RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?"

RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (Full Version)

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Bhruic -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/30/2016 7:52:47 AM)
Is it possible that, because you kept talking to him after all the times he mentioned your hard limit, that he might have thought you were just pulling his chain? Not that that justifies his behavior... but it might be seen that way.

dreamlady -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/30/2016 11:19:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw I'm not entirely sure why you are so offended by my actions. You are free to handle your interactions with people in the way you desire, but ease up off of telling me how to run mine. Deal? You appear to be the one taking offense, not I. This man clearly offended you. The tone of your OP was such that you seemed to be aware that you could have handled things better, rather than allowing it to get to the point where you had an out-of-control "sub" on your hands. I took the liberty of offering you some tips and suggestions with your pre-screening and screening process. If what I've covered fell upon deaf ears, then so be it. Good luck. Looking forward to the next time you come onto the message boards seeking D/s advice. [:)] DreamLady

Andalusite -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/30/2016 1:25:21 PM)
I agree with Dreamlady that screening is wise, and that having a kink in someone's user name usually indicates that it is very important to them. I think that him calling you "prejudiced" over not wanting to indulge him in his kink is absurd.

DesFIP -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/30/2016 3:05:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic Is it possible that, because you kept talking to him after all the times he mentioned your hard limit, that he might have thought you were just pulling his chain? Not that that justifies his behavior... but it might be seen that way. This, in a nutshell. When someone makes it clear that X is a must have and you don't do X, then the appropriate thing to do is wish him good luck finding someone who also loves X. But by keeping him on the hook, when you know he needs X to be fulfilled, of course he's going to think that you aren't sincere about this being a hard limit. Fish or cut bait, but you don't get to have it both ways.

Greta75 -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (1/30/2016 4:42:57 PM)
Even if it's prejudice against a kink. It wouldn't bother me. I don't entertain men who don't respect my limits. Personally, I wouldn't let anything this guy say bother me, as I'd simply say, yea, I am prejudice against these things. No big deal. It's my body, my life, my right to choose what I want or do not want to do.

LadyPact -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/1/2016 6:00:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw I'm not entirely sure why you are so offended by my actions. You are free to handle your interactions with people in the way you desire, but ease up off of telling me how to run mine. Deal? No offense, but you kind of asked about how yours was going, ergo the thread. I happen to be another person that goes by the 'watch the screen name' rule. I don't answer much of my mail here due to the online BS stuff (I don't use this site to find play partners) but when a name like "lvs2xdress" hits my inbox, I know it's an automatic incompatibility for anything other than friendship. I really don't care if somebody would find that discriminatory or not. I know there are certain kinks that don't turn me on and/or automatically make me incompatible with them due to my preferences. As a piece of advice that you didn't ask for, you're going to find out very quickly that there is a very lopsided ratio of female Dominants to male submissives here. That means that a lot of males get little to no attention from women, so some are going to pounce any time they see an opportunity. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of really nice people on this site who won't do that but you have to look at it as the whole scale. When you see the guys who don't have a lot of interaction/friendly conversation with women, those are the guys you kind of have to watch out for. The forums can be a great way to see how the males interact with women and a lot of the longer term female posters can tell you which ones are friendly as opposed to the ones that a lot of people want nothing to do with. Once you've been around the site a few months, you'll see a lot of this for yourself. Until then, hang in there and we'll try to help on the forums as we're able.

Commonplace -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 2:11:54 AM)
Prejudice literally means to pre judge. We all do it, dozens of times a day. We constantly judge how we are going to engage with situations and people without having all relevant and necessary information to make a logical and informed decision. I hate the smell of burnt cheese. I've stopped myself from entering a café based on the smell of burnt cheese alone. No other information, I just pre judged that the burnt cheese smell made the café horrible and I didn't want to go in there. Look, you're a chick he's a dude. Take the kink shit out of it. You're here to meet the needs of his penis. Disrupting his fantasy and denying his needs makes you a bitch and entitles you to witness a tantrum. Don't think anything of it. His reaction had nothing to do with you!

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 8:29:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact No offense, but you kind of asked about how yours was going, ergo the thread. I didn't ask for your approval or disapproval of who I am. I asked for an outside look at an issue that had arisen. quote: As a piece of advice that you didn't ask for, you're going to find out very quickly that there is a very lopsided ratio of female Dominants to male submissives here. Here isn't any different than the rest of the world, though. The vast majority of those men who claim to be subs here, there, and everywhere, are merely seeking wank fodder--they don't actually have any desire to have an actual relationship. I know this, but thanks for your "Welcome to the Internet" information. quote: That means that a lot of males get little to no attention from women, so some are going to pounce any time they see an opportunity. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of really nice people on this site who won't do that but you have to look at it as the whole scale. When you see the guys who don't have a lot of interaction/friendly conversation with women, those are the guys you kind of have to watch out for. The forums can be a great way to see how the males interact with women and a lot of the longer term female posters can tell you which ones are friendly as opposed to the ones that a lot of people want nothing to do with. Your message implies you know a great deal about me, which you very obviously do not. But it is good information for an actual beginner to the internet. quote: Once you've been around the site a few months, you'll see a lot of this for yourself. Until then, hang in there and we'll try to help on the forums as we're able. This site isn't different from others in this way. And I'm not new to the ways of the internet. But I appreciate the offer anyway.

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 8:32:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Commonplace Look, you're a chick he's a dude. Take the kink shit out of it. You're here to meet the needs of his penis. Disrupting his fantasy and denying his needs makes you a bitch and entitles you to witness a tantrum. I may be the luckiest girl alive! quote: Don't think anything of it. His reaction had nothing to do with you! Thanks--you know when someone's been trying their damndest to gaslight you, and you begin to wonder about your own sanity, so you just need to check in with disinterested third parties to make sure you aren't the crazy one? That's kind of what happened here.

LadyPact -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 8:52:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw I didn't ask for your approval or disapproval of who I am. I asked for an outside look at an issue that had arisen. Oh, that's good because I didn't give you approval or disapproval. quote: Here isn't any different than the rest of the world, though. The vast majority of those men who claim to be subs here, there, and everywhere, are merely seeking wank fodder--they don't actually have any desire to have an actual relationship. I know this, but thanks for your "Welcome to the Internet" information. Well, new screen name with a new joining date, so I was taking a shot at it. quote: Your message implies you know a great deal about me, which you very obviously do not. But it is good information for an actual beginner to the internet. No, actually that passages says a lot about what I've seen some males do on this site. If you're reading into it and misdirecting it toward you, I'm not sure I can help you with that. quote: This site isn't different from others in this way. And I'm not new to the ways of the internet. But I appreciate the offer anyway. Really, because I don't get half the random drive by crap on Fet as I do on this site. In fact, the very high majority of the first contact emails that I get there are very different than the ones I get here. I'd be sorry to hear that the quality of discussions that you have on other sites (because those who send them tailor them that way) would have that kind of tone. Since you have been doing the internet thing for a while, I'm sure you know what I mean. Unfortunately, this site has a feature called the New User list, so the first sixty days for any new screen name kind of suck. It's almost like a big neon sign that says "fresh meat" for most people with a female profile. More often bringing the folks who will try to pressure you into things because they think you don't know any better. I'll wish you luck with that part and call it a day.

longwayhome -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 9:48:36 AM)
Despite the fact that I see my limits as being potentially negotiable, in a sense it is completely irrelevant whether a hard limit is seen by someone as a prejudice. Nobody should feel pressured into engaging in an activity to which they don't consent. For my part I always make it clear that I don't mind a bit of persuasion as, in the past, I have consented to things I previously thought I could not do and found them incredibly horny. It must be said that this has always largely been based on my partner being so aroused that I cannot help myself. That though is a whole different dynamic to the one described by the OP. quote: ORIGINAL: dreamlady No Interests list contained in a profile which isn't brand spanking (no pun) new? 99 times out of 100, this person gets caught backpedaling, has a one-track (fetish) mind [i.e., a 1-2 trick pony], and/or shows signs of commitment phobia (confirmed bachelors, Domme-hoppers, etc.). Interestingly I have chosen to write loads in my profile but not ticked many interests specifically because my preferences and limits are a bit fluid. This is because I do not have a do or die fetish and don't really take any specific sexual/ BDSM act a required part of a relationship. However reading LP's post makes me wonder how that comes across. Anyway short answer to OP - even if you were a bit naive about this guy's username, there is no reason to get lippy with someone because they won't concede to your sexual demands. Simple.

dreamlady -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 6:47:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: longwayhome Despite the fact that I see my limits as being potentially negotiable, in a sense it is completely irrelevant whether a hard limit is seen by someone as a prejudice. Nobody should feel pressured into engaging in an activity to which they don't consent. For my part I always make it clear that I don't mind a bit of persuasion as, in the past, I have consented to things I previously thought I could not do and found them incredibly horny. It must be said that this has always largely been based on my partner being so aroused that I cannot help myself. That though is a whole different dynamic to the one described by the OP. quote: ORIGINAL: dreamlady No Interests list contained in a profile which isn't brand spanking (no pun) new? 99 times out of 100, this person gets caught backpedaling, has a one-track (fetish) mind [i.e., a 1-2 trick pony], and/or shows signs of commitment phobia (confirmed bachelors, Domme-hoppers, etc.). Interestingly I have chosen to write loads in my profile but not ticked many interests specifically because my preferences and limits are a bit fluid. This is because I do not have a do or die fetish and don't really take any specific sexual/ BDSM act a required part of a relationship. However reading LP's post makes me wonder how that comes across. Anyway short answer to OP - even if you were a bit naive about this guy's username, there is no reason to get lippy with someone because they won't concede to your sexual demands. Simple. I know I've perved your profile before due to the forums, but you have it Hidden presently. If my memory serves me, mid-late 30s in the UK? And straight with no inkling of poly bisexuality standing out, I believe. At your age, I can see fluidity as not being suspect. I don't check out the profiles of men who message me who are well outside of my age range, so my expectations are more exacting, in that I expect a (non-newbie) man by a certain age or length of life experience to be forthcoming in what he should already be aware he's into, and not feed me the "Whatever My Mistress Wants" line while holding back on his proclivities. (I don't personally know OP's target demographic, but she's 46 and sounds as if she eventually wants a cuckold marriage with a man who is financially stable, a "fully-actualized man outside of the kink realm." Regardless of age, he would need to have attained a certain level of maturity.) Also, you don't sound like the typical male sub who approaches a Domme with his shortlist of kinks and fetishes. Plus, it isn't just the BDSM content that matters. I expect to see at least a handful of vanilla interests that help to lend insight into a person's character. If the only activities listed are sports, especially spectator sports, then we're not going to be compatible. [8D] If half of what he lists is not of interest to me (in combination with whatever else is contained in his profile), then that is pretty good indication that there's no point to proceed any further with making inquiries or establishing contact (other than a cursory acknowledgment reply) unless my Spidey senses tell me otherwise. DreamLady

Andalusite -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/4/2016 7:39:13 PM)
longwayhome, I agree that having flexibility and genuine desire to serve is a good thing! Like you, I've found that things that I was nervous about initially were yummy once I tried them, though I hadn't expressed them as limits per se. Most of my limits are a matter of degree rather than kind, and I derive much of my enjoyment from the chemistry and interaction with my partner, and their arousal. There are some things that are absolute no's, but most activities and toys can be used in a way that I'll love, or hate, or love to hate![:D]

sweetieDA -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/7/2016 1:07:29 PM)
Lots of little red flags followed by a big red flag. Well done for noticing what he was doing as he was doing it. Hard limits are personal to individuals and their partners. It is nobody else's business what your limits are, and nobody would think anything of you for having your limits. Except, of course, for horny net geeks who are trying to cajole / manipulate / persuade / wear down women who are not interested in their kink because they have a massive sense of entitlement and control issues. But they're best avoided, in all honesty.

AnglFlw -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/8/2016 8:16:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Well, new screen name with a new joining date, so I was taking a shot at it. Yes, but did you notice my age? I haven't been under a rock. quote: Really, because I don't get half the random drive by crap on Fet as I do on this site. In fact, the very high majority of the first contact emails that I get there are very different than the ones I get here. I'd be sorry to hear that the quality of discussions that you have on other sites (because those who send them tailor them that way) would have that kind of tone. Since you have been doing the internet thing for a while, I'm sure you know what I mean. Fetlife is as much a cesspool as CS can be. Although the interface at Fet makes, sometimes, for more interesting conversations. quote: Unfortunately, this site has a feature called the New User list, so the first sixty days for any new screen name kind of suck. It's almost like a big neon sign that says "fresh meat" for most people with a female profile. More often bringing the folks who will try to pressure you into things because they think you don't know any better. I'll wish you luck with that part and call it a day. I appreciate your advice, and, as mentioned, while I'm new to this site, I'm not new to the adult part of the internet.

LadyPact -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/8/2016 8:22:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnglFlw Yes, but did you notice my age? I haven't been under a rock. Do you see your age posted on the forum? No? Ok then. quote: Fetlife is as much a cesspool as CS can be. Although the interface at Fet makes, sometimes, for more interesting conversations. HMMM. Shame. I currently have six play partners that ALL contacted me through Fet. All of them contacted as friend first. quote: I appreciate your advice, and, as mentioned, while I'm new to this site, I'm not new to the adult part of the internet. I'll welcome you, anyway. Best of luck.

Kana -> RE: Is having a hard limit "prejudiced?" (2/10/2016 2:55:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Commonplace Prejudice literally means to pre judge. We all do it, dozens of times a day. We constantly judge how we are going to engage with situations and people without having all relevant and necessary information to make a logical and informed decision. I hate the smell of burnt cheese. I've stopped myself from entering a café based on the smell of burnt cheese alone. No other information, I just pre judged that the burnt cheese smell made the café horrible and I didn't want to go in there. This. So fucking this. We are all prejudiced by out likes and dislikes. Shrugs No biggee, except to professional victims. The same people who howl about, ooooh, BBW shit, will go off if a guy that's 75 hits on them because that's creepy and disgusting. Some people like big people. Some like skinny. Some like big tits. Some want none. Some like girls. Some like dudes. Some like dudes that look like girls...fuck, I'm starting to sound like a Killers song. The point is that we all have things we can and cannot do, do and don't find attractive and that's just the way the human race is wired. The key is that you aren't right for Him and obviously vice versa (Though I do have to give props to anyone that uses Highfaluting in a diatribe) and the good news is that you found that out pretty quick, meaning you didn't waste a ton of time and can now move on to the next wallet, I mean sucker, I mean slave (I jest. I jest)

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