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Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 2:22:21 AM   
submarie123


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		This is a question I have wanted to ask a Master for some time.  I've heard that men are more interested in women who play hard to get because of the "thrill of the chase."  Is that true at of Dominent men as well, and if so, in what way?  Shouldn't a submissive always make herself available, or will this cause the Dom to lose interest fast ???
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 3:20:57 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		"Playing hard to get" like any other kind of stupid games will result in a "Don't call me... and I won't bother calling you" in VERY short order.

Games like that IMO are vanilla based rubbish where the girl is getting her 'subbie boy' to jump through hoops to see how much control of him she can get.

One big advantage with D/s is we know in advance where the power exchange is, we can openly discuss any limits or areas that may need compromise, then if both are comfortable and compatable, things can move forward. No need for childish 'games', the sub is giving up their power and control to the Dominant, no contest, no tricks, no underhand manipulation.... just good old fashioned open communication is all that is needed.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to submarie123)
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RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 3:27:40 AM   
lolipop


Posts: 34
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		Well that's just a THEORY/RUMOR in vanilla relationships; sure, some people like it. But most (in my experience) find it annoying and tedious.

Playing hard to get seems more appropriate for a Domme/Dom to do rather than a sub, if it is incorporated at all (that is, when it is a discussed element). My two cents.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 3:28:55 AM   
lolipop


Posts: 34
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		Oops, I didn't realize this was on the 'Ask a Master' board. I apologize for my mistake; feel free to ignore my post.

(in reply to lolipop)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 4:10:32 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't do it. I think it can hurt people's feelings, sometimes.
Hopefully, I myself, am not being misunderstood at the current time (I state I want freinds, and that is exactly waht I mean. I want to get to know people). I do think that if I like someone I -

1) Find it hard to hide and -
2) Dont' want to hide it, particularly 

Sometimes, maybe you'd feel self-conscious falling all over someone (keep in mind, though, you are on a bdsm website and some Dominants (and submissives, for that matter) actually like that kind of thing). But, you don't need to over do it. Hopefully, you'll be able to tell if they "get it" (and you).

I am not in much poisiton to give advice on this right now, but do know how you might feel, I think. Good luck.

- Susan   

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to lolipop)
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RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 4:24:26 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If  I get to the stage of informing a girl that she may beg my collar and she plays hard to get, my permission is withdrawn.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 5:33:31 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lolipop
Oops, I didn't realize this was on the 'Ask a Master' board. I apologize for my mistake; feel free to ignore my post.


Don't worry about it. Like any of the other boards, all are welcome to give input on any question but it is kept in mind that the question is predominantly aimed at getting the specific PoV from the board chosen.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to lolipop)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 5:49:56 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not quite sure it's a "Playing hard to get" that men enjoy.  Being as i am not a man, i can only go on limited experience from those men i know and have told me.  I do believe it is more along the lines of  the  Hunt...............then the Conquer.
There is a certain thrill in it for them.  It's something/someone new, it's that spark.

I could be way off base here, but i'm going on a few things told.

Happy Wednesday y'all!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to submarie123)
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RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 7:47:12 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Edited to state, Im not a man, but this is what they have told me, the ones that I have been involved with as well as friends with...smiles

I have a different view on this than others have stated. Men do not like women who "play" hard to get, they want a woman that IS hard to get on some level. It does not mean that she ignores calls, or is rude, or plays the "busy" game... it means that she returns calls, but has a life outside of them, that she is always polite, and that she really has a life .

It means she keeps her options open until there is some sort of commitment or arrangement of exclusivity, because she wouldn't assume there is one. She respects herself and others. It isn't a "game", it is a reality. No man wants to feel as though a woman grabbed the only person willing to talk to her and won't let go.

I would never advise someone to "play" hard to get. I would advise them to be this way, it will improve the quality of those she consorts with. Do not sit by the phone, have a life, date as many people as are interesting to you...this is not a game, it is your life....Someone worth their salt won't expect your universe to revolve around them without putting any effort into being with you....

We all play the dating game when we are looking, but that doesn't mean we have to play headgames. Treat others the way you want to be treated and it usually turns out ok...

That being said, once you decide to be with "just one", especially a dominant one, better be prepared to give a lot of time and energy to the arrangement because it is NOT a game...he has you, and you are his. This is why being hard to get is important in the beginning...you value that which you had to work for.



< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/19/2006 7:48:49 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to submarie123)
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RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 9:43:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you have to play games to get a relationship going, expect to have to keep playing games throughout the relationship.

Do men and women both play these games?  Absolutely.

Do they work out into long term happy relationships?  Almost never.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to submarie123)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 12:38:21 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		i think the difference is..  there's hard to get, and that's a bother, but then there is "Hard for others to get, but hmmm...   available to ME"  and that seems to stoke em up. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 1:20:55 PM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I would never advise anybody to "play" hard to get.  I would tho, advise them to "be" worth getting.

When I look for a partner (of any type but I will restrict the discussions to submissives) I look for a woman with her own identity.  SHe has a job, ffriends, a life outside of my interests.  She has the backbone and will to say no to men she is not interested in.  I do NOT look for somebody willing to give themselves to aybody claiming the title of Dominant.

Don't be hard to get, but don't be easy for everyome to get.  Be you.  Be worth getting.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 9:15:50 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submarie123

This is a question I have wanted to ask a Master for some time.  I've heard that men are more interested in women who play hard to get because of the "thrill of the chase."  Is that true at of Dominent men as well, and if so, in what way?  Shouldn't a submissive always make herself available, or will this cause the Dom to lose interest fast ???


This is a foolish myth all would be better off abandoning. Entering action with boldness and honesty wins me over far more than one who is coy and manipulative. Exude the stratagem of the smug ornament and I will pass you over—no matter how pretty you are.

(in reply to submarie123)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 9:26:44 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There is the hunting .. That delightfull period after you spy your quarry and you track her and hunt...

There is the period when you have all but got her and you are talking, learning about each other and when it is time to lay cards on the table. This is Not the time for Bull Shit or Mind Games.

If a girl needs time to re-evaluate herself , needs, wants and her feelings about me and about a potential collar, she shall have all the time I decide to allow her. It is in this stage when it is a deal breaker if she decides to go all coy and play the "Hard To get" crap. She will have just demonstrated that she is not the person I want to invest anymore time and resources in as a potential slave.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 9:52:18 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Playing this game only pisses people off. I asked someone out a while ago. I did so three times. After I stopped she asked me months later, why I had stopped. My reply was simple, after I ask 3 times, I move on. I have little patience for mind fuck games. What ladies must remember, there are other women out there. There are about 10 women to every man on this planet, probably more. So if you want to play games, you will need to realize that other women will snap up the guys by being honest and straight forward and not playing games.

And like Lucky said, if you need to play games to get started, then the games will always need to be played. And in the end, things fall apart.


As for Doms playing hard to get. Not a good idea either. Dominants can be a dime a dozen for a sub on the prowl. I don't play hard to get in public, but I am very picky about with whom I play with. If you are not my type, or don't really interview well, guess what? You won't be playing with me anytime soon.  Yes, I said interview. If we are talking and I am asking questions, you are being interviewed, even interrogated perhaps.  I have played with other Dominant's friends and/or property without a lot of get to know you stuff. But those very few women I have played with multiple times, have seen outside of the lifestyle just being friends. They went through the interviews.

I have a wonderful woman that I collared a little over a month ago. We are friends first before anything else. The collar says she is mine when we are playing. It is our bond for our friendship as well, even when she is not wearing it. I did not delay or contemplate my collaring her for very long. I value her not only as mine, but as my friend. I did not play games of trying to play hard to get. She did not play that game either. She earned my respect for her honesty, and she won a lot more than that psychologically.

For those that contemplete these mind games, a word of advice: Knock off the bullshit. Don't play games because there are many out there that can fill your shoes. And believe me, I will keep looking until I find the final one that I wish to be with. And, so will others that cannot stand BS.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 10:05:39 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Julia, well said!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/19/2006 10:11:24 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I don't believe in playing hard to get because it's just not honest.
Like Susan said it hurts people's feelings and it's just not conducive to meeting people.
After all, I didn't join this site just to play games, I joined it in hopes of meeting the right submissive woman and I am here to be "got".

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 5:06:39 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		The question is a good one to a point.
I am male and do not like to play those kind of games, nor do I look for someone who does. 

This is different from when a relationship is established and a 'playful' hard to get attitude is expressed. That can be fun but again the key is, after the relationship has begun.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 5:25:31 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominmd

There are about 10 women to every man on this planet, probably more.


Ok, not trying to flame or derail the thread, but...huh?

(in reply to dominmd)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 7:26:39 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a different view on this than others have stated. Men do not like women who "play" hard to get, they want a woman that IS hard to get on some level. It does not mean that she ignores calls, or is rude, or plays the "busy" game... it means that she returns calls, but has a life outside of them, that she is always polite, and that she really has a life .

It means she keeps her options open until there is some sort of commitment or arrangement of exclusivity, because she wouldn't assume there is one. She respects herself and others. It isn't a "game", it is a reality. No man wants to feel as though a woman grabbed the only person willing to talk to her and won't let go.


I agree with this. I also think that a lot men (I did not say ALL men) don't want to form a long term relationship with someone that will just jump into play and sex. It's the idea that you did that with him.....and everyone else. A lot of guys, subconsciously, hold a double standard of girls you f**k and girls you stay with.

This just comes from my own personal observation of the people and relationships in my local community.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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