RE: How should I perceive this message?

RE: How should I perceive this message? (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 7:15:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire So there is this guy who I intellectually connect with, and am considering a casual night of sexual fun with him. Then First of all, when we spoke detailedly about our sexual preferences, we are world's apart. Then And his not interested in subjects I am interested in. Something is amiss with you narratives, gravely so. You are getting mix up with 2 different guys. Guy 1 - In OP, intellectual connection, but world's apart in sex Guy 2 - Already my regular sex partner, perfect sexual connection, zero intellectual connection, his the one who is not interested in subjects I am interested in Hope that clarifies.

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 7:21:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Because I think men and women should be treated equally, the fact that a woman can scream rape if a guy touches her at the elbow is fucking weird, you obviously can't see the implications that any woman having a grudge against a man can just claim he touched her inappropriately and the guy then is in trouble, because according to your own words "If she's local the police and public will take her side..." A guy can lose about anything because some psycho with a grudge makes a claim and you think that's great? Touching a woman's elbow is unacceptable, like seriously, I don't see why it's acceptable for a man or a woman to touch my elbow at all or any part of my body without my permission. It should be a crime. When it comes to molestation, even if he touched her breasts, it's hard to proof either way, so what's the difference? Molesters still need to be arrested, and then released when proven innocent. Can't let potential sex predators on the streets. So I don't understand your objection. quote: Seriously, you think it's great that you do live in a place where you have to hide that you like sex? How great will that place be if one of your lovers gets pissed off and tells the world about what you do? Then you would be treated like a leaper, just for enjoying sex the way you want to. Yeah, sounds like such a great place to me, as in HELL NO. That's why I choose my lovers carefully. Can't have any of them getting pissed off and stupid and start problems. So far so good. I don't think it's right that women can't enjoy sex without public shaming. But this is the reality of the world at this point. It's not just Asia, many Western males still don't think it's acceptable also for women to be sleeping around and having fun.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 7:56:29 AM)
No offense, but you don't see a lot of things and your thinking is hardly rational, come on, you have no problems fucking strangers but you do have serious issues with intimacy, you freak out at the idea of anybody French kissing you, you know strangely enough that is how prostitutes feel (not calling you one, just pointing out that among most of them kissing is the big taboo as it feels too intimate), you have a ton of issues and a lot of them with men. Also you are contradicting yourself, you said before that the locals and the police will take the word of a native girl against the word of a foreigner, that's not justice, that's just prejudice. You said specifically if a MAN touches a WOMAN, not if a person touches another person without permission, big difference. Seriously, if you are in a crowded place, there are incidences where you do need to touch somebody, a bar and a bunch of people blocking the way to the bar, too loud for them to hear you say "Excuse me", or a bus or train station, the airport, you need to get to one of the machines or counters, even in a supermarket it can happen, of course you go first "Excuse me" but if you can't get their attention, you tap them on the shoulder or elbow and repeat "Excuse me", it's a perfectly normal way. That you have that much problems with that but you're willing to fuck dudes you don't even want to talk to, that's weird. Also that you're only willing to meet guys if they're potential fuck buddies, just freaking strange. Yes, it's not quite there, personally I wouldn't want a partner who fucked around or fucks around, would gross me out, I don't want to be with anybody who has issues with intimacy and is just a collection of hangups, but it's hardly "suicide" (your words) in most other parts of the civilized world if a woman sleeps around and it becomes known. As for choosing your lovers carefully, I hope you do, but what if one of the guys you turned down tracks you down? You are living in a tiny place... Seriously, while you might not be worried about rape, I would be much much more worried about other things in your little perceived paradise.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 8:20:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 Guy 1 - In OP, intellectual connection, but world's apart in sex Guy 2 - Already my regular sex partner, perfect sexual connection, zero intellectual connection, his the one who is not interested in subjects I am interested in Personally, I wouldn't be with either of them. I need both elements to make anything meaningful. And without meaning, the sex or conversation is pretty boring. [sm=2cents.gif]

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 4:17:13 PM)
quote: No offense, but you don't see a lot of things and your thinking is hardly rational, come on, you have no problems fucking strangers but you do have serious issues with intimacy, you freak out at the idea of anybody French kissing you, you know strangely enough that is how prostitutes feel (not calling you one, just pointing out that among most of them kissing is the big taboo as it feels too intimate), you have a ton of issues and a lot of them with men. I think this is ridiculous considering this is a bdsm site. Personal sexual preference is personal sexual preference. You telling me I have issues for hating french kiss, is the same anybody calling people into bdsm sick. Like seriously......., coming from a fellow bdsm'er. Have more respect for people's differing sexual preferences, like seriously... To me, I experiment each aspect of regular sexual stuffs people do, like receiving oral and french kisses, I would say, as non-bias by what society teaches you about it, and have form my conclusion that those things are over-rated. I mean, we are all fed from young that french kissing is wonderful, receiving oral is orgasmic. So you happen to agree with the general consensus that it is, and maybe you get pleasure from it, but my own experiments tells me it's not true for my body. It makes total sense that I hate french kissing, because I cannot get an orgasm from french kissing. I'm a pragmatic person, and I don't enjoy anything that doesn't lead to good orgasms. I don't do anything unnecessary that does not give me pleasure. French kissing does not give me pleasure. I love dry kissing. I prefer a man to butterfly kiss me head to toe, and dry kiss me on the lips with no sloppiness. With my perfect sexual match, he kisses dry and we enjoy kissing each other for hours, but his the only man I ever met who naturally hates french kiss too. So usually I don't kiss men at all, and turn away as they tend to always attempt to stick their tongue in my mouth, and I just hate that. And it's not ridiculous to jump in bed with strangers and AS WELL AS NOT want to be molested by a stranger. Do you know the meaning of consensual sex or consensual touch? Irrational one is you, that just because I enjoy sex with strangers, does NOT mean I HAVE TO allow ANY stranger to touch me. What so irrational about wanting touch to be consensual? quote: Also you are contradicting yourself, you said before that the locals and the police will take the word of a native girl against the word of a foreigner, that's not justice, that's just prejudice. You said specifically if a MAN touches a WOMAN, not if a person touches another person without permission, big difference. Well, I still live in a world where men view being molested by women as a welcoming thing, so men just don't get upset about it when a woman touch them on shoulders or elbow. Men and women are different. But if a man is upset, of course he can go report it and it will be investigated. But yes, for simple things like touching elbow or shoulders, only women are protected. The woman would have to grab his balls, to get arrested and thrown into jail. But this is due to at the moment, the society of men that exists has no issues being touched on shoulders or elbows, this can change if they felt hurt by it. I think our laws reflect the mentality of the society as well and is fluid. But our women have huge issues of physical contact with men, because it's still a conservative country and women don't like to be touched by men who are not their spouse or partners. And end of the day, same thing right? A man can accuse a woman of grabbing his balls, whether true or false, same shit, woman arrested, investigation starts. Molestation is hard to prove unless there are eye witnesses to back you up. quote: Seriously, if you are in a crowded place, there are incidences where you do need to touch somebody If it's an accident, it's not a crime. Clearly I am talking about intentional touching of a woman without her approval. I mean even in crowded jam packed places, woman's breast and butt can accidentally be brushed against too. So it doesn't matter whether breast, butt or elbow. It's still molestation if it's intentional. quote: That you have that much problems with that but you're willing to fuck dudes you don't even want to talk to, that's weird. It's not weird, I get sexual pleasure from physical stimulation. So is mental stimulation necessary for me to get off? Nope! Different strokes for different folks. quote: Also that you're only willing to meet guys if they're potential fuck buddies, just freaking strange. Not weird at all. My goal is sex, not to make platonic friends. As simple as that. I make plenty of platonic friends through my non-sexual activities, so I'm compartamentalize. If I am looking to have sex, it's really a waste of time meeting someone in the casual sex world and not have sex. For me, that's time wasting of my time. quote: Yes, it's not quite there, personally I wouldn't want a partner who fucked around or fucks around, would gross me out, But this is double standard right? You shun people who fuck around yet you say you live in a society who accept people who fuck around. Make up your mind. quote: but it's hardly "suicide" (your words) in most other parts of the civilized world if a woman sleeps around and it becomes known./ You are saying in most parts of the world, if someone is outed to sleep around casually alot, it wouldn't affect their career as an employee in companies? Really? quote: but what if one of the guys you turned down tracks you down? You are living in a tiny place... What IF one of your closest best friends sell you out? I mean, humans are unreliable and there is alot of what IFs and there are no guarantees. But I've been doing this since I was a teenager, and it has never happened to me. Years of experience teaches you how to sense and choose people. With this specific guy in the OP, I brought him up as I had some doubts. Usually, it's quite clear cut to me, yay or nay. But I just brought him up to get other perspective to help form my final decision for this guy. As his not a straightforward nay for me. In the case of the laws being harsher with foreigners, it's meant to be like that, because, this isn't a PC country and if foreigners want to live and work here, they need to abide by our laws, so they get harsher punishments when they break it, as an example to other foreigners to take our laws seriously. I mean, I think it's the right thing to do, otherwise, you will forever have people from cultures different from ours, thinking they can come in here and do what they do in their own countries. I don't think it's right. It's like if I go to the west, I have to accept that the police won't protect me if a man touch my elbow. It's your culture, and I have to respect that and abide by it.

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 4:34:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 Personally, I wouldn't be with either of them. I need both elements to make anything meaningful. And without meaning, the sex or conversation is pretty boring. [sm=2cents.gif] That's why they are fuck buddies and not life partners. I think the conditions for a life partner is mental connection and sexual connection and emotional connection. Infact when it comes to life partners, many people throw sexual connection out of the window as well. But for fuck buddies, I'm okay with each person only meeting one of those. After all, as I said, my longest running fuck buddy, is my mental mesh to the extent that I feel so stimulated mentally and there is so much joy in conversing with him, but the sex is so lacklustre. For me it's like, I'd love the best of both worlds, who does not want that perfection? But for me, I've never been lucky enough to experience the best of both worlds yet. I married a man whom was my best friend and I still believe that I should marry a best friend material type of man in the future but I didn't feel anything in bed for. That the marriage became sexless. As we just had no sexual chemistry. And you on the other hand, have found a woman you love and who is perfect for you, so you are enjoying that.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 4:35:20 PM)
No, it's not the same noticing that you have issues, lots of issues, to claiming BDSM is sick. You have issues with how you see men, you have issues with food, you have issues with your parents, you have issues with other people, without playing the armchair psychologist, I do think they are all related and I hope you get them sorted out. Yes, a friend could sell me out, it has happened, been burned, but doing fine now. Look you are doing your usual wiggle waggle and you are trying to twist your own words, it's pretty clear what you said. I sincerely hope you do get help, because you really need it.

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 4:37:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze No, it's not the same noticing that you have issues, lots of issues, to claiming BDSM is sick. Everyone has issues. I've been more open about my issues than many people in this forums with their own issues. Not everyone is open about it. I am also more intune with my issues and never denied on real issues that are issues. But on the french kissing part, I totally disagree with you, that it's an issue at all, but just a sexual preference.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/7/2016 6:04:31 PM)
On it's own it might be, combines with the other ones, hell no. Look, I am seriously not trying to be rude, you have said you had shrinks, have you ever been open about all of that combined? I don't gain anything if you French Kiss or not, but again, with the eating disorders and other stuff, and the being open about it is a cry for attention. Before I changed track and went for languages, I actually did study psychology and got a degree, I often thought you are not real because it's so text book. Eating disorders are almost always emotional disorders. I have seen part of your problems in guys, but I really never have seen it in a woman especially to that degree. You are aware that some things affect not just one aspect in your life? You are using sex as an escape to not be truly intimate. I'm not going to dress this up and pretend I like you, because a lot of what you say I find terribly offensive and cold, and some stuff badly informed, but that's beside the point, there's just something that isn't right and it doesn't just manifest in your eating disorders, you seem to do things compulsive, eating, sex, etc. You have a problem relating to people, you say you don't trust people, then you use men just for sex without letting them get close, can't you see that there is a connection? First impulse would be to guess abuse, but it's been drummed into me to never jump to conclusion, I don't know you apart from what you type here, but if what you type here is true, you really have to address the issue underneath it all, the one that causes you to overeat, then exercise compulsively, then have compulsive sex marathons without an emotional connection. The issues, they are just bricks in a wall, they aren't the reason why the bricks are there. If you'd be somebody who's happy and just doesn't enjoy French kissing, yeah ok, a bit odd but fine, but along with the rest.... I don't know if it helps, and I'm possibly a bit fucked up too, but if it came to being raped with a condom and French kissed or orally invaded against my will, as weird as it sounds, the rape would be less disgusting or traumatic, a dick in a condom is somewhat removed, less intimate than a tongue....

LadyPact -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/9/2016 6:47:27 AM)
So, you continue to support rapists and stalkers. Good to know.

crumpets -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/12/2016 11:10:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamlady ]Does anybody here remember seeing "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" I haven't seen it but know about it, and have always resented how it makes women fear meeting men more than they otherwise might realistically need to. Dunno though ... I never performed any formal studies on the effect on women these types of movies have (Cape Fear anyone?)

dreamlady -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/12/2016 4:24:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crumpets I haven't seen it but know about it, and have always resented how it makes women fear meeting men more than they otherwise might realistically need to. It is a cautionary tale based on real events. Can't get much more "realistic" than that, aside from dramatic presentation vs. true crime presentation. This was pre-AIDS era, but it wasn't as if there still weren't STDs floating around like herpes, what we used to call VD (syphilis, gonorrhea) -- more recently, the papilloma virus family. I mention this because HIV was the wake-up call, whereas other STDs weren't much of a deterrent from having casual sex in the form of NSA one-night stands. Back in the day, condom usage was primarily to assist in preventing pregnancy, not to prevent bodily fluid exchanges in the form of genital contact. I suspect that in waxing nostalgic about the "good old days" of the Sexual Revolution era that infused pop culture with the sexually uninhibited ideal of "Free Love," what you actually resent is not being able to get pussy-on-demand. [8D] "Free Love" is a euphemism for engaging in promiscuous sexual practices, an illusory trend of sorts which we Baby Boomers outgrew as we matured (some of us did, not the hippie throwbacks among us), in order to face the sobering challenges of reality. (It's the generation following after us which came up with the concept of FWB fuckbuddies or how oral sex isn't really sex [8\|], the Monica Lewinsky generation.) DreamLady

crumpets -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/13/2016 10:41:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamlady what you actually resent is not being able to get pussy-on-demand. Damn. You're scary. You know me all too well. And you don't even really know me. Yet you peg me every time on the button. That's scary! quote: ORIGINAL: dreamlady how oral sex isn't really sex [8\|], the Monica Lewinsky generation.) Interesting new concept. I guess the kids have that one, but to me, oral sex is sex too. I guess I'm old school.

DocStrange -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/13/2016 2:13:35 PM)
POD - Pussy on Demand. I just love acronyms!

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/16/2016 4:08:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze If you'd be somebody who's happy and just doesn't enjoy French kissing, yeah ok, a bit odd but fine, but along with the rest.... I don't know if it helps, and I'm possibly a bit fucked up too, but if it came to being raped with a condom and French kissed or orally invaded against my will, as weird as it sounds, the rape would be less disgusting or traumatic, a dick in a condom is somewhat removed, less intimate than a tongue.... The men I emotionally connect with often I don't enjoy sex with. I don't think I have any issues with letting anybody close. I am always open about my feelings. And all the fuck buddies, people I interact with, they can ask me anything about my feelings and my emotions, I always answer dead honestly. My conversations are always deep and heavy with people I am with, even fuck buddies. No small talk, but we always talk about life and how we feel about life events and things going on in our life, all the sadness and happiness. Personal stuffs. It always quickly and easily fall into that. I don't small talk at all. I really do not enjoy french kissing from my very first kiss, I had a leonardo lookalike as my first kiss as a young girl, you go gaga over looks at that age because you are young and shallow, but after he frenched kissed me, I stopped liking him or feeling attracted to him, as I felt it was horrible and unpleasant. I've pretty much frenched kissed up till 30 years old, including with my x-husband of 9 years who loves french kissing, so 9 years of suffering his kisses, where I decided enough is enough, I hated every experience of it, and I need to stop putting myself through that torture. I have also easily french kissed on a dare by friends. I am not afraid of french kissing, I just find it extremely unpleasant. I love nuzzling, cheek to cheek, and lip to lip dry kisses. I kiss like a cat. If you had a cat who love to lip to lip with you and nuzzled its nose to you and rub its head against your cheeks, you will understand what I mean, by this is more intimate than french kissing. And it's what I love and how I express intimacy. To me, that's closer than just kissing with tongue. I've kissed with tongue with many men and even women, to try to figure out why people enjoy this. And I could not find the love for it. So as I said, I do agree, I do use sex alot for leisure and fun, but to say I "use men for sex" is so weird, as it's all consensual. I never force any men to have sex with me. I never ask either. My fuck buddies, if they want sex, they gotta call me. I never call a man and ask for sex ever in my life. And I never initiate sex, ever in my life too. I always tell a man, if he wants sex, he needs to make it happen and don't wait for me to initiate. If he waits, he will never get sex from me ever as I will never initiate. I have lied naked in bed with men all night with no sex and just conversations because he initiated nothing. If he doesn't touch me, I won't touch him either. I am very respectful of males and would never "molest them" or pressure them into having sex with me. So I can't see how is this using them for sex, when they voluntarily look for me and I happily agree to it IF it was someone I enjoyed sex with. There is zero pressure on them on having sex with me at all. I just came back from a beautiful week of non-stop sexual marathon in Europe with my favourite fuck buddy and I had a great time. Perhaps orgasms is like a drug to me I get high and drunk on it. As I said, I clearly have alot of issues with my parents. But I seriously don't believe french kissing is an issue. The reason I am annoyed about the french kissing thing is, if you imagine being in my shoes, as a woman who hate french kiss, and every single man you meet will pressure you to try his kiss, because maybe I just haven't have a great kiss, and then to tell him, I still hate it, and then for him to tell you, there must be something wrong with you because you hate french kissing. This is a reoccuring problem in my life that men always tell me it's a problem that I hate french kissing. It should not be a problem. It's like men accusing women of having problems for hating blowjobs or anal sex. Same shit. Women should have full rights to have their individual sexuality respected. If a man needs french kissing in his sex life, we part, simple. He has plenty of other women to french kiss with. It's that simple, and shouldn't go into, I have a problem. It's like if men hate going down on women, then they should be respected for it and not made to feel less than a man for not wanting to do that. And you as a woman also attacking for the french kiss bit, is a bit of a low blow.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/16/2016 5:57:18 PM)
I do have cats and dogs, but I treat them as what they are, cats and dogs, I don't try to humanize their actions As for using men for sex, most men are more than happy to have sex, seriously, any woman can have a ton of guys she can use for sex, it's not the same as intimacy, I mean I can have a ton of orgasms with my hitachi, doesn't mean intimacy or remotely the same feeling as having sex with my other half. Again, I am not attacking you, it's just a pattern there, that is pretty obvious, as I said if it was just not French kissing, fine, but everything along with it, it's text book. You fuck, but you aren't really intimate, you said before you don't trust people, I don't really care, I just notice what you say, if you want to believe that it's got nothing to do with your other issues, fine, seriously no skin of my back, we won't ever meet, it won't influence my life, but you have other issues in your life that seem to bug you a lot, if it is so unrelated, you shouldn't be worried to bring it up with a shrink. Again it's your call and it makes no difference to me, in all honesty, I find you so cold and unpleasant that I can't bring myself to care if you are happy or not, it's just the signs are all there, you want to ignore them, go ahead, it's not like I think you are the undeserving victim of a cruel fate.

Greta75 -> RE: How should I perceive this message? (1/16/2016 8:05:11 PM)
quote: it's not the same as intimacy I have no idea what you mean by intimacy. If talking about our innermost thoughts and feelings with each other is not intimacy, then I have no idea what you mean. French kiss to me certainly isn't intimate to me. My fuck buddies are also mostly my friends that I can talk to. They tell me their problems, about their day, just like normal close friends do. And I listen, they are there for me, I am there for them. I am a very communicative person and very transparent about things, and I have no problems answering any personal questions with the people I have sex with. Fuck buddies relationships actually needs transparency and comfort level from both parties to work too. The man has to feel completely at ease and comfortable in opening up to me. Men have cried in my arms while I hold him when his going through a bad time. It's just that, our relationship is not exclusive with each other and it's not forever. Because we like each other as friends and for sexual comfort but we aren't each other's soulmates. So I would say, I don't know what is your version of intimacy. To me. I don't fear intimacy. I also love unconditionally when I do love someone and expect nothing in return. But when I don't feel love for someone, then I can't force it to happen.

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