Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How to approach a Mistress


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to approach a Mistress Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How to approach a Mistress - 4/13/2016 6:45:13 AM   
Tanning


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/12/2016
Status: offline
Okay, so from a few months I'm trying to find a Mistress and I've talked to few.
But what I am still haven't been able to understand is how to approach a 'true' Mistress ?
I added true because seriously I don't care about Findomme, ugh this word shouldn't even exist but back to the topic.
Can anyone help me in this ? How would a Mistress like to be approached as, to received message as ?
I'm really a novice as a submissive, I've no idea. Please someone help me out.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/13/2016 9:13:47 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
They're people, you approach them like you would approach anyone else, as you would like to be approached. This isn't rocket surgery.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Tanning)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/13/2016 10:22:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
I notice that in your profile or post, you say that you have four years of experience in watch repair. I've always wanted to get into watch repair myself, but the initial outlay discouraged me. Could you please give me some tips on beginning a low budget watch repair hobby?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 5:09:37 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
FR.

Yikes. I read your profile text.

I'm sorry I did.

It was that difficult to get through the two paragraphs.

My advice is that the first way to "approach" wimmins, bearing in mind that they're forced to weed out the riffraff while you're forced to hunt, is that when you do get them into your lair, that there's substance at that lair that is sticky enough for them to be interested in sticking around.

Simply stated, fix the profile first, and THEN worry about "approaching" females.

< disclaimer > I'm as imperfect as any man - so - you're welcome to ignore that advice.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 7:05:00 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Read her profile. Read her forum posts. Then write her a message about something non sexual she wrote about.
Nobody wants to open their email to a strange man talking about his dick.

They don't take as subs, strange men who they don't know and like. Nor would they want some stranger to come into their home.

You have to become friends first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 7:37:17 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline
Hmm you again - with a slightly different variant.

Unlike you I don't speak to a great many Tops or bottoms or is it mistress and slaves or panting wanton wenches lusting over my darkness. This can be interpreted many ways eg
1. that I, my kind, are simply not in demand.
2. there are almost no wanton wenches on here, or they are outnumbered vastly by man malarkey and hot lesbian bints and bisexuals - who incidentally are 99% men
3. You claim to have spoken to a great many, as you always do not matter your incarnation, so what happened was the problem always them or you


A good paragraph is enough, more would be better and an email with words of value and meaning

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 4/26/2016 7:39:12 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 8:54:25 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Read her profile.
Read her forum posts.
Then write her a message about something non sexual she wrote about.


While nobody would argue with that advice, I wonder if it's the "real problem" here.

Let me ask wimmins, using a specific (common) series of steps:
a. If someone read your profile, read your journal, and read your forum posts, and,
b. If they then wrote something reasonably related about something you've said, but,
c. If you then read their profile, and their profile totally wasn't what you were looking for ...

Would you still respond in a way designed to grow the conversation further?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 10:20:43 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

Would you still respond in a way designed to grow the conversation further?

It depends on what they wrote.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 10:56:12 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tanning
Okay, so from a few months I'm trying to find a Mistress and I've talked to few.
But what I am still haven't been able to understand is how to approach a 'true' Mistress ?
I added true because seriously I don't care about Findomme, ugh this word shouldn't even exist but back to the topic.
Can anyone help me in this ? How would a Mistress like to be approached as, to received message as ?
I'm really a novice as a submissive, I've no idea. Please someone help me out.

I was going to stay off of this thread after watching the way you got your @ss handed to you over on the other site. (Tough crowd about that "true" Mistress stuff, huh?)

Best advice I can give you? Talk to a person like a person. Don't try initiating some kind of fantasy role play where the 'Mistress' wants some electronic version of you immediately slobbering all over her because before hello, you're just random dude on the internet.

Side advice. If you have a question that you want to ask people and you want a good response, skip the digs on other people's kinks. (In this case, fin kink.) It's completely cool if you don't want to engage in fin kink but that doesn't make you the arbitrator of what works for other people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
Let me ask wimmins, using a specific (common) series of steps:
a. If someone read your profile, read your journal, and read your forum posts, and,
b. If they then wrote something reasonably related about something you've said, but,
c. If you then read their profile, and their profile totally wasn't what you were looking for ...

Would you still respond in a way designed to grow the conversation further?

During your time off from the forums, we had a number of threads regarding emails. Some of this is going to be repeated from those threads. (You already know my personal criteria for answering emails, so I will skip that part.)

(As a repeat.) It really amazes me that folks don't research how to write an introductory email in hopes of improving their response rate. OKCupid has been data mining their members for ten years and even tell you what has a higher chance of getting a response. A lot of it is the same stuff that people say here on the forums. Listening to your target audience is always a good idea.

Not everybody who sends that introductory email is going to be what the receiver considers dating material. Still, response rates will go up for friendly conversation. Not sex. Not kink. Something you know that you have in common with the other person that you know they are interested in. It's not going to get you a 100% response rate but you'll do better than average.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tanning)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 11:25:12 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I've got another line of thinking on this.

OP is from India. A few open ended questions to the regulars here:

1) How many femdoms (relationship-seeking) do we see here on CM from India?
2) If the answer to #1 is "none" or "uh...less than five?" or anything close to that, OP has to consider a long distance relationship which will lead to real life. Tough call.
3) If OP is seeking experimentation, i.e. email training or whatever with a "potential" for real life, that's a whole other animal
4) If OP is seeking just casual play, I am not sure what the BDSM casual scene is in India, or pro domme scene. No idea.

So here are my thoughts. I would love to hear if people think this is insane.

If a sub is from a country like India and is open to a long distance relationship with potential for life-long romance, he has to be ready for a courtship over email/skype with an eye to eventual meeting.

He has to make his profile explain this in a way that is interesting, mature, believable. As a femdom in the US, if I were single and semi open minded about it, I would be more interested in a profile that explains that - otherwise, it's just "a random sub in India probably looking for hot emails who will go POOF after a couple of weeks."

So how do you do that? Tell me about India, tell me about how you would make this courtship over email happen, tell me about your hobbies, show me you have thought this through. "I realize my location is a barrier, here is how I would approach this." Or tell me something fascinating about where you live. "I have done my research here, I can tell you about the BDSM scene in India -- it's like this:"

What is the end game? "I know this is a pipe dream; It would be exciting to get to know a dominant woman and develop something over email and Skype with an aim to meeting - I can travel or host, and while there is no rush, please note that I am serious. I would be thrilled to introduce a lady to my home town, where you would see x, y and z (describe what it is like there - be interesting!). Or I would be happy to travel eventually to your home country - (maybe describe in 1 or 2 lines what you imagine the US, UK or another country to be like, "I have always wondered what it would be like to set foot on US soil and maybe take in....." (people from these countries may get a chuckle or find it endearing. At the very least it's interesting.

Here's the thing. If the OP is not seriously putting gears in motion to either host or travel, if his end game is a relationship (in person) with a femdom, he is screwed.

I hope this take on the situation may help others who live in far, far away countries that have limited BDSM scene.

The main theme here: If you are the OP or in a similar situation, have you thought it through? What's the best case scenario? How do you achieve that?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Tanning)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/26/2016 12:20:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I've got another line of thinking on this.

For the sake of conversation, I'll offer an opinion.

quote:

OP is from India. A few open ended questions to the regulars here:

This is going to be similar to what I had to say on another thread here: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4902658

quote:

1) How many femdoms (relationship-seeking) do we see here on CM from India?

I have absolutely no idea. I do mention on the other thread that I feel for the conundrum because this is by no stretch of the imagination the easiest solution to find.

quote:

2) If the answer to #1 is "none" or "uh...less than five?" or anything close to that, OP has to consider a long distance relationship which will lead to real life. Tough call.

Which puts the OP in the exact same position of thousand of random guys on the internet.

I always wonder about how the numbers play out. How many female Dominants are really willing to sort out all of those emails they get and actually spend the time to weed these folks out on the chance it's going to lead to something? Especially for a long distance thing, when the main target audience (at least on this site) are in the United States or in the UK. Most of which can explore their kinks in person, if they should choose.

quote:

3) If OP is seeking experimentation, i.e. email training or whatever with a "potential" for real life, that's a whole other animal

Wow. Experimentation on cam. How many women are willing to do that without some kind of equalizer? I'm not generally the person who suggests pay for play in many circumstances but this might fit the category. My other thought would be student visa. Get where the kink is and improve the odds.

quote:

4) If OP is seeking just casual play, I am not sure what the BDSM casual scene is in India, or pro domme scene. No idea.

That's what I said on the other thread. Pros visiting Dubai must make a fortune.

quote:

So here are my thoughts. I would love to hear if people think this is insane.

If a sub is from a country like India and is open to a long distance relationship with potential for life-long romance, he has to be ready for a courtship over email/skype with an eye to eventual meeting.

He has to make his profile explain this in a way that is interesting, mature, believable. As a femdom in the US, if I were single and semi open minded about it, I would be more interested in a profile that explains that - otherwise, it's just "a random sub in India probably looking for hot emails who will go POOF after a couple of weeks."

That's the problem, right there.

quote:

So how do you do that? Tell me about India, tell me about how you would make this courtship over email happen, tell me about your hobbies, show me you have thought this through. "I realize my location is a barrier, here is how I would approach this." Or tell me something fascinating about where you live. "I have done my research here, I can tell you about the BDSM scene in India -- it's like this:"

You're onto a decent idea here. A cultural information exchange might be a fascinating thing to some people. (Depending on the other person's curiosity level.) THAT has value rather than the hundred other guys saying, "satisfy my kinks". In such a situation, a person has to stand out from the crowd.

quote:

What is the end game? "I know this is a pipe dream; It would be exciting to get to know a dominant woman and develop something over email and Skype with an aim to meeting - I can travel or host, and while there is no rush, please note that I am serious. I would be thrilled to introduce a lady to my home town, where you would see x, y and z (describe what it is like there - be interesting!).

Yeah, but a person has to be willing to travel or host. I'm not seeing the OP being in these positions.

quote:

Or I would be happy to travel eventually to your home country - (maybe describe in 1 or 2 lines what you imagine the US, UK or another country to be like, "I have always wondered what it would be like to set foot on US soil and maybe take in....." (people from these countries may get a chuckle or find it endearing. At the very least it's interesting.

Better than the average. I'll give you that.

quote:

Here's the thing. If the OP is not seriously putting gears in motion to either host or travel, if his end game is a relationship (in person) with a femdom, he is screwed.

Agreed.

This is probably an entire different thread, but some time back, I came to the conclusion that one of my "love languages" is, am I willing to travel to YOU? (For D/s type things, of course.) If I'm not putting forth that effort, you (general you) might want to realize just how low you are on the totem poll. Very astute of you.

quote:

I hope this take on the situation may help others who live in far, far away countries that have limited BDSM scene.

The main theme here: If you are the OP or in a similar situation, have you thought it through? What's the best case scenario? How do you achieve that?

Akasha

You do remember that I used to live in middle of nowhere Alaska.

It's about effort. What are you willing to do that is different than anybody else? Does that mean travel? It might.

Most sub males on the internet have to stand out in some way. Usually, that means *doing* something.

Hopefully, this contributes to the discussion.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/27/2016 8:11:17 AM   
def411


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/2/2014
Status: offline
Thanks AAkasha for all the years you kept the website open. It will be missed.

david

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/29/2016 4:13:50 PM   
AtUrCervix


Posts: 2111
Joined: 1/15/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tanning

Okay, so from a few months I'm trying to find a Mistress and I've talked to few.
But what I am still haven't been able to understand is how to approach a 'true' Mistress ?
I added true because seriously I don't care about Findomme, ugh this word shouldn't even exist but back to the topic.
Can anyone help me in this ? How would a Mistress like to be approached as, to received message as ?
I'm really a novice as a submissive, I've no idea. Please someone help me out.


(I'm thinking....some level of sentence cohesion would be a starting place).

(in reply to Tanning)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/30/2016 11:41:13 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtUrCervix
(I'm thinking....some level of sentence cohesion would be a starting place).


Which is exactly why I recommended ...
quote:


Simply stated, fix the profile first, and THEN worry about "approaching" females.

(in reply to AtUrCervix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to approach a Mistress - 4/30/2016 11:28:34 PM   
Tanning


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/12/2016
Status: offline
Thank you everyone who commented on the thread.
@stef @DarkSteven @crumpets @LadyPact @DesFIP @WickedsDesire @AAkasha

If I missed anyone in the comment boxc sorry but thank you everyone for the comments.
I have been busy with college and work lately so haven't had the time to log in here.
Yes it is necessary to have communication with a partner on a level other than sexual.
For me it's always about communication and compatibility.
I don't approach anyone with a sexual message, because that is rude.
It's just I'm a little bit introvert so it's hard for me to write a big detailed message without knowing the other person.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to approach a Mistress Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.092