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RE: Aftercare - 7/22/2006 2:55:28 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
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"Just curious to see reasons why a Dom/Domme would set up rule with punishments, then punish and not use aftercare.

Thank You "

Because they want to.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to thegunslinger)

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Post #: 41

RE: Aftercare - 7/22/2006 7:15:34 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Corporal punishment is very rare here, used to expiate my guilt and it's very mild. Since it is used to make me feel bette, of course he also holds me and tells me he still loves me. Otherwise I would still feel guilty.

However he doesn't hit to force me to do things. He explains things to me and gives me a learning curve plus whatever help I need to learn. And if it's something I totally disagree with and refuse to do, then physical abuse would make me distrust him which would be a detriment to any relationship involving emotional intimacy.

(in reply to popeye1250)

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RE: Aftercare - 7/22/2006 9:18:25 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Perhaps the bottoms *want* their tops to be "just plain mean", and it's not about a "contest" at all?

I know that some are competitive like that - unfortunately. But far more often, I think, "just plain mean" is exactly what both people want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Susan, you hit that nail right on the head!
I've seen Doms at partys who were just plain mean when spanking or punishing their subs or slaves! Like they were in a "contest" with the other Doms present to see who could inflict the most pain!
It's not at all about "being mean".
Some confuse abuse with Dominance apparently. Apples and Oranges!
To me, punishment might consist of tieing my sub to the bed and gagging her for a long period of time while leaving a wand vibrator on the bed where she can see it and leaving her there for an hour or two to "think about it."
Or having her in that position and telling her "not to move at all" as I use the vibrator on her which is extremely hard to do.
If she moves I stop and leave the room for ten minutes.
As for aftercare I like to tell her how sexy she was and hugs are always wanted and nice.
So, I think you can incorporate some sort of "punishment" into the "play" part as well as above.
And of course any Dom should always convey to His sub or slave the fact that He cares about her.
I don't understand how anyone could be in a relationship like that and not care deeply about their sub or slave. That's what I like about this type of relationship, to me it's "deeper" than a vanilla type relationship.

(in reply to popeye1250)

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Post #: 43

RE: Aftercare - 7/22/2006 11:39:26 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because I will depend on this person being able to watch my back. And that's not going to happen, if I have to pick up the pieces from an emotional implosion on a regular basis.

Ok I think I am seeing your point here. I think I was misunderstanding because you reacted so strongly to my post, which was a bit surprising. There is absolutely a difference between someone you have just described, and someone who generally serves excellently but who gets tripped up sometimes. What I was trying to point out in my original post, is that when I do trip up, i hate so badly that I have failed him, that I feel inclined to suffer for him. He knows this, and he knows how much effort I put in to trying to be "perfect" for him, even though perfection does not exist. Because of this, in his generosity, he brings closure to my suffering by administering a punishment of his choice. Some dominants do not believe in punishing as a consequence, and others do. Master does.

There is a difference in someone who has a pattern of constant whining and drama, and someone who does not. Master would find incessant whining and dramatics intolerable.

I saw your other post: "Getting over it" and since it does not apply to me, I won't be posting to it. Mind you, I will add that I think people should be cautious of labeling dramatics when one does not see the full picture.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 7/22/2006 12:21:56 PM >

(in reply to Caretakr)

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Post #: 44

RE: Aftercare - 7/22/2006 1:13:14 PM

ownedgirlie

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Hmm I placed another post in here just before my last one but it seems to have vanished. Mods? Did it get pulled?

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RE: Aftercare - 7/23/2006 4:34:36 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
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Punishment is supposed to bring the sub back into line and aftercare would be counterproductive.

After play however, aftercare is , in my opinion, required to further the relationship.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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Post #: 46

RE: Aftercare - 7/24/2006 7:48:59 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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FAST REPLY: I wanted to note that though I do not use physical punishment, I do understand the effect that discipline/punishment has on a submissive.

I distinguish between aftercare and relationship care. To me, aftercare is that which is provided after a scene. It comes within the context of the relationship yes, but it can (and is by many) be provided to someone whether the relationship is long-term or just for the weekend. Emotional care for a submissive that is within your care is something that is ongoing. After I have disciplined/punished a submissive...which for me, as noted, occurs outside of play...then yes, there is a period of me showing a little more tenderness and caution with feelings that are hurt, even if the hurt was deserved (and I wouldn't have disciplined/punished them if I didn't think so) but no, I will not coddle them. There are consequences of wrongdoing and I do not think it is wrong for someone, especially an adult, to have to deal with that. Especially if they choose to be adult enough to get involved in a D/s relationship. If they were not taught how to at home...part of that "everyone is a winner...gotta have self-esteem even when its not deserved" thinking that many people are brought up on nowadays, then I will be glad to help them learn it. That doesn't mean that I am not caring and loving...I am and the submissive always feels it...but she also feels the displeasure of having done wrong and I won't send confusing signals.

(in reply to losttreasure)

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Post #: 47

RE: Aftercare - 7/24/2006 8:46:15 AM

Mavis

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Joined: 2/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

The only disrespect was addressed to a nuerotic mindset, that insists on being placated with intensity. I've had these kinds in the past, and they were an absolute pain in the ass to deal with. Never again.

Caretakr, have you ever heard the words to the song "the Women before me"?

It speaks of a woman seeing his spats as really directed at past events/ a prior partner, not things she has done to him. i'm thinking it'd be good for you to check into those lyrics.

The woman before me
Must have been hard on you
'Cause that hurt in your eyes
I never put you through
Sometimes, I think
You must be talking to
The woman before me and you

Whatever demanding manipulative bullshit you had put up with in the past, i'm really sorry for, but as you say so often "get over it"... WE are not HER.

Nobody here is demanding that you spank them to aussuage their guilt, so you can stop harping on it at any time. Please allow the other Dominants and Masters the right to handle their charges as they see fit, without implying they are downtrodden pussy-whipped Tops for hire.

Most are smart enough to not be manipulated into servicing their submissives, or do you really believe that only YOU have the wits to spot a wheedling cajoling sub and the rest of the Doms here still need to get a clue?

(Notes that on most topics, i tend to agree with you, but that won't stop me from pointing out something that isn't furthering your cause and is bugging the living shit out of me.)

(in reply to Caretakr)

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Post #: 48