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Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/19/2016 2:01:35 PM

Kana

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So, I'm involved in a discussion on another thread in this forum and don't want to stray so I wanted to make another thread to discuss a topic that came up.
A post was made that stated:

quote:

This "lifestyle" has become far too tolerant its practitioners. So tolerant that we often protect those among us that are honestly sociopaths and psychotics masquerading as Dominants. Doing real harm to impressionable young subs. All under the guise of consent. I say it's high time we turned them out and not give them safe haven any longer.

Do the s-types out there agree with the thought that 'this "lifestyle" has become far too tolerant its practitioners?'
Are you "impressionable young subs" that need protecting?
Are you capable of making rational decisions on whom you give consent to?

How do you like it when strangers define your sex lives?
Do you like being rescued by that Knight in Shining Armor, being saved from drowning in the heat of sub-frenzy by the strong arm of the strange lifeguard pulling you to shore and safety?

Please feel free to share your experiences and opinions on Knights in Shining Armor.

< Message edited by Kana -- 1/19/2016 2:02:42 PM >

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/19/2016 2:15:35 PM

stef

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I love Captain Saveahos. They are often some of the most amusing posters here.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/19/2016 5:46:58 PM

DesFIP

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Weirdo posters who assume because we're submissive in the right interpersonal relationships that we are incompetent at running our lives? Idiots.

Unless I give you the authority to pass judgment on my life and how I live it, then the weirdo doing it without my consent is by definition the sociopath he's warning us against.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/20/2016 1:10:00 PM

kanina

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/23/2016 10:25:11 PM

DocStrange

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"This "lifestyle" has become far too tolerant its practitioners."
How is this statement being measured? Sock puppets and psychopaths have always been around. Is there a statistic that supports there is an increase in domestic violence due to BDSM?

This seems to be yet another baseless claim with no actual data to back it.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/24/2016 3:26:28 AM

Cinnamongirl67

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Hello.
I think there is a population of people whether young/ older who might be a little to adventurous. They take chances and do not understand that the choice they are making is not simply a "game" they find theirselves in a situation they have no idea how to escape from. After a while, they become broken and barely realize anymore, broken bones, severe beatings, being treated like a dog isn't the norm. The dysfunction becomes their normal whether they truly want it or not.
There are a lot of predators out there.
Do I think sub/slave are stupid? On the contrary.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/24/2016 4:13:25 AM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kanina

LMAO:)

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/24/2016 9:06:59 AM

LadyPact

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Well, let's start at the beginning. Obviously, I am not an s-type, so I can't speak from a first person account to the question. I'd have to think that most people don't want outside interference when it comes to their relationship. I'm not here to try to make decisions for anybody else and in most cases, an outside third party isn't the best arbitrator of what's really happening with the people actually involved in the relationship. If you're meddling when you weren't invited, that's kind of on you.

From this outside perspective, more often than not, if we're dealing with an adult, mentally competent submissive, I'm going to be the first person to say you signed up for that dynamic. If it's come to pass that you don't like the hand you've been dealt, that same door that you walked through to enter the dynamic, is the very same one that you can walk out of if you want to leave. If you are remaining in the dynamic, I'm going to assume that is what you want to do. In turn, again, I don't have anything to say because if you want to be in the situation, that makes it none of my business.

Being one of the people who has been reading the other thread, I don't think this thread encompasses the whole thing. It's one thing to say an s-type makes the decisions of where they want to be being the totality of the scope. It's another thing to want to be characterized together when we start talking about certain kinks. Like it or not, we are sometimes viewed as a whole and if you don't think we are, just wait for the next news story where BDSM is involved in some way and somebody ends up dead. No, you didn't sign up to be looked at that way but I think it's kind of a trickle down effect.

As an individual, are there certain kinks that I want to be distanced from? Hell, yes! I'm not exactly big on the folks who don't view death as a hard limit. I'm also not big on everybody calling anything stupid that they want to do a kink. If I said that my "kink" was to stand on a three story building and drop cement blocks onto the people below, even knowing it was going to smash their skull or break their neck, I wouldn't expect anyone to buy into drinking the Kool-Aid of "oh, yes, it's a kink". I'd expect most kinky people to want to be separated from that kind of thing.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 1/24/2016 10:51:27 AM

ChrchofDrk

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Thank you LadyPact. What you say there is more what I was trying to express in the other thread. You're much better with words than I

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/1/2016 7:31:48 PM

littleclip

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I have some hard limits myself I try to respect others limits as well. as a slave I know I get over excited at times and need to be given some guidance and restraint. as a slave I chose to whom I give my submission to and trust them to keep me safe. I can at any time say enough as can my owner.
I am also in agreement with ChrchofDrx LP is much more eloquent in her conveying of thoughts

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 8:08:34 AM

spellslave

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I'd say there is a difference between Knights in Shining Armour and people genuinely intervening in a dynamic because the other individual involved has a history of being an abusive asshole using BDSM to manipulate and hurt others. People get banned from munches and events for a reason, which isn't a bad thing if it keeps people not so aware of the fact that individuals like that exist safe.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 8:42:25 AM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip
...as a slave I know I get over excited at times and need to be given some guidance and restraint.

Just to throw a spanner in the works.... Isn't this exactly the point that Kana was making??

Are you not adult enough to think straight and create your own guidance and restraint without having to rely on your dominant to impose such things upon you?

From an outsider PoV, I can see that maybe at such times that the dynamic could be abusive and/or toxic.
For the /s type to be sooo disconnected to real life spells disaster IMHO.
So it's no wonder that many onlookers see any sort of BDSM as a destructive practice in its entirety.
Many 'nilla's out there see BDSM as a no-no and it's not hard to see why.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 10:16:52 AM

ReMakeYou

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There are a few elements to this. There are people who are good at getting close to people, and either getting people to justify their crazy or only showing it when the other party is in too deep to back out. There are also cases where people find themselves caught up in the moment, and could use a third party checking in to help bring them back down to reality.

The better question is, how do we define white knights? A community that collectively decides to kick out regular abusers is one thing. It's essentially just another way of giving someone useful information about a potential partner. A touch extreme, but regular abusers are rather extreme on their own. Likewise, being tied into a community and having people who have your back is a remarkably functional, sane thing to do.

If you're asking about people who run around expecting to singlehandedly save other people (overwhelmingly other people who they happen to find attractive), that's a warning sign. Communities existing to help their members and exclude people who they feel are harmful, that's what communities do.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 12:21:26 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Can't resist.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

There are a few elements to this. There are people who are good at getting close to people, and either getting people to justify their crazy or only showing it when the other party is in too deep to back out. There are also cases where people find themselves caught up in the moment, and could use a third party checking in to help bring them back down to reality.

Disagree. Where I draw my personal line between justification and interference is whether or not the person wants out of the situation. If they don't, it has nothing to do with an outside opinion of the actual relationship. More often than not, first person participation wins.

Wanna check in? Cool. Do it once to put your own mind at ease. After that, you (general you) are meddling.

Let's take an example. Face slapping. I could name ten female submissives on these boards who I greatly admire and respect who say that face slapping to them is abuse. On the other hand, I could name ten who think that face slapping is the most erotic, sensual, form of ownership that they experience. Keep in mind, I didn't ask you what YOU thought, because you are not them. YOU are not a participant in THEIR relationship.

quote:

The better question is, how do we define white knights? A community that collectively decides to kick out regular abusers is one thing. It's essentially just another way of giving someone useful information about a potential partner. A touch extreme, but regular abusers are rather extreme on their own. Likewise, being tied into a community and having people who have your back is a remarkably functional, sane thing to do.

I'll be the first to say, any person who has been BANNED from a real time community is probably bad news. Most communities don't make such decisions lightly, so a person who has been removed from a local group... Yeah, pay attention to that. Start asking "why" and when a person isn't welcome at places where people know them and are only doing things where they fly under the radar, if you don't listen, that's on you. When a whole COMMUNITY kicks someone out, they can't all be wrong. Look at the MasterBob case. Heck, read Alternative Lifestyles in the News.

quote:

If you're asking about people who run around expecting to singlehandedly save other people (overwhelmingly other people who they happen to find attractive), that's a warning sign. Communities existing to help their members and exclude people who they feel are harmful, that's what communities do.

Very astute. It happens more often than people think.

I'm not saying I'm signing up for everyone's kinks or everyone's whacked out BS. What I am saying is, I'm not the authority for other people. I'll distance myself from what isn't kosher to me while giving them the freedom to do whatever they want to do. Will I call out the stupid sometimes? Yes. At the end of the day, my opinion is just that. An opinion. No better or worse than one that belonging to anyone else. And, if I'm wrong because I"M NOT A FIRST PERSON PARTICIPANT, the people IN the relationship can tell me to f*** off.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 4:00:35 PM

LilJuly76

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I don't believe in white knights and heros. I try to protect myself. I get to know a person before I even engage in S & M activities with them. Usually when I make that choice I'll just start out playing, like any relationship, if it works out it becomes more, if not than I walk away.

The only time I make an exception to get to know someone before S & M play is if we are recommended to each other by a third party. I think too many girls go into sub frenzy and decide to play with people before they find out if the person can do this kind of stuff.

I was in a 5 year M/s relationship that was pretty good up until the 5th year when it became toxic, I made the choice to leave. We all have the choice to leave.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 4:16:37 PM

mousekabob

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I'm of the opinion that we're all adults and being an adult means taking responsibility for your own decisions and choices. If you can't do that then you have issues and you should not be in ANY relationships and you should probably be seeking therapy.

I'm not into rescuing others and despise those who think they need to rescue others. Grow up.

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 6:16:12 PM

Cell

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Hmmm... I've rescued others =P
It was in a vey public place, there were a group of girls and one of them in particular was either drunk or on drugs and acting like people do when like that. Loud, little regard for others etc... I'm not sure how it started exactly (I actually think the guy was checking her out) but anyway the girl seemed to single out one guy that was in the area and get into an argument with him. The man (I'd say mid 30s) couldn't seem to handle the situation very well, but he didn't say anything that wasn't in response to the girl's very confrontational and vulgar attitude toward him. Over the course of several minutes the argument escalated (mainly fuelled by the young girl) and it was obvious the man was very close to getting physical, (from memory I even think the girl may have tried to push him before that point. Maybe there was some pushing on both sides, was a lomg time ago)... now the guy was standing there obviously very angry, hands in fists, facing off against this young girl...

(I'll take a brief intermission here to ask, which one do you feel required rescuing at this point? The guy, while apparently unable to be the bigger man and walk away from this white trash girl, was not the one pushing and pushing and escalating the situation over the course of several minutes... if anything he was being put on show in public by a psyco little bitch getting up in his face. On the other hand while I doubt she would have felt it, this guy could probably have rearranged her face and ended the argument by putting her on the ground... which is about 10 seconds away at this point.)

So what did I do? Here is the guy, fist cocked back... the girl, about to catch a bunch of dickbeaters with her face...
And here is me... I blindside the guy. Pumble his head and chase him away. Consider yourself rescued young maiden!

So, what should I have done? Hmm... Anything other than that probably. This event happened when I was fresh out of school basically and it would have been my first adult fight. Even thought it was a long time ago now I've always regretted pretty much how everything went down. I don't think the guy deserved to be attacked, not by me or that fucked up girl, but more importantly... why did I get involved at all? Because girls need rescuing and protecting from the shit they get themselves into right?

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 6:41:56 PM

ChrchofDrk

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Sounds to me like you were trying to get laid by the bitch damsel. Did it work?

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 7:49:41 PM

mousekabob

Posts: 187
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What would I have done? Left them handle their own fight. They're adults.

Not my monkey. Not my circus.

quote:

why did I get involved at all? Because girls need rescuing and protecting from the shit they get themselves into right?

Wrong

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RE: Of Lifeguards and Knights in Shining Armor - 2/2/2016 8:05:16 PM

Cell

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I didn't talk to any of them. The girl's friends looked pretty ashamed to be associated with her. The girl herself continued acting like a fool only now no one was the focus of her idiocy. I went home feeling a mixture of relief for not being bashed up and at the same time loathed by my actions and not knowing why I even got involved in that way... (It wasn't a fair fight, we call that a 'coward punch' over here these days.) I'd like to think I'm no longer led so blindly by cutural conditioning... like some dam dog trained to protect female privilege.

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