RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (Full Version)

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NookieNotes -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 4:09:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

NookieNotes, have you actually read some of the arguments she has put forth on the variety of subjects she has posted on?


Oh yes.

The ad hominem attack, though, is what I was focusing on here. I don't believe the goodness or rightness or previous arguments, or even the rightness of her OP makes it logically (or ethically right) for you to attack her personally held beliefs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
At no point did I say that seeking the physical gratification is wrong, I did state that when there is more than just the physical, it has been proven the sex act to be much more intense.


I didn't call you out on this, either, except to say she has already made that point. She chooses men for compatibility, and the kind of sex she wants.

That is her measure to choose, not yours to assume or decide.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
Her statement is the equivalent of any detrimental statement about all women drivers, blonde women, etc. Had she done even a half assed google search, she would have found more than enough evidence, documented in detail about men who believe just that, sex is not the central part of a relationship.


Interestingly, I called her out on this. I am not singling you out.

She behaved poorly by typing that and denying another's reality as well.

You, though, as the genius, and as someone who has presumably taken oral for an advanced degree, should know better than to think that is an argument for rightness of any sort.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
Using Maslow and and even Masters and Johnson's research, there is overwhelming proof that relationships based purely on the physical are, in the end unsatisfying.


So what? That's not your problem, unless you are trying to make her fall in love with you, right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
I also did not say that I abstain from sex, or would not enjoy it if it happened, I simply stated that is not the goal for any of my friendships with women.


Again, so what? No one said you abstained. You are making assumptions.

She has very clearly stated it's not the goal in her friendships with men. It's her goal in her romantic relationships. And that's her right.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
What you may see as irony, I see as my attempt to explain the fallacy of her argument. The observation is invalid when applied to all men.


I see it as irony, because you did the same thing using your own experiences, and did not specifically point it out as a refutation, until now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
And considering the op has made the statement that "there is more than enough money spent on cancer research" when my nephew is going through chemo again to stop the advance of leukemia, there is no way in hell that I am going to let her slide on bullshit statements.

I asked her if she would like to travel to my nephew's home town and tell him and his mother that enough money is spent on cancer research. Hell I will take out the loan to fly her round trip from Singapore, just so I can see her do it, and get the holy shit slapped out of her from a mother who has been told her only child will probably not live to see his tenth birthday.


So, yes. You're making it personal. Just admit that you are not using logic, you are kneejerking because you don't like her. That's cool. Just don't pretend you're not using the same fallacies you're calling her out on.

Easy enough.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
You are so full of your own over inflated opinion of your genius and your hatred of Greta that you are posting total logical bullshit just to cut at her.


This.

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome
Greta seems pretty explicit about what she wants and needs both sexually and in non sexual relationships. It may not fit with what some other people want or need, or be particularly "traditional", but it is honest. Enjoying sexual satisfaction and the release of orgasm is not addiction.


Yes, this.

Also, longwayhome, I should tell you, I'm glad to be back and reading your braining. *smiles*



LadyPact -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 5:32:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I feel like it's a trend now that every cheating male is diagnosed with sex addiction.

Just referring to Ozzy Osbourne recent cheating incident, and of course the infamous Tiger Woods.

First of all, if one has a sex addiction, then why not keep having sex with wife?

If that cannot happen because wife does not want sex.

Then it's not a fucking sex addiction! That's deprivation of sex.

Anyway, I am coming from an angle where I believe, as a female who thoroughly feels sex is an essential need in my life. And I am always straightforward with my men, honest, before we even start dating, that I believe either the guy fulfills my sexual needs, or I find it elsewhere. This is my character. I won't do it behind your back, but I will tell you that my needs are not met. And if you refuse to do anything about it, then I either seek your permission for an open relationship, OR I guess this relationship is not gonna work for me.

Problem is, with alot of traditional relationship, I feel like, people still expect people to completely live without sex, IF they love their spouse enough, they shouldn't need sex at all.

And then, now, to me, sex addiction is like a treatment for your desire for sex! Crazy!

I'm not saying that sex addiction does not exist. It does. However, I tend to lean towards it being related to the unhealthy obsession and compulsion aspect, not the enjoyment of the sex, itself. Most actual addicts don't have an addiction to just one thing. They often trade out one addiction for another because, if they manage to quit one thing, without addressing the obsessive/compulsive nature, they just transfer that behavior to something else that trips those pleasure centers in the brain.

While saying it does exist, I also have my doubts as to how many people try to use the "addiction" excuse as the get out of jail free card. In this country, we do that a lot. "I couldn't help myself when I was engaging in behavior X due to addiction" is a lot easier than "yeah, I screwed up". The latter just doesn't seem to get people as many endorsements, record sales, numbers in the Nielsen ratings, etc. Rather, if you're "sick" and go about attempting to be "cured," your fans, friends, and empathetic people will forgive you.

On a personal note, I kind of laughed at some of this thread. One thing I've said consistently over the years is, some people would never be cut out to be a military spouse. Sex (and the lack, thereof) is absolutely one of the things you have to consider before saying "I do" to someone who might be gone for a year at a time. It's something you have to think about very seriously.






Greta75 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 5:37:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
At no point did I say that seeking the physical gratification is wrong, I did state that when there is more than just the physical, it has been proven the sex act to be much more intense.

Many studies have shown that a marriage without sex is more likely to lead to divorce than a marriage with sex. Many relationship experts agree with this. Sex is important in emotional bonding in a marriage. So to me, people are just in denial that sex is important, if they say it's not. I read an experiment, where a couple on a verge of divorce, did a 365 day experiment, and a promise to each other. Have sex with each other for 365 days, everyday, EVEN if they aren't in the mood. By the end of 365 days, if they still hate each other, they will get a divorce. And the experiment saved their marriage.

quote:

As for leaving someone when the sex ends

I never talk about leaving someone just because his unable to have sex because of his illnesses or for very genuine reasons. Who-ever you have chosen, you don't abandon the person. But on the other hand, because I believe that if I can't have sex with a man anymore because of illness, he should be able to still enjoy a sexual life, and should be able to find it elsewhere. All these are beliefs that will be discussed prior to any long term relationships. Obviously if he disagrees, we aren't on the same page. If he agrees, then the same should be extended to me. It becomes an open relationship. I think in many crazy way, open relationships are more common in Chinese marriages because, many woman, only care that the man can provide for her, but don't want to have sex with their husbands as they simply do not enjoy sex. So they are perfectly happy that he provides financially for the family and find sex elsewhere. That usually works out for them mutually too as there is still the traditional belief that wife are for children, mistresses are for fucking. And some men actually love the fact that the woman they marry don't want sex, because he sees her as virtuous, and will only sacrifice having sex with him for the sake of children. But for me, I prefer my husband to be fucking me. But the problem is double standard. If situations were reversed, most men will never accept it, even if they were guilty of finding sex elsewhere. I just want a man with no double standards too, and share my beliefs.




Greta75 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 5:45:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Well, unless you have actually read the mind of ALL the guys who make this statement, this hardly qualifies as an intelligent statement, and considering you have no fucking clue what ALL guys think, actually makes you look, well, to be blunt, like a opinionated fool and supports my opinion of you.


There is a simple way to determine if sex is on the top of your list or not. Very simple way.

I asked both you and freedom the same question. If you have a wonderful woman A who fits everything else you think are your "priorities", but the condition is that she will never ever have sex with you, EVEN after marriage, and that is the condition of being with her? And my perception of sex means, any physical intimacy at all! She is perfect, but she doesn't like to be kissed or touched. Sex doesn't have to be penetrative even and honestly, most of the time, it's not even penetrative for me.

Can you from the bottom of your heart, HONESTLY tell me, you'd pick her?

Versus a woman B who fits most of your "priorities" and is willing to have sex?

Be honest! Who would you marry?

All you guys are in a kink site. Unless BDSM to you is completely non-sexual, which I truly doubt, I believe sex is the dealbreaker too, but Ya all denying it, because it's not societally acceptable to say, Sex is top of the list, even if it's true.

While I believe there are truly men who genuinely don't enjoy sex and really be super happy to live without sex. But I just doubt you and freedom are one of them.

But I believe that MOST men will not marry a woman if she told him, the marriage with her will NEVER involve sex at all. No matter how wonderful and perfect she is in all other areas.

And this how I conclude about it not being truthful by saying that sex is not top of the list.

Which also brings me back to my point. What's the point of being in marriage with someone who won't have sex with you? Even if his perfect? His perfect as my BFF. Without sex. His better as my BFF. Not my husband.

Which was precisely my simple logic from the first onset.

And my current life, this is a reality. I have a perfect BFF, who has perfect characteristic as a human being. His the kindest, most good hearted person, and most selfless person I ever met in my life. Also, his the most gentle, non-temperamental, patient person I ever met in my life. But his my BFF. Because when I try to develop the relationship, I realise that his not interested in having sex with me much. Although he wants to do everything else with me except sex. Do our hobbies together, do sports together, eat together, go watch movies together. He'd do anything with me except the sex part. If we sleep together, he'll not even touch me, even if I am trying to get it started. We vacation together at least once or twice a year, and share the same room in another country and he won't touch me. Even if I make the first move, he'll turn away. Yet, his always the first one there whenever I am in trouble, just always there for me without fail. He puzzles me why he doesn't want to have sex with me. I asked him, and he dodges answering me by changing subject ALL the time. So I have given up trying to figure this puzzle. But that's all fine, so his my best friend. He is also not jealous at all I have sex with other men. He was very supportive and happy for me, when I found my perfect sex. Like whenever I tell him I am on a night out with my perfect sex, he'll always wish me a great night. And then next morning, he'll text me to ask if I had a good time. I would be raving and happy about how great last night was, because it's always fantastic with my perfect sex. And then he'll tell me his happy for me. He'll say things like, "You deserve to be happy, good for you!"

And then my perfect sex, who has alot of character flaws, but still compatible with me enough, in outside of bedroom areas, I mean, most men will probably look like they have alot of character flaws compared to my saintly BFF, as to me, he is just an ordinary typical male, in terms of character, but he is my perfect sex and his extraordinary in bed for me.

And I was thinking to myself, between these guys, who'd I prefer to marry, and I got to say, my perfect sex. His the man I prefer in my bed every night! I associate a Husband as a life long bedmate. What I love is physical touch and intimacy, that's what sex is to me. And even if my perfect sex can't get hard one day. He will still hug me to sleep. Which he always does. And I just like my BFF non-sexual company alot but his just not a physically affectionate person.

But I believe more women generally can live without sex than men, so I think there might be more than a few women if in the same situation, will choose the BFF. But just not me.





longwayhome -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 6:40:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Also, longwayhome, I should tell you, I'm glad to be back and reading your braining. *smiles*


Thanks and great to see you again round here too.

It all comes with the obvious health warning that I may talk some sense but I also talk a load of crap as well, but as you know I don't mind having that pointed out to me.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 6:42:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I asked both you and freedom the same question. If you have a wonderful woman A who fits everything else you think are your "priorities", but the condition is that she will never ever have sex with you, EVEN after marriage, and that is the condition of being with her? And my perception of sex means, any physical intimacy at all! She is perfect, but she doesn't like to be kissed or touched. Sex doesn't have to be penetrative even and honestly, most of the time, it's not even penetrative for me.

Can you from the bottom of your heart, HONESTLY tell me, you'd pick her?

And I answered you.
You treat everything soo black and white - life isn't like that.

Same as your definition of sex isn't remotely the same as mine.
And I'm guessing that most people wouldn't class kissing as sex either.
For a lot of 'western' societies, non-consumation of the marriage is grounds for divorce.
One definition is: (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse (coitus).
So if the intimate touching and kissing is a prelude to coitus (or expectation of such), I would class that as sexual activity. But touching and kissing on their own without the sexual inuendo doesn't mean 'sex' to me.

As I said before, sex, in and of itself, isn't necessarilly a major priority; but it is important for most people.

And your phantom fantasy scenario very rarely (if ever) happens.
So I can't answer it.


ETA: To expand your scenario the other way, if there was the perfect woman sexually for me but crap at everything else, she'd be out the door in a flash.



Greta75 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 6:45:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
And your phantom fantasy scenario very rarely (if ever) happens.
So I can't answer it.

Yes you can, if you can use your imagination to imagine it was a real situation and if you have to choose.
You can't answer it, because you won't like the answer.

quote:

And I'm guessing that most people wouldn't class kissing as sex either.

I class kissing as sex, as I think most people in monogamous marriages will consider it sexual betrayal, IF they found their wife or husband tongue kissing another person.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 6:47:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
And your phantom fantasy scenario very rarely (if ever) happens.
So I can't answer it.

Yes you can, if you can use your imagination to imagine it was a real situation and if you have to choose.
You can't answer it, because you won't like the answer.

I don't do fantasy island scenarios.
Real life isn't like that.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 6:52:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I class kissing as sex, as I think most people in monogamous marriages will consider it sexual betrayal, IF they found their wife or husband tongue kissing another person.

A lot of people don't do tongue-kissing even in their dating or marriage.
And there's a HUGE gap between a quick peck on the lips in a friendly way and sexually 'snogging' someone.
You obviously can't tell the difference.

Either that, or you are being particularly obtuse and argumentative.
You originally didn't say "tongue kissing" - you just said 'kissing'; different animals.



jlf1961 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/7/2016 10:06:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Well, unless you have actually read the mind of ALL the guys who make this statement, this hardly qualifies as an intelligent statement, and considering you have no fucking clue what ALL guys think, actually makes you look, well, to be blunt, like a opinionated fool and supports my opinion of you.


There is simple way to determine if sex is on the top of your list or not. Very simple way.

I asked both you and freedom the same question. If you have a wonderful woman who fits everything else you think are your "priorities", but the condition is that she will never ever have sex with you, EVEN after marriage, and that is the condition of being with her? And my perception of sex means, any physical intimacy at all! She is perfect, but she doesn't like to be kissed or touched. Sex doesn't have to be penetrative even and honestly, most of the time, it's not even penetrative for me.

Can you from the bottom of your heart, HONESTLY tell me, you'd pick her?

Versus a woman who fits most of your "priorities" and is willing to have sex?

Be honest!

All you guys are in a kink site. Unless BDSM to you is completely non-sexual, which I truly doubt, I believe sex is the dealbreaker too, but Ya all denying it, because it's not societally acceptable to say, Sex is top of the list, even if it's true.



Yes, I can honestly say that I would chose a woman that I knew I would never have sex with, hell I was married to a woman that suffered a catastrophic stroke prior to us getting married, and afterwords are sex life was almost non existent.

As for my reasons to belonging to this site, it gives me an opportunity to discuss issues other than sex with people with a similar life philosophy as my own. The fact that the other side is a "dating" site has nothing to do with it (add to that the majority of males and females on that side seem to be scammers, fakes and who knows what else, a problem common to online dating.)

It is called social networking, google the term.

It is the same reason I belong to discussion sites dealing with survivalists, hot rods, ham radio, history, religion/spiritualism, classic wooden sailing vessels and yachts (many of which have dating sections.)

Go figure, a social networking website that allows you to discuss issues with people of similar interests that have sections to find a compatible person, gee why would anyone do set that up?

Just because the fucking site has a dating section does not mean that all the users on that site are looking for dates, sex or a mate. God knows there are a few hundred people in committed relationships who have profiles on this site that are not looking for another damn sex partner.

Hell I know of two couples on this site that due to his or her physical limitations, there sex life is non-existent, and they have been together for ages.

A committed relationship does not have a damn thing to do with sex, it has a hell of a lot to do with something called love (although that term is thrown about so fucking often it has almost lost meaning.)

Hell, if someone just wants to get laid, all they have to do is access craigslist, go to a singles bar, or walk into a walmart. I mean when I was going to college I used to pick up women at a laundromat (you should see the shocked looks on a women's face when you dump whites and colored clothes into a washer and select HOT.) Hell it was cheaper than buying them drinks at a bar.

The conversation usually went something like this:

Woman: What are you doing?
Me: Laundry
Woman: Dont you know you have to separate colors from whites or they will bleed into each other, you want pink tshirts and underwear?
Me: I am ex army, I am used to throwing everything in a laundry bag and sending it to the base cleaners, so what are you talking about?
Woman: Didnt your mother ever teach you to do your laundry?
Me: Not really, grew up on 100 acres in west texas, I was usually doing chores when I wasnt in school, so no, I never really thought to ask.
Woman: Here let me help.

I got my laundry done and got laid afterwords, sometimes with a damn good home cooked meal as a bonus.

So yeah, at one time, sex was a high priority in my life.

Hell, I will even admit that I was your average red blooded American teenager, played football, fucked cheerleaders, and (strangely enough, managed to get good grades without the teachers padding them.)

Even rode rodeo to hook up with buckle bunnies.

Then I grew the fuck up.

I got tired of one night stands or relationships lasting a few weeks or months. Hell to be honest I got fucking bored as hell.

Graduated, got my degree, and started looking for meaning in my life. Discovered sex was no longer a high need or priority. And it did not help that I was dealing with PTSD without knowing what the fuck it was.

In the process I met three wonderful women I was blessed to know, one had a stroke before we got married, gave me the option to bail and I stuck, one was killed by a drunk driver a week before we were to get married, and one found religion and one day told me I did not pray right (okay I should have stuck through that one and got the problems worked out, but hey, in my defense, I have never seen anything in the bible about prayer having a specific formula.)

I have a ton of female friends around the country that I see on a regular basis, does not mean I want to fuck em, although the opportunity has arose a few times. One of em actually slept in my bed when I was having a particularly rough time with nightmares, didnt think to fuck her, I was glad I was not alone.

What you are failing to grasp, or refuse to grasp, is that there are a group of people on this rock, male and female, that have, through whatever reason, decided that sex is not the driving force or even a significant priority in their lives.

Admittedly, it is not a normal behavior pattern.

There are people on this rock that are committed to each other who, again for reasons of their own, do not engage in regular sex (one comedian has suggested they are known as parents.)

On the topic of sex addiction, addictive personalities more often than not, try to hide their overuse of whatever they are addicted to. In the cases of cheating celebrates, almost all of them make no attempt to hide their infidelities. Hell, they seem to actively try to show them off, and the only person that does not know (and with the abundance of cameras on the planet, how is this possible?) are the wives or husbands.

When confronted, the cheating mate claims sex addiction and checks into a rehab center.

However, there is one rule of thumb when it comes to addiction, sex or substance, "one is too many and a thousand never enough."

Basically that means that all an alcoholic or heroin addict has to do is one glass or one shot and they are off and running again.

So, if a person is addicted to sex, once in recovery, all they would have to do is go home and fuck their wife or husband and bingo they are off and running looking for another partner.

So, my question is, is it really an addiction, or just irresponsible behavior, or an excuse to not follow the rules that everyone in society has agreed to?

There is a difference.

So, if a person knows that he or she is a player, why the hell commit to just one person, why live a lie?

Hell if Charlie Sheen or Tiger Woods wants to fuck a multitude of porn stars, dont fucking get married and swear an oath to be faithful. Male or female, you are going to do what you want to do.

Of course, society seems to place a high priority on sex or the ability to have sex. You cant watch tv for an hour without seeing at least five commercials dealing with erectile dysfunction medications. My spam folder is flooded with emails on how to get cheap viagra (of course not mentioning the fact the drug can cause hearing loss and or vision impairment, think about all the times people were told at a young age if you masturbate you will go blind.)

My point is that sex and cheating are going to happen, but the desire for sex does not have to be or is not a priority for everyone on this rock. God knows that there are some people who should not breed (watch the national geographic show "the science of stupid" or the MTV show "Rediculessness" or in my favorite case, the warning in a safety manual for a chainsaw that states in big bold print "Do not attempt to stop blade with hands or genitals.")

I will go so far as to state (and it is my opinion) that sex has too much emphasis in society, the media and in daily life.

For reasons from "too many options" to "a sense of entitlement" to "monogamy is not natural" men and women are going to cheat.

Looking specifically at the second argument when applied to men, the current argument points animal husbandry, along with primates, elk, deer, seals and just about any species that has groups consisting of one male and up to 100 females.


If you look at the animal world, there are specific breeding standards to achieve a healthy number of genetically diversified offspring, whether it concerns horses, cattle or any species that has a long gestation period which result in one live birth.

Of course, in any animal breeding program the desired goal is offspring with specific genetic traits. This has resulted is some domesticated animals being inbred and creating genetic related disorders.

Which, in my opinion runs counter to the "its only natural" argument.

Of course there are those that claim that cheaters have not 'evolved' beyond being subject to their base emotional instincts, and that people who remain truly monogamous have evolved to a higher order of existence.







needlesandpins -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 6:40:23 AM)

I haven't read all the debating before me, but I'm going to throw my pennies in the ring anyway.

Leaving the addiction argument part of it aside, because some things are true addictions, and some things are excuses.

Cheating is something that the perpetrator will often use any means possible to justify their actions to themselves, and others. In actual fact there are no justifications for it. Even in a 'non relationship' if you have an agreement with someone, and you go behind their back, break that agreement then you've cheated on them, and your word. What it boils down to is that you have a complete lack of respect for the other person, and their feelings. You no longer deem this person worthy of your honesty, your integrity, or your moral standing. Basically in your estimations you place them below a cheap fuck.

Now for those that say right at the outset what they want, are ALWAYS honest about it, tell the other person what is going on, such as what Greta seems to be saying about herself, then I don't see what the issue is. I also don't see why the hell she is being called out on being honest about it on a site like this. I may not always agree with what she says, but men have been doing what she talks about for centuries, and no-one bats a fricking eyelid, along comes a woman that says it and suddenly she is just oh-so-shallow. Well news flash; sometimes us women wants lots of great sex too, and sometimes when we are not getting it from a relationship then we are going to want it from somewhere else. What works for guys can works for us too. It's about time this was realised. Yeah I'm sure it's all peachy to have the deep and meaningful happy-ever-after, but in reality not all of us are actually cut out for that you know.

Me personally; I've been involved in cheating more times than I'd have liked in my life. Once as the enabler, although he was already leaving her, but I saw how devastated she was afterwards. I was much younger than her, and she had no idea. I will be ashamed of myself for the rest of my life for the pain I helped him cause her. Then I had it done to me, more than once. When I did it I seriously tried to convince myself that I was justified in my actions. The person had done it to me, was still meeting her, treating me like crap, had hurt me in so many ways before. I really thought I could do it. I thought I could use everything he had done to make it worth it, but it wasn't. You see he wasn't worth how bad I felt trying to do it. The guilt was awful. It went against every fibre of me to do it. The lies, the lowering of my usual standards, being an echo of myself. He, nor what he had/was doing was worth me feeling that. No-one since, nor ever will be again.

For those that do cheat, but claim they still love the other person, bullshit. If they really had any real feelings for that person the guilt would stop them. A cheap fuck would not be worth the pain you'd cause them. There is no way you could place them that low in your priorities.

This I know for sure; no man will ever get to place me below a cheap fuck ever again and think he can get away with that crap. Those that want to carry on fucking anything with a pulse that will have them, crack on. I'm worth more.

Needles



DesFIP -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 8:20:08 AM)

My problem with Greta is that she claims all these marriages are perfect except that the wives have all lost their desires for sex. She refuses to see that it's the other way around.

Because the marriages do not give the women the emotional support they need, they therefore have lost their libido.



needlesandpins -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 8:39:15 AM)

There are a million and one reasons for anyone to lose their sex drive. It's still no excuse for the other person to cheat.

Needles



thompsonx -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 9:05:17 AM)


ORIGINAL: Greta75

I feel like it's a trend now that every cheating male is diagnosed with sex addiction.


What are cheating females diagnosed with?

Just referring to Ozzy Osbourne recent cheating incident, and of course the infamous Tiger Woods.

Why do you focus on only male cheaters?

First of all, if one has a sex addiction, then why not keep having sex with wife?

If that cannot happen because wife does not want sex.

Then it's not a fucking sex addiction! That's deprivation of sex.


How are they deprived? Is their arm broken?

Anyway, I am coming from an angle where I believe, as a female who thoroughly feels sex is an essential need in my life.


But who is unwilling to be anything but a cumdumpster for her partner.



And I am always straightforward with my men, honest, before we even start dating, that I believe either the guy fulfills my sexual needs, or I find it elsewhere.


You are not married are you?


This is my character. I won't do it behind your back, but I will tell you that my needs are not met. And if you refuse to do anything about it, then I either seek your permission for an open relationship, OR I guess this relationship is not gonna work for me.

Maybe this "my way or the highway" attitude is why?

Problem is, with alot of traditional relationship, I feel like, people still expect people to completely live without sex,


Why do you think that?

IF they love their spouse enough, they shouldn't need sex at all.


How does your conclusion follow from your premis? What does lovinging someone have to do with ones level of sexual desire?

And then, now, to me, sex addiction is like a treatment for your desire for sex! Crazy!

I would agree that your conclusion is quite crazy and without any bassis in reality?



thompsonx -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 9:17:40 AM)


ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

- FR -
Have you considered the possibility that you might have a sex addiction?

(No snark. You just posted that you masturbate during your restroom breaks at work.)

No, because I am very disciplined about sex.

How does discipline change whether one is addictited or not?


There is nothing wrong in healthy masturbation in my private time.


You are the only one who has sugested that their might be something wrong or unhealthy aout your mastibatory habits.

I like the sensation of cumming, it's relaxing, it's kegal exercises, keeps you tight, if you kegal together with it. And it's the most natural way of releasing happy endorphin and relaxing sensations. I often see it as a healthy thing, just that, people are soo taboo about it. I see it no different from stretching in between work. Some people choose to cat nap to relax if they work in companies with napping pods. I choose to masturbate to relax.


So do you feel you have a sex addiction or ????


But the thought of sex addiction is like, I would fuck anybody who wants to fuck,


Is that the definition of a sex addict or is that your definition of a sex addict?

when I am the fussiest person and have very precise criteria on what I am looking for in fuck buddies, and will patiently not compromise and wait until a man fulfills ALL criteria.


You have been quite specific as to your needs so we all understand that you must have the patience of job.


So I can live without sex for extended periods of time, with no urge to compromise on what I expect in a sexual partner.



So you feel that masturbation is not sex? How would that be different than bill saying that "eating is not cheating"?





It also lead me to find my best sex, precisely the way I imagined perfect sex to be like. Patience and keep looking and do not settle. Just that unfortunately, his heavy traveling job cause him not to provide me with the frequency that suits me.


Does your arrangement allow for you to be fulfilled by a fuck buddy while he is gone or must you rely on masturbation?

And I bet Tiger Woods and Ozzy do not fuck just anybody who want to fuck them either. But they do have choices laid out there, I don't think they have sex addictions. They just have smorgasbord of temptations to choose from, and it takes very good self-discipline that I think with most ordinary men will find it hard to resist too, if hot young women keep pursuing and throwing themselves at them at the level that celebrities gets them.


At one time that opinion and two cents could have got you "two cents plain".



jlf1961 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 9:19:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My problem with Greta is that she claims all these marriages are perfect except that the wives have all lost their desires for sex. She refuses to see that it's the other way around.

Because the marriages do not give the women the emotional support they need, they therefore have lost their libido.



Not to mention her assertion that ALL men making the claim to a woman that they are not looking for sex are liars.



thompsonx -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 9:26:30 AM)


ORIGINAL: Greta75


Sex problems cannot be fixed.


Yet you say the opposite in post #43

Many studies have shown that a marriage without sex is more likely to lead to divorce than a marriage with sex. Many relationship experts agree with this. Sex is important in emotional bonding in a marriage. So to me, people are just in denial that sex is important, if they say it's not. I read an experiment, where a couple on a verge of divorce, did a 365 day experiment, and a promise to each other. Have sex with each other for 365 days, everyday, EVEN if they aren't in the mood. By the end of 365 days, if they still hate each other, they will get a divorce. And the experiment saved their marriage.



The solution of that is usually divorce. 85% of marriages ended because of sex incompatibility issue.


That figure seems more than a little unrealistic....do you have a cite?






Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/10/2016 10:28:45 AM)

Consider the possibility that "she" is full of shit.



longwayhome -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/11/2016 1:32:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

Now for those that say right at the outset what they want, are ALWAYS honest about it, tell the other person what is going on, such as what Greta seems to be saying about herself, then I don't see what the issue is. I also don't see why the hell she is being called out on being honest about it on a site like this. I may not always agree with what she says, but men have been doing what she talks about for centuries, and no-one bats a fricking eyelid, along comes a woman that says it and suddenly she is just oh-so-shallow. Well news flash; sometimes us women wants lots of great sex too, and sometimes when we are not getting it from a relationship then we are going to want it from somewhere else. What works for guys can works for us too. It's about time this was realised. Yeah I'm sure it's all peachy to have the deep and meaningful happy-ever-after, but in reality not all of us are actually cut out for that you know.

Needles


This.

There has been lots of interesting debate on this thread, and lots of disagreement, especially with Greta.

For my part, I have to say that I disagree with Greta on many things - in fact most things to be fair. She likes tyrants and iconoclasts - I like democracy and consensus. She has a very particular view of the lifestyle and what gets her rocks off - that just not the stuff that does it for me.

I think Greta brought up any interesting subject as the OP and I don't share all of her views on it, but the ferocity of the response is bit over the top. On this thread people are disagreeing with Greta (nothing new there), but I think she is also partly being called for being open, honest, sexual, unapologetic and female.

When it comes to what she wants from her relationships, sexually or otherwise, Greta is one of the most honest and straightforward posters here. I may find her politics and views on world history deeply disturbing, but I really like the truth and honesty with which she expresses her personal needs. That kind of disarming self-awareness, self-confidence and openness is something to be celebrated, especially since Greta clearly also deeply values those with whom she does not have a sexual relationship.

I could be wrong but I can't help the feeling that there is just a little bit of a double-standard here, and that it's the self-confident expression of a non-traditional female sexuality that people are partly struggling with. That's a shame because the person being criticised seems to approach her personal relationships in an entirely open and ethical way, even if it's not what suits everyone.

More power to her.

(....but not to Trump and Putin. Sorry Greta! [8D])



Greta75 -> RE: Cheating and Sex Addiction (8/11/2016 6:44:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Because the marriages do not give the women the emotional support they need, they therefore have lost their libido.

But this is not true. My girlfriends has wonderful husbands who takes care of their emotional needs. New Age sensitive type of men. Most Singaporean men are taught to be sensitive to woman, and to understand that women needs to rant and talk and are taught to be good listeners. I mean, they were already a ear for their moms. It's natural later, they transfer to wife, they are already well trained.
I know it's hard to explain the culture. But Asian moms treat their sons like boyfriends.

They just don't enjoy sex. Don't forget, Singaporean women usually have full time live in maids taking care of their children for them full time. They may or may not work, regardless if there is a maid. It's nothing like in the US, where the woman gotta slog it out so hard. And get so tired end of the day.

If you read online like aunt agony types of websites, I saw many women writing saying that they just don't want sex, no reason at all. Nothing wrong with her man, nothing wrong with anything, doesn't know how to explain to her man, sex does not interest her at all. And everytime she has sex, it's okay, but just not a big deal. I mean I read some of these and my girlfriends tell me the exact same thing. They just don't see the big deal. For them, since the first time they had sex, it was so unimpressive, they didn't even understand why people bother having sex at all. Because some people just don't enjoy sex. Some people are just naturally asexual.



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