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LadyPact -> RE: The Understudied Female Sexual Predator (12/1/2016 9:51:39 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
FR
What, is she ugly or something ? If he is married and wants to be faithful he should not be whoring around.
Sorry to be one sided about this but really I do believe this is a rare thing.
The problem is probably a Woman's fixation on one guy. Unless they are gross, they can go to almost any bar and get laid that night. a fixation on one guy is more like stalking, and they do that, but guys are usually stronger and take it better and some consider it flattering.
This issue is never, ever going to be considered equally between the sexes. It is damnear impossible.
T^T
Bold emphasis mine.
Term, I don't know who you've been talking to, but I have not come across anybody, male or female, who had a serious issue because of somebody stalking them that considered it "flattering". Then again, you are probably looking at it in a different way and receiving much different input than I do.
For a good three years there, starting in 2013, I literally got hundreds of emails a year from people in the kink community about the stalking issue. Part of this was because my case wasn't quiet, I had plenty of records backing up what was going on, and there was plenty of third party verification. I've written a lot of posts here and on the other site about it, and when you do that, people who have had the same experience tend to share their experience with you.
I have this on other threads, but what always amazed me about this was how many men told me their stories about being stalked. What I got in private conversations was never reflective of what we saw on threads discussing stalking or even what the 'statistics' report it to be. It was much higher. Roughly a third of the people who contacted me with their own stalking stories to tell were men. A good portion of them were Dominant, switch, and/or top men.
My personal theory on this, why those folks will tell me about this, rather than speak publicly or go to authorities, is because I'm safe and you're not. I 'get it' in ways that you never will. The threat of physical harm aside, there's a heck of a lot more that goes into the issue. The having to deal with the explanations to family and friends. The potential outing for kink folks, the constant worry of where your stalker will show up trying to 'find' you, the way other people will treat you, etc, etc, etc.
Plus, you have to add in things for males that, for the most part, I never faced. I did a bit because I happen to be a Dominant and my stalker was a so-called submissive. I didn't get the full backlash, though. I never dealt with "she's just a woman and you're a man," (though some people did that about D/s roles) or "they can't hurt you because you are bigger and stronger" kind of thing. People didn't laugh at me because my stalker was "just a little woman" or any of that stuff. This is an added layer that men have to deal with when they have a similar experience. There's a heck of a lot of shame for men when they 'let' a woman stalk them.
I'm sure there are some folks wondering at this point, how this relates to the subject? In my opinion, these two subjects (stalking and sexual assault) while different in severity, aren't all that far apart in premise. We treat men and women differently and the male victims KNOW it. Those fears about how you'll be treated, by people who know you, by the authorities, by people who don't have a clue... Those who think it's "flattering" or wish it would happen to them? All of that stuff makes it harder on the victim.
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