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Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 5:08:28 AM   
Bounceback


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/31/2015
Status: offline 		Id be interested in finding others views on what they understand as submission within a BDSM relationship.

In asking the question I make the following observations based on my own personal experience gleaned over the years.

submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks .. Put simply i play your game if you play mine to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.. but from a submissive point of view if someone is playing your game in what ever sense the Domme chooses to implement, is this a genuine act of submitting to another Surely to genuinely submit the person choosing to put themselves in this position has to constantly be in a situation where they have to endure a relationship / scene where they have to be constantly in a situation that they wouldn't naturally choose to be in, for their act of submission to be of any real value.

Would others agree with this interpretation of the submission?

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 6:55:31 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I don't agree with that interpretation of submission.

To choose to do something that you don't revel or enjoy seems a bit of an oxymoron to me.
Most people are sub because they choose to be.


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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 10:14:02 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		My personal definition:

Submission is being able to open yourself to another so fully, and to trust them so deeply, that their words and requests reach you at the deepest level, without having to go through the filter of your will.

It doesn't matter if you want to do something or don't want. If the filter of your will is permeable by your dominant, then you are submissive.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 10:16:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		That's a description of topping and bottoming, bedroom submission at best.

But there's no space in it for who gets to decide when to buy new tires. We bought ours last June because he said we had to. If it had been my call, I would have waited till October. I'm a great believer in getting new tires just in time for winter. But his vote carries more weight than mine.

Same with no brussel sprouts. I have a list of recipes I'd love to try but he hates brussel sprouts and won't let them in the house. Not just that he won't eat them, he doesn't even want to see or smell them. So I don't buy them.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 12:18:47 PM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		I agree with muffins and the first 3.5 lines.

Some people are submissive, others dominant, all somewhere in-between really.

Putting someone in a position they do not want to be, desire to be in is abuse- no matter if thee be top or bottom. Do you see the non subtle distinction now.

But having said that no-one should ever get everything they desire, save me, and I don't go about causing steam to shoot from between every wanton wenches ravenous legs, nor do i promise all wanton wenches this You would do more damage than good. So, specimens must be chosen wisely before unleashing unmitigated pleasure on their souls.


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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/2/2016 12:27:17 PM   
Bounceback


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/31/2015
Status: offline 		Thank you for taking the time to respond t my questions .. its appreciated.

please excuse me responding to each of your responses with this one message.

freedomdwarf - i cant argue with your comment - i guess for me personally this is the way i had always viewed submission as repayment of the effort my mistress made in working with my kink. In the very beginning it never proved to be an issue as my ego would always carry me through the scene and i would get a buzz that i had ticked another of the boxes of the list of things i had to endure ...lol as you might imagine though this approach finally took its toll and the bdsm side of our relationship crashed and burned.

Nookie Notes - A romantic notion that opening up conquers all .. giving yourself to someone emotionally is the easy part i found .. i never for a moment felt anything other than complete trust with my mistress but over time as i have hinted to freedom the ability of not being able to submit and endure the intensity of the scene i knew my mistress wanted to achieve i found just messed with my mind to much.

DesFip isn't what you describe just a normal married relationship regardless of whether you and your partner are in a bdsm relationship. Its nothing about submitting .. just dealing with real life on a day to day basis.

Thanks again.


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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/3/2016 10:58:56 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bounceback

Nookie Notes - A romantic notion that opening up conquers all .. giving yourself to someone emotionally is the easy part i found .. i never for a moment felt anything other than complete trust with my mistress but over time as i have hinted to freedom the ability of not being able to submit and endure the intensity of the scene i knew my mistress wanted to achieve i found just messed with my mind to much.


Nothing romantic about it. It's my reality as a dominant. My subs open themselves. Period. Not immediately (that would be crazy), but over time, as I show my consistency.

What human beings see as trust consciously and true openness and trust are completely different things. True openness and trust take a lot of time.

I'm sorry your mind has been messed with.

Now, I don't know you, so this is just a response to your message. Have you considered that what messed with your mind is that what you thought you wanted and who you are deep inside are too different. Maybe because you tried to give too much too quickly? Your walls were not down, and you tried to force it.

Again, maybe.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/3/2016 11:29:23 AM   
Bounceback


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/31/2015
Status: offline 		Hi Nookie

Your right in your response in that yes i walked in to this relationship with my eyes wide open. My mistress then (and now my wife of 15 years) never made any secret of the fact that she was a sadist and that her thing was pain. I was back then to consumed with the fact that i had found myself someone who understood my kink and thought she cant be serious about to the degrees she liked to go .. and trying to give her that was what finally became the issue as i couldn't endure the degree of pain that gave her her buzz. i never really explained that to her back then and in the end it got in the way.

lesson learnt .. be careful what it is you wish for etc.

Thanks or taking the time to reply




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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/3/2016 12:57:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bounceback
Id be interested in finding others views on what they understand as submission within a BDSM relationship.

In asking the question I make the following observations based on my own personal experience gleaned over the years.

submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks .. Put simply i play your game if you play mine to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.. but from a submissive point of view if someone is playing your game in what ever sense the Domme chooses to implement, is this a genuine act of submitting to another Surely to genuinely submit the person choosing to put themselves in this position has to constantly be in a situation where they have to endure a relationship / scene where they have to be constantly in a situation that they wouldn't naturally choose to be in, for their act of submission to be of any real value.

Would others agree with this interpretation of the submission?

I have to say that our definitions don't quite line up. My first issue with it is, I do not care if someone does everything that I tell them to do right down to the last piece of lint. As a Dominant woman, I'll be the first one to tell anybody that if someone's kink is on my hard limit list, I'm not budging. We respect my hard limits and your hard limits. Simpatico.

Soft limits of a submissive, those things that may change as the dynamic evolves, I may start to push as the time becomes right. I actually don't come with soft limits. There is nothing on my limits list that are soft, so it doesn't work in reverse. (I am very mean.)

I also happen to be a sadist (probably much like your wife) and in play, I treat s-types and bottoms differently. I hinge it on a little saying that I have called "the toy you hate". Now, the toy you hate is not the same for everyone. I don't think that special, hated toy has ever been the same for two separate people. I will find the toy you hate sooner or later. The toy you hate, as an s-type, does not get removed from the toy bag. I do not use the toy you hate on bottoms unless it's specifically been negotiated. The s-type in question doesn't get that choice. I say I'm hitting you with it and you submit. "I don't like it" is a preference. Not a safe word.

The toy you hate doesn't get used every play time and it tends to get used an overall small fraction of the time. (Really big toy collection here.) Pretty much the same way I see the overall dynamic. There will absolutely be things you submit to, even though you don't like it, with a bunch of things in there, but in the end, it's because I say do. In general, I expect that to be a small percentage of the time. The large majority of the time, I want you wanting or at least willing to do the things I tell you to do. (Hey, I'm not the hugest fan of housework on the block either, but we all admit some things need to be done and we take care of them.) It's not all about suffering for the s-type, and if that were the situation, I'd tell the s-type to bail. If I find us out of balance, we really need to examine just how compatible we really are. Most of life should have peace and harmony in the house and if I don't have it, sooner or later, I'm going to end the dynamic. Nobody is supposed to be miserable unless that's your particular kink. Most people want to be happy.

I don't know if that explains some my approach to this. I don't know if I answered anything for you, but then again, not all D-types are cut from the same cloth.




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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/3/2016 7:59:17 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bounceback

Id be interested in finding others views on what they understand as submission within a BDSM relationship.

In asking the question I make the following observations based on my own personal experience gleaned over the years.

submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks .. Put simply i play your game if you play mine to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.. but from a submissive point of view if someone is playing your game in what ever sense the Domme chooses to implement, is this a genuine act of submitting to another Surely to genuinely submit the person choosing to put themselves in this position has to constantly be in a situation where they have to endure a relationship / scene where they have to be constantly in a situation that they wouldn't naturally choose to be in, for their act of submission to be of any real value.

Would others agree with this interpretation of the submission?





Well, for starters, submission doesn't inherently have to involve kinks. Also, if someone is constantingly "enduring" it probably won't last.

For me, submission is about connection. I need someone I am attracted to, like, respect, and who feels the same way about me. Then we work out the specifics, and the specifics can change widely depending on the person.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/4/2016 1:09:46 AM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

To the OP,

Are you sure your not really a bottom with a submissive fetish?

Your entire description of your marriage smacks of male entitlement. You thought she would serve your needs and that her needs would take second place to yours ... or at least fade away. Have you considered that your playing at submission to get what you wanted was simply a way to play out your own ego centric world view? You didn't seem to get the nuance of DesFip's description of D/s outside the context of one or the other parties trying to manipulate the other.

Submission means to submit your will to another (in my opinion) not to play at submitting in order to manipulate your partner. Perhaps a bit of time spent on self reflection might help you to realize just what you are about and what you are really looking for.

I wish you luck on your journey.

Wickad

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/5/2016 9:35:20 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bounceback



submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks ..




D/s is Dominance and submission. You can engage in D/s without ever engaging in BDSM.

BDSM is bondage, discipline, Sado-Masochism. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s.

The two are not mutually inclusive.

So, your definition is based on "kinky sex = submission" - which I disagree with. Submission is more about what I do outside of the bedroom than what I do in it.


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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/5/2016 11:32:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No it isn't just a normal marriage. Most marriages I know of include people trying to get their own way, not always yielding to what the other person wants. He gets final say here, on damned near everything. I give him my view of things, but we very rarely argue. Most spouses I know of have a lot more autonomy than I do and they would object to losing it. As long as I'm heard and not ignored while he marshals his next argument, I'm fine with him being in charge.

Because your wife's a sadist and you're a masochist, you think it all comes down to suffering for your partner. We're not into s & m and he doesn't want me miserable taking things. We're into bondage and sex and having a win-win outcome.

He's the dominant because he gets to make any decision, in and out of bed, that he wants.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/30/2016 7:46:51 PM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		as a service oriented slave I enjoy doing things to make my owners life easier dishes laundry car maintenance and personal service like shaving or coloring hair. I revel in the enjoyment and thanks I get from doing that.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/31/2016 3:30:03 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Submission is being able to open yourself to another so fully, and to trust them so deeply, that their words and requests reach you at the deepest level, without having to go through the filter of your will.


Someone needs to publish a lifestyle dictionary, if only so that this can be in it!

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 1/31/2016 4:44:11 PM   
princessmika


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/10/2012
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

My personal definition:

Submission is being able to open yourself to another so fully, and to trust them so deeply, that their words and requests reach you at the deepest level, without having to go through the filter of your will.

It doesn't matter if you want to do something or don't want. If the filter of your will is permeable by your dominant, then you are submissive.


I love this definition and fully agree! ^_^

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 2/2/2016 7:12:56 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I see submission as being an extension of the dominant's will. I love the way that Nookie expressed it.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 2/3/2016 1:55:25 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Awww! The love! Thank ya'll

Every once in a while, if I swing enough hammers, I manage to hit a nail.

*smiles*

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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 2/3/2016 5:07:30 AM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		I like NookieNotes definition as well my sentiments exactly.

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RE: Understanding of Submission - 2/12/2016 6:45:01 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bounceback

Id be interested in finding others views on what they understand as submission within a BDSM relationship.

In asking the question I make the following observations based on my own personal experience gleaned over the years.

submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks .. Put simply i play your game if you play mine to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.. but from a submissive point of view if someone is playing your game in what ever sense the Domme chooses to implement, is this a genuine act of submitting to another Surely to genuinely submit the person choosing to put themselves in this position has to constantly be in a situation where they have to endure a relationship / scene where they have to be constantly in a situation that they wouldn't naturally choose to be in, for their act of submission to be of any real value.

Would others agree with this interpretation of the submission?





No, I would not. Let me explain ...

I am an alpha guy, yet when mentally and emotionally attracted to a Lady; my natural instinct is to want please Her. And I do not mean sexually ...

I want to make Her happy ... I want to make Her smile ... I want Her to want me ... so I try to do things that will leave Her wanting me.

While i am not always successful .. i think that is an excellent description of submissive tendencies ...

Then, how far the submissive tendencies get pushed, becomes the prerogative of the Lady Dominant!

For example: She might want me to spend Saturday Morning cleaning Her home, then take Her for a boat ride in the afternoon ... maybe dinner at night ... its all up to Her and i need to make Her happy!

And yes, i love doing it, too!








< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 2/12/2016 6:48:52 PM >

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Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

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