Kana
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Joined: 10/24/2006
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ORIGINAL: KillYourTV1
First post hello!
I am a mid 20's male dominant in a relationship with a mid 20's female sub. So here's my thoughts/ how we incorporate punishment into our relationship. I started writing this hoping some more experienced people could help clarify some things but I ended up questioning whether I was a true dominant.
So I have been reading through these forms and noticed that the scenes general consensus on punishment is that it is only for extreme infractions or should not be used at all.
That may be in the general consensus but remember that a consensus is just that. As such it does not reflect all the spectrum inherent within but rather a mean of the collective.
Some people use funishment. Still others, especially involved in strict D/S, TPE and/or strong humiliation dynamics may well do otherwise. In those, the slightest infraction may be met with a consequence.
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I have noticed several people saying that adults shouldn't use punishments at all as it is deeming and literally "punitive' by nature.
Again, this is some people. I don' like the word punishment unless used in a heavy humiliation/degradation sense because it carries such negative connotations. I refer to refer to these things as consequences. As such, these are the results of an action. Consequences are intended as a form of behavioral modifications and are the negative side of incentivization.
For Me, the difference is that punishments are designed to tear down, consequences are intended to help shape a better slave.
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I though I understood the difference between play punishment and real punishment. Then I realized I did not. All punishment was play punishment to me. I would never (truly) punish my sub for something that they actually did wrong." I might leave them, or counsel them as a partner, talk about it, whatever. Any time I "punish" it is done playfully or in character. I do punish her for breaking my rules/infractions. Even if it is a harsh formal punishment it is understood as just play. I think this is just the dynamic I have with my sub. Does anyone else have a similar thing? In other words. The word punishment means play punishment to us, and a real punishment does not exist.
Terrific. You found what works for you and fits within your rhythm.
Might not work for others, certainly doesn't for Me, but it's your interaction so in the end the only relevant question is does this work for you?
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This works for us because we both enjoy punishment.
This is just My opinion, but if she enjoys it, it ain't punishment. If she likes pain, I find another method, but one thing for sure, if I'm irritated enough to be laying out consequence, the slut isn't going to enjoy the teeniest tiniest bit of it.
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I know this is a contradiction. I guess we just treat it as a kinky thing that turns us on. I don't see any harm in that. I suppose it's because we are not in a 24/7 TPE?
Nah-This has zip to do with a TPE. It is a style thing
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Thoughts anyone? Are we doing it wrong?
Nope. Not as long as it works for you and yours. And never let anyone external question that.
Look, what you do wouldn't fly for Me. But that in a large part rooted in that pretty much all I do is founded in strict D/S.As a result, I tend to seek out and attract like minded souls. They seek strict discipline and harsh consequences. Hell, they need it.
But that don't make my way right or your way wrong. It just means different strokes fr different folks and that my kink ain't your kink.
Shrugs
No big deal.
As to making you question your dominance, does the slave do what you order? If so, congrats, you the BMOC.
If not, I dunno what to call it but if works for you and yours, hey, keep on keeping on.
_____________________________
"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST
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Explain punishment? - 
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