At what age does one get to be a dominant? (Full Version)

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Gauge -> At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 10:22:13 PM)

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?



tamaka -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 10:42:14 PM)

First i would say being a dominant and being a Master are not the same thing. You can have a dominant personality pretty much by age 3- 4. (Big brothers/sisters do it all the time). Being a leader- type (one that people actually follow) is not necessarily a requirement for an M in an M/s relationship but it is one of the pretty common traits i think. But being a Master is a whole different category and no, you can't be that at a very young age. It takes a while to develop... It depends on how introspective and reflective You are, whether you were able to overcome ego, etc.... and then finally, whether you have what it takes to Master someone else (after You've finally mastered Yourself).



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 10:43:42 PM)

I think you can be a dominant at any age.
So from that PoV, age is irrelevant.

However, having the maturity and cool-headed calmness to apply that successfully comes with experience of life.
And of course, to acquire any sensible experience requires time.
For most of the younger 'dominants', they haven't had that maturing time.
It also depends on how mature the person is, both emotionally and mentally - and that's a very personal thing.
Hence, IMHO, anyone under 25 is (generally) not worldly-wise enough to be 'mature'.
There are exceptions but that's how I see it.

Just my [sm=2cents.gif]



Greta75 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 10:48:07 PM)

If you got a 14 yr old who wanna dom a 13 yr old. I guess if the 13 yr old sees the 14 yr old as older and wiser. He is her dominant.

It's not about when. It's about the dynamic between two consensual humans.

You officially become a dominant, when you manage to get a woman to accept you as hers.

That could happen at any age.

I think all the snide remarks about younger men claiming to dominants, definitely come from older people. I mean, there is no way I can take a dominant male 10 years younger than me seriously. I have more life experience, I been through more. A 25 yr old always still seem so green and innocent to me. Especially in my country, because that's when they just start work. They start work late because of compulsory military service.

There is something about man's immaturity pro-longed when they do not get into the working world early.

But he could probably seem pretty wise and mature to an 18 yr old woman. He could be her dominant, but I will never see him as anything more than a kid.



Gauge -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 10:57:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I think you can be a dominant at any age.
So from that PoV, age is irrelevant.

However, having the maturity and cool-headed calmness to apply that successfully comes with experience of life.
And of course, to acquire any sensible experience requires time.
For most of the younger 'dominants', they haven't had that maturing time.
It also depends on how mature the person is, both emotionally and mentally - and that's a very personal thing.
Hence, IMHO, anyone under 25 is (generally) not worldly-wise enough to be 'mature'.
There are exceptions but that's how I see it.

Just my [sm=2cents.gif]



Glad you chimed in. Thank you.

However, you made a particular statement that spurned this thread. Since no moderator has seen fit to clarify me linking back to a post that someone made, all I can tell you at this point is look at your recent posts, and then clarify your statements. This thread is not to call you out... please do not mistake my intent. I believe that this is worthy of discussion.



Gauge -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 11:05:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I think all the snide remarks about younger men claiming to dominants, definitely come from older people. I mean, there is no way I can take a dominant male 10 years younger than me seriously. I have more life experience



Does your life experience negate a 23 year old that knows that they are dominant, understands it and can use it? Please do not misunderstand my question, I am asking at what age does a dominant have credibility as a dominant. The question does not include life experience, it is focused on age.

For me, my life, at the age 18 made me far more qualified to speak out about shit that happened directly to me, than someone, at the same age, that had not been through what I had. This does not mean that I had my shit together, it just meant that I had some experience for whence I spoke.

*Edited to add shit that I didn't post originally.



SwitchEdge -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 11:13:24 PM)

I think "dominant" is more of a trait; is it not? As suggested a 14 year old can be dominant, but be a Master/Dominant with regards to the lifestyle. I reject the idea, one needs to be worldly to be a Dominant/Master, while innocence makes one less dominant. Perhaps its my age, perhaps I just have a different oppinion. {*gasp*}
I believe anyone can be domiant, even becoming a Dominant/Master at an early age. While I don't find many men who are 18 or 19 worthy of being called Dominants it often has to do with maturity and charisma, rather than experience. I find Hollywoods depiction of Dominant personalities to be much more laughable than most serious Dominants.

FYI: I was using Dominant to distinguish from dominant, I don't normally make a habbit of typing protocols.



Gauge -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/15/2016 11:24:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchEdge

I think "dominant" is more of a trait; is it not? As suggested a 14 year old can be dominant, but be a Master/Dominant with regards to the lifestyle. I reject the idea, one needs to be worldly to be a Dominant/Master, while innocence makes one less dominant. Perhaps its my age, perhaps I just have a different oppinion. {*gasp*}
I believe anyone can be domiant, even becoming a Dominant/Master at an early age. While I don't find many men who are 18 or 19 worthy of being called Dominants it often has to do with maturity and charisma, rather than experience. I find Hollywoods depiction of Dominant personalities to be much more laughable than most serious Dominants.

FYI: I was using Dominant to distinguish from dominant, I don't normally make a habbit of typing protocols.



In my mind,, to qualify, you need to be 18 or older, much like the TOS of this site requires.

My questions that I have asked are posed within the age-group I indicated. At age 14, I knew little, if at all about life in general.... let alone BDSM. My question relates to dominance, and the age parameters that I have set.

That said, I appreciate your response. Thank you.



Greta75 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 1:52:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Does your life experience negate a 23 year old that knows that they are dominant, understands it and can use it? Please do not misunderstand my question, I am asking at what age does a dominant have credibility as a dominant. The question does not include life experience, it is focused on age.


I think the problem is, regardless what age you are, you can think you are a dominant all you want.

The real proof is, try to do a good job dominating someone. And are you able to inspire a submissive you are interested in to consider you a dominant?

So as I said, a 23 yr old may be able to do that with younger women. But much older women would be hard to take them seriously. And if they managed that, kudos to them at that age. They must be showing an insane level of maturity for their age.

I would like to think universally, at least maturity is a pre-requisite to be a dominant.

I mean, I don't know how can you be immature and then attempt to control another human being. You'd just not be able to do it.

And I also agree there are exceptions where maybe even an 18 yr old, can sometimes be more mature than a 30 yr old. Depending on their life experiences up till that age.

Like generally, I think kids who go through more hardships grow up faster. Kids who work earlier grow up faster. And kids who feel the burden of responsibility on their shoulders to help out their family. Like let's say if a 14 yr old has to juggle work and studies to help support his own mother, because his dad passed away and his mom is kinda uneducated and struggling. That dude could become very mature by 18. He could end up stepping up taking his father's place as head of the household, being eldest son. He might have to take care of his mom and siblings at a young age. He might have the potential if he has dominant inclination to be a really good dominant at an early age.






WhoreMods -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 4:35:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant?

About twelve, looking at some of the profiles on here where some teenager's claiming to have six years of experience as a hardcore top.
[8|]



LilJuly76 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 4:38:26 AM)

Not exactly sure what the age would be, but to me, to be a Master you should be grown up mentally to be able to Master yourself and to Master another human being (submissive), that usually comes with experience. Often in our 20's we are still learning about ourselves and life and sometimes we tend to act like we're still in highschool. But than again some people in their 20's end up having to grow up mentally way too fast for whatever reason and by the time they reach 30 they have a tonne load of life experience. With today's breed it doesn't seem to matter just as long as someone can call themselves Master to get a girl to do whatever they want in the sack.



DaddySatyr -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 7:33:25 AM)


I can only speak about my own experience, but my experience includes observance of others. So ...

There's a term in Catholicism called: "Blissful Ignorance". What it means is: if a person has not heard "the truth", they can't be held responsible for any "sins". They are not willfully ignorant; they haven't "ignored" the "truth". They've never been exposed to it.

"Why is he saying this?", you may ask. Well, I would like to claim blissful ignorance of D/s because of the behavior of others. The only people I met who espoused BDSM to me were people who were, quite plainly, fucked up.

They were abusive assholes who had no respect for their ladies and ladies who had been "beaten down". It was painfully obvious to even the casual observer that these couples were a mess.

As a result, for a long time, I eschewed any link to BDSM/D/s because I wasn't one of "those people".

When I was thirty-two years old, I met a young lady who identified me as a "Daddy" and started teaching me about D/s. With this new information, I realized that I had been "a dominant" from at least the time I was fourteen years old.

My friends were almost always older than I yet, I always wound up being "the leader" of the group. Obviously, we had no elections or coronations. It's just that everyone else always wound up following me (with a few exceptions).

I realized, also, that this carried over into my romantic relationships. Not that I wasn't "pussy whipped", a couple of times, but my ultimate dis-satisfaction with the situation was based upon my lack of power in the relationship. It was never truly ceded. I was just blinded to the fact that I was allowing a fantastic lay to influence me in an undue fashion.

The truth is: I don't know what the catalyst was, but that all ended when I was just nineteen years old. I only know this because of my later education into the ways of this lifestyle. I just assumed I was an asshole that no "modern" (it was the 80s, where men were pussified and women were "empowered") woman wanted to have anything to do with.

Understanding this reality made my inter-personal relationships quite a bit more successful.



Michael



GettingLow -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 7:42:24 AM)

My son was born Dominant into a family who immediately became his submissives. The dynamic of the power relationship didn't diminish over time, it only become more complex and sophisticated in it's presentation :-)



LadyPact -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 7:48:37 AM)

Imagine the cartoon me. The cartoon me just grew horns, chucked, and thought about asking you just how much fun you'd like to have with this thread? I'll do the nice part first.

Even just at "Dominant," I split this stuff up. A Dominant personality, yes, can be something that a person has prior to the age of eighteen, but as you know, I prefer not to get into that, because I tend to dislike discussing non adults in a BDSM context. On this site, if you are eighteen and you pick "Dominant" from the drop down label because it's who you think you are or it's the role you want to explore, I'm totally cool with that. Have a party! It's part of what the site is for to begin with. That is you calling yourself a Dominant.

Do I think every eighteen year old is actually a Dominant? Probably not. Do I think some people at any age picking that label are actually Dominant? Probably not. We all see threads all of the time from people that don't exactly convey anything that come across anything like Dominance and that can be anything that sounds more like 'domineering asshole' to 'I'm looking for the quick f^ck' to 'I'm just here to make a buck'. (Hey, you said "Dominant". That covers both genders.)

I looked for the other thread. Never been big on the 'homework' Dommes, (they do tend to be female) because I consider that a lack of ethics. Due to this bias, I probably saw the comment differently.

The other bias I have is about the self proclaimed Masters. Call yourself whatever you like. I'm just not going to agree with you unless certain criteria exists:

* Your s-type in your relationship is calling you that.

* You were the "M" in a (real time) M/s relationship that had a duration of a substantial number of years. (Note the 's' on the end of that word.)

* You really have "mastered" a particular complicated topping skill in a BDSM context. (Shibari comes immediately to mind.)

* You are a Gorean man and that is a part of your culture.

* You are a Dominant in the leather community who has earned your cap, vest, or boots, OR it's associated with the leather title that you've won during competition in some way.


I will call people Master Xxxxxd during things like formal leather events, if I'm introducing them to someone else. I have certain senior leather persons that I will call that (Master plus their qualifying name) even in more casual settings because I have that much respect for the person. (The criteria for that is a lot more extensive.) Just because it's somebody's screen name? Highly unlikely.





LilJuly76 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 8:05:38 AM)

I'm not particularly fond of self proclaimed Masters myself, seems to be a lot of them around



Kaliko -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 8:44:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I'm not particularly fond of self proclaimed Masters myself, seems to be a lot of them around


Barring , maybe, what LadyPact wrote about earning the distinction in the leather community, who else would have the authority to give that title except oneself? It's not like a genuine peer group with certification standards exists. So doesn't someone who calls himself Master have to be self proclamed as such? Who else can do it for them?



OsideGirl -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 8:54:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I mean, there is no way I can take a dominant male 10 years younger than me seriously. I have more life experience, I been through more.


Age doesn't always equal life experience, and life experience doesn't mean that they've acquired wisdom or life skills.



OsideGirl -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 9:35:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchEdge

I think "dominant" is more of a trait; is it not? As suggested a 14 year old can be dominant,
I agree. You can be born with a dominant personality, being A Dominant is a learned skill. (same with submissive) But, in order to learn, one must put themselves in the role.

quote:

but be a Master/Dominant with regards to the lifestyle. I reject the idea, one needs to be worldly to be a Dominant/Master, while innocence makes one less dominant.
I disagree. I believe that one needs to be a good leader to be a Dominant/Master


quote:

I believe anyone can be domiant,
I don't. I think you either are or aren't. If you aren't, then you're just acting.

quote:

I find Hollywoods depiction of Dominant personalities to be much more laughable than most serious Dominants.
It's because they portray domineering as dominant and don't know the difference.



sloguy02246 -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 9:45:43 AM)

FR -

From the responses so far, my perspective is that the term "dominant" needs to be defined.

I understand certain individuals present "dominant" personality traits at an early age, but does that make them a dominant - or maybe just an "alpha" personality?

Being a leader does not necessarily make you a dominant, at least in the truest BDSM sense.
There are lots of "alpha" leaders/personalities in everyday life who are actually submissive in their private lives (some with profiles on here and in some cases expressing a craving for submission as a way of relieving the pressures of leadership).

Can someone be an actual dominant at 18?
I suppose it's possible, but, again, it depends on how you define "dominant."



OsideGirl -> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? (9/16/2016 10:00:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sloguy02246

I suppose it's possible, but, again, it depends on how you define "dominant."



IMO, a Dominant is the leader of a power dynamic relationship. So, I believe that it's not necessarily based on age. Someone at 18 can be a good leader and decision maker.







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