dreamlady
Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
Sorry, In my experience, men using the term of "emotional sadist" are mostly irresolute assholes
Kinda reminds me of people who just make up shit and then slap on the kink/fetish label so they can get away with asinine behavior, and consensuality be damned.
Anything and everything can be considered a paraphilia of sorts. . . but that doesn't make it off limits to censure when it infringes upon the rights of others to grant their consent.
Like the gymrat who asks "What is wrong with being a narcissist?" [who can't get submissive women to let him run their lives]
Or the married cheater whose "fetish-kink" is to fuck around with married women (other than his own wife, who can't stand to be near the boorish pig). . . .
Let's see, we can make attention-whoritis a fetish, under the umbrella of exhibitionism.
Leering at women, acting like a creep, and attributing any female's wardrobe malfunction to being intentionally perpetrated for the benefit of every male bystander's viewing pleasure, goes along with voyeurism.
I have to wonder whether this is what your former Master calls himself? Did he ever use these words? Or is this what ppl have subsequently told you was what this man was, or that you heard or read somewhere?
There are those who take mental Domination to the edge or to extemes with a combination of mental torment, mindfucks, sexual torment, and psychological humiliation -- which should always be consensual in nature, with clearly mapped out boundaries, or no-go zones.
Otherwise, it is not BDSM sadomasochism but becomes predatory abuse instead. This is the difference between those who take care of their toys as an artilect, and those who would break their toys like a childish bully.
I do not believe that emotional sadism is a valid form of BDSM or non-vanilla D/s, in that this is a pathological condition involving emotionally abusive behavior and mental cruelty inflicted by an unstable, emotionally stunted man flying under the radar of M/s.
The bigger question is this, Are you an emotional masochist? And if so, is this how you want your relationship dynamic to be, reliving "Groundhog's Day" over and over again with this man until you both get it right with one another?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Slavebluet
What in your opinion, is an emotional sadist?
What brings this question to mind is that my Master, from years ago, has recently contacted me to see if we could continue where we had left off. Lol, and yes I have already earned punishment for a couple of things that did not sit well with him.
There is a little problem of me being in another state now, but I am going to visit him at the end of the month and possibly move back before the end of the year.
I have no doubt the reason why your former Master wants to pick up where you both left off is because nobody else will put up with his immature bullcrap, and he has been kicked to the curb more than once. I'm sure he isn't able to hold onto a slave for any respectable length of time.
It also sounds as if you have made up your mind to take him back for good, since you're already contemplating moving back in with him in the near future.
Are you also saying that all the OLD rules you had in place with your M/s dynamic that previously crashed and burned, have been resurrected intact, and you are expected to abide by them?
If his modus operandi ("asshat-itis", "Domass-itis" and "Dumbinant-ia") didn't work out in the past between the two of you, what makes you think that it will work out this time around?
Girl, have you not negotiated a single thing, like you would have done with any other new Master? Why should your old Master not have to redeem himself either, to prove himself worthy of your submission?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Slavebluet
I understand that we have separate lives for now. He doesn't tell me when or were he goes and some weekend's I don't hear from him. It was always the case when we were together. But I haven't heard from him in a week now and it plays with my mind.
Is he OK? Did he get hurt? What did I do wrong?
Or when I ask personal questions, I have to be punished first than earn the answers. It's so confusing. I need feedback. I need to be good. I need his approval.
Leaving you in uncertainty and confusion is not the action of a Dominant leader, one who deserves to be yours or anybody else's Master; and if he were any kind of Master, he would know that you cannot do this to an s-type without causing them to turn into a neurotic mess.
Submissives need regular reassurances in the form of routine certainties, consistent acknowledgment of their presence and performance levels, and cannot bear to be ignored or given the cold shoulder treatment -- that is often said to be the worse punishment of all.
What I am mostly concerned about is that not only will this man start arbitrarily "punishing" you for things that have transpired in your life AFTER the two of you separated, but that he will start taking other unrelated things out on you, dredging up and then re-punishing you for past misdeeds (in his mind) to where you will simply end up terrorized all over again.
Because tell me the truth (to yourself), isn't this what your ex-Master did to you when you were much younger and more vulnerable than you are now? Did you not learn anything and grow up into a capable, mature woman since then?
DreamLady
_____________________________
Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti
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