Monogamy?

Monogamy? (Full Version)

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HisForLife71 -> Monogamy? (3/5/2016 4:16:36 AM)
I notice there is a whole discussion board for polygamy, so may I ask why not monogamy? Is it really that unusual in this lifestyle? My daddyDom and I are strictly monogamous and would never consider anything else. No "sharing" of any level on either side. Anyone else here that shares the same viewpoint on absolute loyalty of this kind to one person? No judgement for any other choices or ideas, just speaking from a personal perspective and want to hear from others who live the same ideals. If my wording offends, it was not meant to, just speaking how my own mind works. And of course we are all different, we all want different things, just interested what people think. I hope its ok to post this discussion, if not, I apologise and will understand if it is locked or deleted.

FelineFae -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 4:48:07 AM)
Monogamy is considered the standard operating procedure for most relationships. Poly has its own forum because it's a variation from SOP. e2a I'm not sure of the stats for relationship structures within the BDSM realm. Most people I know are open relationship or poly. That said, I could imagine those in a monogamous relationship could face situation with the BDSM realm they wouldn't face among the Vanilla.

LadyPact -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 5:08:06 AM)
Mind an opinion on the board from a poly person? I've always thought that there was a separate board for polyamory (not polygamy) because monogamous folks really are the standard majority. While it may seem that the majority of kinky people are poly in one form or another, it really isn't that way for people in general in most countries. For monogamous kinky folks, just about any couple's oriented thread works in the General BDSM category, where just about everybody can identify with the topic. The same isn't true in reverse for some of the poly topics, because those who are monogamy minded won't have the same issues that come up with having two or more people in their life in certain classifications. You don't have issues with things like making time for multiple partners or the metamours not getting along because you have just the one partner. There really are quite a few monogamous couples on the forums and those here who would only want a relationship with one person. I'm sure they will be chiming in.

HisForLife71 -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 5:28:12 AM)
Yes, I guess all of that makes sense, I never thought of it like that, thank you both.

Cinnamongirl67 -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:01:56 AM)
Hmmm. People here are quirky and sassy at times but they can be reasonable. Sometimes.[:D] No one is going to lock you out for asking a good question. On the other hand they might lock me out, but not you! Monogamy is the default. Or it used to be... Enjoy the boards!

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:07:10 AM)
Yup, there's other people here who are strictly monogamous. DaddySatyr comes to mind for example. Being kinky doesn't require you to be poly. Nobody is going to frown on it if you want to discuss stuff from a monogamy perspective. Just start a thread and specify in the beginning that you're looking for monogamy opinions. You might still get some poly folk posting along if they think they've got something sensible to say, but for the most part, people will respect your wishes. quote: ORIGINAL: HisForLife71 Anyone else here that shares the same viewpoint on absolute loyalty of this kind to one person? No judgement for any other choices or ideas You know, I don't have a problem with people judging. Everybody judges. As long as you're not a dick about how you judge, the fact that you judge is all right (with me). However, I don't like the whole business of "I'm going to make a negative judgement statement here, implying that poly people aren't capable of loyalty as well as monogamous people, but then make that okay by saying I don't mean to judge". You're judging, and that's fine. It's fine, because you're not being rude about it, and in the end, how you feel is how you feel... no point taking offense at that. But please... don't play the game of "I'm going to make judgement statements, but wash them under the rug by claiming that they're not judgement statement. So that nobody can say anything about it, because I already said I wasn't judging!". If and when you do judge (and you're gonna, everybody goes) stand up for your believes/feelings, and accept that others may not agree, and will call you on them. Don't hide your judgement behind the false claim that they're not judgments. Stand up for them instead.

Cinnamongirl67 -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:21:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisForLife71 I notice there is a whole discussion board for polygamy, so may I ask why not monogamy? Is it really that unusual in this lifestyle? My daddyDom and I are strictly monogamous and would never consider anything else. No "sharing" of any level on either side. Anyone else here that shares the same viewpoint on absolute loyalty of this kind to one person? No judgement for any other choices or ideas, just speaking from a personal perspective and want to hear from others who live the same ideals. If my wording offends, it was not meant to, just speaking how my own mind works. And of course we are all different, we all want different things, just interested what people think. I hope its ok to post this discussion, if not, I apologise and will understand if it is locked or deleted. I am reading this post and trying to find. Judge tal statement? Where is it?

LadyPact -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:28:04 AM)
OP, you are welcome, and the other folks are right. Nobody is going to give you flack for asking a question like that. It's reasonable to wonder why you would see one and not the other. Believe it or not, there are some of us poly folks who completely endorse those of you who are monogamous. If that's who you are and your relationship reflects that, I figure that's a bonus. That's the whole idea behind it, anyway. To have the kind of life that suits you most. For Ishtar, I believe DaddySaytr is poly.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:28:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisForLife71 I notice there is a whole discussion board for polygamy, so may I ask why not monogamy? Is it really that unusual in this lifestyle? Monogamist are a majority. Before you find the lifestyle, monogamy is wot you're exposed to from day one, hollywood shows you different "relationships", but monogamy is the mainstream. If you will take a good look at the Poly section you'll see it's not very active and most of the threads are "Oh shit, wot do I do now?" threads. There aren't rule books for it and very very very few people are raised around or exposed to a poly model. quote: My daddyDom and I are strictly monogamous and would never consider anything else. That's absolutely monogamy. quote: No "sharing" of any level on either side. That is the "defined fidelity" of your dynamic. quote: Anyone else here that shares the same viewpoint on absolute loyalty of this kind to one person? Absolute loyalty isn't, IS NOT, exclusive to monogamy. There are oodles of folks out there that are monogamist but didn't or do not have fidelity in their relationship. quote: No judgement for any other choices or ideas, just speaking from a personal perspective and want to hear from others who live the same ideals. If my wording offends, it was not meant to, just speaking how my own mind works. And of course we are all different, we all want different things, just interested what people think. I hope its ok to post this discussion, if not, I apologise and will understand if it is locked or deleted. A lot of people confuse fidelity with monogamy. I think the root of this thread is really about fidelity, because of your emphasis on loyalty. Like I said, oodles of people are monogamous, but didn't have fidelity. Divorce lawyers have made vast fortunes over such confusion. Will and Jada Smith announced a few years ago that Will was free to roam, even though they still have a monogamist relationship, the fidelity of their relationship has caveats. I'm confident they sat down and wrote a rule book about his grazing habits, and one day we may see it in an interview. So, if fidelity was the actual meat of your question, that's the question you should be asking. Again, monogamy is the majority, so we don't have a Monogamy section, for the same reason we don't have "ask a noob". Jus sayin

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:30:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact For Ishtar, I believe DaddySaytr is poly. Dammit... who is it then that I'm thinking of? I know there's at least one dude who has been rather vocal about being mono. Apparently I don't pay enough attention to who is what...

LadyPact -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:31:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Dammit... who is it then that I'm thinking of? Apparently I don't pay enough attention to who is what... Kana and mouse, perhaps?

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:38:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Dammit... who is it then that I'm thinking of? Apparently I don't pay enough attention to who is what... Kana and mouse, perhaps? Kana and mouse are on the fence. When I asked him if he wanted to do a rape scene, I got a 'maybe', but only if certain caveats between him and mouse are talked out. It hasn't happened, so they've been (as far as I know) practicing monogamy, but diverting from that is at least on the table for discussion in their dynamic, which makes them not strictly monogamous in the way the OP means.

LadyPact -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:43:05 AM)
Ah, I wasn't aware of that. Thank you for correcting me. Oddly enough, I think I'd have a better answer if people asked who is poly, rather than monogamous. I'm so used to comparing my type of poly with other people's that I think it sinks in better. ETA - Awareness and Kaliko.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:57:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisForLife71 I notice there is a whole discussion board for polygamy, so may I ask why not monogamy? ......... For the same reason we have "General BDSM Discussion" but not a "Vanilla Discussion" forum.

HisForLife71 -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 7:14:55 AM)
Thank you all for your comments. To go to one point, I guess I tried word the loyalty as in loyal to only one person, as I see that poly people claim loyalty to more than one person at once. If that makes more sense? And I accept the comments on what I said about judgement. I suppose I used the wrong word. I disagree personally with the mechanics and choices of poly, but that in itself is not a judgement. To each their own, of course. As long as everyone is happy and not hurting anyone, that is absolutely their choice. I don't claim to suggest "my way is right, other ways are wrong", even if they are to me personally as a person. Poly is wrong for me. Monogamy is wrong for others. That doesn't mean I am calling poly people wrong, just in terms of my own life and choices. Lol sometimes I take a fortnight to say something very simple, make it much more complicated, and still mess it up, haha. I hope I made sense.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 11:30:12 AM)
98 % of people who mail me (extrapolate for fetish sites hmm 95% of women, I do not look at the men - a good 80% (lower but there are simply more men that it will dilute the figure)) I guess) through all of time on fetish sites and muffiniumcom are married, open relationship, poly, lying gits. Counterintuitively none of the 98% partners are aware they are on these places, the scallywags - too good for a birching if I was to be asked. Take the genuine ones out of the equation btw. They have long, with the bad stereotypes of nonsense, taken over all sites with their folderol placing themselves firmly within some peacock strutting hierarchy, or a subset of the lifestyle. They do not belong here, never have, because they quote their slobbering nonsense & their word as gospel. It has no origin so when a pure innocent sould genuine even single join these places they notice things and come to believe non mahogany (hehe) is the lifestyle. The bad stereotypes do the same with their cavity stretching claims, and abhorrent worse than even that pincale of what is expected/demanded withing the lifestyle Because their numbers are so vast, and if you tell the same gospel over and over again most people who now no better come to believe the legions repeating gospel. They impregnate all sites, always have, always will, scaring most genuine souls away propagating absurd mythology via their ass spraying ways. But here are others, if you pay attention, will say withing our definition of the lifestyle monogamy is the actual norm Note: I have Cleary exempted the genuine poly ones on all sites and those most of all will understand what a time waster bad stereotype is Slippernote i never say never try a threesome or moresome as a rare treat but even then someone will get hurt, Sandalnote (actually I worn sandals the last 4 years so your learn stuff on my posts) Married people attached people – I am not sure what to say about them. Some will have a valid reason, but not many a bit complex to go into. But I can assure this makes up the bulk of the guilty lot saying poly etc is normal, as long as you do not tell my partner. They make up the bulk of every site everywhere. I will talk to anyone with a credible reality. An interesting note I hear from all married/attached women is he never showed up, timewaster, back out last minute, abducted by aliens etc... i sigh and say of course he did not for he/she simply cannot sneak away from their partner and I bet he spinned you a fine yarn, they are adept at this..and it spills over to single sites…most common story I have heard over the epochs. So in essence monogamy is the actual normal within the lifestyle as I have always defined it. It can be hard to see in a sea of turds. But my voice is a minority within the recent slef proclaimed lifestyle ( I believe made up of mainly bad stereotypes) these days no matter what I say, how I say it. why do you care OP?

DesFIP -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 1:57:28 PM)
We're mono. What I've found is that most people who play in clubs or parties are poly. The more monogamous types tend not to join the community at large except for forums and fet groups. The rope group we went to several meetings of last year was meeting in a private house, and most of the people were paired up. This year, it moved to a club and now the membership has totally changed. Apparently at the last meeting there were 15 male riggers and only 3 female bottoms. So those bottoms felt obligated to allow all the riggers to take turns tying them. I'm incredibly glad that it requires walking up 2 flights of steps and we can't do that. Because not only do I not have sex with others, I don't play with others.

Greta75 -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 4:26:51 PM)
I'm 101% Mono. But I am open to an open relationship in regards to, IF I end up settling with a man who is perfect in all ways outside the bedroom, but does not suit me sexually, and I don't enjoy sex with him at all, then, open relationship is inevitable. It has to be open for it to work. Since we cannot fulfill each other sexually at all. But I can't imagine if you met your 101% perfect sex in all perfect ways, why would you even want to have sex with anybody else? As my perfect sex puts it, "If I already have the best in the sexual department, why would I want what's second best?" But I believe Poly exists because of how difficult it is to find that perfect person who fits every single element, that having multiple folks just is the practical solution, so each folk fulfills different elements that you need.

FelineFae -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 6:27:16 PM)
For Poly-folk, we are having multiple relationships simultaneously. There's more to it than just sex. And yes, you can be faithfully devoted to all your partners. Here's a nice site for some Poly 101 http://www.lovemore.com/ The OP wanted to why we don't have a AskAMono forum, so she probly feels she knows enough to know she the relationship structure that will work best for her. That's not a bad thing. But again, loyalty is just as important in a polyationship as it is a monogamous relationship.

mousekabob -> RE: Monogamy? (3/5/2016 7:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Dammit... who is it then that I'm thinking of? Apparently I don't pay enough attention to who is what... Kana and mouse, perhaps? We're not really mono or poly. I guess you could say we're middle of the road. If an opportunity presents itself, we'll talk about it and go from there. The opportunity simply has never presented itself and I don't think either of us actively seek...at least I don't.

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