Do your friends & family know?

Do your friends & family know? (Full Version)

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conflicted -> Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 6:11:57 AM)
Not sure if this has been addressed before, but i am interested if any in the lifestyle have told their friends or family about it, and if so what reaction did you receive? i know my Mum would probably try really hard to understand, but she would have problems with it. my 3 brothers wouldnt, as they would think i was being hurt physically and thats all they would see. A couple of friends know what im into, but just not the extent of it. [;)] n

softysub -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 8:04:15 AM)
For me, my mother, two sisters and a few close friends know about my lifestyle. At first i've spoke to my mom about it, but i reassured her that this was making me happy and that is what i wanted, of course all mothers wants their daughter/son to be happy. As for my sisters, they are not accepting it, but dont talk about it cause they dont understand. One of my sister said to me, you got hurt all your life, so why this? For me its like shifting the hurt from mental to physical pain/pleasure, but then again she doesnt understand. So what i decided is not to talk about it with my sisters as less as possible and things are alright. I sorta smile at it when i do talk about it to loosen things up with both of them. softysub

LadyShoshin -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 8:25:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: conflicted Not sure if this has been addressed before, but i am interested if any in the lifestyle have told their friends or family about it, and if so what reaction did you receive? i know my Mum would probably try really hard to understand, but she would have problems with it. my 3 brothers wouldnt, as they would think i was being hurt physically and thats all they would see. A couple of friends know what im into, but just not the extent of it. [;)]n My adult children were into bedroom BDSM before I got into it. when I got into it, I sent them each a letter telling them & letting them know not to worry about me. The conversation over Christmas dinner after the dissolution of my 2nd marriage was "Mom, wanna see my collar" and "mom, how do you keep cuffs from chafing". At an extended family get together (cousins etc) where, because I brought a Domme who kept fussing over me & I started picking up the vibe that they thought I was gay, I tried to talk about it to my closest cousin & her hubby, apparently gay was more acceptable. This October I outed myself to my born again Chritian sister, I told her about being a Shamanic Wiccan & then said I live an alternative lifestyle. She asked "With girls?" I explained BDSM a bit and that I am a Dominatrix, she asked a couple of questions and indicated that was as much info as she wanted. I didn't tell my brother, he still hasn't forgiven me for shit I did in the past. I definately didn't tell my 90 year old mom, I metioned being pagan & she blew up at me, so I let things die there. All my friends are lifestylers, so no hassles there.

proudsub -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 10:20:34 AM)
None of my parents or in-laws are still livinig so that's not a concern. I have not told any relatives. I do have three close real life friends that know and understand. It's nice to have some to talk to.[:)]

NorthernPhoenix -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 10:27:35 AM)
This is a thread I will watch very closely... I've been thinking of coming out to a select few people for a number of months now, and am still thinking! It's something that once said can't really be gone back on, so I'm being very very careful about it.. Still don't really have a clue what to tell or where to start though! Phoenix

perverseangelic -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 11:02:51 AM)
All of my friends know. They're ok with it or they aren't my friends. I very much dislike being closeted. (This is true both of my participation in power exchange and my sexual preference.) I told my mom several years ago. I don't think she still thinks I'm interested as she pretty much indicated then that it was "just a phase" and I'd get over it when I met a real man in college. (She seemed to think that I displaced my sexual interest to paraphilias because I didn't get enough from they boyfriend laughs uh...never mind that I didn't want sex from the boyfriends/girlfriends till a lot later than that) My sister knows all she wants to. My dad....well...he's been through a lot of trauma the past couple years, and I think he's happier all around not knowing I have -any- kind of sexuality :) As I've said though, my partner and I are fairly low key, and I doubt anyone who didn't know what to look for would spot it. I don't feel the need to declare what I do, because it isn't anyone's buisness other than the people who's buisness we want it to be. By the same token, I don't hide it.

cariad -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 11:18:21 AM)
this slave's family doesn't know but am sure they have some inkling of knowledge there is something different about her....the only family that does know is her foster family but then again they always knew she was a painslut when dad would smack her ass with the belt and she would say, " is that all you got dad?" only to be smacked harder and want more. some of this slave's co-workers know that she is a slave and have actually teased her a few times by saying, "so get that ass of yours beat lately girl?" things like that....how it came out was actually quite funny because she was at a construction site and told the supervisor "this slave really could use a hot cup of coffee and a smoke" after that he smiled, laughed and got her what she asked for then told her not to let some of the guys tease her too much about it. this slave doesn't mind that her co-workers know because at least when they see bruises on her shoulders when she wears a tank top and shorts they don't think she is being abused. a few have actually gotten into the lifestyle because of this slave and watching her take a good flogging without crying about how much she would hurt the next day. hopefully this helps you a bit. [image]local://upfiles/52786/9C3DC493B95D48B2B9368BC2913B0DEE.jpg[/image]

MasterHyde -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 11:24:09 AM)
Most of my friends are kinky. One who isn't knows about it, and seems to live vicariously through me on occasion. I've taken him to a munch, but he is clearly just "curious" and not seeking to pursue anything on his own. Who knows, when I think he's ready, I may send a slave to service him some day. Maybe that will wake him up. LOL My family know I'm kinky. Some of them know more than others. None of them have rejected me as a person, but it's clear that some of them don't understand or approve of my lifestyle. For the most part, it's a non-issue. Sort of the military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. I'm out. I don't hide who I am, but I don't feel a need to force it on anyone either. I've given people around me enough clues to tell them I'm different. If they want to know more, I'm open to questions. I'm not open to being judged, however. I simply do not allow others to influence me by disapproving of my lifestyle. If they have a problem with it, I make it very clear to them that it's their problem, not mine. Believe it or not, that has worked for me pretty well. By simply refusing to take ownership of their problems, I am able to live my life as I wish, and to associate with them as much as can do comfortably. There's really no need for my family and I to discuss sexuality and relationships much. I'm relatively open about who I am at work, too. My boss is kinky, and more closted than I am, so I try not to do anything at the office that would bring attention to him. I'm probably more discreet at work because of that. He and I have been friends a long time, and his other employees don't know about the kinky stuff. I am comfortable with them knowing I'm a pervert, but I have to be careful not to let them find out that he is too.

bluesybell -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 12:19:32 PM)
My whole family knows that i like things a little "wilder" than they do. My husband, well he is vanilla, and yes i have told him what i want, what i need, what i desire and he just roles back his eyes and thinks i'm nutz. One time i laid over his lap and said "please spank me" and he just said he couldn't because it didn't do anything for him. I have a few friends that know what i want, need and those are my real friends. People at work? Ahh well they know i'm kinky lol.

blushes4u -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 1:51:40 PM)
No i don't think they would understand. I have told my closest of friends though.

subbiejenn -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 2:32:19 PM)
No, i haven't told any of my "Vanilla" friends or family. I do have a lot of friends in the lifestyle and my Ex-husband knows. grins none of my Vanilla friends or family could handle it or would they understand it. Funny i am getting to where i think they are the "weird" ones because they wouldn't understand. Couple people at work know i got my nipples pierced and they think that is so major! LOL if only they knew. smiles ~jenn~

atHisfeet -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 3:44:41 PM)
being still fairly new to the lifestyle myself i have yet to be in the position of having to tell my family. a couple close friends know but not all of it or just how far into the lifestyle i have come. i have NO intention of taking steps backward so if they were to find out then they either deal with it and accept me or have nothing to do with me. my husband knows and accepts it fully, he trusts that i know what i am doing and he trusts my Master to not hurt me. work - well that is a tough one - a few know how dirty minded i am and that i tend to be a bit extreme but they know little to nothing about master's, spanking, collars or heaven forbid golden showers. i really don't think we are in this lifestyle for anyone but ourselves so why worry about who knows and what they think....... unless i am wearing a collar and leash on all fours following my Master through the grocery store it should not effect anyone else.

theroebabe -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 6:09:29 PM)
Pretty much all of my personal friends know, my mom doesnt nor everyone at my job but a few do. They roll their eyes and go ROE ROE ROE and then chalk it up to me being me and move on.

faithNZ -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 6:41:05 PM)
None of my family know and i have no intention of telling them as sexuality isn't something that is discussed in my family. Some of my workmates seem think i have Domme tendencies (probably because i'm quite bossy at times) but it isn't something i would really set them straight ie "actually, i'm a submissive." "oh, so you're a sex slave? Give me a blow job then." would probably be how things would go with some of them.

strongnsubmissiv -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 8:10:18 PM)
A few select family members know.. and a few select friends... That said, i've learned that although coming out is a revelation for many, if i could do it again, i'd tell less people. I told a close friend about it over beers one night, his reaction was neutral and didn't affect our relationship. Years have passed and when i think back, it was really unnecessary to share it with him at all. I'm sure he doesn't think much about my sexual orientation. We've not talked about it since. It's a "need to know" thing for me.. and not everyone needs to know. sns

RiotGirl -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 10:05:23 PM)
Access Denied

RiotGirl -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 10:58:25 PM)
Access Denied

BeachMystress -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/5/2004 11:59:18 PM)
While I've not told any of my family, last year my sister found my Amazon wish list and posted it to the family. She didn't think anything of it until my Aunt asked her why I had such strange books on it. Whooooops! Wrong wish list! No one has asked me about it, but coupled with the mini flogger and paddle I gave my sister for Christmas a few years ago, I'd say she knows. I've not told any of my childhood friends, but am well aware they'd say... yeah, I believe it. One of my more recent friends found out for himself. I had my session photos on my yahoo photo album and didn't realize you could see it from any of the related IDs. (One of my related IDs was a vanilla one I used to talk with friends and family.) He msged me one day and asked.. so what about those photos. My response was what photos.. I'd not showed him any. It felt like the floor fell out from under me when he said.. the ones in your photo album. What do you say at that point? I bit the bullet and told him everything. He told me I was weird, warped and perverted.. and to stay the hell away from his ass as he NEVER wanted anything stuck up it, but that since he'd liked me fine before finding out I was a freak, he guessed he still liked me. He then proceeded to msg my sub Puppy (who he'd known only as my lover prior to this) and told him that he knew Pup was a weirdo freak.... and could he please talk with him about it. My friend talked with both of us over a period of a few months. I also introduced him to some Domme friends of mine. After a period of learning about it, his interest in it tapered off. Now it rarely comes up in conversation unless he has a question about sex or sexual health or I have something I want to bounce past him. I feel I was very fortunate in the way this interaction turned out. I have another friend that I told about it and while she wanted to know all about it and how to try it herself, she no longer talks with me often and she is uncomfortable when we do talk. It can go both ways.

MistressDREAD -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/6/2004 12:27:06 AM)
quote: I'm out. I don't hide who I am, but I don't feel a need to force it on anyone either. I've given people around me enough clues to tell them I'm different. If they want to know more, I'm open to questions. I'm not open to being judged, however. I simply do not allow others to influence me by disapproving of my lifestyle. If they have a problem with it, I make it very clear to them that it's their problem, not mine. Believe it or not, that has worked for me pretty well. By simply refusing to take ownership of their problems, I am able to live my life as I wish This pretty much sums Me up as well Hyde, And welcome to Collarme! Im a third generation BDSMer on My Mums side and farther back on My Pops side and ALL of My Family, Freinds, Children, Community, Government, ALL know who and what I am. My Poly Practice goes back more generations with in My Family then even they can track. That goes for Our Sadistic ways as well. I want to say to anyone that is not OUT that you must be sure that you are not only ready to be Outed so to speak but that those around you also are ready for such a thing. Our Lifestyle is still not acceptable in many places and Outing of such a thing can mean things like troubles with child posession, job security, lost freindship and osting of the general public in your area. So be sure that you are totally secure in your decision and have a support group in place to get you over the humps your Outting causes. I am always here to talk about such issues.......that is if there are no HURRICANES around...[8\|]JMO.

liljoy -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/6/2004 7:43:51 AM)
yep my mom knows. She doesn't understand it but accepts it because i am happier now than i have been in years. She just expressed concern for my safety when she first found out. Now she doesn't bring it up at all. i think my little brother knows but we don't discuss it. A few of my closest friends know. my Birth mom and i were reunited after i became an adult. To my amazment she has been the most open about it. She did kinda freak a lil bit when she first found out but after a couple hours explaining it to her on the phone she became pretty open minded about it. She is the most likely to ask questions now. i never push if anyone has questions i answer honestly. Most after they know haven't asked beyond assuring that i'm ok

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