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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

= Fast Reply =

I think I'm the one who would determine if the person who is stating (he) is dominant to me - through his profile claim, is indeed so.
Hell, Ive had conversations with guys from the other side who Im pretty sure had an I.Q. in the Forrest Gump range that think they know what is what and think that I'm beneath them because they "think" they are superior in all, because I'm listed as a sub.
These type of people are SADLY mistaken.
Ive also had many many (guys) that tell me they've been in the lifestyle for years and years and yet dont know the difference between a Master, Dominant and Top. The way I know if someone is truly dominant to me is that I will admire and respect them not only INSIDE the bedroom but OUTSIDE as well. These type of people can curl me around their little finger without so much as trying. They dont have to tell me they are dominant - Ive made them so by responding to them as such. Without a submissive - they are nothing but legends in their own minds.

Please note - this is just my view on a personal/private relationship level. I do not include people that are publicly involved in the community, poly, scene level, or dungeons in this view. As I am fully aware that this must be conducted on a completely different level.

Totally get it.

The profile thing, I'll give people some room about. It wasn't long back that the black and white site added even more choices in roles so people could more adequately find the right fit. Here? You can't really do that, so people have to pick from the menu and then explain themselves. I said the same thing on another thread and the same is true on my side of the slash. How many folks do you see identify themselves as a top or bedroom Dominant on their profile? Many don't, even though in some cases, it might be much more accurate.

For email, especially what I'm hearing, probably not? (This happens on the other side in the cases of some s-types when writing female D-types.) I think you are looking for the vibe, rather than proclamations. The man will have to have a certain effect on you, most likely in person, with the way you interact. Anybody can tell you they are the Domliest Dom or the most subbiest of subs. It's like the old saying about being a lady. If you are having to tell people you are one, you're probably not.

Funny trivia about this. I do see people who have submissive personalities AND folks who choose to be submissive in a specific relationship to a person. (Neither is better than the other. Just different descriptors.) Best detection system for submissive personalities? My little grey cat. She is not fond of D-types, (except HER family) vanillas, or even submissives due to relationships. Submissive personality types? She's loving on them in no time. One in less than fifteen minutes. I turned around, she's letting this person CARRY her from the staircase.

Maybe I should start taking the cat to munches.

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ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

Do you publicly state that the person is under your protection and/or expect them to publicly state as much? Possibly even expecting any new partners to have to explicitly be vetted by you first? Because that is pretty feudal. And bottlenecking it by only having one person as the protector leaves a lot of room for things to get screwed up.

Being a friend and a sounding board is totally cool and perfectly normal. But those aren't official titles that preclude someone else from doing the same sorts of things.

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ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

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Ummm. Sounds like ChrchofDrk is focusing on online interactions, while you (and I, in my mind) are thinking of real-time, real-place interactions. In the community.

In the community I've never heard of such things. But I hate to let ya'all in on this secret but we're all online right now. So yes, it would have to do with such things as doms insisting such things be put on subs profiles. Gosh, who knew?????

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ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Oh I understand your point. But a simple reality. If someone's looking to do another harm, all their i's will be dotted and all their t's crossed. If they're smart, and most are, on the surface it will all look so neat. So being under protection likely won't help much and that's why I think it silly. Folks that look to do others harm don't telegraph their true intentions

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ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou
-Even if you use "under my protection" to mean "use me as a sounding board", publicly stating that implies that it's a somewhat more formal position. Just one step short of a dom, and oftentimes a stepping stone to that position. Even if it's not a backdoor gambit, it still has a massive quasifeudal vibe. Which feeds back to the "doms must make it clear that they're dom caste, subs must clearly mark themselves as sub caste" that leads to the sort of behavior that started this thread.

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ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou
Being a friend and a sounding board is totally cool and perfectly normal. But those aren't official titles that preclude someone else from doing the same sorts of things.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

That's what I am talking about, I am not entering a BDSM dynamic with them because that would really throw off the protection dynamic,

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ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff
LP... I think it was me that carried her down the stairs at your house ??? 🤗

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

I have been running across a lot of Doms messaging me lately- who feel the need to describe and explain how dominant they are. Is one's self in a position to be telling strangers that they are dominant to them? I am fully aware of what position they are - as it states it in their profile and its either a Master or a Dominant. in other words it comes up in BLUE type. - If anything else needs to be detailed such as a daddy dom or a sadist - I understand that need for elaboration.

(I completely separate this from dungeon doms and doms that are scene locals - that do announce it as they may want to list experience)
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Some examples would be - (taken straight from some profiles)

*I am an intelligent, well read, traveled & established, natural Dominant.

*Some points:
Lawyer.
Naturally dominant.

*I am a 44 year old extremely dominate owner/master

*I am an educated, intelligent dominant man

*I am mature, stable, honest and trustworthy Dominant male.

*I have been Dominant since birth

How do they know they are dominant to me? Why would they announce it?
In my experience - I have found the very OPPOSITE to be true. The only ones Ive ever curled around even remotely are the ones who never even mentioned the word - NOT ONCE.

What is your take on this?