quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD


In Alabama the law would have specifically protected you, the only problem would have been his age, unless he tried to strike you.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

To be honest, I was reflecting on our case a bit, yeah still pissed off and all, but what might have happened was possibly that the nurse who started calling the social worker had seen some domestic abuse and possibly had heard every kind of excuse and yeah "Dog knocked me out" does sound a bit dodgy, so once the wheels are in motion, it's really really hard to stop them, given the fact that H is literally twice as much as me, brought me in with a swollen chin and concussed, I had a ton of old bruises from martial arts training and the weird cat scratches, possibly alarm bells went up all over the place.

It wasn't one of the most positive experiences, on the other hand, there might be a woman who has "fallen down the stairs" repeatedly and the injuries don't add up, it's a good thing that they do follow up, I'm still a bit angry that they didn't even look at the evidence we both offered and just went ahead with the report, but again, they possibly really thought it was something else.

Btw something similar happened to a friend of ours and she is a martial arts instructor, visited her dad in the hospital and somebody noticed her bruised legs (summer and she was wearing shorts) and she got a visit from the police who also grilled her about domestic violence, she showed them the pics and clippings from her competitions and that solved it. It made me think a bit, especially since a friend (we talked about this privately) recently got out of a relationship with a woman who had serious issues with her temper and selfcontrol, she hit him with a lamp and he needed stitches, they split up because he said the risk of him just trying to hold her off and she might trip and fall, he would automatically be assumed to be the guilty party, well apart from the fact that he didn't want to put up with an abusive gf...

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ORIGINAL: BamaD
When I was in the Air Force they required that everyone go to a "human relations" course which covered among other things domestic violence. They said there were virtually no cases with men as the victims because if a man reported it he got
A What kind of a man needs us to protect him from getting beat up by his wife.

or

B We don't care if you have a concusion, there is a bruise on her wrist you are the abuser.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD
When I was in the Air Force they required that everyone go to a "human relations" course which covered among other things domestic violence. They said there were virtually no cases with men as the victims because if a man reported it he got
A What kind of a man needs us to protect him from getting beat up by his wife.

or

B We don't care if you have a concusion, there is a bruise on her wrist you are the abuser.

Would you mind terribly reminding me when you left the service? Depending on how long it's been, there may be some severe changes since you were active duty.

For a long time, Uncle Sam looked the other way on this problem. It's my personal opinion that things started to change when several spouses from active members in a certain unit in NC started ending up getting dead. Four within a matter of weeks when the guys came home from their deployments. Two things (IMO) happened after that. One was they couldn't ignore the issue any longer. The second was they really had to start looking at folks who snapped during combat tours. Depending on your service, you probably know exactly what I mean.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Things are changing, thank heavens. There aren't quite as many men who are the victims of domestic violence as women, but it's still wrong. Abuse is abuse.

Having seen that some partners really go to great lengths to provoke the other person to lash out, sometimes (very rarely) it might be understandable, but I think that would be a reason for me to leave a relationship, because that just seems so unhealthy and dysfunctional.

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ORIGINAL: BamaD

I retired 1 Sep 1993, and yes there could have been changes.
The class I told about was in the late 70's, so there has been time for substantial change. In these coversations I have seen on here, however there are many who's view is stuck in the 70's, the man is always wrong, not all but many.

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ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I'm not religious. I'm not even spiritual.
I'm not an atheist nor an agnostic.

I don't need to look up famous Islamic people that are an example.
I'll go by what I've seen and witnessed personally.
I know it's only a few thousand as a sample. Not many in the grand scheme of things.
But I can honestly say, the experience I've seen with my own eyes is 100% as I've described.
Not a single one who was any different. Not one. Not one exception.
There are many in my group of acquaintances who are fantastic people - as people go.

So you pick a few from 1.8 billion people who did well and are famous for getting there.
How many Islamic people do you know and interact with on an almost daily basis??
And how many fit the examples you gave??

And as I said... It's not the people, it's the doctrine of their faith.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD

I retired 1 Sep 1993, and yes there could have been changes.
The class I told about was in the late 70's, so there has been time for substantial change. In these coversations I have seen on here, however there are many who's view is stuck in the 70's, the man is always wrong, not all but many.

I think shame is a massive factor, many years back, I was in a relationship with a guy and it turned out he had a serious drinking problem (I found out about it months into the relationship, he was good at hiding it), let's say he got a bit "handy" and I was so terribly embarrassed about it, he also was quite manipulative, all of a sudden his drinking was my fault, it wasn't that bad violence happened all of a sudden, it was first a slap, and he claimed I drove him to it by nagging about his drinking and why did I make him do it, blah blah. Now I would kick his ass to the curb but I was quite young, I didn't even dare to tell my friend or my parents, they would have been shocked, I thought it means I failed somehow. I had made the mistake of telling him about my BDSM leanings, obviously that also "drove him to drink" as I must hate men, blah blah. The problem is shit like that, it increases, slowly, you don't really notice it and would have been a horrific experience goes to being a bad day, from there to being a normal day... The really odd thing was, I was doing martial arts then and I simply wasn't capable of fighting back because I had grown up with "You never hit anybody", the matter was resolved when I adopted a stray Dobie, he tried to hit me once with the dog around, dog pinned him down with the jaws around his neck, I dragged the dog off, dog slipped out of the collar ran back to him and peed all over him. He did move out. I think dogs have sense of humour.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and nope, wouldn't tolerate it anymore, but I'm thinking if something I actually didn't do was so embarrassing for me, how much worse must it be if the genders are reversed? I couldn't report it because I was so ashamed, a guy must feel a lot worse if he's the victim of domestic violence, simply because of the way we perceive our gender roles.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Things are changing, thank heavens. There aren't quite as many men who are the victims of domestic violence as women, but it's still wrong. Abuse is abuse.

Having seen that some partners really go to great lengths to provoke the other person to lash out, sometimes (very rarely) it might be understandable, but I think that would be a reason for me to leave a relationship, because that just seems so unhealthy and dysfunctional.

There are a few areas where I think males under-report. Stigma has a lot to do with it.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD


In Alabama the law would have specifically protected you, the only problem would have been his age, unless he tried to strike you.

I just reacted and I was fuming, I didn't ask for his age and let's be honest, a very tall 17 year old, he could be 18, 19 or 20, it's hard to tell. The legal situation would have been that I would have been obliged to try a more peaceful way of stopping him first, luckily the cops were very helpful and cautioned me that if I ever see anything like that again, I call them first, so it's on record, just to protect my own butt. But they weren't too enchanted with a bully abusing a disabled guy.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As I said, I didn't give him the chance, shot down like a bat out of hell and he just pushed the wheelchair (again), tapped him on the shoulder, the moment he turned round I backhanded him.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As I said, I didn't give him the chance, shot down like a bat out of hell and he just pushed the wheelchair (again), tapped him on the shoulder, the moment he turned round I backhanded him.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It's hindsight, I was just too outraged that he was such a bully to a person who's got enough to deal with by being in a wheelchair, if I would have given myself time to think about it, yes, maybe a quiet comment that would have gotten him to aim a swing for me and then dislocating his shoulder in self-defense would have been the better approach, but it was a bit of a "red mist" situation

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ORIGINAL: BamaD


I feel that if you see something like that or, in context of this thread, a woman being beaten, have the ability to stop it, and don't you are a coward and only slightly about the scum who is committing the assault. Now if you are unarmed and there are 5 assaliants the only thing you can do is call the cops and take notes. I don't expect people to be suicidal.

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

I think to me, this video shows me everything that is wrong with Islam.