RE: Threatening release

RE: Threatening release (Full Version)

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Alumbrado -> RE: Threatening release (7/23/2006 10:18:51 PM)
I would tend to agree with those who are drawng the distinction between 'threat' and 'promise'...or perhaps a beter term would be 'consequence'. A slave who really thinks that there is no behavior or failure to comply that would ever warrant that consequence, is probably not in a balanced and healthy relationship.

Mavis -> RE: Threatening release (7/23/2006 11:28:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse It is not a threat, it is a consequence. Cheeky banter is likely to recieve a slapped arse, that is play. If there is a problem, a REAL problem, then I expect my girl to be focused on resolving the problem as much as I am. Real problems, if not dealt with eventualy become relationship breakers, that is just the reality of the situation, it doesn't need stating or 'threatening'. To use it as a threat, IMO is counter productive. The girl, assuming she cares about the relationship, will then be too busy worrying about the threat and being insecure that it gets in the way of her focusing on whatever the problem actualy is. This is so dead on, Raven. The one time i encountered this consequence, it was not a threat, it was a viable consequence of something i wasn't managing within myself very well.. but it did change the dynamic of my focus on changing as behavior, to one of "am i not worth correcting or retraining? " While it worked out in the end, that was unsettling in the extreme, and wasn't a way to speed up the correction process. However, presenting permanent dismissal as a natural consequence is sometimes needed in the early times, but after a while, even that should be so obvious as to not need be said. i mean, slaves have deal-breakers too, we can always vote with our feet, but does one ever SAY that? anyway, about release, it's almost always over a Pattern of behavior. a Pattern of rebellion, a pattern of bad attitude, and if that keeps up, there will be a pattern of being a slave without a Master. i don't know one diligent earnest slave ever being released for a single incident.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 12:45:19 AM)
quote: What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)? I don't believe threatening to release someone is a constructive tool to modify behavior, unless you're the type who likes to feel insecure in your relationship as a submissive. When I've threatened release (once), it is because a situation is unbearable and cannot be fixed from my perspective at that point, so that I've done exactly that, release him... It's a last resort/an ultimatum which usually hurts myself as much as him. M

Ornerylittlebrat -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 1:30:38 AM)
As a newbie i'm not sure i can respond corectly but isn't the whole idea of being a Dom is to set ground rules that a Sub should follow and if not followed then there a strict reactions...but even as a child...acting as a child...threats only seem to make things worse and as they all say...once threatened...they all rebal...just a thought

Misstoyou -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 1:36:38 AM)
I don't threaten release, but I have a tendancy to emotionally withdraw, almost totally disengage, when I'm upset. My puppy, who is still insecure because of his temporary beta position, tends to panic and think that I'm going to say, "Who needs this?" and release him, the couple of times this has happened. So we're working on him not projecting so much.

MistressDiane -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 2:43:27 AM)
I'm not one to make idle threats and I've only had someone push me to this point once. I consider myself a fair and patient person and if there's a problem I'll point it out and express my displeasure, we'll talk about it and find a way to work through it. If it happens again there will be punishment because now you know better . I always make sure you understand exactly why you're being punished so there is no doubt or confusion and once again we will talk about it in depth (that's a punishment all on it's own, lol). If it still continues and I have made clear that the offense is something I will not tolerate in my life and I tell you release will happen, release will occur.

RavenMuse -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 2:58:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis This is so dead on, Raven. The one time i encountered this consequence, it was not a threat, it was a viable consequence of something i wasn't managing within myself very well.. Quite. For example anyone begging for my collar will already know there are certain things that are 'deal breakers' some just very serious, others absolute instant dismissal. One girl just a year or so ago was caught out in one of the former and tried to get out of it with blatent lies... which, is one of the latter.... She was confronted with the lie, had to admit what it was and was released then and there. No threat, no second chance she had known the consequence and knew I WOULD carry it out... no surprize to her when I did so. Hopefully she has learned and will not lie to her next Master. Threats only serve to undermine the trust. Known consequences for specific actions are just part of the relationship bounderys.

sabswife -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 4:10:34 AM)
if Sab used threatening release as a tactic to me, He would get His collar back and that would be it for O/our D/s life. the same way i wanted that collar, He wanted to place it on me, and to me that was a committment for both of U/us. i think its wrong when married people threaten to remove their rings and that sort of thing, so threatening release or removal of the collar just doesn't sit well with me at all.

wandering4u -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 4:11:39 AM)
I agree with RavenMuse and others, the threat without the follow through is worthless and in some cases destructive to the relationship. If I say, do this or you will be released, I mean it.

RavenMuse -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 4:24:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wandering4u I agree with RavenMuse and others, the threat without the follow through is worthless and in some cases destructive to the relationship. If I say, do this or you will be released, I mean it. The only slight point where I differ is that I can't think of anything I would phrase as "do this or you will be released"..... If a girl is disobaying then there is usualy some reason behind it and I need to find the reason before making any decision. However there are things, such as blatently lying to me that I will not tollerate, those are understood from the get go, before they are collared, "If you do this you WILL be released"

Rumtiger -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 4:59:45 AM)
I think it's fucked up.

Mavis -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 5:34:36 AM)
i should append to add, the infraction that had me staring down the neck of release was actually something laughable to most, and i'm not telling the story as an amuzing anectdote, but as an example of the few instances where permanent dismissal is a viable tool to use in laying a ground work for certain mind-sets or expectations. W/we write and IM a LOT. One of my biggest issues was waiting for permission to speak (Yes, Yahoo will give you up if you're typing while The Him is typing!) and taking the time to check my sends for typos. It's a silly thing in a way, but those rules were O/our way of doing things, it beat cyber-scening by web-cam. Well, His spoken preference on typing conventions was a test of my ability to stay on track with a directive, and for me to display diligence, and i let it slip. A few typos would go un-noticed, but a clear pattern of forgetting was open rebellion to Him. In His mind, it was no different than if i had been serving coffee black, after being told He uses creamer. which is very different from being out of creamer; it was completley within my ability to comply, i just wasn't taking it seriously enough. The offence wasn't in the magnitude of the error, it was the underlying attitude that i could choose which of His preferences were "worthy" of my diligence vs what i deemed unimportant. Of course anyone would say being released for typos is ludicrous, unless considering the concepts behind the act. Nobody would question a release prompted by a slave repeatedly being too lazy to add cream to Masters coffee. It was an important lesson for me to realise a stated preference is as much as a command if you're really trying to please. A pattern of disregard for Masters wishes is always (or should be) something that makes a slave think... thin ice*. So, i guess i am weighing in with.. as a threat You don't fully plan to back up, No, never. As a training tool to show which types of offenses cause a rift in the fabric of the D/s, yes, i think it is appropriate sometimes. But used wrongly, it might not serve to do anything but cause panic and a lack of confidence and hamper, not help, the training process. So like any tool.. it's effect is in the hand of the wielder.

TxBadMan -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 8:51:10 AM)
quote: What are your views on using the threat (not idly) of release as a method of behavior modification? Do you think it is a viable and constructive tool to accomplish what you want done in your relationship and your submissive? What are your reasons for choosing to employ this method ? What do you think are the drawbacks of this approach (if any)? I don't threaten period. My girl knows that she has two choices. Either obey, or leave. There are no 'but what if's' involved in that. As to my reasons for choosing to follow this rule. Simple. She's a slave. Here to serve me. Her role in my life is something we both discussed in great detail before she accepted it. Drawbacks? In the three years she has been mine; none.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Threatening release (7/24/2006 9:06:56 AM)
Something I'd like to point out here - that someone else briefly touched upon yet no one seems to have registered sufficiently to comment on - telling someone up front that the consequences of certain actions is the relationship ending on the spot goes both ways. Granted, from sub to dom or slave to master it may not be STATED as "if you do this, you will be released", however it amounts to the same thing. It is a release from within the relationship and an understanding that they are to pack their bags, hit the road, and remove themselves from the other person's life. We all have our breaking point. We all have things which we simply will not tolerate being brought into our lives by someone else. We all have those circumstances where we say "This is the line, if you cross it you are Gone."

sweetbabygirl74 -> RE: Threatening release (7/28/2006 5:26:30 PM)
i have been threatened with release before in the past by a former Dom that i had a few times when He was upset at something else and not at me, and it was not a very good feeling, especially since there was nothing that i did wrong.

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