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How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 3:52:29 AM   
GBaxter


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/24/2015
Status: offline 		I'd be interested as a male, to get people's thoughts on the concept of women who label themselves
as a 'brat' in BDSM and how a Dom should correctly handle and/or communicate with, a woman he
wants to play with, who's a female brat, as I imagine there's both good brats and bad, quite negative ones.
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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 4:08:03 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Like many things in BDSM, it is no different to any other 'nilla situation.
The rules are the same.
The way to garnish trust, love, respect, hate or whatever, are all the same.

Just because some of us play outside of the 'nilla norms doesn't mean we are on a different planet.
I have never understood why people think that BDSM is so different when it comes to personal interaction.

Dealing with a 'brat' is just the same whether it's 'nilla or BDSM.


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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 4:22:26 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		FR

I consider myself a bratty person especially in my interaction with men in sexual and romantic ways.

But I like a man who always stays calm and mature and rational and firm and reasonable if I go into tantrums.

It calms me down immediately, as long as he doesn't go down to my level and kinda turns me on when his so chill, wiser and always the more mature one all the time and just always saying wise things that makes me think and respect him for it.

It's a very interesting thing. I can be very mature and motherly with a man who is more bratty than me. Although I don't enjoy it. As I find it exhausting to always control myself and be the mature person.

I prefer to be the brat, and let the man be the mature one on my behalf. And just because I know how hard it is to be the more mature person, perhaps that's why I naturally have admiration for men who can handle it and doesn't find it difficult at all.

But I think different types of woman will behave differently. I mean, for example, I am totally not into punishment dynamics at all. But some brats might like it.

End of the day, you are stuck with good communication and finding what is the expectations of whatever "brat" you are interacting with.


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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:23:26 AM   
pleasnpetrichor


Posts: 72
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GBaxter

I'd be interested as a male, to get people's thoughts on the concept of women who label themselves
as a 'brat' in BDSM and how a Dom should correctly handle and/or communicate with, a woman he
wants to play with, who's a female brat, as I imagine there's both good brats and bad, quite negative ones.


I guess my first thought is maybe to make sure that this person really is a brat and not just a rather selfish, dumb person.
If she's a brat, my answer is: I don't know how one ought to handle her. If she's just a selfish, dumb person I guess it'll be for you to decide whether she's wholly bad or whether there's enough good inside to work with. If she's wholly bad or hopeless, then maybe drop her and avoid wasting any more time. If there's enough good inside then you're probably communicating just fine and it's up to her to decide to listen. The question is whether you have the patience, I guess.


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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:31:49 AM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasnpetrichor
I guess my first thought is maybe to make sure that this person really is a brat and not just a rather selfish, dumb person.
If she's a brat, my answer is: I don't know how one ought to handle her. If she's just a selfish, dumb person I guess it'll be for you to decide whether she's wholly bad or whether there's enough good inside to work with. If she's wholly bad or hopeless, then maybe drop her and avoid wasting any more time. If there's enough good inside then you're probably communicating just fine and it's up to her to decide to listen. The question is whether you have the patience, I guess.

Actually, men handling brats is a fetish on it's own. If it's not sexually arousing for a man to deal with brats. DON'T hook up with Bratty subs. Seek mature subs instead who prefer to behave like a mature woman.
Don't even bother! Because handling Brats does need high maturity and extreme god-like patience and kinda find everything amusing and not getting angry or frustrated at all about it.
A man who enjoys Brats seriously is always good humoured about everything going on, and he enjoys it.
My best friend who handles my bratty behaviour very well and I believe it excites him, always laugh at me when I get mad. He finds it funny and amusing. Like he never gets upset or frustrated with me ever about it. With a different man, he would get like really angry back. But usually I am never intimidated, so it brings out a more aggressive side of me to take such a man head on and I will never back down. But with a guy who finds it amusing, he laughs fondly at me, and I calm down and I listen to him. It's a little bit like when I see an aggressive fierce kitten, and instead of getting angry at it being such a mean kitten, I take it in my arms and cuddle it, while telling it it's so cute when it's angry. Suffer a few scratches, no issues.




< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/14/2016 5:36:40 AM >

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:35:12 AM   
pleasnpetrichor


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Status: offline 		I would add one more thing: sometimes when a person is nervous or excited, they get a sort of mental "tunnel vision". If that is her case, she may be trying to obey but not really processing what's being said due to being nervous. I'd expect that the more comfortable she becomes with you, the more calm she would become about accepting correction and listening. If she's in panic mode, she won't hear what's being said and may seem to be deliberately disobeying when she's really just freaking out and falling back on bad mental habits. Just a thought.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:39:29 AM   
Greta75


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Status: offline 		I disagree again!
It's more about pressing button to piss off the guy on purpose and watch his reaction. Everytime he reacts in such a humane and nice guy way, in such good humour, you can't help but love him more for it. And respect him and listen to him.

But if he behaves like an idiot and goes down to your childish level, you lose respect for him as a dominant. His lost control when he lost his temper.

It's like testing his inner strength and feeling awed at his inner strength.

That's why I say, dominants who cannot stand these nonsense must never hook up with a bratty sub, and don't even bother. Just wrong kinks align with each other.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/14/2016 5:41:01 AM >

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:42:40 AM   
pleasnpetrichor


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Status: offline 		Perhaps we'll just have to agree to disagree then, but I do like the bit about being awed by inner strength.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 5:50:17 AM   
pleasnpetrichor


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Status: offline 		I had another thought, actually. Sometimes when a person is very afraid of what it is that they're expected to do (for example, if they fear failing and think they're being thrown into a situation where they're bound to fail and then be condemned for their own failure)... and they're unskilled at expressing those emotions directly, or if they're afraid of how the person they're expressing themselves to will react... like, maybe they think they have to be perfect and pleasing all the time and the idea of saying something the other person might not like to hear will cause that person to reject them entirely... they may become bratty, but in that case, I think the behavior could be more accurately called passive aggression.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 6:30:30 AM   
WhoreMods


Posts: 10691
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Status: offline 		Would it be a massive breach of etiquette to say that some of the newbie findommes who think a one line post in "Introduce Yourself" is going to lead to eager pay pigs begging to share their bank details (rather than people pointing, mocking and laughing as more often actually happens) come across as being more than a little bratty themselves? Always strikes me that there's a bit of an overlap there with a certain sort of sulky, tantrum-prone "do me" sub.
Saying that brattiness is purely a submissive trait seems a bit off, if I'm honest.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 9:25:12 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Brattiness is not a purely submissive trait, but some male subs do like serving spoiled princesses and be at their wimp ya know. The difference is, when a male sub deal with bratty domme, he has to like just take her shit. That's the point of that dynamic.

With a male dom, when handling a bratty sub, how can he calm her shit? And make her co-operate with him and do what he wants her to do? That's the dynamic of this type of pairing.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 9:28:07 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasnpetrichor

I had another thought, actually. Sometimes when a person is very afraid of what it is that they're expected to do (for example, if they fear failing and think they're being thrown into a situation where they're bound to fail and then be condemned for their own failure)... and they're unskilled at expressing those emotions directly, or if they're afraid of how the person they're expressing themselves to will react... like, maybe they think they have to be perfect and pleasing all the time and the idea of saying something the other person might not like to hear will cause that person to reject them entirely... they may become bratty, but in that case, I think the behavior could be more accurately called passive aggression.

To be honest, I don't think that is a bratty sub thing. More like, just personal insecurity.
To me, being a brat, is just about pissing off your dominant for fun. Because it amuses him and it amuses me. And I love to see how he manages it. My x-dom always had some "delicious evil retribution" for me! That I enjoy going along with anyway with "pretend remorse"! Between my x-dom and me, he had a different way of playing it, but it's always filled with humour. We are always laughing together.

Whereas with my best friend, who I do have a D/S dynamic with, his dominance is a little more vanilla. I mean, you can be vanilla, not into bdsm, but just be a natural dominant. And I think it's totally different, as I can't do anything to piss him off, there will never be consequences, and he laughs at my attempts to piss him off. He always catches me. And then he just takes me whenever he wants. If there is one man on earth who can make me listen and follow his advice, it's my best friend. Usually as you can tell in this forum, I am super argumentative and have an argument for everything. But with my bestfriend, while he listens to my opinions, and considering his a super Lib, anti-Trump. We are direct opposites. But I really listen to him, there is no one else on earth I would listen more to, and really think about anything he says.

Ironically, with my best sex who I do play full bdsm kinks with. We actually don't have a D/S dynamic. Only purely playing out the kinks. And with him, I feel more motherly towards him even though his way older than me. It's weird, because his temperament is not like my best friend. He is sensitive, gets upset easily, and I gotta be the more mature person to keep the peace between us. But our kinks are so perfectly align, sex is perfect. But I don't think I can ever do D/S dynamic with him ever, and I can't ever be bratty around him because he can't handle it. So I am more mature around him.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/14/2016 9:38:52 AM >

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 9:58:24 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		HM would probably describe me as a "brat" at certain times. Part of my responsibility in this relationship is not to let him take himself too seriously. It works for us because he knows that my "brattiness" doesn't come, at all, from a place of disrespect for him as a person.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 10:35:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He calls me a brat because if something strikes me as funny, I'll do or say it.

Brats differ just as much as doms do. So, as always, you need to have effective communication.

Does she actually mean she's into take down or resistance play but doesn't know those terms to explain it. Or does she brat only when she wants to instigate play but she has difficulty asking for it because her ex said that when she did that, she was TFTB? Or is her intention to make you laugh?

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 10:56:59 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


It's more about pressing button to piss off the guy on purpose and watch his reaction.


Yes, because manipulation is a great basis for a relationship.

To the OP: The answer isn't cut and dried. Some people use brattiness to manipulate the relationship, some people are merely playful. It can be a fun relationship or a constant battle. It can work or fail messily. I think the best way to approach it is to have a good conversation about expectations before engaging in the power exchange part of the relationship.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 11:17:10 AM   
pleasnpetrichor


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/13/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasnpetrichor

I had another thought, actually. Sometimes when a person is very afraid of what it is that they're expected to do (for example, if they fear failing and think they're being thrown into a situation where they're bound to fail and then be condemned for their own failure)... and they're unskilled at expressing those emotions directly, or if they're afraid of how the person they're expressing themselves to will react... like, maybe they think they have to be perfect and pleasing all the time and the idea of saying something the other person might not like to hear will cause that person to reject them entirely... they may become bratty, but in that case, I think the behavior could be more accurately called passive aggression.

To be honest, I don't think that is a bratty sub thing. More like, just personal insecurity.


Yeah, I totally agree.

quote:

...If there is one man on earth who can make me listen and follow his advice, it's my best friend. Usually as you can tell in this forum, I am super argumentative and have an argument for everything. But with my bestfriend, while he listens to my opinions, and considering his a super Lib, anti-Trump. We are direct opposites. But I really listen to him, there is no one else on earth I would listen more to, and really think about anything he says.


That's really, really cool. Thanks so much for sharing.


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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 6:54:31 PM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Yes, because manipulation is a great basis for a relationship.

How is it manipulation when it's fun for both parties, and both parties go into it mutually consensual knowing that's the role I am gonna play in that relationship?
I mean, if you are already announcing yourself as a brat. Dom coming into it, should expect to deal with a brat.


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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/14/2016 9:33:27 PM   
domincalifornia


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GBaxter

I'd be interested as a male, to get people's thoughts on the concept of women who label themselves
as a 'brat' in BDSM and how a Dom should correctly handle and/or communicate with, a woman he
wants to play with, who's a female brat, as I imagine there's both good brats and bad, quite negative ones.



Don't get hung up on labels. Think of everyone as a person first, not as some BDSM label, and just communicate with them respectfully and authentically. You do that by being yourself, not by acting how you think someone with a "dom" label or whatever label should act.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 6/15/2016 12:09:56 PM   
Awareness


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Status: offline 		She manipulates her Dom into acting as fetish delivery service.

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RE: How does a female 'brat' operate in BDSM ? - 9/13/2016 10:28:53 PM   
MistressAubreee


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/10/2016
Status: offline 		Brats are basically rebellious littles. They will PLAYFULLY talk back/act smart around their Dom, often looking for "funishment" (spankings good example). They DO NOT mean genuine disrespect for their Doms. They like to "act up". Think of a misbehaving middle school kid, best thing I can think of (or smartass teen).

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