Struggles

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Struggles

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Struggles

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Struggles - 7/20/2006 3:55:28 AM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

My Dom and I watched "Secretary" the other day. I liked it for the most part, but what has been bothering me is that the sub/slave was emotionally disturbed, and the Dom/Master was tormented by his like for BDSM. (Yes - it spices up the movie.) I stumbled upon my realization for my preference later than my unsure teens and experimental 20's - so I am not tormented at all.

The question (finally you say)... If anyone has felt tormented...why?

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 7/20/2006 4:06:32 AM >

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

Post #: 1

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 4:00:38 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

No I have never felt tormented. (I didn't care for the Secretary either because, once again, the film industry decided to portray people involved in BDSM as being mentally unhealthy)

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 2

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 4:00:48 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Tormented is a pretty strong word. I've felt unsure and confused and, at times, "what kind of a sick fuck am I?" but I think that's pretty common. None of those feelings have lasted however.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 3

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 4:26:25 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i have never felt tormented, D/s is part of who i am, and i harm none, so what is wrong whit it, i am not normal to begin whit anyway.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 4

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 6:10:38 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I have never felt tormented by it. For a long time i wondered why i felt these needs that none of my friends did, and when i tried to explain it they looked at me as if i grew 2 heads. Tormented no confused yes but not anymore.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 5

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 6:21:24 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Tormented only happened for me when i tried to deny who i am by going vanilla for so many years. It is so hard to deny yourself and not experience torment. I think if i had not discovered myself and then gone back to the good ole nilla i would not have had to experience torment, however it makes me who i am today stronger and hopefully better able to serve.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 6

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 6:22:29 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

well the movie is actually making fun of the lifestyle and not close to real life at all.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 7

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 6:27:50 AM

suggababy23

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline

I am going to be a little different here and say yes I have felt tormented. I am still learning myself and there have been many days where I want to deny my submissive nature. I think it's just all a part of the growing and learning process.

BTW, Secretary was a little odd for me. I didn't really get it.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 8

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 7:15:26 AM

deltadawn

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

I felt confused often, but never tormented.

I really did not enjoy that movie. Once again the 'poor submissive'....lol

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 9

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 7:19:00 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i've never seen the movie, but i don't feel tormented. it's just a part of who i am. being bisexual is a part of who i am. being obsessed with books is a part of who i am. i can't be QUITE as open about the bdsm parts as the others, but i am lucky in that i don't have to completely wrap it up and hide it either...i don't talk about it to people who don't want to hear it, but my close friends and roommates usually know, and my sister knows.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to deltadawn)

Post #: 10

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 9:15:36 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

I didn't care for the movie that much, because both characters seem more then a bit off.

There are times I've felt confused by my wantings, or scared when I wonder why I want the things I want. I've often felt awe or small, I've felt stilled to my core, and wonder. I've felt tranquility and peace, but never tormented in my yearnings.

I know Master has felt something like torment, but I would not call it that exactly, more like conflicting emotions as he's grown and recognized his need for this in his life.

< Message edited by desertdancer -- 7/20/2006 9:16:13 AM >

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 11

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 9:46:00 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

If anyone has felt tormented...why?

Tormented, sad, angry, confused, hopeless, yes, all of that and more. Why? Because this shit just ain't normal. Most people don't have cravings for pain that drive them batty if they aren't beaten. Most people don't have an intense need for humiliation, objectification, damnation .. and most people want to be like most other people so they fit in. It took a long time to figure out that I wasn't like most people and a whole lot longer to figure out that it was OK that I wasn't like most other people, but it was work to figure it out. Self-reflection, acceptance .. letting go of baggage including being bombarded practically from birth by the media, family and friends with what is 'right and proper' for a young lady to think, feel and do. There are expectations of how ones life should go, how it should be lived and major disappointment in self and the disappointment of those around you when those expectations aren't realized.

Sick shit, yanno? You ask yourself over and over again.. why am I the way I am? Now, of course, you can turn on the tv and see Marge telling Homer that tonight's safeword is banana, and that may elicit a blush and a nervous giggle from the masses. Didn't use to be that way though. You question yourself simply knowing that you are the only one in the world who is a freak and you don't yet have the life skills or experience to say fuck the world. I learned though. To accept my proclivities, to embrace who and what I am and after that, low and behold, no more torment.. at least none that wasn't consensual with an accommodating sadist. ::chuckles::

It's a process, one which has been made easier these days, but until you find out the truth, that it's all OK, that you are not alone in what you think and feel, in how you want your life to go, how you behave and what you do, it can be a torment, a torture of your soul.

Struggles.. perfect title for the thread. I struggled and for a really long time .. but I'm over all that now and fuck the world slips fairly easily out of my lips because it doesn't matter anymore. When I figured out I didn't need permission to be myself nor the acceptance of the masses to do what I do .. when I was able to go beyond that and embrace who and what I am, I actually started to like me.

So, it's all good now and, so far, it's been a hell of a ride. Besides, 'normal' isn't all it's cracked up to be. ::laughs::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 12

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 9:53:30 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My Dom and I watched "Secretary" the other day. I liked it for the most part, but what has been bothering me is that the sub/slave was emotionally disturbed, and the Dom/Master was tormented by his like for BDSM.

I didn't like the fact that Lee was portrayed in a negative manner at first. However, as the film progressed, she grew strong and sure of herself and what she wanted. In Mr. Gray, however, I saw the same struggles that I see in a lot of dominants. He viewed his sadistic desires as being wrong, and he felt guilty for having those feelings. Overall, I felt the film was well done, and it did present a realistic view of one BDSM relationship.

In this lifestyle, there are a LOT of "damaged" people. Most of those I know are far more messed up than either of the two portrayed in Secretary.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 13

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 10:21:31 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Good question babysburnin

I have never felt tormented by Ds, but I have felt torn in my desire for it, I questioned my normalcy, I have questioned whether or not someone could have a healthy relationship 24-7. In some ways I am still asking myself this question. I am more comfortable with the idea now. I am embarking on a relationship in which it is extremely comfortable to be Ds and I feel valued for my submissiveness. It is a part of myself I have come to embrace.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 14

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 12:34:19 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Excellent question though I have not seen that particular movie. By the time I heard about it I also heard enough of why it is not an accurate portrayal to lose interest in seeing it.

Much of my personal experience would echo Celeste's aside from how it relates to her in her personal desires. My life, until the last few years, has been led at a frantic pace of survival and doing what needs to be done without thought for my own joy. After I finally had a chance to take a breath and think about myself and what did I want to be when I grew up I realized that I was miserable with a life that most would love to have. I allowed my sexuality to blossom and thru that I learned about BDSM. Once I got past my VERY limited ideas of what it was, I was still fighting with the idea of.......it's just sick and wrong! I couldn't even allow myself to think about it. At that point Pandora's box was opened and thru getting to know more people and realize that it's not about evil murderous predators and helpless victims but rather consenting adults enjoying something "different", I began to be more open to the whole thing. Thru that I began to accept my own needs and nature. It has been the most freeing experience of my life. I think I am a better person for it.
My only issues now are caused simply by the vanilla life I had built versus the life I need and trying to find a way to meld them together without destroying innocent victims.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Struggles - 7/20/2006 12:34:25 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I'm "meh" about the movie Secretary. I enjoyed parts of it and I thought other parts were stupid.

I've never really struggled with my place in the lifestyle, other than finding a compatible partner, who could give me the level of direction and oversight that I ache for. I often would wonder....why am I like this? But I've come to the understanding that submission is just part of who I am. I'm not submissive because of any lack in my childhood or upbringing - and I like being different and embracing things that are different.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Struggles - 7/21/2006 1:24:33 AM

faithNZ

Posts: 82
Joined: 11/28/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

I had the hype about Secretary - then forgot about it. Rented it out and was glad i didn't have to pay full price. Although (thanks to Boston Legal) I am a James Spader fan, I did not like this movie due to the fact that through using a submisive who had unresolved mental health problems, and by default this insinuated that BDSM is related to lack of mental health. However, I did like the end part with the cockroach...classic!

_____________________________

I'm unique - just like everyone else

http://www.slaveregister.com/751-990-923

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: Struggles - 7/21/2006 4:46:19 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

We just watched the movie the other day. We both liked it, but I agree it's disturbing also in the way it portrays D/s. We both felt sorry for Mr. Gray and his struggle. Lee did grow strong and learned what she was and embraced it. They were both happy in the end with their lifestyle.

I have to agree with Celeste to a point. I have questioned myself and struggled over what the heck is happening to me. The fact that I now crave pain at his hands still mystifies me. I'm very happy though and I do feel I have the right to be who I want to be.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to faithNZ)

Post #: 18

RE: Struggles - 7/21/2006 5:24:55 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I've never been tormented about D/s. It's just how I'm wired and I don't find it abnormal. The movie, I found quite abnormal.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 19

RE: Struggles - 7/21/2006 6:29:20 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I've been ormented by bad choices in patners, but never by my nature.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Struggles

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094