Am I looking at this wrong? (Full Version)

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Amorsian -> Am I looking at this wrong? (8/19/2016 7:56:53 PM)

So pretty new to this lifestyle and even newer to Collarspace. I set up my profile and within one day had three response's yet all dud's... One could barely speak english, another just stopped talking as soon as I displayed little interest towards feminization play and the other said we should chat and never replied. I sent someone who looked like they could be my ideal domme a message but upon reading their journal think they have set their mail controls to ignore males. *sigh*

So as I have been looking at people profiles and reading through them I get the sense that you either have to be willing to pay the big bucks just to get someones attention or go on a waiting list or get extremely lucky.

So my main question is - Am I looking at this wrong? Is this the norm and to be expected or am I just unlucky and need to be more patient.

Also if someone could tell me how to get verified, it would be welcome.

Cheers



OsideGirl -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/19/2016 8:17:59 PM)

Well, I'll start out by saying that you're attempting to get the attention of one of the smallest demograaphics within the community, which means that it's ripe for scammers.

Next, I always say that the best way to have success is to get out to your local community. Volunteer to staff events and serve with grace...and you'll gain a reputation and a good nose for truth and fallacy.

Good luck iin your search.



bamabbwsub -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/19/2016 8:20:42 PM)

Welcome to CS. As this is a free site, unfortunately what you are experiencing is the norm. Like most other free sites, you have the players and the wannabes, with a lot of time invested for little return, for the most part. You just have to be patient, and also keep in mind that the men on this site vastly outnumber the women. So for every email you send, she is probably getting 10 or more in addition to yours. To answer your other question, there is no verification method, although I have seen some profiles where the person photographs themselves (from the neck down for privacy reasons) while holding up a sign with their user name on it.

With the negatives, there are positives as well. I have had mostly good interactions with those that I've met from here. You just have to have enough patience and persistence to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Best of luck to you!



longwayhome -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/20/2016 12:20:52 AM)

Your experience seems fairly typical.

Just on the basis of the numbers game alone
- CS is unlikely to deliver your dream Domme
- Many of the people eager to message you will be primarily interested in your money rather than a relationship or your animal magnetism. Some of these people will be open and up front, others will be scammers (Who knew? Not on the internet surely?)
- Women receive far more messages than men
- Most of the women you message will have been subject to repeated abusive messages from men, many of whom believe they are entitled to a dialogue and who get unpleasant when one is not forthcoming. No matter how fair-minded they are, that fact will affect how they respond to you.

As a result there are a bunch of disappointed men with a feeling of entitlement who blame the site for not being a more effective Domme (or female sub) delivery system. They often blame the women as much as the site, despite the fact that on sheer numbers alone, they were onto a loser from the start.

People will give you all sorts of advice on how to use the site better, improve your profile, even how to change your personality to lure the women on the site into your irresistible web.

On the positive side CS will bring you into contact with lots of kinky people you wouldn't bump into in the normal course of events. It will however always disappoint as a dating site because there are no controls on the numbers of men, making it a strongly sellers market. Sure there are people who meet either play partners or life partners here but they are in the minority.

The best advice therefore is what OsideGirl suggested and that is to get out there. Find your local munch and join in if you want to reduce the odds. There is no substitute for real life.

All the best.



LilJuly76 -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/20/2016 5:01:00 AM)

I echo what OsideGirl said.



DarkSteven -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/20/2016 7:30:52 AM)

Me too.

I dunno about Hamilton, but Auckland and Wellington have active communities.

Also, don't get discouraged by the numbers. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy doing so, you'll catch Dommes' attention. The ones I know are fed up with "Mistress, will you Dominate me?" messages and would love a cheery conversation.



ShaharThorne -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/20/2016 7:57:05 PM)

Not really a Domme (I am more of a Switch with Topping tendencies), but what I like is someone attracting me with their mind, a sense of humor, not with their gonads. Someone who will listen to heavy metal one day and a string quartet the next. Someone who understands I am ill and cannot do some things like I used to.

In other words, be human, not a sexual being. You'll be surprised what you'll find.



Amorsian -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/21/2016 8:33:26 PM)

Thanks heaps for the advice, and as said earlier I think local is going to be tough but probably a better option in the long run. Is there a way to browse meet ups/munches in your local area?

I understand that I'm probably in the biggest demographic in terms of m/f ratio but I still hope. And mentioned above I totally agree, personality always trumps body not matter how beautiful because if you truly like their mind you will grow to appreciate them as whole including their body. I would like to think that I'm not one dimensional, but then not many people do think that but many are one dimensional (or come across as) so yeah.....

But I really appreciate the feedback, I think patience is key

Cheers



SnowRanger -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/22/2016 3:03:38 AM)

Hello A/all,

You're panning for gold here. For every nugget there are a LOT of stones, sand and other sediment.

As for information on munches and such, (am I allowed to mention... FetLife?)....

Respectfully
Mike
SnowRanger



DesFIP -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/22/2016 9:32:23 AM)

Also, there's no such thing as being verified. That's a scam. If anybody demands you give your credit card number, run.



mrg1969 -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (8/23/2016 2:57:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

So pretty new to this lifestyle and even newer to Collarspace. I set up my profile and within one day had three response's yet all dud's... One could barely speak english, another just stopped talking as soon as I displayed little interest towards feminization play and the other said we should chat and never replied. I sent someone who looked like they could be my ideal domme a message but upon reading their journal think they have set their mail controls to ignore males. *sigh*

So as I have been looking at people profiles and reading through them I get the sense that you either have to be willing to pay the big bucks just to get someones attention or go on a waiting list or get extremely lucky.

So my main question is - Am I looking at this wrong? Is this the norm and to be expected or am I just unlucky and need to be more patient.

Also if someone could tell me how to get verified, it would be welcome.

Cheers

Hi, IDK exactly what you are looking for or what area you live in, but I will chat with you. No I do not want money, no I do not want anatomy pictures. Just perhaps some verbs conjugated correctly.

Mrg1969



MistressAubreee -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/13/2016 11:11:04 PM)

Your best bet for finding a Dom or sub is to join BDSM ad groups on Facebook (there's at least 3 I can think of off the top of my head), fetlife (if you're comfortable there), and browse tumblr blogs to see if there's any singles looking.



peppermint -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/14/2016 8:23:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

Thanks heaps for the advice, and as said earlier I think local is going to be tough but probably a better option in the long run. Is there a way to browse meet ups/munches in your local area?



Cheers


Fetlife is a great way to find groups and meetings but has gotten a bit more difficult to join from what I've read. Have you ever tried to use Google? Type in the name of the city where you are searching and the terms BDSM, or munches, or kink groups.



markyugen -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/14/2016 9:26:38 AM)

Indicative
Present
I am
you are
he/she/it is
we are
you are
they are
Preterite
I was
you were
he/she/it was
we were
you were
they were

Infinitive
to be

Imperative
be

Participle
Present - being
Past - been



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/14/2016 12:36:07 PM)

+10!



Amorsian -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/24/2016 2:21:56 AM)

So I went to my first munch and it was really nice, I probably the youngest person there by about 15 years but it was still really enjoyable and I learnt alot, thank you to all of you who gave me advice it was appreciated.

My question to you is the mental sides of domination vs physical, from what I gathered from the munch and from reading things on here I am more interested in the mental than physical. e.g. if involved in impact play, being more excited about the suspense of it and when the next hit is coming rather than craving the hit itself. Yet among the doms at the munch the physical side was more focused on, is there more of a interest in the physical side of things from the doms point of view or is it something more?

Thanks in advance



NookieNotes -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/24/2016 3:59:55 AM)

You'll find that a lot of people focus on the physical for many reasons:

1. It's more accessible. Physical skills can be learned more easily than mental skills.
2. It's easy to practice with strangers. Topping someone is easier (and more immediate) than dominating them.
3. Many people just don't THINK all that much or want to discover the psychological aspects of WIITWD.

That said, there are many who enjoy the mental. I'm more of a dominant than a top, myself. Good luck! *smiles*



PeonForHer -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/24/2016 6:45:41 AM)

quote:

Also, don't get discouraged by the numbers. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy doing so, you'll catch Dommes' attention. The ones I know are fed up with "Mistress, will you Dominate me?" messages and would love a cheery conversation.


Oh yes. Seconded, very much.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/24/2016 8:39:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Amorsian

So I went to my first munch and it was really nice, I probably the youngest person there by about 15 years but it was still really enjoyable and I learnt alot, thank you to all of you who gave me advice it was appreciated.

My question to you is the mental sides of domination vs physical, from what I gathered from the munch and from reading things on here I am more interested in the mental than physical. e.g. if involved in impact play, being more excited about the suspense of it and when the next hit is coming rather than craving the hit itself. Yet among the doms at the munch the physical side was more focused on, is there more of a interest in the physical side of things from the doms point of view or is it something more?

Thanks in advance

I'm the same way. I good mind fuck is so much more engaging than pure brute force.



DesFIP -> RE: Am I looking at this wrong? (9/24/2016 12:21:44 PM)

About the age difference, ask if anyone knows of a TNG group in your area. Frequently the munch leaders will know what other munches are around.



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