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LadyPact -> RE: What am I? (10/10/2016 5:47:42 PM)
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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Hello back sunshine, yes let's have a chat.
1. I learn a long time ago in order to regain my life that I could not allow things I can't control hold me hostage. Therefore words- hello no. And I don't say that lightly. There are MANY words carelessly strewn across this board that are used lightly - abuse is one of them. When people speak of whipping others etc. it's the same concept. Yes I know what actual stalking is, and yes I called her a stalker and still do, she wants attention. I gave it to her. You don't get to approve what I do are how I relate things to my situation. Sorry but that is not YOUR privilege it's mine. I thank god that I can use that word easily now because I have to say when I see people casually throw around the word whip or whipping, bike flows up and I do have a physical reaction. I just get pissed off when I see the careless way abuse is thrown around.
Probably better now than earlier in the morning before I've had a certain amount of caffeine. I don't drink coffee, but before my second Diet Pepsi of the day? Let's just say I'm not the prettiest person.
While it's not my way, I do understand people who want to take certain words back. It's a way, for you, to recoup.
Instead, I want that word to have power. To have meaning. I want that sh^t to settle in real good. ALL stalkers make conscious decisions about what they do. It's not an "accident". It's not that they don't know better. They make conscious decisions. Every step they make. Every verb that is a part of their existence. Nobody is holding a gun to their head, making them do the things they do. They aren't "sick" people who don't know right from wrong.
As an aside, I don't like people throwing around the "abuse" term, either. When it comes to kinky folks, you know when someone is being abused? When they tell me!! Not one minute before. Until that time, most kink folks can take their own definition of "abuse" and speak of it regarding their own relationship. Not the other person's.
Unfortunately, we will have to disagree on something else. You see that whip as a tool of abuse. When I go to whip practice, I'm doing this weird thing called (by some) "communing with leather". I'm not trying to say I'm Dante, Cyan, or anything. It might be something like when folks go to the shooting range or perfecting other kinds of arts. Not really different than when I sit by myself, polishing my boots. To other people, it's a task. Me? I'm connecting, in this weird sense of the way.
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However, I may get into a discussion about the incorrectly applied definition but I would never assume I can direct how people use it to the point of having a melt down. If that's the case, I may as well stay curled up in bed leaving the world outside. But I come to boards like these knowing I will be faced with various things that may trigger a flashback or simply make my chest tighten in an attempt to force make an emotional response - pissing me off in the same time because I think I'm weak. But again- I don't expect blindly for people to simply not use words casually that have a more actuality aspect to me.
You haven't seen a melt down yet. <grin>
I know the feeling, though. I used to hate myself because my husband would come home... Still there in my pajamas... Hadn't even made dinner for him after he worked all day.
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however, I may get into a discussion about the incorrectly applied definition but I would never assume I can direct how people use it to the point of having a melt down. If that's the case, I may as well stay curled up in bed leaving the world outside. But I come to boards like these knowing I will be faced with various things that may trigger a flashback or simply make my chest tighten in an attempt to force make an emotional response - pissing me off in the same time because I think I'm weak. But again- I don't expect blindly for people to simply not use words casually that have a more actuality aspect to me.
But
As I said, if you simply would have not been a bitch and hadn't gone fro one tirade to this one - I may have either caught on wuicker that what is therapy for me, may be harming someone. When it finally clicked I simply asked you, you answered, I removed it and you continue to be a bitch.
You know what, cupcake? I'll gladly be the bitch. Call me a c^nt again. I might have an orgasm.
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Maybe I have it easier because before, during, and after, I had the benefit of being surrounded and working through various issues with victims, so in many ways I had the benefit of the nurturing and counseling all the time. Doesn't change what I went through but I had a pretty heavy dosing of how to overcome, the assuaging of the guilty and self hate.
The greatest mistake I ever made (and I have a few of them) was not taking my husband's boss up on the offer of pressing criminal charges. I should have. I didn't.
In a way, it gave me this entirely different view. I became this person who *understood* what happens to other people. Things like how outing or stalking for people in the kink community, because they will lose their house or their career or their children. Ya know, people use that sh^t.
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In the end, I can't and won't let words hold me hostage. There is plenty of other crap that still affects me without seeing words for what they are - simply letters that for words that have various definitions. I am actually glad I was able to put a word like that in a much lighter scenario.
That's great... For you.
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Again, you don't get to control how things should affect me. Sounds to me like you need to concern yourself with you and your reaction instead of blaming someone else for your reaction. These boards and your so called caring is bullshit. Not for the sentiment but because the hypocrisy. I don't see you melting down on people with all words that can trigger something - only the one that personally affected you. So don't try the - I'm doing this for the community - if that was the case you would give a damn about all the potentisl trigger words and yeah then there wouldn't be a discussion board because it would be like trying to form words using only vowels.
You are sick if as you were trying to compare my situation with yours so you could be top bitch as to having a stalker. That to me is utterly sick and disgusting.
Now, sunshine I think this topic can be put to rest. You got your way. I don't agree with removing it but I'm not here to cause harm to people. So my choice was to save you some pain. And no- I shouldn't have just known. I don't claim to have a crystal ball. So either say thank you or not, continue your tirade and melt down or not. I think it's being overplayed now.
So in the words of Michele tanner // Is it over now?
I am in the community. I *want* to be there. When *I* participate in my local, semi local, and leather communities, I bring that sh^t with me.
You're in law, right? How many of your clients cross your door? Run the numbers.
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