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ORIGINAL: satanscharmer

Thank you, yes I did miss that.

I read an article, and of course I can't find it now, where a psychologist listed off three most common reasons he was given from men as to why they don't cheat. Answers given were variances to the three. Interestingly enough, none of the reasons cited moral integrity or religious reasons. If I remember correctly they were 1) Too busy, 2) Too shy, 3) Were content.

quote:

ORIGINAL: satanscharmer

Thank you, yes I did miss that.

I read an article, and of course I can't find it now, where a psychologist listed off three most common reasons he was given from men as to why they don't cheat. Answers given were variances to the three. Interestingly enough, none of the reasons cited moral integrity or religious reasons. If I remember correctly they were 1) Too busy, 2) Too shy, 3) Were content.

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ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
The lesson to be learned here, boys and girls, is that most people would rather die than accept responsibility for misrepresenting a generalization, so you can pretty much bank on the fact that if person X has cheated on you, they'll probably take it to the grave with them, but if you catch them they're going to attempt to add some "subtext" to the original faux pas that diminishes or dismisses their responsibility in the act/action.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact


Why wouldn't you be insulted if you got lumped into a pile of cheating dickheads?

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Oh, I loved that writing. (Not in as, I clicked on the button and loved it. More in, I thought it was great work.)
her (so-called) poly husband is cheating on her just as much by falling in love with his additional partner as any monogamous person would be.

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ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

~FR

Ugh... people, seriously!?!?!?

You can label your relationship wotever or however you want it but not one (1) dynamic holds "integrity" in exclusivity. People have integrity, dynamics don't... you don't jump into monogamy because it has guaranteed "integrity" or "independence" or "codependence", etc...

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: Greta75
Being Monogamous has nothing to do with integrity. It's just a sexual orientation.

Especially if people aren't Monogamous by choice, I wouldn't call it integrity. It just is.

This is one of the things in life it would be really neat to KNOW, as opposed to what we think. This one is harder because unlike being gay, straight, bi, whatever, we can't eliminate the nature vrs nurture question for people.

Earlier in the thread, DreamLady pointed out that there are certain species that mate for life. We know it's nature for them because all of them do it. There is no nurture in the equation. It's what they do as an instinct.

People, on the other hand, have societal influences to help shape their opinion regarding monogamy their whole lives. Even if a person who has been raised in a household that practices non-monogamy, think of how many influences a person is exposed to elsewhere, because chances are, they are still observing monogamous relationships for a majority of their other influences. There's no way to eliminate the nurture part of a human for this one, so until we get advanced enough about the brain and we can specifically pinpoint the 'monogamy wiring' (for lack of a better term) it will be impossible for us to know.

Maybe I'm just weird, but I think it would be awesome if science would catch up with us to answer some of our questions about humans.

Agreeing with Greta, integrity in relationships has to do with character, which is independent of how romantically or sexually intimate one is with others. I don't think it's necessary to substantiate how a person can have a monogamous orientation and lack integrity in his or her dealings with a spouse. I'd be here forever and a day covering that subject. There are as many gray areas there with deceit (money-squandering, lying, misrepresentations, broken promises, game-playing and goal-post changing, etc.) as there are in poly arrangements. There are people who behave ethically in one kind of relationship, but don't in others -- with their friendships, with their extended families, professionally with business dealings, in acting like a different person in public than they do in private, in mistreating a stranger, or in treating strangers or mere acquaintances better than one does one's own family.

@LadyPact, in my view humans are categorically and demonstrably adaptable as a species. We can adapt to circumstances and to changing environments, which testifies to our unrivaled success as a warm-blooded species.
Adaptations to many cultural practices have ensued as a result of near-catastrophic events, whether they originated naturally or were manmade. Life forms must either adapt or perish.
As has occurred numerous times in the past, when able-bodied men were wiped out in warfare, this left a huge imbalance in the surviving local population.
Necessity is the mother of invention, as the saying goes.

Basically, there is nothing new under the sun. There is a version of something somewhere in the animal kingdom, or among plant life, the matriarchal insect dominions, the microbial worlds, in the forces of nature within the elements, and what have you.
Whatever can be conceived of, already exists in some way, shape or form. (I don't recall offhand who stated this.)

Nevertheless, there is a marked difference between the human female and females of other mammalian species in particular. We are not ruled by estrus, nor do we have a set mating season or limited timeframe/cut-off date for being sexually active.

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ORIGINAL: HisForLife71
So to me, that absolutely takes away the sexual orientation part of it.

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So is your current relationship an "I love you as long as you don't. ever love someone else"

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Males will cheat every chance they get.

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ORIGINAL: Greta75
I kinda believe in this as well most of the time. And it's very interesting, especially older generation of my people, if you speak to them about keeping husbands, it's keeping them away from temptations, and managing the situations, always being by his side, get involve in everything he likes doing, so you'll be doing everything his doing with him, and surprise him every occasionally at his office, so he knows you could turn up anytime and won't risk trying anything funny a work. It's a very paranoid insecure way of keeping their husbands, and I am talking about grannies who have been married for like 40 years. Yet they still don't trust their husbands to be faithful.

The way I work is, "Sleep around if you want! Just make sure you inform me about it!"

The funny shit, 100% of men I say this to, never cheated on me after. I mean, not even take the free hall pass.

Reverse psychology must be working somehow. But for me, when I'm with someone, I don't want to feel insecure even if he sleeps with others. If I feel insecure because he does, his not for me. I don't like feeling insecure with a man, and I don't want to have to "manage" him and keep all temptations away. It's all too crazy the lengths women go through around here.

Many of them just subscribe to, if there is no opportunity for him to cheat, it would be impossible for him to cheat, women here take personal responsibility in managing their men and preventing them from cheating. And for me, that's way too much work.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Agreeing with Greta, integrity in relationships has to do with character, which is independent of how romantically or sexually intimate one is with others. I don't think it's necessary to substantiate how a person can have a monogamous orientation and lack integrity in his or her dealings with a spouse. I'd be here forever and a day covering that subject. There are as many gray areas there with deceit (money-squandering, lying, misrepresentations, broken promises, game-playing and goal-post changing, etc.) as there are in poly arrangements. There are people who behave ethically in one kind of relationship, but don't in others -- with their friendships, with their extended families, professionally with business dealings, in acting like a different person in public than they do in private, in mistreating a stranger, or in treating strangers or mere acquaintances better than one does one's own family.

@LadyPact, in my view humans are categorically and demonstrably adaptable as a species. We can adapt to circumstances and to changing environments, which testifies to our unrivaled success as a warm-blooded species.
Adaptations to many cultural practices have ensued as a result of near-catastrophic events, whether they originated naturally or were manmade. Life forms must either adapt or perish.
As has occurred numerous times in the past, when able-bodied men were wiped out in warfare, this left a huge imbalance in the surviving local population.
Necessity is the mother of invention, as the saying goes.

Basically, there is nothing new under the sun. There is a version of something somewhere in the animal kingdom, or among plant life, the matriarchal insect dominions, the microbial worlds, in the forces of nature within the elements, and what have you.
Whatever can be conceived of, already exists in some way, shape or form. (I don't recall offhand who stated this.)

Nevertheless, there is a marked difference between the human female and females of other mammalian species in particular. We are not ruled by estrus, nor do we have a set mating season or limited timeframe/cut-off date for being sexually active.

DreamLady