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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/21/2016 11:31:26 PM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather
I call cop-out because of the reasons. Once again, I am in no way saying cop-ing out is bad, and I already admitted, god knows how long ago, that I also cop out.

Maybe because you position is conflicting? Or you need to change your terminology, because usage of the term 'cop-out' is inherently negative, implying that someone is making excuses for not fulfilling duties, obligations, promises, etc. It isn't just a matter of not deciding to do something. The term cop-out carries with it the implication of shirking responsibilities.

So every time that you say that term, you are saying something negative about not answering. Saying that copping out isn't bad contradicts the whole idea behind the expression.

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that. Anything to put an end to this line of discussion

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 1:05:10 AM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that

How about "fully justified"?

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 6:52:48 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that

How about "fully justified"?

Seconded.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 8:14:56 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that. Anything to put an end to this line of discussion

Just use cop-out, dude. The term doesn't matter. It's just symbolic of what you really feel which appears to be that pretty much all email that's not from obvious serial killers deserves to be answered.

You already copped to that.. or maybe explain exactly 'why' you think it deserves to be answered.

Personally.. I'm not getting it but I'm okay with you just sitting there and looking pretty. I have no problem objectifying cuties like you.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 10:34:29 AM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that

How about "fully justified"?

Seconded.

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Post #: 185

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 10:46:02 AM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

ok, pick a term everyone feels comfortable with and I'll use that. Anything to put an end to this line of discussion

Just use cop-out, dude. The term doesn't matter. It's just symbolic of what you really feel which appears to be that pretty much all email that's not from obvious serial killers deserves to be answered.

You already copped to that.. or maybe explain exactly 'why' you think it deserves to be answered.

Personally.. I'm not getting it but I'm okay with you just sitting there and looking pretty. I have no problem objectifying cuties like you.

What I feel doesn't matter. And since I have given my personal opinion on the matter, it seems that's all we talk about. Well, sort of because I have already said I don't expect answers from my own messages. Lets try this. This statement now replaces any and all others made by me on the subject. First, when someone sends out a message, they kinda you know, expect an answer. Do they deserve one, no. Are they entitled to one, no. Should the recipient of that message be jailed for not answering, no. But should the sender, the person who proffered that message in the first place, expect an answer, yes.

And hey, you know I am more than just an object, I, uh... yeah I got nothing... Objectify away

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 11:52:45 AM

freedomdwarf1

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Have you not considered that no answer IS an answer??
It means: Sorry, not interested; please fuck off and leave me alone (or words to that effect).

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 11:57:54 AM

SuaveGentleman

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I guess the crux of the matter I gather from 10 pages of discussions is that its tough being a guy here due to scarcity of messages, and its tough being a girl here due to a flood of messages.

- asn

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 12:06:06 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

and its tough being a girl here due to a flood of messages.

Not if you are wily. :)

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 12:55:22 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Have you not considered that no answer IS an answer??
It means: Sorry, not interested; please fuck off and leave me alone (or words to that effect).

No, fuck off andl leave me alone (or words to that effect) is not what a no response means. It simply means no interested.

I doubt that most women on here would agree with you. I have no reason to tell every person that messages me to 'fuck off''. If that's what I mean, then I will say it. Simply getting a message that doesn't interest me is no reason to respond (or not) with that implication.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/22/2016 1:00:25 PM

freedomdwarf1

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We have had many threads where a simple "not interested" reply results in a barage of abuse from the sender.
So yes, the 'fuck off and leave me alone' part is actually quite relevant in telling the sender not to follow up.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 11:23:31 AM

DesFIP

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The fuck off and don't contact me is what we want to say to the entitled idiots who respond to "good luck in your future searches but I see no compatibility" with death threats.

Some asshat who just tells us he's changed his mind and we're too old/ugly/fat to fuck doesn't get much more than a yawn. But the detailed death threats are the ones that deserve the fuck off and leave me alone. Except we can't because then he'd make three socks to harass us through.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 11:29:15 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

We have had many threads where a simple "not interested" reply results in a barage of abuse from the sender.
So yes, the 'fuck off and leave me alone' part is actually quite relevant in telling the sender not to follow up.

And you think that 'fuck off' is going to get women a better response than 'not interested'?

Aside from the fact that there's no point in giving that sort of reply to a guy who is just clueless and not engaging (but not rude).

The fact remains that if you're not interested, and you don't feel like catching abuse for saying so, the best reply is no reply. It's got the best odds of not being followed up with threats and insults.

And if he's the kind of guy who looks like he might threaten and insult you for no reply (which happens as well, though less frequently) your best course of action is just to block him immediately.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 11:53:35 AM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

We have had many threads where a simple "not interested" reply results in a barage of abuse from the sender.
So yes, the 'fuck off and leave me alone' part is actually quite relevant in telling the sender not to follow up.

And you think that 'fuck off' is going to get women a better response than 'not interested'?

Aside from the fact that there's no point in giving that sort of reply to a guy who is just clueless and not engaging (but not rude).

The fact remains that if you're not interested, and you don't feel like catching abuse for saying so, the best reply is no reply. It's got the best odds of not being followed up with threats and insults.

And if he's the kind of guy who looks like he might threaten and insult you for no reply (which happens as well, though less frequently) your best course of action is just to block him immediately.

So basically you are saying what seems to be the party line. A guy should have no expectations when sending out a message. Not that it will be read, not that it will be responded to. Even if he puts hours and hours of effort into that message, being as relevant to her profile, he should not expect an answer. So, uhm, why should guys message anyone in the first place? You just said, the odds favor a woman getting a rude response to any rejection, so you guys don't answer any you remotely find unappealing or relevant (Keep in mind, only you the recipient knows the answers to this, not the sender). So really, what's the motivation for any guy to send out unsolicited/cold messages... Just me being really annoying, but doesn't encouraging the "right" kind of messages simply up the probability you get the rude assholes (and by "right", I mean matches the profile search parameters, seems to share similar kinks, etc.)? I mean all things being equal, who is more apt to send a message, the nice polite guy, who knows he is going to get rejected... Or the creepy asshole, who is happy if he gets 1 answer, any answer, out of the messages he vomits out.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:10:58 PM

Wayward5oul

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If that's all you want to take away from everything everyone has said, then yes. You are right. Men are wasting their time and there is no point. Your time would be better spent whacking off to porn. Have at it.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:12:51 PM

GodsCronik

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

A guy should have no expectations when sending out a message. Not that it will be read, not that it will be responded to. Even if he puts hours and hours of effort into that message, being as relevant to her profile, he should not expect an answer.

you were so close to getting it. I cut out most of your post and quoted the part you should have written and should understand by now.....

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:21:03 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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Look dude, it's simple. If you want to interest a woman with your message, write an interesting message.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:33:32 PM

ImperialPath

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

Ok little bit of a rant but honestly I want to know why someone would do this, outside of being plain rude or insensitive.

3 girls within a period of 3 weeks. I read through their profiles and posts in great detail. I felt there was a potential connection, so I wrote to them. Nothing creepy, plain old fashioned introduction, what I am looking for, why I liked her profile. An invitation to connect if she felt she would like to know me as well.

If they did not respond at this stage I would say its more than understandable. Surely girls get 100s of messages - makes perfect sense. Maybe did not read mine. Maybe read it but did not feel any possible chemistry. Perfectly good reasons. In an ideal world I would have loved it if they wrote a single line saying "No sorry". But forget it, that's just fine.

Here's the problem. They reply back. They exchange a few mails getting to know each other. Sometimes they will say we should chat on Skype, sometimes I brought it up while keeping it completely optional on their comfort level. Often they said yes. If they did not - great, just keep the mails going back and forth until the trust develops.

Then one fine day - boom! Girl 1 stops replying to any emails. Girl 2 blocks me. Girl 3 closes account and runs away. Honestly I am not hiding anything here - it was not that I said something shitty which caused them to do this. Then I would not be asking this question out in the open. It was like a bolt from the blue.

Seriously? For all the time we invested in each other, could I not have expected at least a "Sorry I dont think we'll gel well" ?

I dont mean to say girls are the only ones that do this. I am sure men (boys?) have done it too, just that it would be outside of my personal experience.

I would like to believe these people were not outright fakes. Yet... what is it about an online connection that makes people treat it as so fragile and cheap? I am sorry if I am being silly here but with time we start investing not only time but emotions too. Sometimes I go to the extent of worrying whether something actually happened to her.

Just to be clear that these fears are not unfounded - this had happened previously with a "little" I had been in touch with. Very attached, very sweet, perfectly genuine. Then disappeared for 4 FULL MONTHS. Turns up later. Turned out she had major mental illness (I knew about it) and was borderline suicidal. I wish she had trusted me enough to tell me about it. Nevertheless we are friends now.

Any thoughts gentlemen / ladies?

Yes. Since joining in 2005, it long since came to my attention that many here have personality disorders of one or more types and some also lonely and afraid. Finally, some are homebound. This causes them to go online and seek some contact but soon their fear causes them to withdrawal especially when it is getting too close for comfort or a face to face is mentioned or seems likely.

On the other hand, there are those who with the right person they overcome their fear of meeting or continuing the contact. There are also those couples who unrealistically believe someone will actually move into their house and work for free in the home or be a slave yet pay rent. it would take a desperate woman, perhaps with children, to think something like that might save her and her children from the streets but when it comes closer to meeting time they realize how stupid and dangerous such a situation could be and do the prudent thing, they vanish.

If you are actively in some part of BDSM there is a good chance you are different from normal society and have what normal society calls a personality disorder. You are in good company.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:37:41 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

We have had many threads where a simple "not interested" reply results in a barage of abuse from the sender.
So yes, the 'fuck off and leave me alone' part is actually quite relevant in telling the sender not to follow up.

And you think that 'fuck off' is going to get women a better response than 'not interested'?

Aside from the fact that there's no point in giving that sort of reply to a guy who is just clueless and not engaging (but not rude).

The fact remains that if you're not interested, and you don't feel like catching abuse for saying so, the best reply is no reply. It's got the best odds of not being followed up with threats and insults.

And if he's the kind of guy who looks like he might threaten and insult you for no reply (which happens as well, though less frequently) your best course of action is just to block him immediately.

The point FD is trying to make though is that not replying inherently means "fuck off and leave me alone". Any time you don't reply to their initial message. Whether it's the lazy "hi", or the asshat who starts out with "on your knees bitch" or the person who sends a decent message but doesn't fit your criteria...they all deserve the "fuck off"attitude.

AND that is exactly what women have to fight against so much. That "no response" can't just be "not interested". Rather "no response" means "fuck off". That if we don't reply we are just being a bitch or something along those lines. And I disagree.

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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/23/2016 12:44:46 PM

ImperialPath

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

I guess the crux of the matter I gather from 10 pages of discussions is that its tough being a guy here due to scarcity of messages, and its tough being a girl here due to a flood of messages.

- asn

Wouldn't you hate to be getting so many useless messages, hundreds rather than several that guys get in a day or even a week. Guys get a message back from one of their emails then it is usually a polite no thanks or a real interested reply or an obvious faker.

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