LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: longwayhome Whilst there is a conversation to be had about different types and levels of submission, there is an important issue here about what you sign up for versus respect and common sense. We may sign up for different things in our BDSM relationships, and those relationships may involve explicit control or implicit influence, but both parties should hopefully understand what bottom lines there are. If you are a sub with children from a previous relationship, being a sub does not (thankfully) for most people come before their responsibility to their children. For my part, I don't really expect to be told what to eat for every meal in a micro-management sense, but have no problem with going along with a partner's preference or decision, or being told what to eat when going out as a demonstration of authority in the relationship. Failing, or refusing, however to do the dishes the way someone wants the job done, when you are in their home, is many things, few of them positive. It is unresponsive and disrespectful, as well as potentially indicating that you don't care about the other person or what's important to them. Although it seems domestic and trivial, but it can be a potent mix of emotions and annoyance. I think you're getting where I'm coming from on this. It's good because I'm probably not translating it well to the screen. It's also why I keep saying "if it was your house, it would be your way" and the only follow through I have past that is "I was raised that way". If the shoes come off of your feet before coming in at your house, that's how I'll come in your house. quote:
Although I don't sign up to the "not submissive/Dominant enough" approach to life, I really do have to question why any submissive who cared for or respected their Dominant partner would not do simple things which were personally important to the Dom/me, especially if they ultimately cost the submissive nothing (other than a bit of effort). At the very least no matter how submissive you think you are, it demonstrates that you give a damn. It's not like being asked to disown your children or poison someone. Childish disobedience on the part of a sub is hardly an attractive trait. It may stem from a need to be bratty and then be punished or from a more deep seated sense of rebellion. If that is how you both roll then great, but if it is just lack of respect for another human being, Dom/me or not, then that is an entirely different matter. I agree, hanging very carefully on the "if you both roll that way" part. Speaking for myself, bratty just isn't a good fit for me. If it gets used as a tactic to get attention, the person will end up getting less because the end result is me being irritated. quote:
For what it's worth, this goes for Dom/mes too. Demonstrating your authority can be part of your dynamic and lifestyle. With the right timing it can be practical, save time, be humourous, fun, sexy and all kinds of things for both of you. However if it involves not respecting someone's house or way they do things in their own space, then that is just as unthoughtful, as if a sub did it. Being permanently overbearing about every aspect of another person's thoughts, words and actions is one form of being dominant, but it has consequences. Once again it's down to your own dynamic, but always "being right" or "knowing what is best" without fail can be a thin excuse for ignoring someone else's needs. I will admit that I'm not perfect about this. For tk, I knew his place would be a wreck during his work week. (I didn't care. The guy worked hard for a living.) However, if I'm coming to stay the night during the weekend, please tidy the place up. I had one years ago that his only bad housekeeping habit was the sock drawer. Before I came next, I wanted him to fold the socks because I wanted to see if he'd obey the directive. He did. It was also the only time I gave the directive. I cared about his obedience. Not his socks. quote:
The bottom line is that some things can be considered straight wrong or not right for you, but for my part, respect should go both ways. Paradoxically enough, the greater the respect and care (not necessarily in a fluffy way of course) I get in a relationship, the more cooperative and compliant I tend to be on a day to day basis. Demonstrations of authority then become less about sorting out relationship or domestic issues, and more about play and/or fulfilling deeper issues/needs. Within a certain period of time, there shouldn't be the necessity of authority about domestic issues. The knife thing in the original? That's an exceptionally simple thing that any woman who has had dinner at the OP's house has been exposed to. She might not remember the next time she has dinner there and that's the "not right" version. Two months later, after having dinner at his place at least once a week, I'm sketchy because it's probably crossing into wrong. Something that probably takes five seconds to do. quote:
You need the respect first to enable you to get there though. I think we're on the same thought process. OK. For fun. It is only fair to clue you in on the dish thing. It's a running gag that's been on these boards for years. Most people who have been around the forums know it and everybody who has ever been over to my house knows it. In my house, we wash the dishes before we wash the dishes. That neat appliance that some people have in their homes is not a dishwasher. It is a dish sanitizer. The human is the dish washer. I am not anal retentive about how quickly the dishes get done. If we're having fun doing whatever, I don't care. However, when it's time to do them, they will go through soapy water, the washing motions will happen, they will get rinsed, then go in an organized fashion into the appliance. Run the appliance. Put the dishes away where they actually go. I've heard everything from it's funny, crazy, wastes water, and everything else imaginable. However, it is how we do the dishes in my house.
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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie. Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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