.

The whole thing is she doesn't have the support system you and your family have, and you're lucky that you really seem to live quite well from it, there are single moms out there who can't make ends meet and they sell their bodies to give their kids what they don't get from the social. I don't think they are any less for that.

And neither do I.
I don't have any support system at all except for my own endeavours.

My immediate neighbour is a single mum of three.
The woman across from us is a single mum of 6 (or maybe 7, I'm not quite sure).
The lady in the property directly behind us is a single mum of 1 (in a 3-bed new-build house).
From my own observations and from conversations with my immediate neighbour, they certainly do much better than I when it comes to receiving benefits, both in cash terms and others.
My immediate neighbour receives more in one week than I do in three months.
All three families have had new kitchens, new bathrooms, all the decorating done, landscape gardeners, new furniture... you name it, they've had it all and all paid for from benefits.
My immediate neighbour has super-fast fibre-optic broadband that costs £120 a month (and I've seen the bill) - all installed and paid for by benefits.

We asked for new toilet seat because my OH fell and broke ours - we were refused because we have no eligible kids at home and we're not pensioners. The fact that we are both disabled didn't help one single jot for our case.
We applied for help with the cost of redecorating - just a bit of help towards the materials because we were going to do it ourselves. We were refused. No arguments, no debate... total refusal.
The guy my daughter is a carer for has just had his whole house re-done last month and had a new wet-room installed because he is just qualifying as a pensioner.

I'm sure there are some single mums out there that are finding it a hard time to make ends meet but I'm not so sure there are as many as you seem to think there are at quite such a low level as she claims to be.
Either that, or your sense of 'making ends meet' has a much higher bar than I have to deal with.

My step-daughter is a classical case in point that I've seen and witnessed quite a few times: constantly bleating she is skint and got no money. She constantly tries to con us out of cash for utilities and always tries to 'borrow' or eat our food when she visits.
Classic and deserving case.. yes?? She has two (yes, TWO!!) contract smart phones FFS!
When I lecture her that she doesn't need two phones and both on contract, she says she needs one for her social activities and the other for the Job Centre and other possible work/job contacts and doesn't want them on one phone number.
That's her idea of scraping the barrel and living in poverty!
And around here, that's not an uncommon attitude amongst the younger generation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Our views on prostitution might differ dramatically, I think I would respect a woman who does that honestly (it's her body, her choice) as above somebody in the pecking order who gives up a job to be a full time sub, doesn't want to work and expects the system to care for her, which for me is a blatant abuse of the system, but I don't really sweat the small stuff.

I dated a prostitute for 4 years before I met my OH.
I do respect those that do it honestly and have no problem with that at all.
The reason I didn't stay with her is because she claimed benefits while she was earning over £500 a day (in hard cash) prostituting herself and she developed a really bad drugs habit that I couldn't fix.
When she started stealing from her clients, that was bad enough and quite despicable.
When she started stealing from ME - that really was the last straw, and I left.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
The thing is, the girl is desperate, she is down on her luck and grasping at straws, she doesn't need another kick in the teeth.

Desperate, yes. That was obvious from her post.
But to think of coming on a kink site to ply for trade as a findom without even doing any research is a bit much IMHO.
Her attitude smacked of 'this is easy money and I want it without doing any work'.
She even asked how to get clients and get them to tribute and pay her.

My retort was to Oside and aimed at the majority of so-called 'findoms' who seek a lazy way to make easy bucks - it wasn't aimed the OP in particular.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Sorry, but I have somewhat socialist principles, I get into almost daily arguments with people who claim that everybody on benefits is a lazy scrounger who should get on his or her bike and not sponge off us, I refuse to use a tax shelter because I consider it morally wrong to not do you bit for society. I would have expected you to have EMPATHY for her situation, because I imagine that living off benefits really isn't easy, can you picture yourself in a place where you don't have the benefits to start with? No education, you're trying to get by with whatever you have, in her case it was her body, I believe a woman's body is hers, she wasn't curb crawling, she had an add in the paper and I have exchanged PMs with her, there was a reason for her to do it.

Been there, done that, lived on the streets for 6 weeks with just what I stood in.
Been refused any help at all because I was a single male!!
The housing office told me I could sleep in shop doorways and to come back in 4 years if I was still stuck.
Hows that for help??
I didn't even have a roof over my head and there weren't any soup kitchens around here.
And to rub salt into the wounds, being told by social services that I can't see my kids because I didn't have a job or a permanent home!!

It took me 2 years to get myself a bedsit and eventually got into a house-share with a good friend.
When he died due to unfortunate complications, I lost the house and ended up on the streets again.
I got the same cold response from every avenue I tried. Eventually I lost my job too.
I have now rebuilt my life to the point where I have a partner, got my kids back, and in a 3-bed house and just about managing to keep my head above the water.

I have empathy for those that try to help themselves in a legitimate and proper way.
As a male without the opportunity to go prostituting myself, I had to do it other ways.
So don't go lecturing me about hardship and empathy - I've been there, and more than once.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
She isn't a sock or a troll, she is a human being trying to survive and actually willing to do ANY job, like real work

I never said or implied she was a sock or a troll.
But really..... thinking you can just tout yourself on a kink site as a findom for a quick buck??
That sort of person doesn't deserve much empathy or sympathy.

I'm sorry if you think that's a hard-nosed stance to take and I applaud your sense of helpfulness - it is refreshing.
But for someone like me that has had the shit rubbed in my face more than once and still desperately struggling compared to others around me, I'm a tad more cynical and hardened than you are.
I get my rent paid and free prescriptions, but that's about it. I have to pay everything else to keep my house running, the car on the road, and to feed the two of us - all on less than £7k a year.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 30

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 4:29:46 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Excuse me but weren't you stating that you are getting housing and benefits? That is a support system.

Sorry if you had "the shit rubbed in your face" and lived it rough but now get taken care by the system (as it should be) along with all your family members, pretty much living a comfortable life (as it should be) without having to worry how you pay for the roof over your head or your next meal, in a desirable part of the country, shouldn't you spare some sympathy for a single young woman who does not have that and is asking for help, she is genuinely thinking of offering services in exchange for paying for a roof over her head as she has no social support system.

She did tout herself first, then she did ask for help, she isn't asking that people just throw money at her for a life of luxury, it's down to survival and she is trying to do what it takes.

You say all on less than 7K a year, apart from the house, you do know that is a fucking hell lot more than she has, and there are elements in this country who even grudge you that and claim it should be stripped away, think TEXAS...

Look, I was never homeless, I was damned close to due to an ex with a substance problem, a woman at a young age looking for shelter, it doesn't take a genius to picture all the scenarios, let's just say if she was in the UK she'd be taken care of due to her background (which I don't want to get into), I have to say I honestly applaud her for trying, showing initiative, wanting to climb out of that hole.

She came here eating humble pie, asking "can somebody tell me how to do this?" she wasn't going out and trying to rip somebody off, look, I'm not into financial domination, HMRC does enough of that, but a guy getting his rocks off by giving a girl money, valid fetish, no skin of my bones, and trust me those guys make the women work for it, I rather keep my day job. She isn't trying to hurt anybody, and do tell me in all honesty, if some guy chokes the chicken while sending her the money she needs to pay for the roof over her head, if that is what gives him the hardon and he does it out of his own free will, why the hell blame her? She isn't forcing anybody, flip the coin, if I'd say "Have 5K it really turns me on to give it to you" would you turn it down? In her case it's more like a few bucks to pay for the damned motel, some guy has an erection, she has a place to sleep, both win.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 31

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/2/2015 4:44:28 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Btw if I say I'm upset that you help others to cheat the system with backdating and stuff (in another post so they don't get a ban from receiving support) that's to me like jaywalking, small stuff, you don't send out a force that costs 2 million to recover 1 million, false economy, don't sweat the small stuff. Close the tax loopholes for big companies, that's trillions, stop Cam from bombing Syria, last thing we need is more enemies and the bombs won't just target terrorists, damned bombs kill everybody, if my family would be killed by US or UK bombs, I might be tempted to join ISIS, and we'd have a much bigger problem and we're pissing more money into the wind, money we need in this country to create jobs.

I tell you one thing, if they bomb Syria, I will sign up for an offshore account and will legally evade taxes, I am NOT morally opposed to provide people with a roof over their head, I think that's our duty as a society, but I am morally opposed to finance the killing of people on my tax dime.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 32

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 5:40:48 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I don't have to tell others to cheat the system - it's how the system works all by itself.
If I moved house, all I have to do is notify them of my new address, fill in a form, and hey presto it's all done and everything is caught up and back-dated in about 2-3 weeks.
It's not cheating and I never said that I help people cheat the system.

As for my £7k, that's a lot less than my neighbour's £28k she gets - plus all the extra's that she seems able to claim for that I can't.

As for a 'comfortable life'?? Let's see...
I regularly make decisions on whether we stay warm and eat less, or eat a bit more and have no heating for a while. It wouldn't be the first time we've had no heating or hot water for several days or a week and my OH has Reynauds and Meniers.
When the women need their monthly bits, we go hungry for a day or eat very little.
When it comes to having to buy toilet roll that doesn't rip your ass to bits, we skip several meals to pay for it.
I can't afford a smart phone or have one on contract. My old P-A-Y-G phone doesn't cost anything to have and top-up about £10 a year for the odd texts I send.
Ever wonder why I go quiet for a bit sometimes?? It's because we couldn't pay the bill on time and our phone/internet gets cut off or we have no electricity on the meter. Seeing as our bank is internet only (not a high street bank), the internet is our lifeline to shunt money around and pay bills.
For the last umpteen years since I was forced out of work due to my disability, we haven't bought xmas or birthday presents for anyone except for maybe the odd bag of 99p Jelly Babies she buys me.
We have meat - when it's on offer and less than £7, when we are feeling a bit 'flush', which is usually when she gets her DLA payment once every 4 weeks.
Our average meal is usually something on toast (scrambled eggs, baked beans etc) or a bit of bread with some cheap shop-brand cuppa soup or some basic cereals.
About once a week (if we can afford it), we have a pie with mash or something.
We have to plan very carefully when and how often we use the washing machine because if don't, we run out of electricity on the meter and the whole house suffers.
When my OH gets her December DLA payment on 16th, that is going to have to pay for xmas dinner ingredients and a bit of extra gas and electric - that's our crimbo present to ourselves.

You think this is a desirable part of the country?? Sheesh! It's one step up from a shit-hole.
It's rows and rows of tiny grubby houses all crammed together and most built in the '30s.
And about 3 times a year, some mofo decides to go poking around with our claim and we don't get paid a bean for up to 12 weeks.
Twice in recent years we've had to get the local MP involved to stop an eviction order because of a benefit system hiccup.
We haven't paid our water rates for 7 years - we just don't have the money, it's as simple as that. I'm dreading the day the bailiffs turn up and turn the water off - which they can do because we aren't pensioners and not got qualifying kids for an exemption.
When we got married, yanno, that very important day of a lifetime for the bride? We went to the registry office in our everyday clothes, had the cheapest ceremony in the smallest and cheapest room. Afterwards, we walked around the corner to the local pub for just one drink with our two witnesses. That was it; it was all we could afford.
Half of my income goes on paying back crisis loans we took out a long time ago when we were fighting to find some sort of housing for ourselves. The last letter we had from them about 2 months ago says we have another 3 years of deductions before it starts coming down.
Our current bank balance is 10p! We get nothing now until 16th December.

You think it's a comfortable life having to juggle a tiny bit of money to such an extreme all the time??
Pah!! You have no fucking idea. You really really don't.

Obviously this one has pulled on some heart strings for you.
The average findom that pops up on here on a regular basis every month gets the rough end of the stick from most of us because they think it's easy money.
She didn't come here eating humble pie - take a look at her first post again.
Then look at Oside's post#4 and your response.
It looks like you started getting soft at post#8.
She's on probation and living in a hotel. A hotel FFS!! And you wonder why I have no sympathy for her.
I don't see that this one was anything special other than she admitted that she didn't have a fucking clue.

And I agree, there's much more the government can do to make things easier for people.
Closing tax loopholes is just one of them. Stopping tax breaks for the rich is another.
As for Syria and the other refugees??
My PoV is not popular, that's for sure. But that's an argument for another day.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 33

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 6:45:27 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Yes, she's living in a hotel, you know it's the US, where else can you stay if you don't get housing, you don't have the money to pay a deposit, should she sleep outside? Don't you think she would prefer to stay in a shared flat or something like that, but you have to find one first and most people won't rent to you if you can't pay the money upfront.

You have seen some of the hotels in the US? I had to pick up a friend of mine when she left her abusive husband and ran out and she just had a bit of cash on her, they are freaking shitholes, they are called motels but they are just cheap places, especially the ones that people who have nothing else go to, most likely some roach infested cubicle where the junkies also flop out.

While your life is not comfy, it's still a fucking lot more than what she has, she's in an area where there is a ton of unemployment, and US minimum wage is a lot less than our minimum wage, it's basically almost impossible to survive on a minimum wage job there, now you try to get a job and you have to disclose you're on probation? Hmmm, what do you think the chances are of that?

Yeah she came here trying to do the findomme thing as some guy told her it would work, she fell for it, crap if you're desperate you fall for shit like that, you know even here we have some companies who do that whole "Apply to get a job working from home..." and the people desperate for work will call a number that then charges them a premium rate, I'm sure you've read all the scandals.
Then she asks for help and she said she wants to do anything, she needs to make money, basically asking for help. She doesn't have the BDSM mindset, some people do, some people don't, she stumbled over the site because of the guy who told her that it's soooo effing easy, imagine if you wouldn't know how long you have a roof over your head and a place to sleep? Wouldn't you get desperate?

As for tugging on heart strings, yes, a young woman without anybody to help her in Fort Worth, being stuck in one of the most dangerous areas of the US (she isn't in a desirable part of the city, I think as a guy you have the risk of 1:10 of being a victim of a violent crime, imagine how much higher it is for a woman?), you don't think that's a bit worrying? You really have no sympathy for that? Well, you don't have the cushy life style that prick Osborne is trying to sell us you have, guess what, she has even less. She has a smart phone because in the US try buying another one, you get a cheap android for around $20, the cheapest thing is to buy a monthly package deal that costs you between $30 and $50 for unlimited calls and internet access, she needs the internet to look for work, she needs to make calls because work doesn't come to her.

Yeah, you're in a pretty shitty place, but she's in an even shittier place, basically staying somewhere that calls itself a hotel but is more or less a flophouse.

You do know you're sending some mixed messages, in another thread you were on about how cheap food is and how little you spend and that your food bills don't go up much if another person eats with you regularly, now you say you sometimes have to go hungry (which I find absolutely disgusting, a failure of the system), I live in an area where there aren't any cheap supermarkets, not fucking there and I know how hard it is for some people who are on benefits to make ends meet (our dog walkers, the old lady I look after), they don't care much that they are living in a romantic town that's regularly featured in Cheshire East as one of the most desirable places to live, they just want to eat and stay warm, they don't get more money because things are more expensive here, a lot of them are caught in a poverty trap, something you possibly know all about, but if you are on disability, you can earn some money without your benefits being taken away, I've set up shit for others, it's not something that makes you rich and it's time consuming, but if you need a few pointers, drop me a note here, because I think for you £100 or £200 more a month would be worth putting in a few hours a month. And nope, not selling anything, just something I did years ago when I was between jobs and it turned into a business I sold (it was a gap in a market that's still there) and I did sign a clause about not competing, I'm not violating that clause if you do it on a small scale that won't even impact the company who bought it from me.

What floors me is just that you can't see how she is in an even shittier position than you are and that you don't have any empathy for her. She doesn't deserve to be out on the street and get raped, she'd be willing to work and do everything, like clean, cook, but she won't get those jobs because she's on probation and she has no way of getting there. So basically she's sitting in her rathole (hotel is a euphemism) worrying about running out of money, you know I'm not a fan of financial domination but if some guy wants to throw money away and gets a raging hardon, fuck yeah, let her have it, she'll be putting up with endless demands on her time and countless wankers.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 34

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 7:53:21 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I agree with a lot of the points you make. I really do.

Yes, I've seen some of the 'hotels' in the US.
They're much the same as those over here for those living on benefits.
We have a "hotel" near here called The Railway Hotel - it's one of many.
It's where my old Pro used to flop out.
And yes, it's a real shit-hole and the owners rake in a fortune from the benefits system.
Two years ago I asked my local MP to look into it and I'm reasonably sure it had some bearing on the recent housing benefit caps.

And I know many living in the US do have a harder time than we do over here because of the way their system is set up.
That and the guns and the stupid cost of healthcare are the main reasons I didn't permanently relocate to the US.
I lived there with various friends for 9 months to see if there was a way I could support my family because there are many good things about the US that I like. For one, it would be cheaper to eat out every day than to buy food to cook and eat at home.
Fuel prices for the car would be dirt cheap and the testing isn't so stringent.
Rent and property prices are generally cheaper on a like-for-like comparison.
If it wasn't for the lack of a safety net and the cost of healthcare, I could live much better in the US than I do here (except for the extreme weather patterns).

However, I have little or no patience with people who jump onto a supposedly 'good thing' without bothering to do any research or even basic checking.
That's just being bone fucking idle and lazy.
If she stumbled onto the site, or someone told her something was a good way to make 'easy money', the first thing you'd do is check it out. You don't go jumping in feet-first without looking into it and you sure as fuck don't take some strangers' word for it at face value.
As for the probation bit, it's pretty much the same here too.
And our prostitution laws aren't any more lax than the US either.
So the point about finding a job when you're out on probation, or even if you've served your time, is moot.

If I could find something sensible that I could do and earn some extra money - I would.
However, if I make more than £20 a fortnight, they take it straight out of my benefits, penny for penny.
On top of that, because I wouldn't be receiving 'full' benefits, my rent payments would be severely curtailed and I'd have to make up the shortfall.
I tried it once with a small part-time job earning £30 a week. I lost £20 of that directly from my benefits and I also lost £70 a week from my rent benefit for not receiving the 'full' amount.
So.... earn £30 a week and lose £90 a week for the privilege. Yeah... it sucks, big time.
We tried letting out our spare room for a few months under the government rent-a-room scheme. According to the official website, it says we can earn up to £82.50pw without affecting anything.
We actually had some really good tenants for a while.
We charged £40 a week, all inclusive except food. A year later we have been clobbered for unearned/undeclared income and I have £29 a week deducted from my benefit payments for the next 7-8 months.
I can't win!! And sometimes it's very depressing. Seriously soul destroying.
Yanno, if I wasn't such a die-hard stalwart, I'd be suicidal. It really wouldn't take much.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 35

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 8:27:55 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

A couple of years ago I was robbed at gun point in LA, everything gone, laptop, credit cards... I was freaking desperate, luckily a friend helped me out, but I can tell you all about being fucking shit scared, that's why I really feel for her. For me it was a matter of time to get new cards and stuff, but without any help, I don't know what I would have done.

Well, she made a mistake, again, if you're desperate, that happens... It doesn't make her a piece of dirt who deserves to have no roof over her head or to be in danger of being raped (remember she's a young woman, that IS an additional thing to worry about)

I was under the impression that you can earn money if you are on disability and it doesn't affect your disability payments? Hence our dog walkers starting a business... If you're disabled, shouldn't you also get free public transport? Edith gets a few taxi vouchers but they don't stretch very far and due to her bad hip just going to a big supermarket is quite painful. Have you checked into getting professional help with your claims?

Seriously, there are so many things that freak me out about the system handles stuff and having lived in a few different countries, I know it can be handled better without much more costs, but that is something the Tories don't want to hear about or to know, they are trying to blame people who need help and try to take even more away from them, then you got that **** Farage who's trying to blame about everything on the foreigners, usually I don't get much of a backlash as people assume I'm American, when I tell them I'm not I automatically get accused of coming to the UK "in search of a better life", I usually tell them they need to get out a bit more and compare the quality of life in other countries, the next thing is I get asked if I came to steal their benefits - uhhh nope, never been on benefits, they are quiet and think a bit, then "So you came to steal our jobs?" Again not, I came here working for an international company and I took the transfer offer to live with my other half, because English isn't a problem, for him it would have meant living in a country where he doesn't speak the language, makes things a bit harder... When the company closed down, I found another job, lost that job thanks to a demented stalker and ran the gauntlet of applying for jobs, I can tell you, I NEVER thought that such blatant xenophobia exists anywhere, it was a real eye opener. Things worked out in another way, but it gave me a good impression what somebody who possibly isn't quite as fluent in English as I am goes through when looking for work here, I think I got a fairly good education and they made me feel like I'm some subhuman piece of scum that should be grateful for crumbs, all I wanted was something in between, like working as a secretary or such (you know stuff I basically did next to uni and shit I'm actually vastly overqualified for) as I'm simply not good without work.

Oh btw for the way you got married, guess what, we did the same thing, registry office, then pub, then went for a curry. We both simply didn't see the point of wasting a ton of money and having so much stress and everybody including the guests are uncomfy, sod that. Crumpets saw a picture of that on my flickr and thought when I signed that was me in an office working, pffffffff

I can shoot you a message with what you can do, you can always check if it would work for you or not.

Yeah the earn £30 and lose £90 is one of those fucked up traps, that people who actually want to work can't afford to work, brilliant way to mess with the economy

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 36

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 8:41:06 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmpressGrace
Findom isn't just about give me money, well at least it shouldn't be.

And therein lies the problem with the majority of new findoms/goddesses/princesses that we get every month.

They think they can read a few findom profiles, regurgitate most of the same sentiments, then sit back on their butts and wait for the ca$h to come rolling in.
And this is precisely why so many genuine people in the lifestyle cringe at all the newbies that pop up on the site when the bills and rent are due.

There's much more to being a proper findom than asking for tribute and spewing some insults on Skype to earn a quick buck or three.

But you know what, it's all advertising... You know that bar of chocolate they advertise on TV isn't going to magically transfer you into a fairy tale land, guys want to hear something like that...

If there would be a magic way to create cash flow and just sit back and wait, we'd all do it, wouldn't you?

It's not my fetish and it's not your fetish, but hey, it's a legitimate fetish and if the woman genuinely enjoys the money she gets, the guy gets value for money, because isn't that what it's all about?

I'm so not a findomme and I don't think I'd have the fuse for it but sometimes guys here and on FL beg me to be one, usually I just block them and sometimes when I'm bored (like now with this stinking cold I have) I toy with them a bit and ask them to donate something to a charity to show they are genuine, you know what, all the guys who want to take me shopping and pay for pedicures and stuff, not ONE of them ever donated to the charity, I know it because they have a website where the donations (anonymous) are shown in real time and the people donating can leave a message, so far not one of them ever had the message "LC" not a freaking single £.

To venture a guess, I'd say about 80 to 90% of the guys being into financial domming (or claiming to be) are about as genuine as the instant dommes.

From the outside it looks great because the media sensationalizes it, I don't think anybody could research it properly without trying.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 37

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 9:29:43 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I was very fortunate in that when I was living in the US, my friends picked up most of the expenses for me.
If I had tried doing it on my own under my own steam, I would have failed miserably and probably end up being deported for overstaying and not having the plane fare home.
The gun culture was one of the major factors in me deciding not to live in the US.
That aside, there are some benefits available in the US and there are a lot of charities that help people since the latest financial crash of 2008/9.
I may be wrong but I sincerely don't think this particular findom is as hard-up as she would have us believe.
She jumped on the bandwagon and thought she could make some money for old rope on the side.

When my OH and I first met, she was also told they wouldn't help her with housing even though she is registered disabled, was on her own (and a vulnerable solo female) and faced the possibility of being robbed/raped if she was out on the streets.
She had also left an abusive marriage and had no income.
She wasn't even capable of defending herself or even running away like this new findom.

8 years forward.....
We have been to several places for assessment of what we have in benefits.
Been to the Job Centre, spoken to the CAB, had interviews with several charities too.
Apparently, we get pretty much what we are allowed.
The DLA payments are exempt from what they use as 'allowable income' and if that's all you get, whatever you earn doesn't affect them.
But, unless you are lucky in being successfully employed with a half-decent livable wage, any other benefits you receive are definitely affected by any other income you may have.
They allow you to earn/have £10 a week on top of your benefits.
Anything over that is deducted penny for penny - from your gross earnings or other pensions/income, not net income.
So, if I got a small job paying me £100 a week, they'll deduct £100 a week from my benefits.
It doesn't matter to them if I have to pay tax or NI or if I have any expenses of actually getting to/from work, they look at the gross pay and deduct that figure.
And no, you don't get a free bus pass unless you are a pensioner or able claim under the most extreme mobility criteria.
And another crazy thing with the disability benefits: we are on the same benefits as the guy 3 doors down from us but because he's now a pensioner, he gets more in one week for himself in DLA than we get in a month for the pair of us. And also, because he's a pensioner, he doesn't get clobbered for the bedroom tax like we will if we didn't have the room occupied by my son (or someone else).
If my son or daughter get a job, they automatically chop a minimum of £12.50 a week from my payments because it is 'expected' that they will contribute at least that amount towards their 'rent' whether we charge them anything or not.
Crazy?? Yeah... it's real shit. My daughter had to give up her paper round earning £22 a week because they chopped £12.50 a week from my benefits AND they wanted her to pay £37 a month for 'her portion' of the council tax!!
So she was earning £88 a month. She paid a small amount of tax and NI (only about £2.50 a week) but what we lost and what the benefits office expected her to pay out of that £88 came to £87 - so she was working a whole month in all weathers for just £1 gain. On top of that, because she was working, she lost her entitlement to free prescriptions if she ever needed them.
Honestly, what was the point of working??

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 38

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 10:25:01 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Most of the charities available to her will be bible bashers, and they don't just hand money over, remember, TEXAS, if she needs anything medical, you've seen their free clinics? And you have to be able to get to them...

So you are full of sympathy that your now wife couldn't get all that, at least she got some help, this girl just doesn't have a social net like we have (however flimsy and incomplete it is), I'm honestly puzzled, and I don't mean that as a pop or anything but an honest question, people who fall on hard times and depend on the help of others, they always seem to turn against each other or another group, our some of our politicians actually encourage it, and I believe that is a way to deflect attention away from some of their pretty shady actions and deals.

So there is a pensioner who has a bit more than you, still not quite living the high life, it almost sounds as you find it unfair (that's the impression I got), it just creates friction and you are playing into the hands of those politicians who cut benefits and all, wouldn't it be freaking better to go "We're all in a shit situation, there's strength in numbers...."

I can tell you how it works in some other countries, you can earn certain amounts next to your benefits, usually unemployment is several bands and the length of the full amount you can claim depends on the time you have paid in, so just as an example with made up numbers, you are getting 500 a month from the government, you manage to earn 300 with a little part time job, they cut your benefits by 150 (half of it) but that amount also makes you able to claim the full amount for longer. I think it makes a lot more sense because it takes some financial pressure off the system, it doesn't penalize the people who are trying their best, and they still keep one foot in the work life, which will make it much easier for them to go back to work full time...
Doesn't cost them more than what they are doing now and would eliminate a slew or problems.

Have you ever looked on FaceBook? There are whole groups where they sell fake designer handbags, not sold by people in need (unless you consider people needy who party at the casino in Manchester, have orange spray tans and are shown in some of the upscale restaurants in Knutsford, Prestbury and Alderly enjoying champagne in big bottles), I seriously wouldn't mind if the odd fake is sold by somebody who doesn't know how to make ends meet, but this seems to be an industry and they are ripping off the economy, the designers, the tax payer, everybody - you try to report them, nobody is effing interested. Having worked in the fashion industry, I know the fakes are usually made by the same people who traffic substances and a lot of child labour, I really dislike it and the damage it causes everywhere, other European countries clamp down on it, in the UK it's yeah well, if you haven't bought it then you can't report it, if you buy it it's fraud but if you know it's a fake don't buy it... Oh thanks HMRC this tax and customs evasions is fine but if I should claim the wrong amount by mistake on some business related expense, you come down on me like a ton of bricks - or your daughter can't do the paper round anymore.

Seriously, where's the fucking sense in all of that? If somebody understands, I'd love to know because apparently I'm too dim to get it.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 39

RE: advice for a new findomm - 12/3/2015 11:27:17 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Btw I tried to send you some additional info, seems the system is eating the 2nd part of that as well... It's actually not illegal but it's using a loophole in the system

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: advice for a new findomm

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094