Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?"

Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

AnglFlw -> Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 12:30:41 PM)
I recently had an intriguing conversation with a potential playmate with a kink that is a hard limit for me. It is such a kink for him that it is a part of his user handle. He initiated contact with me, and we chatted. Whenever he brought up his kink, I would let him know that I was not into it. He would say that that was fine, that he didn't need it, and he would respect that. However, while we continue to chat, he continues to mention how he wants to do this kink to me, and, each time, I would tell him no, that that was a hard limit. So, we continue chatting, he keeps bringing it up, and finally I've had enough--he simply cannot grasp the concept of "no," and I am not going to engage in play with someone like that. So I told him we're not meeting. And then he loses his mind. He blew up my phone with ridiculous text messages, calling my hard limit "high faluten prejudice" for not wanting anything to do with his kink, and that I would be viewed as "intolerant" at the kink events he attends for not engaging in his kink, he said that my hard limit was "ridiculous," and that I should be willing to compromise on my hard limit because I was never going to find someone like him to fill the role I was seeking. So, I ask you all: does having hard limits make someone prejudiced? [I have deliberately not mentioned the kink because it is both a common one, and not particularly relevant.]

mnottertail -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 12:39:58 PM)
while it could be considered a prejudice (if you never have done it, and really dont know anything much about it, other than it is not appealing for emotional, physical or whatever reason) it isn't the kind of prejudice that necessarily likes to be thought of as bad. It is not worth the trouble to put that texture to the thing though, or give it a thought, it just aint.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 12:45:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw So, I ask you all: does having hard limits make someone prejudiced? Nope. No more so than I don't like wearing the color yellow. We all have our preferences and we are in this lifestyle because it makes us happy. What he did to you was emotional blackmail. A lot of male "Dominants' use it to guilt trip female S types into doing what they want. It's usually the "You're not a REAL submissive", but in this case he tried to make you feel that you would be un-liked and un-tolerated within the community unless you caved. You did the right thing by walking away. People are always on their best behavior at the beginning, so that was his BEST behavior and it would only go downhill from there. He's showing you from the outset that he won't respect your boundaries.

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 12:49:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl What he did to you was emotional blackmail. A lot of male "Dominants' use it to guilt trip female S types into doing what they want. An extra bit of information: I'm the Domme; he was trying to be my sub.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 1:22:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl What he did to you was emotional blackmail. A lot of male "Dominants' use it to guilt trip female S types into doing what they want. An extra bit of information: I'm the Domme; he was trying to be my sub. Either way it was still emotional blackmail. With a female Dominant and male submissive, he must be truly desperate to attempt it considering the gender role odds.

NookieNotes -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 3:27:19 PM)
Meh. Who cares? Really. It's YOUR hard limit. He can call it a chicken. Doesn't change the fact that you don't like it, or don't want to like it/try it. The bigger issues is his dickish behavior, not accepting "No" for an answer the first time. Sub/dom, doesn't matter. He was treating you as someone not worthy of respect. He would be put on my list of "Not in a million years," and anything he said would mean less to me than a goat fart in Tibet.

Lucylastic -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 3:48:31 PM)
while I agree with the ladies...not a good start to say the least, Im with nookie on the goat fart especially. I will admit to being more than a little intrigued as to what it may be...But yes it isnt relevant. We all have our limits, mine are do me subs...oh and face sitting strange males at a party...just my squick with a few important others. You have No need to explain why....I just wanted to share my specific ones (right now) Of course trading limits might help depending on his limits If you do his thang once..tell him you get to nail his balls to a breadboard....or whatever he hates...and worse. Of course it could backfire, but it could.....could send him running. But hey..really why SHOULD you break your limits, the guys being a jerk

DarkSteven -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/27/2016 9:10:33 PM)
A sub kept pushing you on a hard limit,m and then resorted to namecalling when you called him out? He ain't no sub.

LadyPact -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/28/2016 6:26:19 AM)
Well, I hope you don't find "someone like him to fill the role" because he sounds like a jackass. I'll be the first person to tell you, I absolutely do have limits and my limits aren't dictated by other people's opinions. If I was a sub and somebody started telling me that I HAD TO engage with a certain person or a certain kink, people would be telling me to run for the hills. It's no different if you happen to be a Dominant or a top. As for the events that you are being told that you will be viewed as intolerant for not bending to this person's demands, is the event organizer aware of this? Maybe they should be. Maybe they should also be informed as to why you're willing to spend your entry fee elsewhere down the road. If it's true that you're not welcome somewhere based on your standards, that's exactly what I'd be doing. Block this person from your cell phone. I'd suggest not giving your number out next time until you know the person better.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/28/2016 7:25:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw I recently had an intriguing conversation with a potential playmate with a kink that is a hard limit for me. It is such a kink for him that it is a part of his user handle. He initiated contact with me, and we chatted. Whenever he brought up his kink, I would let him know that I was not into it. He would say that that was fine, that he didn't need it, and he would respect that. However, while we continue to chat, he continues to mention how he wants to do this kink to me, and, each time, I would tell him no, that that was a hard limit. So, we continue chatting, he keeps bringing it up, and finally I've had enough--he simply cannot grasp the concept of "no," and I am not going to engage in play with someone like that. So I told him we're not meeting. And then he loses his mind. He blew up my phone with ridiculous text messages, calling my hard limit "high faluten prejudice" for not wanting anything to do with his kink, and that I would be viewed as "intolerant" at the kink events he attends for not engaging in his kink, he said that my hard limit was "ridiculous," and that I should be willing to compromise on my hard limit because I was never going to find someone like him to fill the role I was seeking. So, I ask you all: does having hard limits make someone prejudiced? [I have deliberately not mentioned the kink because it is both a common one, and not particularly relevant.] He behaved like an ass. It might be from sub frenzy or else he's always like this.

baudeight -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/28/2016 7:59:10 AM)
That is someone to avoid at all costs. As trust develops and tolerences increase limits often fall by wayside; they did for 8.. respectfully 8

dreamlady -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/28/2016 5:10:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw It is such a kink for him that it is a part of his user handle. He initiated contact with me, and we chatted. .... So, I ask you all: does having hard limits make someone prejudiced? [I have deliberately not mentioned the kink because it is both a common one, and not particularly relevant.] Very, very first red flag NOT TO EVER BE IGNORED: User name. If it's a specific fetish or kink, then that's his drug of choice. (Not the same as a generic "use me" or "dominate me" type handle.) The fact that this fetish of his is a hard limit for you, and you not only chose to warm up to this man, gave him nothing but green lights coming from your end. Implicit green lights. You say you chatted (in whatever context). You gave him a number where he had access to text you. What were you thinking? [8\|] Welcome to "Male Fetishist 101." You're right, it doesn't matter what his kink or fetish is. It isn't yours. End of story. Fetishists in particular, have devised an entire fantasy script they want followed to the letter, in minute detail. This puts them in control, not you. Fetishists are not submissives, they tend to be male, and they seek a fetish [object] delivery system for their fetish of choice. There are fetishist maleDoms who will contact you saying that they want to explore their "sub" side. There are fetishist switches who will present as sub-leaning, offering themselves up NOT FOR D/s OWNERSHIP, but to become "yer [part-time] bitch." There are "slaves" who are anything but, other than being a slave to their fetish & kink gratification. The chastity slave, the foot slave, the oral slave, the anal slut slave, the sissy CD slut, the just plain self-appellated "slut" in general (or slut-at-large). {There are wannabe-cuckolded fantasists, and also toilet slaves, but that's less common.} As forum poster DesFIP says it best, No woman owes any man an equal opportunity fuck. (Modify this statement as needed, according to social activity, intimate interaction, and/or orientations of whatever kind.) Nobody owes anybody anything of an unsolicited, unwelcomed and/or uninvited nature. This applies a thousandfold on line to total Internet strangers hiding behind their keyboards and screen names. quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw An extra bit of information: I'm the Domme; he was trying to be my sub. Couda fooled me. I'm not being snarky either; I'm actually trying to be helpful. How many red flags can one woman possibly overlook without being color blind? DreamLady Edit - punctuation

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/28/2016 9:50:55 PM)
Well, since he never got anywhere near fucking me...

WickedsDesire -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 10:55:43 AM)
Eating a tomato is a hard limit for me, and eggs, evil things, and strawberries, raspberries, the list is long and there sure is an awful lot of raw fruit/veg on it and kiche whatever the hell that is, and how do you spell it. You are talking to a one dimension being, and continued to do so – what did you expect. No one, not even me, believes I should have muffins all of the time. Hard limits is too complex to answer. What was his one dimensional trait? Do tell tis allowed and will not give his username away

Cinnamongirl67 -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 2:29:12 PM)
I prefer chocolate ice cream. I buy Neapolitan though. Vanilla and strawberry are the last to go. I hope I am not taken to court for not being liberal enough or prejudice in some way. You can like anything you want and dislike anything you want. That's not prejudice.

pallacastarlight -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 3:48:14 PM)
It sounds like you dodged a bullet. You two were not compatible and after you stated what your hard limit was, he should have amicably walked away. It sucks that you had that bad experience. I have had people pushing to do XYZ with me before, but I was not comfortable with it, and when they pressed the matter, I very politely told them that I was not the mistress for them, wished them well, and stopped talking to them. You don't owe anyone a thing. If someone can't understand NO, they aren't respecting you, so why should you respect them? After you told him what your hard limit was, I would have given one warning the first time he brought it up. Any subsequent mentions and I would stop communication altogether.

dreamlady -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 4:31:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw Well, since he never got anywhere near fucking me... Immaterial. I'll rephrase: Nobody owes anybody else an "equal opportunity" anything when it comes to his/her private life and personal preferences. This would include (submissive) men who get spammed by Fin-Dommes. Those messages in your mailbox folders? They're ALL junk mail unless and until you deign an individual message not to be, or to be response-worthy. Btw, it isn't just user name, it's the symbolism contained in a main profile pic, including what gets featured in the photo gallery. These lend insight into the individual and should not be dismissed as insignificant. Empty profiles automatically get filtered into my Bulk Mail. I require a man who is verbally expressive, a man who knows what he wants, who can then recognize and appreciate the right kind of Mistress for him when he finds her. No Interests list contained in a profile which isn't brand spanking (no pun) new? 99 times out of 100, this person gets caught backpedaling, has a one-track (fetish) mind [i.e., a 1-2 trick pony], and/or shows signs of commitment phobia (confirmed bachelors, Domme-hoppers, etc.). If you want more than a casual play partner, no matter on how steady a basis, if you want to be your sub's Mistress and more than the Domme-Top to a bottom, then your prospective sub must be OWNABLE and UNATTACHED in order to get collared by you (unless you have consented to an open poly arrangement where he gets time-shared). This would require a D/s ownership commitment. Also, a totally BDSM-centric listing is just as bad. Watch out for the LIVES FORs; Really? -- Can't live without kink on par with oxygen, water & food??? DreamLady

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 9:41:29 PM)
I'm not entirely sure why you are so offended by my actions. You are free to handle your interactions with people in the way you desire, but ease up off of telling me how to run mine. Deal?

Damacis -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 10:05:43 PM)
"Blow up" from a submissive (or really any kind) almost always equates to "waste of time." Your limits can be hard-wired (the thought of it makes you ill, allergy, etc) or soft-wired, but it's part of what makes you you. If he/she can't accept that they need to start looking elsewhere. You were right to be firm and hold your ground, and it probably spared you some nonsense down the road.

domincalifornia -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/29/2016 10:58:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw I recently had an intriguing conversation with a potential playmate with a kink that is a hard limit for me. It is such a kink for him that it is a part of his user handle. He initiated contact with me, and we chatted. Whenever he brought up his kink, I would let him know that I was not into it. He would say that that was fine, that he didn't need it, and he would respect that. However, while we continue to chat, he continues to mention how he wants to do this kink to me, and, each time, I would tell him no, that that was a hard limit. So, we continue chatting, he keeps bringing it up, and finally I've had enough--he simply cannot grasp the concept of "no," and I am not going to engage in play with someone like that. So I told him we're not meeting. And then he loses his mind. He blew up my phone with ridiculous text messages, calling my hard limit "high faluten prejudice" for not wanting anything to do with his kink, and that I would be viewed as "intolerant" at the kink events he attends for not engaging in his kink, he said that my hard limit was "ridiculous," and that I should be willing to compromise on my hard limit because I was never going to find someone like him to fill the role I was seeking. So, I ask you all: does having hard limits make someone prejudiced? [I have deliberately not mentioned the kink because it is both a common one, and not particularly relevant.] "Prejudiced" is a loaded word, and silly to use in this context. The situation is simple: His primary goal was to find a domme to engaged in one specific activity with him. You weren't interested in engaging in that activity. He got frustrated that he got close to a domme but couldn't close the deal and had a hissy fit. That's all there is to it.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875