Aftercare - when to offer it and how much?

Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (Full Version)

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SweetSerendipity -> Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/22/2006 7:02:10 PM)
Dear Masters and Mistresses, I have a question on aftercare. I have no doubt that there are many threads in the archives, but I would like your personal responses, as everyone may have different thoughts. When do you find it most important to provide aftercare for your submissive? How do you know when it is enough? Is there a time when you would deliberately withhold it...after punishment or during training? Thank you in advance for your time and attention.

stanton -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/22/2006 7:11:12 PM)
hello SweetS. When I top aftercare after play, especially more the heavy kind- I like to hold her, stroke her hair, give a kiss and let her know she is a good girl and I care. Punishment? I'd reassure her I was htere for her, but she needs to learn to behave. I try and make my orders clear. I keep an open ear, listen if I was unclear or she misunderstood. She is responsible for her actions and reactions, but I keep it together if she is willing to learn and grow. A good slave is hard to find and I work at it if she does. Good question, TY. Stan

Dierwolf -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/22/2006 7:37:47 PM)
I have to agree with stan on this one. There's not really a time I'd deliberately withold aftercare, it's like brushing your teeth after eating, yeah you could not do it but that's just unhealthy.

SavageEu -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/22/2006 9:17:33 PM)
Depending on the circumstances, as it always does, I could see withholding it for a time but not altogether. Sometimes you have to push someone through certain blocks and once they reach that then you can take them in your arms and hold them.

Emperor1956 -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/22/2006 9:44:35 PM)
quote: Dear Masters and Mistresses, I have a question on aftercare. I have no doubt that there are many threads in the archives, but I would like your personal responses, as everyone may have different thoughts. When do you find it most important to provide aftercare for your submissive? How do you know when it is enough? Is there a time when you would deliberately withhold it...after punishment or during training? Thank you in advance for your time and attention. Well, in keeping with some of the ridiculous "I'm a DOM and I'll spout off on my manly philosophy" threads that have popped up recently, I'll say "I NEVER DO AFTERCARE. If she has emotional baggage that's her problem, and I don't need to deal with all of her shit!" *FLAMING ASSHOLE MODE OFF, DEAD and BURIED* Now, for real, Sweet (and all): I would never withhold aftercare. That implies that I've been scening with her while I'm angry, and confusing punishment and regular behavior. I never, ever use scene play (flogging, spanking, sexual play) when I'm angry at my girl, or when there is an issue to resolve. It is far too volatile to confuse play with punishment. Conversely, I would never engage in either punishment or physical play without aftercare. First, she needs it. It is a natural ending and re-entry into our "real worlds". Second, I need it! The gentling down of my girl after a scene, especially if (as often happens) we've crossed into new or "forbidden" territory, is as much a necessity for her as it is for Me. Perhaps some of the same who posted as the "new mode" of Dominant are not able to admit this, and I'll be perceived as weak, but aftercare is not only for My girl, but for Me, too. --E.

SoulfulSadism -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 2:05:59 AM)
Your question is weird. How can something that's supposed to be instinctive be brought down to an art of scientific calculation ?

nephandi -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 2:23:54 AM)
Wery often after play we go and shower together, it is a tiny showers and the warm, intimate atmosfere is realy nice and we get down to earth again, we do this when we need closeness and even somtimes to become frinds again after arguing to. Wather is wery soothing.

Focus50 -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 3:18:40 AM)
Aftercare is subjective and relevant to what's brought on the need for it. I like administering aftercare, it allows it's own unique closeness with my girl.... I never deliberately withold it nor do I make light of whether it's needed or not. Focus.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 3:22:35 AM)
I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely. The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone.

MistressMaamNH -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 5:50:59 AM)
: the care, treatment, help, or supervision given to persons discharged from an institution (in this case, a scene/Dungeon/session) What you do, or don't do, varies according to what the individual deems is necessary for each situation. For Me, aftercare is just as important for My Peace and Well-being, as it is for the submissive in My care. Emotions and adrenaline tend to run faily high during a scene....being just kicked out the door afterwards may not be in the best interest for many people.* For some situations, I may softly caress their skin--I find that to be a soothing, grounding act. Subspace can get people pretty high..being brought down to earth, slowly, and gently can be the best part of the scene. For other situations, wrapping in a warm, snug blanket helps..(I've had several subs that get the shakes after an intense scene) And still, for others, gentle banter conversation is what is helpful. *Then there are those, that DESIRE to have an abrupt end to a session. A glaring, and marked definitive end to transfer from serving mode, to "vanilla" mode. Regardless of what works for the individuals involved..it is often a process that takes time to perfect..as with everything, worthy of 'Perfection' MMNH

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 10:10:37 AM)
The GENERAL response is that subs like being held and snuggled warm and close to the dom for awhile after a scene. However, everyone is different. Some subs are ready to leap up, some want to be left alone, some need food, some need sleep- and sometimes you need sleep one time and then food the next and so on. Communicate. Have the aftercare discussion BEFORE playing and before making a commitment. Make sure whatever your arrangement is, that everyone is on the same page.

newly42 -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 10:32:35 AM)
quote: Conversely, I would never engage in either punishment or physical play without aftercare. First, she needs it. It is a natural ending and re-entry into our "real worlds". Second, I need it! The gentling down of my girl after a scene, especially if (as often happens) we've crossed into new or "forbidden" territory, is as much a necessity for her as it is for Me. Perhaps some of the same who posted as the "new mode" of Dominant are not able to admit this, and I'll be perceived as weak, but aftercare is not only for My girl, but for Me, too. i don't think you are weak, not at all. it's needed strength to admit you also "need aftercare"... having a Master like you would make easier the fact that a safe word won't be needed because you are very trustable.... but, of course, it's just a newbie's opinion... Have a nice day, Sir

SweetSerendipity -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 6:19:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stanton hello SweetS. When I top aftercare after play, especially more the heavy kind- I like to hold her, stroke her hair, give a kiss and let her know she is a good girl and I care. Punishment? I'd reassure her I was htere for her, but she needs to learn to behave. I try and make my orders clear. I keep an open ear, listen if I was unclear or she misunderstood. She is responsible for her actions and reactions, but I keep it together if she is willing to learn and grow. A good slave is hard to find and I work at it if she does. Good question, TY. Stan Stanton, Thank you for your comments. It makes sense that you want to keep a good sub - and aftercare has an important role in that for some of us. Blessed Be

SweetSerendipity -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 6:25:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 quote: Dear Masters and Mistresses, I have a question on aftercare. I have no doubt that there are many threads in the archives, but I would like your personal responses, as everyone may have different thoughts. When do you find it most important to provide aftercare for your submissive? How do you know when it is enough? Is there a time when you would deliberately withhold it...after punishment or during training? Thank you in advance for your time and attention. Well, in keeping with some of the ridiculous "I'm a DOM and I'll spout off on my manly philosophy" threads that have popped up recently, I'll say "I NEVER DO AFTERCARE. If she has emotional baggage that's her problem, and I don't need to deal with all of her shit!" *FLAMING ASSHOLE MODE OFF, DEAD and BURIED* Now, for real, Sweet (and all): I would never withhold aftercare. That implies that I've been scening with her while I'm angry, and confusing punishment and regular behavior. I never, ever use scene play (flogging, spanking, sexual play) when I'm angry at my girl, or when there is an issue to resolve. It is far too volatile to confuse play with punishment. Conversely, I would never engage in either punishment or physical play without aftercare. First, she needs it. It is a natural ending and re-entry into our "real worlds". Second, I need it! The gentling down of my girl after a scene, especially if (as often happens) we've crossed into new or "forbidden" territory, is as much a necessity for her as it is for Me. Perhaps some of the same who posted as the "new mode" of Dominant are not able to admit this, and I'll be perceived as weak, but aftercare is not only for My girl, but for Me, too. --E. Thanks for the reminder E - Doms need love (and aftercare) too! Blessed Be

SweetSerendipity -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 6:26:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Aftercare is subjective and relevant to what's brought on the need for it. I like administering aftercare, it allows it's own unique closeness with my girl.... I never deliberately withold it nor do I make light of whether it's needed or not. Focus. Focus, So you discuss the needs and ways of it with your girl? Blessed Be

SweetSerendipity -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 6:29:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely. The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone. Thank you L&M for the reminder. Aftercare is NOT one size fits all. Also your avatar is my VERY favorite one of all time. Blessed Be

popeye1250 -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 7:10:52 PM)
Yes LA I agree with you on that. But, holding s sub in my arms for a bit never got me any complaints!

enigmabrat -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 7:23:42 PM)
with me after care is a must I need to be held and cuddled APECIALY after discapline I am very sensative and not giveing aftercare will completly ruin the entire thing I can go into an emotionaly dark place feeling unloved and in dispare aspecialy if its after punishment I feel like Im bad and unloved if Im spanked and then left!

Cloudz -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 7:27:43 PM)
Me too enigma, me too!

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? (7/23/2006 7:58:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely. The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone. Exactly My thoughts. And want to add there doesnt always have to be aftercare.Sometimes its more of a get grounded thing,which for Mine is just sitting doing relaxed breathing.

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