Wayward5oul -> RE: Sustaining respect (5/7/2016 11:00:15 AM)
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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist It doesn't cost anything to "pay" respect. I treat strangers with respect, I call strangers like my my waiter 'sir' out of respect and I certainly address people by the the title by which I am introduced. It's just good manners. If you think you have the right to judge whether someone deserves respect or being address formally, you only make yourself look small minded and ill mannered. I was raised in the South. Common courtesy is addressing people as ma'am, sir, using titles, etc. I open doors for people I don't know, out of common courtesy, not respect. Not just women or the elderly, but for children, teenagers, and men. I call waiters and waitresses 'sir' and 'ma'am', I also call a young boy who opens a door for me 'sir' when I thank him. And I do thank him. But I do not search out a random stranger and ask for their opinion on matters of importance to me. I search out people who have given me reason to think that their opinion is beneficial, or something I could learn from, someone who has earned my respect. I call my boss sir. Is it because I respect him? Not so much. I don't like him, and as time goes on, I have lost much or the respect that I had for him, years ago. It is professional courtesy. That's all. I also call the younger men in my organization 'sir' when interacting with them. Not because I am showing them any deference or respect. Its just courteous to do so. Some of them I respect for various reasons, and when the occasion arises I act in a manner that indicates as such. That doesn't mean that I am disrespecting everyone else. quote:
It seems to me that judgemental people with self image issues feel paying respect props someone else up and somehow puts themselves down. Ishtar hit the nail on the head I think. Her explanation, at least in my interpretation, said that we are encountering two schools of thought here: One where a 'lack of respect' automatically means 'disrespect', which is my eyes is very black and white, with nothing in between. The other where disrespect is at one end of the spectrum, and respect is at the other end, with a 'neutral' lying the middle, or in other words, black and white, but with an acknowledgement of the gray area in between the two. My view of 'disrespect' and 'being judgmental' involves actual effort towards insult, which includes purposely slighting someone, or actively discounting someone. Perhaps something that is intentional? I may not respect my boss, but I would never behave in a discourteous manner towards him. I will extend to him the professional courtesy that is required in the workplace, and the same civility and courtesy that I automatically extend to everyone, as a default. But I will not seek him for anything that matters to me. I see it more as everyone is equal at the beginning, so everyone deserves courtesy and civility. At some point some people will give me reason to think more highly of them in some manner. That's building respect. Some people may, in time, give me reason to think less of them in some manner. That doesn't mean that I automatically treat them as such. I will still treat them with civility and courtesy, until they have given me a reason to actively and intentionally behave otherwise. quote:
Giving respect only is a reflection of your good manners and I see bad manners as a huge red flag. My definition of respect towards people, as I practice it, is the idea of esteem. People that I hold in esteem, I indicate that with respect. Good manners are simply courtesy and civility. Bad manners are just bad manners. It says more about me and my upbringing that it says about the person that I direct the bad manners to. It isn't an indication of whether or not I hold them in esteem.
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