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ShadeDiva -> RE: King Baby syndrome? (4/17/2004 2:02:41 PM)
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I kinda think that there might have been more of a compatibility issue here than anything else really.
I am of the firm belief that compatibility really takes around 3-4 months to accurately and realistically assess. If you are someone that jokes a lot, makes quips, and is a smartass in general, but not meaning anything negative, challenging or disrespectful by it - most dominants aren't going to either be right for you, be able to handle you, *want* to handle you, or be able to realize when you are smarting off it isn't challenging their authority, or being disrespectful intentionally or otherwise. If you are remotely like that - it will take a VERY special dominant that can handle it, doesn't view it as being negative or a challenge, and finds it refreshing and yes, even *fun*. They would prolly be as much if not more of a smartass, and be more than happy to give as good as they get, and consider it just part and parcel of the fun you can share between each other.
The reality is, that I can see the comment "its your loss" just like most folks that have replied here saw it, topping from the bottom, sulking, pouty, etc., etc., *however* I can also see it as being just a wisecrack done in humor. If it was me and I found you interesting and I didn't mind playful banter, I'd slam back with something like "Only in your dreams toots," or whatever (ok so it was a lame comeback - I do better on my feet LOL).
Had he been truly compatible, with you as you are now - he'd have fired off a wisecrack, and then bailed to go to sleep, laughing about rendering you without a manner to banter back. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all.
To be honest I see more than he read your playfulness and direct and conscious insubordinate behavior challenging his final word. His definition and view of what playfulness is isn't compatibility or a match for how you see it. <shrug> You have two choices - decide you need to tone it down and he was right, and you shouldn't be playful in that manner - or find someone that has no issues with it, and considers that an asset. rather than an issue.
I might be seeing myself in that though - I am a MAJOR smartass. And I am a loophole QUEEN! This means if I'm in a playful mood and my partner says for me to do something - it better be specific, cuz I am TOTALLY literal. LOL. I have a playful nature, and a sharp wit, a quick brain, I absolutely ADORE banter, I could do that ALL night long, LOL, I love laughing and thinking of stuff and ways to see things that weren't considered, and I absolutely love love love to have a battle of wits, wisecracks, and loopholes all in the name of fun. This pretty much means right off the bat that 98% of dominants of either gender are either completely not compatible, or are able to handle me or even want to handle me. (Add into the mix that I'm primarily dominant, and will butt heads on occasion for power, and can only be with a dominant-only person cuz if they switched, they'd get ONE chance to switch and once submissive, they'd never get a chance at switching again LOL, and it pretty much means only 1 to 9 people on this planet would either be remotely interested and then capable of dealing with me long term. That I'm a spitfire and a hell of a handful to handle is a MAJOR understatement, LOL!)
And yeah the serious folks and I totally didn't mix. I love to joke around, and that doesn't mean I am belittling anyone, I just like to laugh and have fun. The only people that could possibly handle that in me are those that have the same zest for laughter, can laugh at themselves without seeing it as equating they are less dominant, or less respected, or less anything (I personally see that as an asset in a dominant), can zing me back JUST as good or better than I can and as fast or faster as I can, lol, and views it all as playful banter and enjoys it as much as I do.
So as such I don't see that as automatically being a bad flippant thing to have said as much as maybe it was a poor choice at who you decided to make it to.
This all being said, I personally find that so far I don't care for that in those I dominate. Ironic, ain't it? LOL. Cracks me up. I TOTALLY could not handle a SAM like myself and amusingly enough I wouldn't even *want* to or be *remotely* interested in a submissive that behaves as I do - at least so far, and at this present time. Who knows - maybe that might change lol.
So I guess I really do see both angles on this one. Just I don't really have any good answers for you! heehee
~ShadeDiva
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