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RE: Do your friends & family know? - 12/29/2004 7:41:04 AM   
oceanwave73


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline
the first person i told was my sister. i was so nervous but i was excited about finding myself. i have always been the quiet, sweet, innocent person or at least that is what i allowed ppl to see. i had feelings and desires i did not understand my whole life so when i did find out that i was not the only one i wanted to tell someone. i was a little surprised when and i explained that a submissive was and what BDSM was she in turn surprised me. she was like oh aren't those things so much fun. i like playing some of those things keeps things interesting. finding out she like to dabble in the life but is not interested in really being in it. she is happy for me because i am happier then i was before but she does not like to talk about it with me anymore. does not want to really change her image of me. it was shocking to her she always thought that i was a prude. i never dated or anything before becoming part of this lifestyle.

the second person was my mom and was forced into it i never wanted to tell her. i had met a Dom online and were planning on meeting in person so W/we ordered restraints and ball gag. i was sick at the time and was not able to drive. mom was taking me to the hospital for some tests and i asked her to take me to the post office so i could get my package. of course when i came back to the car she would not leave me alone. she just had to know what was in the box. i dodge her for almost an hour. the day before i had told her that i met a man and that He was coming to visit me so she came to the conclusion that it must be something fun. mom does not really understand. she is always worried about me but is happy that i am happy. i never did met up with Him and have since only been in poly relationships which only freaks her out even more. she is a good mom and asks how things are going with the P/ppl involved but i know that she is uncomfortable and does not understand.

my brother knows and at first was freaked out but since we have gotten closer. we talk generally about our sex lives something he would not even joke about with me before. he has helped me out when i have had trouble with my relationships and has helped me move or support me when i need him. of course he does not want to know about the actual kinky things about my life. but that is ok i know that he is there for me.

since i have came out i tell ppl all the time which makes my family uncomfortable but i do not want to hide who i am. my friends are shocked but are very supportive. i have been lucky in my family and friends response to me being in this lifestyle. and i am happy with who and what i am.


ocean

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 12/30/2004 10:41:28 PM   
UniquelyMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline 		My mom knows but doesn't accept it and thinks it makes me "sick". She found out by snooping and such when I was younger and it ensued bunches of chaos so I haven't told her that those "feelings" aren't just going to go away. My friends now don't know nor will I probably tell them. When I was in high school a bunch of kids guessed due to an online blog, considering that one of the teachers was (most likely) involved in the lifestyle it wasn't a big deal. I went to a REALLY alternative school. Recently, I sent my boyfriend a romantic BDSM story to see what he thought of it; he liked the first part (although it was just spanking) and I'm waiting on a reply to the other parts. My co-workers don't know but in my fantasies some of them do ;-) Sorry for this being so long.

Sincerely,
Uniquely

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 12/31/2004 7:44:08 AM   
TeasedWhispers


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Right outside of the Philadelphia Area
Status: offline 		Honestly I was reading through this post it seemed very interesting and intriguing, I am the kind of person that most of my friends know about my life...even the friends I don't want to know about it know. My mother has an idea that I am into BDSM, she thinks I am just kinky...my friends know I am into it, they are nilla but they don't understand....they says Sarah you've been hurt and taken advantage of alll your life, why like this? But they accept me the way I am :)

(in reply to oceanwave73)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 12/31/2004 4:22:19 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline 		Being new to the lifestylem i haven't had much chance to "come out". i tried once to tell my mom and she looked at me funny. She does not understand and thinks it's a phase that she talked me out of. She thinks there must be something wrong with wanting someone else to control you, and i didn't even get into the kinky sex part . None of my friends know, after my mom's reaction i'm a bit afraid to tell anyone else.

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/12/2005 5:52:22 PM   
cd1019


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/12/2004
Status: offline 		My parents found out quite by accident...my search engines have the feature of "saving" search terms keyed into it, thus generating terms automatically. To make a long story short, my mom and sister came across it while I was on a day trip to NJ about 3 yrs ago, which led to some uncomfy lectures about the "weird stuff" on the net, etc.

My dad was worse, however...I stupidly left an IM box open while engaging in some "daddy/little girl" RPing, and he somehow came to the conclusion that it was equivalent to pedophilia(!), despite my attempts to debunk this.

Needless to say, much like Uniquely, I lied through my teeth and pretended it was just a phase I was going through and have long since grown out of...they're prolly none the wiser now. :-)

CD

< Message edited by cd1019 -- 1/15/2005 11:40:48 PM >

(in reply to liltxsubby)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/12/2005 8:50:23 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

My parents found out quite by accident...my search engines have the feature of "saving" search terms keyed into it, thus generating terms automatically


You can usually delete the search list. On the Yahoo toolbar clcik on the pencil icon then click "clear recent searches". On msn click on the down arrow to the left of the search box then click "clear search history". After you go to a site you don't want others to notice be sure to clear your history also (tools, then internet options, then clear history).

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to cd1019)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 3:10:35 AM   
MistressIsadora


Posts: 35
Joined: 12/24/2004
Status: offline 		Hello conflicted,

I am open with all my family and friends. My mother does all of my alterations on my clothing, and my father says that being a Professional Domina he feels that it suits me perfectly.

For those that have small closed-in minds . . . . aaah, who needs them around with all of that negative energy

Just be who you are, you have to be happy with yourself first and foremost.

Best of Luck,
Mistress Isadora


_____________________________

"Grab them by the balls, and they will follow!"

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 4:08:23 AM   
Submikro


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My family doesn't know and probably never will because they'd never be able to handle it. I live in the Bible Belt, after all. Dunno how my friends would take it, I doubt they care as much, but theres no real need for them to know.

But then, i haven't really met anyone yet in person, so it hasn't really become an issue. i rarely have guests over and my computer tosses its cookies, wallpapers are changed and web histories cleared well before they arrive.

(in reply to MistressIsadora)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 7:42:57 AM   
9to5


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		My family don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if they suspected. Some of my friends do and some don't. I like to be open but it's not always easy plus I prefer to keep my sex life behind closed doors. Most of the friends who do know are great with it and one even has gone from a mouse to really starting to be a bitchy Domme.

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 4:07:26 PM   
Bigbossman4u


Posts: 116
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline 		Several of my r/t friends know... most do not. Of those who do, most don't get it, a few have been intrigued by it and one of them, a local sociology professor, has asked me to speak to his University class on Deviance - I have yet to decide whether it is something I am comfortable doing.
Since my last breakup, another friend is always trying to hook me up with his single female friends... he'll often tell me. "...but she'd love to tie you up." After about the 4th or 5th time of telling him that I like to be the dominant partner I just gave up. He means well at least <wink>

This past fall I was put in a position (not going to get into details about ithere, though some of you who know me may be aware of it) where I was forced to disclose my BDSM interests to my immediate family. None of them understanf it, but they are all supportive and have always been open minded. In fact my mother and sister got me a birthday card shortly after finding out which had a woman in leather gear wiht the text "Why do men like women in leather?" and on the inside it said "Because they smell like a new car". So I guess you could say they are taking it in stride :)

best,
Joshua

(in reply to 9to5)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 7:10:18 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ha Ha Ha my Baptist Family dosen't even know that I'm Catholic
But they have there suspecions about my lifestyle. No matter what they have or haven't seen in my house (whips, chainse, straps, toys, restraints, and such) they continue to be in denial. Though my bro likes being a switch in the life style and my other bro and sister in law are a very kinky vanilla couple. Though vanilla, my parents and grandparents are natural sadist. Perhaps I'm the evolutionary product ie first to enter into the lifestyle and willfully admit it.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 8:53:47 PM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ropeadventures

Maybe I'm not so hard-core... but this for me BDSM is like a sexual position.... So who would tell their friends and family that they used the missionary position twice, doggy style once and did positions 1 to 18 in the Kamasultra last week.....?


That's my position on the matter entirely. Although I have put on my public website a page entitled 'Pervery.' I figure any parent or relative who clicks on a link with that title deserves what they get!

I'm out to most of my friends, and a small number of co-workers with whom I discuss sexual issues.

I'm a lot more open about poly, since that's not so much a 'sexual position' issue as a 'whom one loves in one's life' issue. Everyone at work knows, and all my friends ... though I've not told folks at synagogue! My family don't know but I have decided to out myself to them as poly after I'm married.

(in reply to ropeadventures)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/13/2005 9:24:29 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		My Sister and a few of my vanilla friends know, but that's about it. I have a deadbolt on the dungeon door and kinda leave that part out of the tour when family comes to visit.

I suppose if my Mom were to ask if I was into BDSM, I would have to tell her the truth, but until she busts the cherry on the subject, I'm content with the way things are now.

If it were my Dad...heh...that may be another story. I think my military training would take effect. Deny...deny...deny.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to oceanwave73)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/15/2005 11:50:57 PM   
cd1019


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/12/2004
Status: offline 		Fortunately, I got smart...after that embarrassing "outing", I started using a different search engine for BDSM and related queries, and since my history's a bit screwed up and hasn't saved anything on a regular basis, I don't have to worry about that.

CD

(in reply to MrThorns)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/16/2005 1:51:14 PM   
celeste35


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		i think my sister and brother-in-law have an idea but as for anyone else, i do not and have not said anything to them.. i have had people bring up different lifestyles and i have joined the conversation. i would never tell my parents, that would be a very shocking thing for them to know their baby girl enjoys and participates in bdsm lifestyle. Come to think of it, i bet my mother is not sure what it includes, but as for my father lol i bet he has a better idea. lol

Everyone knows that we do not want to be disturbed if our door is closed. So they probably just think we love to be alone..and are watching movies...lol

Have a wonderful day

celeste

(in reply to cd1019)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/18/2005 8:19:38 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		i'm not a big closet kinda person. my friends and family know, for the most part. my vanilla friends know, i didn't sit them all down but i do karaoke shows, and DJ, and once a month i host a public Fetish Night. So it's not like i really hide it, my vanilla friends get a kick out of it. Alot of them come to the shows, just like all my other "normal" shows.
For the most part my family knows, all my close family. The ask question out of honest interest. my grandma i think has a pretty good clue, but if she asks something, i answer honestly but i don't hurt her with more info. than she can handle. my cousin runs a pretty popular booth at Folsom Street Fair every year, so i'm not alone in my alternative choices, my Mom and Dad go to Folsom. i talk to my Mom about anything.... my Dad i don't really get in depth with much...He's my Dad.. *grins* but He happily offered to help with moving things, and layout plans for a party Master is hosting in a family building.
So, really it just depends on how out you are able to get. i think i'm fortunate to be this close with parents, and extended family.

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/18/2005 8:52:39 AM   
MasterRedemption


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My mother knows and doesnt have any problem with it ... most of my firends know and approve .. some vanilla ones even come to the fetish shows I work , and model and help me test the bondage furniture I build and sell

(in reply to Tempestspet)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/18/2005 9:09:15 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		i know my family and friends would just think i was completely nuts if they knew what i was into...they have no clue about the lifestyle and would never understand it....my best friend knows about it, but she is very open minded and would never judge me no matter what i was into, hell i could murder someone and she'd help me hide the body, that's the kind of bond we have..... my mom knows i'm humble and somewhat submissive in nature, and she knows i like dominant men, i have been trying to make it clear to her that my Master is taking charge and controls everything, it is starting to sink in for her although she doesn't know it's Master/slave relationship because like i said, she wouldn't be able to understand that and would think we are both crazy and i'm going to end up getting hurt.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Do your friends & family know? - 1/18/2005 9:35:03 AM   
marino512000


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		if my family found out they would flip i'm sure.

(in reply to conflicted)
Profile   Post #: 59
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