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RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 6:04:59 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Gee... I don't take to being threatened all that well.... you gonna release me.. DO IT! Don't threaten me about it. IMO... threatening is another childish game...it's like throwing a hissy fit.. I can't get what I want... waaaaa.... I will or you're released...

Careful what you do or say... you may not like the ending.

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Post #: 21

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 6:05:48 AM

Cloudz

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Joined: 9/13/2005
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I personally, do not believe in threats. Removing a collar would be a natural action as the relationship ends. To imply it is a threat sounds to my ears like it "came out of the blue." I cannot even imagine uttering the words. Like several have said before me, if there is a serious issue with our relationship - then we should be working on it. If it cannot be resolved, then with great saddens and much thought, the collar would be removed and the relationship ended. A threat? No, a sad conclusion to a relationship.

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Post #: 22

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 6:14:40 AM

Caretakr

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Bad idea.

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Post #: 23

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 6:24:53 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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I couldn't be in a relationship where release was threatened, used as a behavior modification tool. It would undermine the relationship, the trust, the security. I would question the maturity of the Dom, how serious the Dom was about the relationship.

It comes off as very childish and immature to threaten release in order to straighten up the sub and get him/her to do what the Dom wants. It's a bad kind of manipulation. If it comes to the point that release must be threatened then maybe it's time to just end the relationship.

I'm an adult and I expect the one I submit to to be an adult as well. I've been in relationships with immature so called adults before, not doing it again. I need and want a man, not a petulant little boy as my Dom.

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(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 24

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 6:51:47 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

..but my gut tells me it could say more about the dominant than the submissive... but I could be wrong ...

Personal opinion is NEVER wrong! lol

What do you think this is really saying about the Dominant who uses it?

Umm... they have an incredibly annoying sub who refuses to learn how to fold their socks the right way? lol I don't know ... but I read on these boards sometime ago, that the opposite of dominance and the opposite of submission isn't each other, the opposites being indecisiveness and stubborness...and it pretty much summed up how I feel about someone who is subservient to me .. d/s is a relationship of trust, trust that the sub is willingly and capable and in turn they trust (as said in my previous post) I have their best interests at heart...they might not quite understand why is it important that I have my socks folded in this fashion, just that they are to be ..

I am sure there is a possible scenario where a not so idle threat of release could be merited once, or as a consequence in a contractual relationship (ie a three month training contract or similar) where the sub has agreed to the negotiations set out for that period including release before the three months is up for behaviour unbecoming... but as a blanket threat in an established d/s relationship, I think it would say the dom isn't wearing their domly undies that week ... or that the dom in question is reacting to something that is emotional...like say the sub is not stopping contact with an ex partner/ex dominant when they agreed to do so, or the sub has a gambling problem and the dom is at a point of exasperation while trying to play rescuer ... Puella asked a great question...and it's easy for us to all to state from our own personal reality what we would or wouldn't do, or pass judgement on it as a technique...those who raised the issues of fear by using the threat of release over deal breakers were spot on too ...or it could be that the dom who uses this is simply too inexperienced to know any different and *thinks* this is what they should do to try and bring their submissive back on course ...

So yeah, I don't think the dominant employing this technique is necessarily an indecisive fool that should be stripped of their domly stripes, as each situation will have it's own circumstances and reasons for getting to this point, with both parties carrying some responsibility for the situation they find themselves in.

A better technique, similar in fashion, but not so final, that I have used...is the 'collar' is removed for a period of time ...or they are released from certain duties (for want of a better description) ...having to show a willingness to learn and evolve from that point, earning it back...not having to jump through a million hoops to appease me or anything...just to show an eagerness to once again trust that I have their best interest at heart.

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 7/23/2006 6:57:56 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 7:10:52 AM

Sasy

Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I am going to try to keep as much of my own perspective out of this question as possible as I am genuinely interested in hearing others opinions and ideas on it.

What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)?

Thanks!

It it warrents the threat of release then you should be released, if not it would make me wonder how many other things will he use this threat for..........Me ... well I think if I was told that I would move on it would make me question my worth to him

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 26

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 7:23:09 AM

JessieMe

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Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)?

Thanks!

I know me.. and hopefully someone who's collar I wear would also know me well enough to know that if this was a "non idle" threat... I would tend to just walk away and ask for my release. To threaten this means my owner is seriously not happy with me..and for it to come down to such a threat would indicate one of two things...

1. We have talked and attempted to work it out and it was to the point that we are now at this threat.
2. He has thrown this at me without attempting to discuss what has been making him unhappy.

Either scenario would indicate an end to an M/s relationship and to linger on would not be in either of our best interests.

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(in reply to puella)

Post #: 27

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 7:39:43 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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If a dominant has to threaten a slave into submission.. then they are not much of a master. You use reson and if the situation is not resolved, then you need to rethink your situation, as the others have implied on this thread.

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Post #: 28

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:09:02 AM

mellian

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Joined: 9/6/2004
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It would create bad emotional situation me thinks, at least it would for me, at least when using as some prime motivation and not for an actual real reason. Sorry, but if a Domme threatens to end our relationship because I didn't do something right or I forgot to sweep the floors or taking the initiative with something, then it shows to me that the Domme doesn't have much respect for the relationship and care more about being served and submitted to than the sub. Also creates a bad precedent and encourages dependency from the sub than true D/s.

-mellian

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Post #: 29

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:13:07 AM

cinnfulhussy

Posts: 135
Joined: 1/30/2005
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Threat? No. Promise? Yes. My master has said that he will release me if I do this one thing in particular. That particular behavior is self destructive and obviosuly not healthy for me. Years ago he told me he would release me if I ever did it again. I have not done so, and every time the urge to do so has come up, all it takes to straighten me out, is think of those words. Whatever I get out of the behavior, being his slave trumps.. So for me, it has been very effective in modifying my behavior. I do not live in fear of release, I simply know that it will be a consequence should I take that path. I also know that If those words are ever not enough to kill the urge, all I have to do is talk to him about it, before I take action.

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Post #: 30

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:21:48 AM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cinnfulhussy

Threat? No. Promise? Yes. My master has said that he will release me if I do this one thing in particular. That particular behavior is self destructive and obviosuly not healthy for me. Years ago he told me he would release me if I ever did it again. I have not done so, and every time the urge to do so has come up, all it takes to straighten me out, is think of those words. Whatever I get out of the behavior, being his slave trumps.. So for me, it has been very effective in modifying my behavior. I do not live in fear of release, I simply know that it will be a consequence should I take that path. I also know that If those words are ever not enough to kill the urge, all I have to do is talk to him about it, before I take action.

I understand what you are trying to get at here.. however this does not sound like a "threat of release" but more of a making aware of a "relationship deal breaker". Perhaps I am wrong though.. it wouldnt be the first or last time :)

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The spark that makes the Power grow
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(in reply to cinnfulhussy)

Post #: 31

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:52:35 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)?

I am completely against using threats of release as a method of behavior modification. I would never employ this method, so I cannot provide any reasons for choosing to do this.

Some of the drawbacks are that a submissive is very likely to resent the threat and take a walk themselves. I think it is also very damaging to the relationship and destroys trust. In addition, if the Dom/me uses the threat repeatedly, it loses its effect, like the "crying wolf" syndrome.

In summary, I can't think of a single reason to use this method, but can think of several reasons NOT to.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 32

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:54:44 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I am going to try to keep as much of my own perspective out of this question as possible as I am genuinely interested in hearing others opinions and ideas on it.

What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)?

Thanks!

I think there is value in the concept that nothing is promised to you and that one's position is earned, not kept due to an obligation or a promise.

However I don't think you have to use the threat of release in order to have that concept or mindset. I think the threat of release has to be on something serious that really is a situation that the person is on the verge of getting released. I can only see really saying it/using it once... twice at the most over the life of a relationship (and I'm thinking over years and years).

C~

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(in reply to puella)

Post #: 33

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 8:55:08 AM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive?
Thanks!

I think its a "tool" that an insecure person uses because they are not smart enough or creative enough to actually effect the change they'd like to see.

edited for a typo

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 34

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 9:01:05 AM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
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Release is the finite solution for attitude/altitude problems, continual failures, lack of progress... and on and on...

Release is a constant factor that is always there looming over the horizon, it is an option to all lifestyle relationships. Release is a given... up front, on the table and understood by both the Dominant and the submissive... if not, it should be.

How the concept arose that release (or the threat of release) is a disciplinary or punishment tool, versus being what it is... a finite solution to a problem child... this transition simply eludes me. Using anything as a threat is coersion, and few lifestyle relationships have coersion as their nucleus. Rules and understood deal breakers do not constitute coersion in my book.

What is the difference between release and a relationship deal breaker? Frankly, I see no difference... both achieve the same finite result/solution.

If the sign says 55 and I'm pulled over for doing 95... guess what? Funny I was able to drive so well at 95 under so much continual bombardment of threat and all that damn duress to simply get me to drive 55... omg the pressure is killing my right foot and there's no way in hell I can uphold my agreement or respnsibility to drive 55... after all, this is me... and this is my joy ride. Assuming I can push it to the limit or extreme, assuming the cops likely will just give me a warning if I'm coy enough to elude the +$300 fine I just earned for myself without help from anybody...

Is release a punishment, a threat or simply a rule? How is the best ways to hedge your bet against all three definitions as opposed to living on the edge, making assumptions that potentially overload your margin of error... sooner or later your very presence?

Release is a statement that says I'm not putting up with your deficient (issue/problem) any more... a bottom line.

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Post #: 35

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 9:13:55 AM

reticence

Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
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I am afraid this will be more of a question than an answer. In the beginning of a relationship, during the negotiatory process, both parties discuss what they are looking for in a partner. The dominant is (hopefully) very clear about the expectations they have and the submissive agrees to abide... some things being much more important than others. Is it not usually very clear that the consequences of not abiding by the agreed upon rules will be release? Is not the place beside one's master an earned place, and if not earned, could be taken away? I guess what I am asking, is not this "threat" omnipresent in the relationship? Deal breaking behaviors will result in release.
I know things are not always so black and white or simplistic, but I know, without the threat being constantly verbalized that is it a possibility. Is that what you mean, or do you mean the irresponsible use of the threat for the purposes of maintaining control that can not be maintained any other way?

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 36

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 9:17:10 AM

Nosathro

Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
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greeting puella

I would like to add that I do not like nor us threats of any kind to a slave. Although I have been know to have a few ugly looks I give to let the slave know they are out of line.

It may sound ridget but for me as a Master once the rules are known to the slave, she obeys or is punished. I do tell them what they did wrong and that they are being punished for it. As to being released a slave does have that opition with me or I do. I perfer that if this is to be done that we meet and discuss the reasons for the release and any issues that need to be resolved. I perfer to end the relationship on a happy note. I had one slave I released after finding out she had my collar and a few others, I had her ride a Chinese pony for 45 minutes before I released her.

I wish you well

Nosathro

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Post #: 37

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 9:20:18 AM

Evanesce

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In reading the initial question, I'm hearing the words, "If you do this," or "If you do not do that, I will release you." To me, these "threats" are nothing more than manipulative ploys, and they don't work nearly as well as the one doing the threatening would like to believe.

In my relationship, the understanding is that if I am such a poor addition to His household that He has to threaten me to get me to do His bidding, then I have no business even being here. To anyone who wishes to join our household, the understanding would be the same. You either serve, or you do not, and if you do not, you will be released. It's not a threat, but a fact.

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Post #: 38

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 9:44:39 AM

juliaoceania

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I think it is destructive.

First of all, never threaten to do that which you are not prepared to do, because some people will push you right into your promise. I learned this a long time ago, and I never give an ultimatum to anyone for any reason. First of all, not even a submissive likes an ultimatum. I think there is something very primative about the knee jerk reaction we have to them. They almost never work. If you have to threaten someone with something, then it has went seriously awry.

There is a difference between a threat such as "if you do XYZ, then I will do ABC" and stating "I will not allow XYZ in my life, it is a deal breaker for me". One is a threat, the other is a declaration.

When my Daddy was with his first submissive she threw her collar at him every time she was annoyed or upset. He told her a few times, "One of these times I will keep it", and then one day he had enough, and he kept it. She pleaded with him for a month to reconsider... it illustrates my point in two ways.. he declared what he would do and he followed through. She was threatening him and didn't mean to follow through. People who threaten usually end up on the short end of the collar so to speak..

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/23/2006 9:45:39 AM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Threatening release - 7/23/2006 10:04:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I see it the same way that I see those who threaten suicide in order to manipulate those around them. It says, I am not willing to act like a rational adult and do the work to resolve the problem....I am going to use myself as a tool to get what I want, hold my very presence over your head. If you don't do what I want you can't have me...na na na na na na. To those types I say "Have a nice life" or "Do you have a preference what type of flowers you'd like at the funeral?".

Ditto.

Threats carry nothing positive within them.

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Post #: 40

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