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sardonicus87 -> RE: Frustrations of Being a [Non-D/s] Sadist (7/25/2016 5:03:44 PM)
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Unfortunately, I live in the south-eastern united states. Even in Atlanta, GA, there's not even many events. But I have been all over scenes in Alabama, northwest Florida and Georgia and yet to even find an active masochistic person (regardless of their primary role). And there's no way I am driving 300 miles just to play with someone I have never met before and only talked to online... which a lot of people seem to think is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
There's one person that claims on here to be a masochistic sub looking for a sadistic Dom. I did message them, and got no response. And no, I didn't run right-out-of-the-gate and say "hey, wanna play?" or something equally poor as a first message. Another masochist moved into the city I live, but they're looking for a relationship with a sadist. I welcomed her to the local community (which has died over the years, there really isn't much of one where I live, but I didn't ssay any of that), but also got no response.
And yeah, I don't harass these people. I try and am sincere, but either they're looking for a relationship or don't play outside of a relationship, which kind of sucks.
When there's so few, you have far less chances. I guess being in a relationship doesn't help my case either.
It just, gets frustrating.
I even tried talking to the local leaders in my "community" about, well they actually approached me because they wanted to start offering education on BDSM and wanted to know if I was willing to talk about S&M, but, like everything else they plan, none of that ever materialised. I also had offered teaching, and I am known within the local community, but nobody was ever even interested about learning about it.
But I have run into other problems. Once, at a local munch (before this particular munch had died), we were all eating and there was a new girl at the opposite end of a long table from me. A woman next to her asked her: "see anything you like?" and she pointed to me (which is understandable because I am one of the few under the age of 55 there, and some women go nuts for my "accent"), and the woman told her "oh no, you don't want to play with him, he'll hurt you". Bear in mind, NONE of these people ever played with me or even knew anyone I had played with, it was entirely based on my openly identifying as a sadist. They have no basis on which to base that opinion.
Even then, I had the leaders once ask me if I would be willing to talk about sensation play. "You mean... the sensation of pain?". I don't know, to me, sensation play is much different than pain play, but it's painfully obvious that my local community doesn't even understand sadism.
I did a few writings on the subject which emphasised that people have different thresholds and tolerances for pain and that these need to be respected and care needs to be exercised.
And yet people still have this stigmatised view of me. My local community, mind you, requires "vetting" now for local events. I wasn't even invited to one of the leader's birthday party recently (but she probably knew I wouldn't be interested in going, I keep in touch to keeo abreast of things), but someone else that is, apparently vetted, had made the request tto have sex with a dog... which did NOT go over well. If that tells you anything about my local scene or it's leadership, they're vetting people who have desires to harm animals. Granted, some people may be OK with bestiality and I am not saying necessarily that it is bad or immoral. However, the local community views it this way and it was still asked by a "vetted" member.
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