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Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:42:07 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		      There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues.  What about the other side?  What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws?

      
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:44:05 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I love the way you can post a totally unbiased topic Rich.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:46:09 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     Sometimes you just gotta call a spade a fucking shovel.

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:47:13 AM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		Apart from a few words in the OP, that perfectly describes my ex, as she criticizes others over some things yet she doesn't follow what she preach, and whenever someone dares point that out or any other flaws of hers, she goes awire basicly. Oh and she is also  tries to project her own flaws upon others, like she did with myself at the end and the long year of aftermath until she finally socially shot herself and now in hiding in social limbo, out of my life finally.

-mellian

< Message edited by mellian -- 7/23/2006 7:48:05 AM >

_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:51:37 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     Well, it is already hot today, so my tone might be less moderate than I prefer.  I've met a couple of these RT and it could explain why I'm not so awed by those who declare a hard 24/7 approach.  Seems worth discussing though

(in reply to mellian)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:53:00 AM   
MistressJaded


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		Being dominate does not equate perfection. A Dom/me is just as susceptible to life's little curve balls as any submissive might be. Because one has "baggage" does not make them any less dominate or submissive, and having issues that challenge one's life doesn't make them a "loser". It is very possible that a dominate can turn to their submissive for comfort in times of need - especially if the relationship is very intimately set, and all the beginning details have been seen to. Being dominate or submissive doesn't mean that a person is devoid of compassion and unable to accomadate another with an emotional issue.

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:54:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You're gonna have to do a bit better if you want this to hit 13+ pages.  We need more controversy, bitch!




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:58:06 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Catchy thread title, WyrdRich.
Having grown up in a family that was covertly, and subtly dysfunctional (as opposed to overtly dysfunctional, where things like consistent wife-beating, take place, for instance), my sisters and I have reached the same conclusion. Everyone else did, too! (ha!) She now has a t-shirt she wears frequently stating: I Put The FUN In Dysfunctional! We are fast learning to ignore whining about it (if we ever did, which we didn't do a whole lot of anyway) - and just get on with life.

That having been said, there are behaviors (alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic gambling, or even someone with anger management - temper-control or "integrity" issues) that I would prefer to avoid dealing with in a partner. Having a somewhat soft heart, (and also being an AA member myself for over 20 years), I might hang in there for awhile with them, and try to get them to help themselves, but I do have a pretty healthy respect for my own non co-dependent emotional boundaries where areas like these are concerned. If they were not getting help and making a big effort to change, I'd walk. No question.

Life is just too damn short. If they have "issues", hopefully, as their partner, I could be sympathetic, and even helpful. But, sometimes, people just plain need professional counselling. If they were seriously damaging our relationship with things like extreme anger, etc. - I'd expect them to get that, or I would be gone.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/23/2006 8:23:08 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:58:52 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

You're gonna have to do a bit better if you want this to hit 13+ pages.  We need more controversy, bitch!





LOL Katy.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 7:58:53 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		       It could be tough, I try to be consistent in my attitudes and I don't have an alter ego to talk to when things get slow.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:04:48 AM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		AND you would have to do it on more than one site. Do all the alternates you don't have have lots of time for the flipping back and forth too? lol

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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:08:30 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Damn straight. No decent dog and pony show will ever succeed if you don't boot the pooches a bit.

(in reply to lilninotchka)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:13:30 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I was with one of those dysfunctional dominants.. he was the first I ever served real time in a relationship.."READ: total freaking newbie"...

During the nine month period I served in these capacities: submissive, girlfriend, submissive, domme-in-training, dominant couple, submissive, slave, roommate.   Now understand this is consecutive, not concurrent and all in nine months. It took me half that time to figure out he was a total idiot (with 12 yrs experience in the lifestyle no less and the owner of "the one true way") and the other half to figure out  how the hell to get out of this relationship when he was using all of my income each month to pay bills with. Its amazing that to this day I still even want to continue serving in any capacity at all.

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to lilninotchka)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:20:44 AM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		In some ways, I think it is better to have such dominant as your first Dom/Domme, the sub becomes way less naive afterwards and know way better in what to look for in the next Dom/Domme. My ex was my first, and despite how it went and ended, I learn quite alot from it and alot of it from myself too. The pexerience also helps me with my friendships too as I could better see the difference between losers/bad friends to the really good ones whom I really like to hang out with, despite their outward impressions they give to those who don;t know. :p

-mellian


_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to JessieMe)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:24:17 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I started with a Domme who was a man hater. (surprise Rich,I used to be a switch too!)

Real interesting experience, especially when she managed to erase my sex drive.

I never forgot that. I have to relate to people now-not objects. So at least she did that much good for me.  Dysfunction is just dysfunction. Different roles only express it in different ways.

And anyone can abuse anyone else. There are just as many Dominant victims out there as submissive ones. Difference being, the tops aren't allowed to cry about it.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/23/2006 8:31:09 AM >

(in reply to mellian)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:24:42 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellian

In some ways, I think it is better to have such dominant as your first Dom/Domme, the sub becomes way less naive afterwards and know way better in what to look for in the next Dom/Domme.

-mellian



Personally, I think there should be some test that these people have to pass or be taken out and shot with lots of electricity in a way of aversion therapy till they get it right LOL..

(ok.. I am not REALLY bitter about this experience..hehehe)

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to mellian)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:30:23 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     I was fortunate enough to spot what I was dealing with before becoming deeply involved with a Domme who fit my OP description perfectly.  That was back when I thought I was a sub.

     It's the sort of thing that one can learn from and why, at this point, I maintain my status as a non-24/7 Switch.  Sometimes we just need to work stuff out on equal footing.

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 8:35:28 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

    I was fortunate enough to spot what I was dealing with before becoming deeply involved with a Domme who fit my OP description perfectly.  That was back when I thought I was a sub.

    It's the sort of thing that one can learn from and why, at this point, I maintain my status as a non-24/7 Switch.  Sometimes we just need to work stuff out on equal footing.


I always start on a friends basis, and work in from there Rich.

Cuz damn, you invest way too much into someone in this to risk it going sour. I've undergone a lot of pain from looking at a fantasy before I saw a person. A dick really doesn't have a lot of brains in it.

I do know exactly where you are coming from, switches have to really open up to make this work. And the LAST thing you want to do, it let a viper into the nest.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 9:13:33 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

     There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues.  What about the other side?  What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws?

     


Rich,

I have often thought it must be written in some new Dom's book of fairy tales somewhere...

Dominance, cheaper than therapy and you can smack em around if they call you on your shit

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Dysfunctional Dominants - 7/23/2006 9:55:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

    There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues.  What about the other side?  What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws?

*shrug*  They exist.  Doms are just like everyone else- some doms are assholes, some are useless, some are weak...on and on.

Same for subs.

The good/bad news is that almost each of those doms can easily find a sub who will be happy to get into a relationship with them.  I certainly won't interfere with their consent.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/23/2006 9:56:09 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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