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longwayhome -> RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? (9/29/2016 4:34:43 PM)
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Submission is certainly a "gift" in the sense of it being something that is given as opposed to being taken.
But that is maybe being a bit literal because, when most people say that submission is a gift, they are referring to the kind of gift which is something special you wrap up with a bow. That can all get a bit precious and some people certainly act as if they are doing someone a favour by giving them the "gift" of their submission, a favour they should be eternally grateful for.
Implying that anyone should be eternally grateful doesn't sound to me like a good way forward in any relationship. Whatever the dynamic or the form it takes, surely a relationship should work for both parties, with both benefiting and, if you are lucky, satisfying deep seated emotional needs for both partners.
It is probably also not useful to regard submission specifically as a gift because both parties in a relationship give and receive of themselves and, as been pointed out, in that sense dominance is "given" just as much as submission. Both are an active choice, as is entering into any relationship in the first place, be it for short term play or to meet longer term needs.
The one thing I do think is of value however is reminding people that they should have proper regard for themselves when consenting or making decisions. It's all too easy for some people to be sucked into the mantra of "it's not about you want, it's about what I want" and forget that they need to get something out of the relationship. If the joy of putting someone else's needs and wants before their own satisfies a deep need in them then that is great, but they should value themselves in making that choice and positively consent, rather than doing it because someone tells them to.
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