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D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 10:06:45 AM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		D/s - Is it love or money?

Just returned home yesterday, from spending Christmas with a Pro Domme in another state. Spent 4 days and 4 nights with Her. Prior to this "date", we had never met before - but we are both mature and single.

Obviously I paid a bit of a fee for the initial meet. And just as obviously, that went well.

This morning we exchanged messages, the essence being that we missed each other. She added the thought that She would never charge to see me again; as well as asking: when can She come to Michigan to visit me at my house?

Which leads to this New Years Question:

Are D/s relationships, of any stripe, motivated by love or money? And if so, which is the more powerful motivation?

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Thank You!





_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 11:38:36 AM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo



Are D/s relationships, of any stripe, motivated by love or money? And if so, which is the more powerful motivation?




For some it would be love, for some it would be money, for some it would be something completely different. It's not something that is easily black or white.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 1:37:19 PM   
maleficasweet


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/27/2015
Status: offline 		In the D/s relationship I'm in? Love.

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 2:23:19 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Blimey... that's a fuck of a question.

I think D/s relationships, of whatever stripe, are motivated by a whole array of different things. The best way I can describe it as mutuality of itch/scratch compatibility.

How much does the other person fulfil your needs, and how much do you theirs?

Now those needs are even more complex... the kinky stuff is almost the easy bit. Aside from a filthy mind and a compulsion to submit to me, I need someone who can talk politics over wine, make a decent breakfast on a camp stove, and handle herself in a room full of buffoons.

Money, for me at least, doesn't factor one way or the other. Love... that's gnarly, and something that grows over time in my experience.



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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 2:42:12 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Blimey... that's a fuck of a question.




Indeed it is!

Clearly, money is not part of your being .... but a whole lot else is .... the whole lot else that might begin to answer some of the question.

Yet those who pursue money might respond differently.

So lets ask again, what is it for you?






_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 3:40:46 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I can't even imagine the pursuit of money being a reason to be in a relationship. What am I not understanding about the question?

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 4:24:29 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

What am I not understanding about the question?



She is a Pro Domme. I paid the customary tribute to meet. Essentially, we would have never met, if I hadn't paid.

Now it seems perhaps the tables have been turned ... See above OP

So is it love or $$$?

I know the answer in this situation ...

But what about yours?

Why are you in your relationship; and how did YOU MEET?





< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 12/30/2015 4:27:21 PM >

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 4:39:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Our relationship was that we were friends for 3 years before we dated. He is the love of my life and my best friend.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 4:48:03 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I feel kind of weird answering this one. I'm not entirely sure the contribution will be useful.

For me, money isn't even a question. I'm not a pro and I'm not into fin kink. I do expect s-types to pull their own weight in the financial department. It's not a free ride when it comes to living expenses, paying the door fee to attend events, etc.

There have been some (not all) D/s dynamics that have included a romantic love element. I'd have made folks about half nauseous a year and a half to two years ago when I had the last submissive (tk) that I collared. I loved the heck out of that kid.

However, there are other categories. While I don't know if I'd recommend it for those who are monogamous, where people need/hope to get all of their wants fulfilled in one relationship, there are also service based dynamics where there isn't a sincere emotional attachment. These can work for those who are getting their emotional/love aspect satisfied in their other relationships. It can work in other scenarios as well, but these are more like employer/employee situations than anything else.

If you want the whole enchilada, even I'd tell you to go for love. Just try to be sure that's what it really is for your situation.


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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 5:00:23 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		If she's told you she wouldn't be charging you, then isn't it no longer about money? I guess that's why I'm not understanding the question. And I'm not understanding why any relationship (D/s or otherwise) would be motivated by money - unless someone is charging for their services, obviously.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 5:14:10 PM   
Cell


Posts: 409
Status: offline 		Yer... I don't really take relationship talk seriously when payment is involved... But hey, if it's 'customary' then I suppose there's not much to say about that. I haven't had any dealings with Pro Dommes so I'm not one to judge what's appropriate or not.

I duno though... I guess I can't put my finger on why your question is weird to me... I think we might come from different worlds OP.
Congrats though, sounds like a win seeing as you 'turned the tables on her'

< Message edited by Cell -- 12/30/2015 5:18:55 PM >

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 5:17:43 PM   
Cell


Posts: 409
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Our relationship was that we were friends for 3 years before we dated. He is the love of my life and my best friend.

bit sappy lol

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 6:49:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

And I'm not understanding why any relationship (D/s or otherwise) would be motivated by money

Regardless of the type of relationship, there are always some people that engage in relationships to get money or be financially secure.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kaliko)
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 7:03:06 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

And I'm not understanding why any relationship (D/s or otherwise) would be motivated by money

Regardless of the type of relationship, there are always some people that engage in relationships to get money or be financially secure.



Or they perceive they will find financial security ....



_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 7:28:00 PM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

D/s - Is it love or money?

Just returned home yesterday, from spending Christmas with a Pro Domme in another state. Spent 4 days and 4 nights with Her. Prior to this "date", we had never met before - but we are both mature and single.

Obviously I paid a bit of a fee for the initial meet. And just as obviously, that went well.

This morning we exchanged messages, the essence being that we missed each other. She added the thought that She would never charge to see me again; as well as asking: when can She come to Michigan to visit me at my house?

Which leads to this New Years Question:

Are D/s relationships, of any stripe, motivated by love or money? And if so, which is the more powerful motivation?

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Thank You!





4 Days with a Pro Domme? 24 hours with a Pro Domme typically runs $1500 to $3500 for 24 hours. So you just spent a minimum of $6000? Nice pocket book you have there.

I was married for 15 years. My wife was my Domme. I can say without a doubt our D/s relationship was based on love. If we looked to history on the question is money or love more powerful I think you will find love trumps money. Far more things have been done in the name of love than money.


(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 7:44:13 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for your thoughts. And if I read your profile correctly, my sympathies and condolences to you and yours ...

While you could be wrong about Pro Domme holiday season prices, your are right about history ... when I read history,more has been done for love than any other motivator,

but my life isn't history .... nor are others lives ...

so there are motivators other than love, no?



< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 12/30/2015 7:57:34 PM >

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to DocStrange)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 7:44:17 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		FR

D/S - Love of money is kinda strange, perhaps it's because of the complication of pro-domme who charges.

D/S with sub women and male, becomes, just control or love.

There are quite a few dominant males who believes love fucks up their control over their sub and do not wish to have love and D/S mix together.

But I think most females would prefer a love relationship.

When it comes to financial relationships, many men and women engage into it, but it becomes a very pragmatic dynamic. There is alot control over a woman, if she is at mercy at him dishing out her income, for example. So the man is happy to do it, as it lets him have her on his terms easier, without all the emotional drama. And a woman who is content with financial fulfillment, and I have met some women like that. They got their girlfriends for emotional stuffs, they just need the man to take care of them financially, and it's sorted.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/30/2015 7:48:43 PM >

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 8:04:08 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

FR

D/S - Love of money is kinda strange, perhaps it's because of the complication of pro-domme who charges.

D/S with sub women and male, becomes, just control or love.

There are quite a few dominant males who believes love fucks up their control over their sub and do not wish to have love and D/S mix together.

But I think most females would prefer a love relationship.

When it comes to financial relationships, many men and women engage into it, but it becomes a very pragmatic dynamic. There is alot control over a woman, if she is at mercy at him dishing out her income, for example. So the man is happy to do it, as it lets him have her on his terms easier, without all the emotional drama. And a woman who is content with financial fulfillment, and I have met some women like that. They got their girlfriends for emotional stuffs, they just need the man to take care of them financially, and it's sorted.


Great insight!

Now that you say it, money does give one an element of control! So control gets involved, too?




_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to Greta75)
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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 8:37:50 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Now that you say it, money does give one an element of control! So control gets involved, too?

Control is often a huge element in D/S relationships isn't it? The heart of a dominant is mostly wanting to have control over another human being.

But it really gotta depend on your whole psyche, because, some men feel insecure in their relationships base on financial transaction, because they wonder if the significant other will still stick around IF he goes into a financial crisis.

And I believe for some dominant women. I mean even in vanilla. I'm chinese, and traditionally, in my culture, husband literally gives 100% of his salary to his stay at home wife, while wife gives him his allowance of HIS salary to spend. There has always been this illusion that Chinese women are subservient in the household, but their job is family accountant most of the time. The man job is just to bring in the dough, but the wife manages his dough. I think in most western culture, this is unthinkable. I mean, I know plenty of chinese male friends who are just having girlfriends, and they are already having their girlfriends managing their money. Handing over to her all of his salary.

Even in my x-marriage, this was how it was like, despite me working as well, my x-husband gives me 100% of his salary to manage our finances as whole family. I made all our financial decisions. And that's what his father did with his mom, so it was like, normal for him.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/30/2015 8:44:32 PM >

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RE: D/s - Is it love or money? - 12/30/2015 9:09:39 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Now that you say it, money does give one an element of control! So control gets involved, too?

Control is often a huge element in D/S relationships isn't it? The heart of a dominant is mostly wanting to have control over another human being.




You are right about the element of control.

That said, i am trying to figure out how a Domme might try to gain control of me when we are NOT from the Chinese tradition. After all, I am single and from a cultural tradition where the man controls the money ... and gives his wife what he thinks is appropriate ... of course, that amount is only after the beer is purchased ...

What say you?



_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to Greta75)
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