quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
One of my beefs with the lifestyle is the imprecision of definitions.

I define three levels of relationships here, above friendship :

1. Play only, no sex and no romantic feelings.
2. Sex only, no romantic feelings.
3. Romantic feelings.

My sub and I are very poly on level 1. (We call it being polyspankerous.) We are mono on levels 2 and 3.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
Wow. Can open....worms everywhere!
To answer one specific question to me, asking how the dictionary definition relates to my relationship, here are a few examples- "the fact or custom if having a sexual relationship or marriage with only one person at a time", "the state or practice of having only one sexual partner during a period of time", they all pretty much say the same thing. And yep, that's what it means to me in simple terms, but again, to.me it's about more than sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71

Wow. Can open....worms everywhere!
To answer one specific question to me, asking how the dictionary definition relates to my relationship, here are a few examples- "the fact or custom if having a sexual relationship or marriage with only one person at a time", "the state or practice of having only one sexual partner during a period of time", they all pretty much say the same thing. And yep, that's what it means to me in simple terms, but again, to.me it's about more than sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
I have no reason to question monogamy because I get it. I have nothing to question.

I wanted a discussion on monogamy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
Wow. Can open....worms everywhere!
To answer one specific question to me, asking how the dictionary definition relates to my relationship, here are a few examples- "the fact or custom if having a sexual relationship or marriage with only one person at a time", "the state or practice of having only one sexual partner during a period of time", they all pretty much say the same thing. And yep, that's what it means to me in simple terms, but again, to.me it's about more than sex.

See, but this is good. Knowing what your relationship parameters for YOU is pretty nifty.

To you, there's sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, play/BDSM type of infidelity. You absolutely WILL be the kind of person who says cyber sex to you is cheating. Emotional ties to the same level as your relationship IS cheating and you have a strong opinion, for yourself, about that. Totally cool from where I sit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71

Thanks again, I honestly wasn't trying to insult any one way or say my way is the only right way, that honestly was not my intention. I do understand that wording and intent can be very easily misinterpreted on our wondrous internet, but I meant no disrespect to anyone or any "way".
I had no agenda here, just that I am very happy this way, and wanted to hopefully connect with others that feel the same, people that understand, as I'm sure people from the other side of any of the different fences do. I saw no specific discussion here, so innocently thought to start one,
I had no idea it would go insane! I guess in many ways I am still quite naive. Anyway, like I said, if I caused offense to anyone, I apologise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
Thanks again, I honestly wasn't trying to insult any one way or say my way is the only right way, that honestly was not my intention. I do understand that wording and intent can be very easily misinterpreted on our wondrous internet, but I meant no disrespect to anyone or any "way".
I had no agenda here, just that I am very happy this way, and wanted to hopefully connect with others that feel the same, people that understand, as I'm sure people from the other side of any of the different fences do. I saw no specific discussion here, so innocently thought to start one,
I had no idea it would go insane! I guess in many ways I am still quite naive. Anyway, like I said, if I caused offense to anyone, I apologise.

Ha! If you think this thread is insane, wait until you see a really good train wreck.

The monogamy discussion? There's nothing wrong with wanting to know if there are other people that see monogamy the way you do. I did. When I was monogamous, there was no sex with other people. No additional romantic entanglements. Play, I can't necessarily count because I wasn't D/s or exploring kinks then.

I'm a priority person anyway, so I see any kind of emotional anything on different levels. I'm the same way about how I bond to other people now. Friends, family... All of that stuff is in a different light to me.

So, had you asked me back in the monogamy days, it was a pretty black and issue. Either, yes, it was fulfilling monogamous fidelity agreement you've got or you're cheating, because that isn't anything related to ethical poly. I'm still one of the harshest people on the boards about the cheating thing, though I am trying to mellow with age. I am not always successful. I figure, if you are cheating, you've got bigger issue than any opinion of mine should be phasing you.

But it's just about the same thing as anything else. You *should* be conducting your relationship in the way you think it best works for you. If you thought someone's way was better, you'd probably just adopt that for yourself. It's the difference between one true way and the way it works for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL
. But the one thing we have decided is that we're not interested in another "love" partner.

our relationship is ever changing like most people on the planet. It evolves.

For us, the only important thing is communication the entire way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
Moving on....

So to those in a monogamous relationship or mindset, have you always been that way, or have you changed your mindset, maybe just organically, or for a particular reason. Has it ever felt like a challenge as such?
I can't really explain why I am so strongly this way. I just have never felt any other way. It is part of me, like my eye colour or the fact I am a diabetic.
It is my only real hard limit (apart from obvious ones to most, like dismemberment or sex with animals for example), I can give open thought to most things, but not to this. It is a conversation I have pretty much on day one. I would only ever be with someone who shared this view.

I don't question how I am, because I long ago accepted the depth of my character, my steadfastness, my unshakable loyalty to others (including my close lifelong friends) as long as they do not betray my trust. Can't really help it, it's the nature of your typical Scorpio -- we are not known to have lukewarm dispositions.

I've always been highly possessive and protective, and I expect the man I've chosen to be my lover to want to belong to me completely with as much matching intensity, passion and ardor. I can be forgiving, but repeatedly showing signs of lack of devotion [to me, and of not putting our family's best interests ahead of himself], will cause me to sever a monogamous bond after a finite number of caution alerts. If it gets to the warning level, then he's already walking on thin ice with me -- you don't keep letting matters get to that point if you truly care about your partner's happiness.

I view lack of romantic devotion as a breach of partnership, the same with any form of disloyalty as being infidelity - whether it be of a mental/emotional/physical nature - since I require a mate who ultimately puts me first as his highest priority day in and day out (within reason, of course), because I know I always end up giving more and investing much more of myself into an intimate relationship than what my partner does or what his capacity is to do so.

True confession. I am so pathologically monogamous, that not only did I marry my very first real boyfriend (not the guy I lost my virginity to, he hardly counts),
but later when we divorced, and I had gotten remarried in between there for a decade and moved to another state. . . we ended up reuniting and having another child together.
In other words, both of my sons have the same biological father. I did try with my second husband, but he turned out to be sterile (which he already knew from his previous marriage but had deliberately withheld this info).
It was till death do us part.