RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people?

RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (Full Version)

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Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 1:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SmarterThanOne quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl Because he said "turning" vanilla women. Predatory language. My instincts tell me experienced subs don't give him a chance because they can spot a predator. Turning... as in vanilla women into kinksters. SMH. Explain to me then why lifestylers don't swallow your b.s.? Perhaps they aren't as easily exploited? They are past susceptibility to sub frenzy? They see through your 50 shades fantacist bedroom only brand of bdsm? "Vanilla" women are easier for you because they don't know better. I've seen it happen dozens of times to women who get into BDSM with an experienced Dom who thrills in "turning" inexperienced women then end up dropping them as soon as the blinders come off and they see what actual bdsm is and should be and don't fall for the Domly Dom act anymore.

Awareness -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 2:48:03 AM)
No, no issues here at all. Gentlemen take note and observe the number of red flags with this one. This is the demographic where false accusations are drawn from.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 5:54:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness No, no issues here at all. Gentlemen take note and observe the number of red flags with this one. This is the demographic where false accusations are drawn from. Ive never made an accusation false or otherwise, so fuck you, you woman hating cuntwaffle

DarkSteven -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 7:15:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BarbieDollTG I'm a member on here and FetLife. It amazes me how many people post and then respond - only to flake out at the last second. I do not understand why. Even on here people don't seem to reply. Is BDSM a thing of the past? I'm always polite, and on topic when saying hello to someone. I reply to their requests. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm male to female and a sub that bothers them or what. I'm serious about wanting to transition and plan to begin so in early 2017. I met a couple online and we plan on meeting in the next couple of weeks, but they are the only ones who seem serious. I'm not sure I get why other people who are closer aren't serious. Is it social anxiety or am I missing something else? I do have profile pics both here and on Fetlife. I would love to meet more people like myself to get support and be supportive of them. But I have a busy work schedule and haven't been able to attend any of the local BDSM events. I've just been very disappointed these last few months. The meeting with the couple I mentioned looks promising but I do want to meet people closer to me. I work hard, I'm friendly and kinky, even if I'm a newbie. The one thing I am waiting for is to be steril when I transition before having sex, which seems to turn down people. BDSM isn't just about sex. There are other ways to be kinky without having it to be just sex. By the way, I live in Sacramento, CA so if you're a loving female domme or dominatrix, I would love to talk. I also have a Kik account but I'll save that info for a private message. First off, I agree with the others. It's much easier to meet at events than online. That said, think about what you're asking. You basically want support during a very high maintenance time, in which you will be finding your new identity. The transition will last several years. You do not want to have sex for a while. So you are essentially looking for a lesbian willing to wait for sex for several months to a couple of years, and support you emotionally during that time. That's not an easy thing, with cis women available right now. Also, a tip - I assume that you do not intend to request help to pay for bottom surgery. If so, state that up front. That is $20- $30k of possible concern.

FieryOpal -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 7:34:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I'm not familiar with that. What's another example of the word "turning" being used by a predator? There are people who get a perverse ego boost out of convincing themselves and others that they have "turned" the orientation of another's sexuality. Hetero-flexible men who only want to suck or get pegged by straight male cock or who deliberately make passes at straight men. Some may try to pass themselves off as female and entrap straight men into having sex with them. Women who took a "queer" male friend and "turned" him straight or into a bisexual by being the sole female they would desire to have sexual relations with. Then, not necessarily by a predator, but many an asshat Dom speaks of "turning" or having "turned" Dommes and Switches into submissives. I have heard more than a couple of them insinuate that submissive females are not challenging enough for them, that they prefer to hook up with "strong" women, as if these were mutually exclusive traits. [8\|] I'm sure you have heard the language used before of a "broken" Domme. I do not hear other Dommes speaking of maleDoms in this fashion. We don't typically go around boasting about how many maleDoms we have "turned" or "broken." We are so used to hearing every line of b.s. imaginable.... Dude wants to explore his secretly submissive side.... Switch just wants kinky sex and will put on a submissive (or Dominant) act to gain access to wimmen's private parts.... Only inexperienced Dominants or those with insecure egos have anything to "prove" or end up falling for this kind of bait, until they wise up later. P.S. Hey, stick around a while longer. You have been missed.

OsideGirl -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 8:36:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Diffident quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: SmarterThanOne I am a male Dom and I have a lot of luck turning vanilla women. Luckily the activities and lifestyle I enjoy is a common fantasy among many women, so simply living it catches a lot of interest from new partners. I have had very little luck with actual lifestyle women to be involved with. I don't know that I would consider a Dom that has had a lot of submissives a "success". If it is a lot of submissives once then that would certainly be a bit of a red flag. The Dom in question might be happy with that though, even if no-one else involved is. Actually, if someone has a lot of submissives at once, I wouldn't view that as a red flag as long as every knew what was going on. But, I do find it to be a red flag if someone goes from relationship to relationship to relationship. ie: I've had a lot of submissives.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 9:17:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal P.S. Hey, stick around a while longer. You have been missed. Thanks for the kind thought, FieryOpal, but I should say that I satisfy OsideGirl's criterion for a red flag. (I'm absolutely 100% ok with that, by the way, but it might affect how much value people give to my words, or my presence here.) To the rest of your points: there's a lot there, more than fits in this thread started by a new poster IMO, and I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I think it's more complex though. For example, I'm pretty sure it's much more common for a woman to be submissive to her husband only and to have male slaves, than it is for a man to be submissive to his wife only and to have female slaves. Is this nature/nurture because women like being provided for? Or is it more that if a female sub sees a man being submissive to another woman, then she can't submit to that man anymore? While male subs have a harder time finding dommes, so they don't care as much. I think there's a lot going on here. I will say I've heard and read "broken" used, but I've never heard or read "turned" used that way. But I sure as hell don't know everything. Be that as it may, it doesn't feel very welcoming to me to jump all over a new poster's first post, because he used a word that sounds bad to some people.

FieryOpal -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 10:03:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Thanks for the kind thought, FieryOpal, but I should say that I satisfy OsideGirl's criterion for a red flag. (I'm absolutely 100% ok with that, by the way, but it might affect how much value people give to my words, or my presence here.) To the rest of your points: there's a lot there, more than fits in this thread started by a new poster IMO, and I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I think it's more complex though. For example, I'm pretty sure it's much more common for a woman to be submissive to her husband only and to have male slaves, than it is for a man to be submissive to his wife only and to have female slaves. Is this nature/nurture because women like being provided for? Or is it more that if a female sub sees a man being submissive to another woman, then she can't submit to that man anymore? While male subs have a harder time finding dommes, so they don't care as much. I think there's a lot going on here. I will say I've heard and read "broken" used, but I've never heard or read "turned" used that way. But I sure as hell don't know everything. Be that as it may, it doesn't feel very welcoming to me to jump all over a new poster's first post, because he used a word that sounds bad to some people. A lot of good discussion points, but alas, I only have time for a quickie.... [&:] I guess it would depend upon whether any given Dominant sees his or her play partner bottom as their sub during a specified window of playtime, or as their sub-under-consideration who didn't work out for long-term ownership (which is what happened to me 3-4 times in a row, so I just went back to vanilla dating these past two years). Also, if you are not into a bunch of edge play and don't require a pain slut or a TPE slave (such as I would not and do not), then that is clearly more vanilla friendly. There are still many femsubs who would want (1) an older Dom than a 29-year-old, and (2) although smarterthanone says his subs will call him Daddy, and that he has 10 years' experience, it looks to me that he isn't actually offering the security of a full DaddyDom experience which an lg would need in her Sir. (3) Every subfem I know or know of, whether mono or poly, wants to feel she has a full-time ownership commitment with her Master. This is probably why he fares better with vanilla women and/or having steady play partner bottoms whom he refers to as his 'multiple subs.' Nothing personal, but being a spanking Top, a Rigger, or engaging in kinky sex fetishes with submissive female partners, does not a DaddyDom make. Welcome to the fora, by the way.[sm=welcome.gif]

OsideGirl -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 10:22:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Thanks for the kind thought, FieryOpal, but I should say that I satisfy OsideGirl's criterion for a red flag. (I'm absolutely 100% ok with that, by the way, but it might affect how much value people give to my words, or my presence here.) You've never struck me as a serial relationship-ist. It's not something you brag about or use as proof of your experience. I've always thought that you've been a great contribution to these forums.

DesFIP -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 10:41:37 AM)
If you can't plan ahead to take one Friday night off a month, then you're too busy to actually interact with people. You can't take time off to meet people, you can't take it off to date either. If all you want is someone to meet you for immediate play, then you don't care about their safety or your own. Pay to get our needs met, although you'll still have to take time off for that. The person who appears non serious here is the op.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 11:18:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl You've never struck me as a serial relationship-ist. It's not something you brag about or use as proof of your experience. Ha. I remember, when I was newer, I had heard how important references were. So I was trying to interest a woman, who wanted something painful done to her, and I basically said, "I've done X with one woman, Y with another woman, Z with another woman, and you can talk to all of them if you want." She cut me a new asshole, and told me there must be something seriously wrong with me if I was spending my time talking about other women I'd been with, instead of talking about her and the future. I realized she was correct, but only after she rejected me forever. If I sound smooth now, it's only because women have chopped off my rough edges over the years.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 5:50:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 If I sound smooth now, it's only because women have chopped off my rough edges over the years. I so expected something other than 'rough edges' to follow 'women have chopped off'...

Greta75 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 6:00:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl Because he said "turning" vanilla women. Predatory language. My instincts tell me experienced subs don't give him a chance because they can spot a predator. Actually, because I believe submissive traits is a natural sexual orientation, and you are born with it. There is no way anybody could, "Turn" a vanilla woman. What they have done is "awaken" a submissive woman. As one has to remember, society today encourages all women to be strong and independent and basically do better than men, so the idea of even being submissive to a man is quite alien these days. That's not what they are brought up to do these days. IF she was a natural dominant, they couldn't have any success in "turning" her at all, that's what I believe.

MoxieMcfly -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 6:33:07 PM)
I have had similar experiences. I have met kinky people through geeky conventions, polyamory events, pagan gatherings, LGBTQ scene, etc. Yes, I have met kinky people through kink events, but its just as common for me to go some where else, see some one I know from the bdsm community and discuss our vanilla/outside interest. So I don't necessarily think that just because we meet some one in a vanilla environment that those people are vanilla. quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 But my own experiences are similar, and I've heard from quite a few women that the scene is a great place to learn skills but a lousy place to date. For me: I found meeting kinky people in vanilla settings, like socials or discussion groups, to work for me. It gives the opportunity to get to know someone without sexual pressure. Although, my ex, whom I was with for 6 years, was actually a vanilla blind date and it turned out we were both kinky.

MoxieMcfly -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 6:35:25 PM)
I don't know about that. I seem to have lot's of time available, with very few social events during that time frame. I would love to go to more lunch munches and day parties. I tried starting a few, but they haven't really gotten off the ground. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If you can't plan ahead to take one Friday night off a month, then you're too busy to actually interact with people. You can't take time off to meet people, you can't take it off to date either. If all you want is someone to meet you for immediate play, then you don't care about their safety or your own. Pay to get our needs met, although you'll still have to take time off for that. The person who appears non serious here is the op.

SmarterThanOne -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 7:03:44 PM)
Jumping to conclusions? None of my subs are currently my girlfriend or wife. I am single.

SmarterThanOne -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 7:10:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl Because he said "turning" vanilla women. Predatory language. My instincts tell me experienced subs don't give him a chance because they can spot a predator. Actually, because I believe submissive traits is a natural sexual orientation, and you are born with it. There is no way anybody could, "Turn" a vanilla woman. What they have done is "awaken" a submissive woman. As one has to remember, society today encourages all women to be strong and independent and basically do better than men, so the idea of even being submissive to a man is quite alien these days. That's not what they are brought up to do these days. IF she was a natural dominant, they couldn't have any success in "turning" her at all, that's what I believe. I disagree. I think its a scale say to 100. When two people interact, typically the one with a higher level on the dominance scale will be in the Dominant position and the other sub. This is in all life. Work, vanilla relationships, friendships, etc. Two low dominant people say a 10 and a 15 could still have a D/s relationship. A person at 97 could still sub to a 100. Part of why I believe this is I have made some of my subs Dominate other subs. I have also seen Doms dominate other Doms. *Also regarding turning... I didn't mean turn a dominant sub... I said turning as in turn a vanilla to kinky. Which I think is literally turning.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/1/2016 9:32:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SmarterThanOne quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl Because he said "turning" vanilla women. Predatory language. My instincts tell me experienced subs don't give him a chance because they can spot a predator. Actually, because I believe submissive traits is a natural sexual orientation, and you are born with it. There is no way anybody could, "Turn" a vanilla woman. What they have done is "awaken" a submissive woman. As one has to remember, society today encourages all women to be strong and independent and basically do better than men, so the idea of even being submissive to a man is quite alien these days. That's not what they are brought up to do these days. IF she was a natural dominant, they couldn't have any success in "turning" her at all, that's what I believe. I disagree. I think its a scale say to 100. When two people interact, typically the one with a higher level on the dominance scale will be in the Dominant position and the other sub. This is in all life. Work, vanilla relationships, friendships, etc. Two low dominant people say a 10 and a 15 could still have a D/s relationship. A person at 97 could still sub to a 100. Part of why I believe this is I have made some of my subs Dominate other subs. I have also seen Doms dominate other Doms. *Also regarding turning... I didn't mean turn a dominant sub... I said turning as in turn a vanilla to kinky. Which I think is literally turning. her point was you can't turn a truly vanilla girl kinky anymore than you can turn a truly gay man straight

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/2/2016 2:09:00 AM)
quote: and they see what actual bdsm is and should be And what is that?

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Why is it so hard to find serious people? (11/2/2016 2:10:40 AM)
quote: Ive never made an accusation false or otherwise yes you did, you accused SmaterThanOne of being a predator who preys on inexperienced women because he is not a "real" Dom

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