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Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 9:51:22 PM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		*headdesk* Sorry if this seems like trolling, or that I'm unable to form healthy opinions for myself, but.. Sometimes you think the sky is blue when it's actually green *shrug*

Like the subject line hints at, based on the following excerpt, is this person more likely to be a criminal or a respectable dominant?

quote:

while sex is only a part of things (and yes, the power exchange could well be considered the main component), I do require complete submission in this area and if you do not agree with or accept the concept that the sub or slave is for the use of the dominant (or if you just don't enjoy sex) and you expect to be able to deny it, or if anal sex is "disgusting" to you and something you would not want, then there's no reason to waste each other's time on a situation that would not be acceptable to either of us. You're certainly entitled to your opinion, and if you think I'm being being a "jerk" by expecting that, then so be it. That simply illustrates to Me that while you do have submissive qualities you may not be well suited to this lifestyle, at least with Me, since this rule has not been an issue with anyone else in the entire time I have been into this.


That response was in response to examples I provided where denying the order to "jump" should be acceptable.
quote:

As for jumping when you beckon. No one gets what they want 100% of the time, dominant or not. Examples. 1. I already mentioned being sick and or in pain. To expect life [meals on the table, house spotless, etc] [and sex] to continue, that doesn't make you a dominant, it just makes you a jerk. Moving on.. 2. Let's say I work from home or was washing dishes or preparing food. To jump when you beckon seems selfish [on your part]. Why is my job, whether that be housekeeper or anything else, less important than you?
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 10:16:20 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		They said if you don't agree with them, you don't get to play with them. How is that criminal?

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 10:26:17 PM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		So, Alecta, if your dominant [assuming you're submissive], told you to bend over so he could fuck you, even though you were [any of the examples provided in the second quote], you'd gladly do it? There is/has never been a time you would have said "no" to sex?.. The point of the question isn't to make a decision on whether to submit to this person, it's to find out if the thought process or behavior is that of a respectable dominant or a criminal [although I suppose criminal may not have been the right word to choose, because this guy just wouldn't keep someone around who would even consider saying "no"]

(in reply to Alecta)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 10:35:19 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		you're missing the point.
If you don't like this guy's rules and expectations don't submit to him. If you submit to him it means you accept his terms. So if you don't agree with his terms, don't play with him. The responsibility of consent lies with the submissive.

In other words, yes I expect any submissive who decides to submit to that Dom after hearing those expectations to do exactly what the Dom tells them to whenever they say to. This is what it means to submit to this person. It's not "wrong".



< Message edited by Alecta -- 10/16/2016 10:44:08 PM >

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 10:39:03 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Apparently, you do not understand nor agree with the concept of TPE relationships.

And while that type of relationship might be distressing to you, it is a relationship style that works for some people.


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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 10:52:31 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa
So, Alecta, if your dominant [assuming you're submissive], told you to bend over so he could fuck you, even though you were [any of the examples provided in the second quote], you'd gladly do it? There is/has never been a time you would have said "no" to sex?..

First of all, when I was in my d/s relationship. I had exactly that dynamic. My dominant could bent me over and fuck me whether I was washing dishes, cooking, chopping vegetables, or even sleeping, in the middle of the night, anytime he wants to fuck, I let him fuck me. Yes, I never ever say no to sex, EVER.
But I absolutely LOVE it! I wouldn't want to be with a dominant who doesn't want to fuck me anytime and all the time. Talking about this, I was just bent over and fucked while washing dishes this morning. He cooked breakfast. I clean up. And he fucked me over the sink! I can't imagine not enjoying this at all! It was like absolutely, makes house work super fun! How is house work possibly even fun if your dominant isn't feeling you up or bothering you with sex throughout it?

So in another words. This dominant is right. Both of you are not suited for each other. What rocks my world, turns you off.

He is not criminal. But he was also wrong in saying that you are not suited for this lifestyle.

You just need to find a dominant who can meet your needs.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/16/2016 10:59:24 PM >

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 11:48:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's not criminal. It's what some people would call CnC.

If you were a waitress, and a part of your job description was to wipe down tables on demand/as necessary, you would accept that as a part of you position. The boss says wipe down tables, you do it. Doesn't matter if you think another task is more important, the tables don't need wiping, or you just plain don't "feel" like it. Don't want to wipe down tables? Awesome! Say no and be employed somewhere else. The restaurant down the street might be ok with you only wiping tables on your terms.

Neither boss is wrong or criminal. It's just a matter of different expectations.


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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/16/2016 11:58:07 PM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Valid point [about this [possibly] being total power exchange]!

I'd like to make a few points though. Couldn't total power exchange be different in every relationship. In some it could go so far as micromanaging, in others my examples would be valid in my defense for "denying". I'm not trying to poke the bull or anything like that..

Second, if my first point is accurate, then I haven't thought much about total power exchange, I just considered that to be what submission is *shrug*. BUT, getting to my point, just because someone wants [the first quote], it doesn't make them dominant. There are many people calling themselves dominant when they're just douchebags, which is what I was trying to figure out, and now I have another perspective to consider.

*I wouldn't say I disagree with TPE, but if it interferes with other aspects of ones life, I do. It would be unprofessional, for example, if I was trying to explain something to a colleague, for my dominant to tell me to get off the phone, or just start fucking me without me ending the call.. It would be dangerous to be cooking.. Many mistakes could be made while sewing.. .. But to each their own, and if they're fine taking outrageous risks, "your kink is not my kink, but I accept it so long as it doesn't affect me".

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 12:10:25 AM   
DomStrictMale


Posts: 97
Joined: 6/17/2014
Status: offline 		Don't confuse Dominant with Dickhead. :)

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 12:16:04 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa

Valid point [about this [possibly] being total power exchange]!

I'd like to make a few points though. Couldn't total power exchange be different in every relationship. In some it could go so far as micromanaging, in others my examples would be valid in my defense for "denying". I'm not trying to poke the bull or anything like that..

Second, if my first point is accurate, then I haven't thought much about total power exchange, I just considered that to be what submission is *shrug*. BUT, getting to my point, just because someone wants [the first quote], it doesn't make them dominant. There are many people calling themselves dominant when they're just douchebags, which is what I was trying to figure out, and now I have another perspective to consider.

*I wouldn't say I disagree with TPE, but if it interferes with other aspects of ones life, I do. It would be unprofessional, for example, if I was trying to explain something to a colleague, for my dominant to tell me to get off the phone, or just start fucking me without me ending the call.. It would be dangerous to be cooking.. Many mistakes could be made while sewing.. .. But to each their own, and if they're fine taking outrageous risks, "your kink is not my kink, but I accept it so long as it doesn't affect me".


Each D/s relationship is different, and the secret to having a good one is to find the right match. This one obviously is not a match for you. I would recommend you find a Dominant who is more open to separating professional/vanilla lives from home TPE D/s, and viewing your hesitations I'd recommend one who is open to the use of safewords.

You are going to find all sorts on here, each looking for a different dynamic. I Myself demand ZERO sexuality from My submissives. I require their genitalia be locked up when in My presence, not even allowing so much as an erection. Yes, it works for some. Find what works for you.

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 12:26:51 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa

Valid point [about this [possibly] being total power exchange]!

I'd like to make a few points though. Couldn't total power exchange be different in every relationship. In some it could go so far as micromanaging, in others my examples would be valid in my defense for "denying". I'm not trying to poke the bull or anything like that..

Second, if my first point is accurate, then I haven't thought much about total power exchange, I just considered that to be what submission is *shrug*. BUT, getting to my point, just because someone wants [the first quote], it doesn't make them dominant. There are many people calling themselves dominant when they're just douchebags, which is what I was trying to figure out, and now I have another perspective to consider.

*I wouldn't say I disagree with TPE, but if it interferes with other aspects of ones life, I do. It would be unprofessional, for example, if I was trying to explain something to a colleague, for my dominant to tell me to get off the phone, or just start fucking me without me ending the call.. It would be dangerous to be cooking.. Many mistakes could be made while sewing.. .. But to each their own, and if they're fine taking outrageous risks, "your kink is not my kink, but I accept it so long as it doesn't affect me".


You are being pedantic. This guy wants someone who obeys his wishes without question and you are excessively concerned with “what if’s”. You wouldn't go into this sort of relationship without a lot of further discourse and only then would you find out if this guy is considerate or inconsiderate.

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 12:30:16 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomStrictMale

Don't confuse Dominant with Dickhead. :)


How I laughed

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 2:34:50 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		He might be a criminal and a dominant, or neither. We can't ell from this excerpt.

What we can tell from this, and your responses, is that you are likely not a match.

Yes, in a TPE, the D-type can ask for and get what they want when they want it. No exceptions. That's why it's called TOTAL Power Exchange. ALL of the power is being exchanged... to the D-Type.

What is it exchanged for, you might ask?

1. That the D-type will take advantage and make use of that power. As Greta said, some people LOVE to be taken in the middle of other tasks and used.

2. Love and affection, often.

3. Responsibility. In a TPE, the dominant usually takes responsibility for many of the facets of a relationship: Shelter, money to live on, etc.

4. Direction. Many who enter a TPE don't want to determine when they are well enough or bored enough or anything enough for sex or housework. They want to be told, and to get 'er done.

Most choose to go into a TPE with someone whose ethics and values match theirs, and who they believe will avoid actual damage to the fiber of their lives. But not all.



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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 5:01:35 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		I know that this isn't necessarily what you are saying but if you want to be able to say when you submit and how you submit based on circumstances, and the other person is more TPE (which the emphasis on the "total" bit), it sounds like any relationship may be a non-starter.

Cutting through the debate on different flavours of BDSM relationship, DomStrcitMale is right that the Dominant/Dickhead factor kicks in at some point as well. The point it kicks in may be different for each person.

For me, seriously hampering my doing things like earning a living, supporting family members or getting better when I am feeling seriously shit, would be a game ender for me. The key here though is the hampering bit. I wouldn't expect a dominant partner to keep out of these areas. And sometimes frankly a well placed kick in the arse (sorry positive encouragement) is no bad thing whatever your relationship dynamic is.

Bottom line however is that, even in an TPE relationship with someone who likes you to "jump", power exchange shouldn't mean lack of care for your well-being.


< Message edited by longwayhome -- 10/17/2016 5:02:25 AM >

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 8:35:47 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		Oh for God's sake, the guy wants a relationship style you don't want. So don't get into a relationship with him.

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 1:12:08 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline 		Judging by your post NookieNotes I was in a total power exchange. If he said pee on the floor, I was expected to pee on the floor - then clean it up. But it didn't feel like something onerous. It was just the way we lived. In fact, it was as joyful a relationship as any I had encountered to that point.



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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 1:23:34 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Oh for God's sake, the guy wants a relationship style you don't want. So don't get into a relationship with him.

^^^Nailed it.

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 2:48:04 PM   
Greatlilbabygirl


Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

Judging by your post NookieNotes I was in a total power exchange. If he said pee on the floor, I was expected to pee on the floor - then clean it up. But it didn't feel like something onerous. It was just the way we lived. In fact, it was as joyful a relationship as any I had encountered to that point.





Why would he want you to pee on the floor?

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 2:56:26 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

Judging by your post NookieNotes I was in a total power exchange. If he said pee on the floor, I was expected to pee on the floor - then clean it up. But it didn't feel like something onerous. It was just the way we lived. In fact, it was as joyful a relationship as any I had encountered to that point.





Why would he want you to pee on the floor?


Does he need a reason? As long as the order is within their negotiated dynamic, he doesn't need one.

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RE: Criminal or dominant? - 10/17/2016 3:49:26 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

Judging by your post NookieNotes I was in a total power exchange. If he said pee on the floor, I was expected to pee on the floor - then clean it up. But it didn't feel like something onerous. It was just the way we lived. In fact, it was as joyful a relationship as any I had encountered to that point.





Why would he want you to pee on the floor?


Does he need a reason? As long as the order is within their negotiated dynamic, he doesn't need one.



Exactly right OsideGirl.


And he wanted me to pee on the floor because good little girls don't. Nor do adult women, and it was incredibly hard to get past the whole good girl thing and do what he wanted. I only had to do it once but it was a very powerfully submissive thing to do in front of someone.

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