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Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 11:23:25 AM   
MercTech


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From:
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-11-12/chart-week-exodus-begins

________________________________________________________________________________________


Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.



“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”



In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.



“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.



Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.



In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.



“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.



Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.



“I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"
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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 11:39:55 AM   
Wayward5oul


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Don't forget about football games, sock hops, and greasers. They always ask suspected illegal crossers about their high school mascots and details about school life. If they can trip them up on that, they are busted. No true Canadian should be able to talk about football, right?

(in reply to MercTech)
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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:33:28 PM   
WhoreMods


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The Canadians I've met, I'd have thought that a few questions about hockey would be the easiest way to root out fakers.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:46:40 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods

The Canadians I've met, I'd have thought that a few questions about hockey would be the easiest way to root out fakers.

Lots of Americans follow hockey too. I'm Southern born and bred, but even down here I love my Red Wings!

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:49:28 PM   
WhoreMods


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Mea culpa. I thought the Candians took it a lot more seriously than you lot do.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:53:50 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods

Mea culpa. I thought the Candians took it a lot more seriously than you lot do.

The country as a whole, absolutely. But there's lots of places in the US where it is big too.

College football is a religion all in itself down here. But in 40+ years I've never bern to a college game. But I have flown for one day trips to watch hockey.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:57:26 PM   
Musicmystery


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Canadian Border Patrol


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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:58:25 PM   
WhoreMods


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Gotcha. If there's a big American contingent of serious hockey fans, they'd need a more exclusive test for Canadianess.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:59:25 PM   
Musicmystery


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Probably curling.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 12:59:43 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Canadian Border Patrol



LOL. That's funny. And cool as shit. I'm jealous.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:01:12 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Probably curling.

Yeah, that might do it.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:03:27 PM   
Baldrick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

Don't forget about football games, sock hops, and greasers. They always ask suspected illegal crossers about their high school mascots and details about school life. If they can trip them up on that, they are busted. No true Canadian should be able to talk about football, right?




Depends on what version of football we are talking about..., Canadian football is played on a bigger field and has 3 downs

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:06:12 PM   
Baldrick


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Our test is 3 things.. do you know what a double double is? Do you know the starting line up for the final game in the 72 Canada Russia series, and finally where do you get the best poutine

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:06:38 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baldrick


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

Don't forget about football games, sock hops, and greasers. They always ask suspected illegal crossers about their high school mascots and details about school life. If they can trip them up on that, they are busted. No true Canadian should be able to talk about football, right?




Depends on what version of football we are talking about..., Canadian football is played on a bigger field and has 3 downs

Yep, that's why my son decided to quit soccer. ..he moved up in divisions and suddenly the field was A LOT bigger.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:09:31 PM   
bondageerone


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U.K HUMOUR.

another moron with an automatic weapon.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:11:02 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baldrick

Our test is 3 things.. do you know what a double double is? Do you know the starting line up for the final game in the 72 Canada Russia series, and finally where do you get the best poutine

I'm serious about the types of questions they ask. I know from personal experience, being detained, ID'S confiscated, and questioned to prove citizenship. Course that was the US-Mexican border, US-Canadian border.

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:41:53 PM   
Baldrick


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I have been detained at gunpoint and tossed in a cell by the US customs and border security...

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"Give me American supply lines, British planes, German officers and Canadian troops, and I can take over the world." Field Marshal Erwin Rommel

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:44:37 PM   
WhoreMods


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Esas son mamadas!

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:48:47 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods

Esas son mamadas!

No es verdad!

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RE: Canada Exodus - A Canadian POV (humor) - 11/16/2016 1:51:39 PM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baldrick

I have been detained at gunpoint and tossed in a cell by the US customs and border security...

I've been detained at gunpoint but I've never been thrown in a jail cell. I was denied entry to the US. I had to sneak back across then apply to get all my citizenship docs reissued because they threw those away.

(in reply to Baldrick)
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